Title: Outside the Lines: Shower
Author: Annerb
Rating: Teens
Summary: How far would you go to make your world right again?
Classifications: Action/Adventure, Drama, Angst, S/J
Season: 4 (Alternative storyline for 'Chain Reaction')
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Shower

Scalding water tore into Sam's skin. She watched the crimson flow circle the drain, wishing her sins could so easily wash away. She leaned her head into the stream, resting her forehead against the cool tile. Clenching her eyes shut against the view.

Her head swirled with the events of the night, flooding her brain, making it impossible to think. Fists and flesh. Blood and sweat. Life and death.

She would cry, but there were no more tears. She would puke, but she wasn't sure she was human enough to do it anymore. So instead she just remembered.

Jack. Alive. Maybe. Possibly.

Every one of her instincts screamed for her to get through the gate as soon as possible. Her conscience swore at her for every wasted moment, every day she had waited, playing it safe. Had she killed him with her caution?

Staring at her bloodied hands, she mastered every careless impulse, forcing herself to look up at Teal'c.

He stared back at her and she felt he looked into every corner of her soul. There was no accusation, no disgust. Like he didn't see the blood…

"Teal'c…do you think…is it possible?"

"It has been many days."

Fourteen days to be exact, Sam's mind supplied. With an unknown amount of injuries and no supplies, could anyone survive fourteen days?

"And would he not have returned if he was able?"

Another important question. If he was alive, where was he? Did he think it was too dangerous to return? Did he assume she had followed his last order and disappeared somewhere on Earth? Did he think there was nothing to return to?

"It seems unlikely," Teal'c finally answered.

Sam slowly slid down the wall to sit on the hard floor, cursing the bout of hopefulness as it fled, leaving her even emptier than before.

"But it is O'Neill," he qualified.

Sam stared up at Teal'c and tried to read him. Bill's words floated around her head. 'Damn, I thought that guy had more lives than a frickin' cat.'

Jack O'Neill…intrepid leader of SG-1, the most bizarrely lucky team in the history of the SGC. Could he beat the odds? No matter how bad?

"There is always a chance, Major Carter," Teal'c said, holding his hand out to Sam.

She reached out and took it, letting him pull her to her feet. She stared at her hand, carefully clenched in his. Hands that had killed. She pulled abruptly away and began pacing around the small room.

"I need to…," Sam started, unable to completely put it into words.

But Teal'c was already there, reading her intentions. "It would be most difficult for you to access the Stargate, Major Carter."

Chained to a desk. Sam had never felt more claustrophobic than she did now. Trapped. She would raise far too many suspicions if she tried to get off-world. Daniel was the same, an asset too important to risk with gate travel. Only one of them had legitimate access to the gate anymore.

Sam raised her eyes to look at Teal'c, realizing that he had already reached the same conclusion. "I believe that it is time I returned to my family, Major Carter. I find that with the death of O'Neill and the disbanding of SG-1, I have no compelling reason to stay among the Tau'ri."

Sam closed her eyes for a moment, knowing this cover story was their only chance to find out what had happened to Jack. Restlessness filled her. She wanted to be the one to go, she needed to be the one to go. But she had her own role to play. Kinsey. Mathers. York.

She opened her eyes and met Teal'c's with a steady gaze. "I think that's a good idea, Teal'c."

Sam wasn't quite sure how she would finish this without him and she found herself leaning in to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He hesitated for only a moment before returning the gesture.

"Bring him home, Teal'c." At the very least, the grave next to young Charlie O'Neill's would no longer be empty.

"You may be certain of it." Teal'c pulled back from Sam and surprised her by kissing her gently on the forehead. "Be well."

Sam nodded silently, but as Teal'c left the room, he paused at the threshold, turning back to her. His eyes glanced at the now empty chair and back to Sam. "Our regrets are what make us human, Major Carter, but it does no good to dwell."

Sam couldn't pretend not to understand what he meant. But she really wished she could.

The shower began to run cold and Sam reached out and shut it off. She rested her weary body against the tile. Pulling it together, so she could stand calmly by Daniel's side, saying a convincing farewell to Teal'c at the SCG. Stiffening her spine, so she could ignore the way Daniel's eyes no longer quite met hers. Pretend that he wasn't disappointed in her.

Pretend that the path in front of her wasn't endless and treacherous. That she wasn't walking it alone.

After a deep breath, she grabbed a towel and began to rub her skin dry.

One foot in front of the other.