Okay. I'm back! Sorry I said that I would try to hurry up and now it's like 15 years later...but...well, I brought two long-ish chapters with me this time, so hopefully they will compensate. First things first: "A Summer Wasting" belongs to Belle & Sebastian, and "Edit the Sad Parts" belongs to Modest Mouse. And by the way? Puns with "summer" in them are really quite entertaining, and I will warn you that I may make another chapter with the word in the title.
Anyways...I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas or Hanukkah or Chrismukkah or Kwanzaa or Diwali...I have always included Diwali in my holiday greetings because since I was 4, I've gone to school with this kid who celebrated Diwali so we always had to acknowledge it and, like, make Diwali ornaments for our paper Christmas trees or to put on our menorahs. So I hope someone reading celebrates it because I've never actually met anyone aside from this kid who does and it would be nice to make a sincere holiday wish.
And thanks for the reviews, guys, you're fucking awesome and I really appreciate them. And you will be glad to know that our remodel is finally finished...so until my parents get sick of our kitchen or one of the guest rooms there will be no frightening men in tank tops lurking around my house with hammers and drills and paintbrushes, which means that I will have no interruptions and my computer will not be put into the room above the garage, forcing me to use my laptop, which I HATE. In simpler terms: no more month-long hiatuses from this story. ;)
Please read and review...I hope you enjoy! ;)
xoxo
Chapter 17: A Summer Wasting
Sandy was lying with his head on her stomach a week or so later, one of his hands absently playing with one of hers.
"What about Sly?" She smiled vaguely, the majority of her attention focused on an editorial in Vogue.
"Yes, a child named Sly would never encounter any problems."
"It's true! Nobody messes with Sly."
"If you're that sold, you could legally change your own name."
"Maybe I will," he challenged, pouting.
"I like more traditional names."
"Remember..." he trailed off, shaking his head.
"What?" she asked, intrigued.
"Forget it." He smiled up at her.
"Now you have to tell me." He sighed, easily defeated.
"I was just thinking about that time when Seth was little and he begged us to have another baby and name it after him so we could introduce them as our sons Seth and Seth and nobody would be able to tell which Seth name was intended for which Seth child." Kirsten laughed abruptly and then felt her eyes filling with tears. Sandy instantly regretted his recollection. "Never mind, hon. I'm not suggesting that we name it after Seth. I'm just playing around. Considering all the options. Forget I said anything. Why don't we think of some girl names? I've always been fond of Hannah."
"No, no. It's just...me. I'm fine. I don't know why I'm..." she shook her head and hastily brushed a hand across her eyes. "He was just such a great little boy and I feel like there's something that I...should have seen. To predict this."
"No, sweetie, no. That's not what I meant at all." He sat up slightly, looking her in the eye. She sighed and forced a smile, brushing back his hair with her hand and easing his head down again.
"Hannah, huh?"
"It's a palindrome," he pointed out, quick to shift gears with her. She nodded her agreement just as Ryan appeared in the doorway.
"Aah...sorry." Sandy sat up and spotted Summer behind Ryan.
"Hey. Hello, Summer." Kirsten blushed, straightening.
"Hi, Summer."
"Sorry to interrupt," Ryan said as Summer offered a polite wave.
"Hey, no, we were just talking," Sandy dismissed.
"Ryan told me about the baby. Congratulations, guys," Summer said.
"Thanks," Kirsten smiled. "What's going on? Do you guys need something?"
"We had to work on a history project, but Summer's dad dropped her off on his way out and now she needs a ride home. Can I borrow a car?"
"I'll drive you," Kirsten offered brightly.
"No, Kirsten, I didn't mean...you should rest," Ryan said quickly. Kirsten smiled at his concern.
"Thanks, sweetie, but I'll have plenty of time for that...actually, probably about two years of it, considering the fact that my father is my boss and when it comes to the rearing of potential future tycoons for the great Nichol empire he will demand the utmost precaution. I'm happy to drive you, Summer."
"A ride would be great. Thanks, Mrs. Cohen." Summer hoped that her delight over getting a ride home from Kirsten wasn't terribly obvious. One of the things she missed about Seth was being able to hang out with his parents. As weird as it sounded, she basked in the glory that was the Cohen family. They were perfect, and the complete opposite of the dysfunctional Roberts household. She snuck a glance at Kirsten in the driver's seat and found herself very surprised by how together she looked. That was one of the things she envied about her; her ability to exist as a high-functioning wife, mother, and career woman even amid the seriously screwed-up circumstances that were handed to her.
"So...how are you?" Summer asked awkwardly. Kirsten shrugged, smiling at her.
"I'm okay. How are you?"
"Fine," Summer agreed.
"School going okay?"
"Yeah, I guess. It's a little weird."
"Ryan said the same thing."
"Being at school just seems kind of wrong. Like, sitting in English while my best friend is in rehab and my boy—well, I mean, he's not my...my ex—well, no, I—Seth," she finished, exasperated.
"I know how you feel."
"Everyone knows that Coop's an alcoholic and Cohen disappeared. I feel like everyone's always talking about me. And, god, what's more humiliating than not only getting dumped, but having your boyfriend totally flee the state?" Kirsten turned a corner and Summer glanced around, confused. "My house is that way."
"I know." Kirsten smiled. "I think we could both probably stand to talk about this, though. Maybe just drive around a bit?"
"Thanks, Mrs. Cohen."
"Thank you. And Kirsten, please." Summer nodded her acknowledgement and they continued on their drive in silence for a moment.
