Author: Stoicstella E-mail: Rating: R (definitely)
Summary: Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?
Author Notes: Yes, Stella has yet another story with footnotes in it. They are marked per number and set at the bottom of the page in order of appearance in the story (as is customary.) be sure to observe them.
-I changed my song lyrics at the last minute upon deciding the one's I already had would work much better for my next chapter. Hope these suit the purpose, it's really hard to say.
"" Spoken
'' thought
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Martina Mcbride.
Concrete Angel
"Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved"
Chapter 2: Concrete Angel
When she left the Yamamoto residence the next day bundled against the cold in one of Sesshoumaru's old sweatshirts, she found herself wishing she had met him under different circumstances. But then again, he had only started to be nice to her when she had thrown up, so maybe these were the best circumstances to meet him in. But at this time in her life she couldn't spare much thought to romance. All her spare thoughts were busy. So instead she walked home and willed herself to forget his warm shoulder, on which she had cried, or the sad attempt at a dinner he had warmed them, or even his surprisingly soft hands that wiped away her tears. She pushed these thoughts out of her mind, with a surprisingly small amount of effort. But this might have been due to the fact the entire contents of her bedroom was spread out on the front lawn.
A wave of panic took her over as stupid thoughts that had no business getting involved came into her head. She should have been angry maybe even indignant... but she was simply embarrassed worried to the point of a burning blush as to what the neighbors must be thinking. Worried they'd all know.
Where she was cold before she was numb now. Her arms burning and tingling from the effort of moving her bedroom furniture on her own. A fine sweat dripping from her fevered brow as she scooped up stacks of clothes and books, and rushed them into the house, up the stairs, down the hall to her room.
Her window was smashed. Probably with the force of furniture crashing through it. Most likely her bed side table which used to sit directly in front of that window, but for the time being was sitting in pieces in the corner. There was a layer of glass and snow on everything, and she was certain she would never clean it all up, although she felt a desperate need to have it done before Naraku came back.
The entire afternoon was gone to the efforts, and things were mostly back to the way they should be. She couldn't repair the window, or the broken dresser and vanity and bed. But her things were back where they belonged for the most part anyway. And somewhere along the way any thought of Sesshoumaru was driven from her mind.
Kagome ran one delicate finger over the relatively new glass, that had only recently been installed into her bedroom window, as she looked out at the cool January day, all the while trying to will away the image of her broken bedroom furniture, that always seemed to superimpose itself out there in the snow covered courtyard. Things had been almost too quite recently.
She had been trying to wipe away from her mind, the nervous fear that she had felt building inside of her since that night, and it seemed a losing battle. Matsushita had been calm and her mother had not even asked what had happened with the window. The days rolled by like water down stream, through a Christmas party for her stepfathers work, and a small family vacation. Everyone seemed happy especially her mother. So Kagome desperately wanted the feeling in her stomach to be her imagination.
She had done wrong. Of that much she was certain. That was why those things happened to her. She angered him, and he punished her. And the other stuff... the stuff that made her stomach crawl... well she must be imagining that. Because after all he was her father now, and fathers don't act like that to their daughters... not in real life.
There she was again standing at the window looking out it idly and accomplishing nothing. The story was getting old. He went to work all day only to come home and find his "daughter" lazing about and wasting time. She really needed to be taught a lesson. He really needed to show her.
"Kagome" he let her name fall off his tongue, in an even commanding voice. Letting her know that she was about to be punished. Her eyes turned to his like a dear in a headlight. That's the way he liked her best when she appeared all fearful and innocent but she was a tricky little wench because he knew she was far from innocent so she would still be getting what was coming to her no matter what look she gave him.
He could hear her stuttering, but seeing as how he wasn't interested in her words, he paid them little mind and moved toward her as she again stepped back cornering herself to the wall. They had been here, in this very position, more than once but not often enough for his liking. Her hands before she could struggle too much were trapped in one of his own, crossed at the wrist and pinned to the wall over her head. Tears were streaming down her face, and her lips were moving in some plea that he could not hear from his own pulse pounding in his head. She struggled. Pushing with her hands and pleading with her voice but doing little else, she could have used her feet, but didn't; She knew better. His face took on a wicked grin, as he leaned forward allowing his tongue to streak across her left cheek and remove a stream of her tears. She turned away in what he could only perceive as disgust. At that he struck her, hard, causing her head to slam full force into the wall, with a resounding thud. For a second her eyes went wide with an absolute shock, then fluttered shut, as her body slid down the wall, dangling loosely from the grip he had on her wrists. And the room fell silent except for Naraku's beating heart, and Kagome's extremely shallow breaths.
Her head ached as she opened her eyes and for several seconds she wondered where she was and what she was doing there. That is until she saw his face leering over her own. Then it all flooded back... full force to her mind. The pain of his grip on her wrist, the stench of his breath on her face, the look in his dark eyes when he leaned in close to her body, as if he wanted to devour her. Kagome began to cry again.
She wanted to disappear inside her own body, to let the pain she was feeling engulf her. She wanted to be anywhere but where she was. Sprawled on her bedroom floor arms pinned to her side as her stepfather straddled her lifeless frame and was currently unbuttoning her top.
Her tears were so hot she was afraid they would burn down the bedroom, if allowed to touch the floor. Her face was already burning up and she willed the heat it to go to the rest of her body so she might turn to ashes and disappear. But unfortunately she had no such luck.
Without thinking she had pulled her arms free where he had them trapped between his and her own thighs, using them for leverage she pushed her body upward and shoved him off, than planted a good clean kick to his chest, with both her feet shoving him away as hard as she could.
lying in a broken bloody mass on the floor several minutes later she almost wished she hadn't. Almost. It was enough though that he had left. He had beaten her until she couldn't move, but she thanked god... because he left.
He couldn't stop thinking about her. It was stupid, and he knew it. She was this little slip of a 15 year old girl, and he was a sophomore in college. It was inappropriate at best, and it bordered on illegal(1), but still... he couldn't get the feel of her head leaning on his shoulder out of his mind. He could still smell the lilac of her hair, the smooth skin of her face on the tips of his fingers. He just couldn't understand what this girl had that could make his heart skip a beat...
'Kagome' his mind whispered as he drove down the highway 'Kagome' it haunted him like a bad dream the way her voice had gone so soft and innocent, as she shyly said her name. It made him want to find the reason she was crying and rip it to shreds... screw rationale.
Sesshoumaru tried to shrug the feeling off as he pulled into the parking lot at his dorm, but her tear soaked face continued to haunt him for the rest of the day. 'Why was she crying?' his mind begged to know, but he couldn't think of any answers and he was starting to lose concentration on his work so he forcefully pushed her to the back of his mind and willed her to stay there.
Kagome woke in a puddle on the floor. Her body was a mass of bruises and she was sure one of her ribs was broken, as she tried to sit up and felt the most intense pain she had ever felt in her entire life. She crawled away from the spot on the carpet where the blood from her nose was congealing and drying in a sticky mass, and thanked god it was navy and not some lighter color. (why did her thoughts always come to that?)(2)
When she pulled herself into the bathtub, and started a cold shower the pain began to numb after several seconds, and soon the water was running clear down the drain no longer tainted with the pink tinge of her blood. She sighed slightly and sat there washing away the hot fear, for several minutes before she even tried to crawl out of the basin and make her way to clean clothes, and warmth. The thought of warmth at the moment was making her slightly ill, so she lingered longer than need be in the mind and body numbing cold.
When she pulled herself from the tub and wrapped herself in a towel, her mind was elsewhere, lost to the real world. So she stopped and held her breath when she looked down and saw she was scrubbing the spot on the floor with carpet cleaner and an old, now rust colored rag, that she couldn't even remember going to get. She had to leave, she thought as she scrubbed the spot 'til her hands were raw, she couldn't wait another second, she couldn't think another thought... she had to run away.
After bundling her body against the cold in her warmest clothes Kagome sat down at her vanity and started to cover the newly forming bruises. She swallowed twice, as her face began to look less deathly pale and more human. Color, though artificial came back into her pallid cheeks. Life, although artificial came into her skin tone, but the new found life did not reach her eyes. She was somewhere else inside her head for the moment. She wasn't thinking properly, she was hardly thinking at all.
This was the thought that occurred to her as she stood in a foot of snow outside her house after she had successfully snuck out. 'Good going Kagome. Way to freeze to death! Now where are we going?' It was a valid question. Although before she was wandering down the cold January street, the thought of turning around the only fuel pushing her feet forward, she had not even considered the question. Where could she go? Who could she trust? The thought of Ji'chan had slowly crossed her mind. But it would be too long and fruitless of a trip. he'd want her to explain, and when she couldn't he'd send her home. She couldn't go where her mother might find her. If she left she didn't want to be coming back in a hurry. Inuyasha danced lightly across the surface of her brain... but no. He had not spoken to her in over a month and he was more than likely not home. Plus it was so close, and there was all that unwanted explaining. But where could she possibly go where she wouldn't have to explain herself.