"Um...Kirsten?" Summer said quietly.
"Yep?"
"I have a boyfriend," Summer spat out. "I just wanted you to know that because otherwise I would feel like a total liar and...I don't know if that's even something that would bother you or not, but—"
"Ryan already told me," Kirsten cut her off, smiling. "I think it's great, sweetie. To get on with your life."
"Is that what you're doing?" Summer asked. "With the baby?" Kirsten, suddenly slightly uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken, played with the controls for her side mirror.
"Maybe," she said softly after a moment. "It was an accident, to be honest. But...yeah. I think in a way...we're not replacing Seth, but we're allowing ourselves to focus on something else."
"Are you excited?" Kirsten couldn't help but smile.
"I am. It feels good to have something this big to look forward to."
"Ryan's excited," Summer said.
"Really?"
"He says that he thinks a baby will hold you together as a family."
"I hope so. Sandy's beside himself."
"You aren't?" Kirsten sighed.
"I can't help but feel like...perhaps, in the wake of everything with Seth, this is not the best path for me to be embarking down right now."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not exactly the model parent," Kirsten explained, laughing dryly.
"Are you crazy?" Summer's enthusiasm startled her. "Coop and I always used to talk about how you were, like, the perfect mom and how we were so jealous of Seth and Ryan. And not just because we were comparing you to the Stepmonster and Julie Cooper but because you're seriously, like, the best mother ever. And I mean...well, this is so stupid and makes me sound like a total stalker, but I used to think about how if Cohen and I ever got married I would finally get to have a real mom." Summer blushed, laughing nervously. Kirsten opened her mouth to respond but Summer continued energetically. "Seth has never realized how lucky he is to have the relationship that he has with you and Mr. Cohen. He has never grasped the concept of how rare it is for parents to care about their children the way you guys care about him. You gave him the best life in the world and he definitely takes that for granted. Took. I don't know." She stopped to catch her breath and Kirsten took it as an opportunity to speak.
"Thanks, Summer," was all she could muster without crying, and she felt bad that she couldn't express her appreciation more. Summer didn't seem to notice, though, and had caught up with herself and began talking again.
"Regardless...he didn't leave because of you, Kirsten, or because of any mistakes you made. All you guys ever did was care about him and try to make him happy." Summer shook her head, looking down. "All I ever did until this year was help to make his life miserable."
"What are you talking about?" Summer took a deep breath and when she spoke her voice trembled.
"Cohen left because he couldn't even think of living his life the way it was before he met Ryan. He was that afraid of going back to his old life without his best friend."
"Honey, that has nothing to do with you," Kirsten protested.
"I was mean to him," she whispered. "I made his life hell along with all the other kids at school because it was easier that way. It's always been easier that way." Kirsten was quiet, looking straight ahead. "I watched someone beat him up once. Freshman year, on the first day of school. Luke and his friends were looking for someone to screw around with and they saw Seth at his locker and they...god, they were so mean to him. And Marissa yelled at them to stop but I was just standing there laughing. I don't know why I was laughing." When Kirsten didn't respond, Summer continued. "I never told him that. I pretended that I didn't know who he was before junior year. He left Newport because people like me got bored with themselves. He loved me so much and I was just waiting for him to realize that I didn't deserve it. I guess he finally did." Kirsten pulled over and turned to face her.
"Oh, sweetie, of course you deserve it." Summer shook her head, trying not to cry. "You came around, Summer. You lost sight of things for a little while but you found your way back. I think that makes you more deserving than anyone else." She leaned over and wrapped her arms around Summer, whose body was now racking with sobs. "The truth is, sweetie...we're blaming ourselves, but Seth left because of Seth. Not because of you or me. Just because we don't understand him doesn't mean we caused him to leave. We both did our best to make him happy and it didn't work. That doesn't mean we didn't try."
"I hate him," Summer said, calming down slightly. "And I hate that I hate him, but I do. I can't help it. He was the first guy I've ever actually loved, and I hate that he did this. But...I also miss him, you know? And I really want him back. Even after what he did."
"It's very confusing," Kirsten agreed, giving her a small smile. Their conversation was interrupted by Summer's cell phone.
"Hello?" Summer shot Kirsten an apologetic smile. "Oh my god, again?...This is like the third time this month!...No, I'm busy. I can't 't you just wait?...Fine. I'll be there in a couple minutes." She angrily folded her phone closed. "The Stepmonster locked herself out of the house again. She needs me to come and let her in." Kirsten nodded and shifted into drive, starting back towards Summer's house. "Sorry to cut this short," Summer said. "I liked this. Talking about it."
"Me too." Kirsten smiled. "Maybe we can pick up another time?"
"Definitely."
"And Summer..." Kirsten hesitated, feeling slightly self-conscious. "You don't have to marry Seth for you and I to have a relationship. My door is always open if you ever need to talk or anything, okay?" They pulled up in front of Summer's house.
"Thanks, Kirsten." Summer smiled, getting out of the car. She glanced at her stepmother, sitting on the front steps, and quickly turned to Kirsten again. "The same goes for me. I don't know how much of a help I am, but I'm a pretty decent listener."
"I know where you live," Kirsten said, half-joking. "Thanks, sweetie." She watched Summer meet her stepmother on the front step and wordlessly open the door for the woman, who said something incoherent but decidedly malicious, and she couldn't help but hate Seth a little bit too for abandoning probably the best girl he would ever know.