She laughed cynically as the words to the cheers theme song started playing in her head.(3) And a bitter tear rolled almost unnoticed down her cheek, as she absentmindedly reached to wipe it away she silently chided herself at the makeup she got on Sesshoumaru's sweatshirt. And then it clicked.
"Sesshoumaru..." she whispered to herself. 'Why not' she decided 'I hope he likes, late night surprise visitors.'
He had been brushing his hair. True it wasn't a very manly activity, but he had a lot of hair and it took a certain degree of care to keep it looking well kept. And he would never allow himself to appear unkempt.
Golden eyes turned warily toward the door on the other side of his dorm room: Someone was knocking. He cast the hair brush forgotten into the corner as he made his way unceremoniously to the door, ready to give the twerp that dared disturb him a piece of his mind. He pulled the door back roughly, knocking the occupant on it's other side a little off balance as she had probably not expected the brashness. But when his eyes focused on her face his breath caught.
"Sesshoumaru?" she whispered softly one trembling hand still resting in mid air as if on the door he had wrenched open and out of her reach. She looked like death warmed over, but only slightly warmed over, because she looked freezing. She was soaking wet and he ascertained she had probably fallen in the snow outside more than once. He could tell she had been crying from the mascara marks on her soaking face, and at a glance he could see that she had a newly forming bruise on her face. But it all took place at a glance.
"Kagome" he said by way of response to her query. And at that she took two steps forward nodding numbly. Before he knew it he had her wrapped in his embrace, the two leaning against the now closed door as she cried into his chest. Neither spoke for several minutes. The silence was nipping at the corners of the room, only broken by Kagome's occasional sob.
"What happened." he asked in an even smooth tone. Not letting his building concern enter his voice. More sobs came from the girl with her face buried in his chest, and nothing more. He wanted to press her further, but he noticed she seemed to be fading in and out of consciousness, from the emotional distress, so he lifted her and placed her on his bed, allowing her to sleep while he watched over her.
It had only been about 20 minutes but he was already becoming concerned by the way she shivered and whimpered in her fevered sleep. She was probably freezing in the soaking sweatshirt, that he recognized as his own.
"Kagome" he called softly, she winced in response.
"Kagome, you have to change. You're freezing." She nodded absently otherwise not moving an inch.
"Can you do it yourself?" he asked pulling her into a sitting position, although she continued to keep her eyes shut against the light in the room. She shook her head mutely.
"Do you want me to help?" he pressed, pulling a strand of wet hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She shook her head even more fiercely.
"Then what DO you want." he questioned a tinge of annoyance in his voice.
"To disappear." she whispered, then she coughed and curled into him.
As if struck by sudden inspiration he reached over the side of his bed frame and flicked off the light. When his eyes adjusted to the change, they met her own which she had now allowed to open. He looked at her softly although the change in his facial expression was probably too minuscule to make out in this lighting.
"I'll close my eyes." he offered. "And only help, where you need it." She smiled softly then nodded. It was a very ridiculous, and (had you been an observer and not one of the two) rather humorous event. But when all was said and done, she was out of the cold, wet clothes and dressed in a pair of Sesshoumaru's boxer shorts and one of his oversized T-shirts. With the light already off, almost immediately after the change she curled into his body for warmth and protection and again fell asleep.
It would be morning before Sesshoumaru registered the extent of her injuries. Such was Kagome's blessing that he had turned out the light, and such was her comfort that allowed her to sleep.
She woke her head swimming with fragments of the previous evenings events. Her night had been littered with rouge images of dark haired men with feral grins, the smell of his breath, the cold depth in his eyes. She shuttered slightly, noticing suddenly how heavily she was leaning on Sesshoumaru, as he ran his hand comfortingly through her hair when she shook.
Kagome sat up, letting her eyes land on the face of the man whom she had clung to whilst she slept. It appeared as impassive as ever, but his embrace had not proven false, he had never strayed his hands, and never left her side the entire night. She glanced at the clock which read 10 after 12, it suddenly registering in her mind that it was a Wednesday.
"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed "I probably made you miss class, huh?"
"You can not make me do anything" he responded coolly "but yes I chose to stay here until I was sure you were all right." She smiled.
Sesshoumaru was a lot more understanding than Inuyasha had ever given him credit for. He was not judging her, nor turning her away, and although he seemed cold, he obviously cared. She inched toward him again, now that they were both sitting up, but before she could lean her head into his chest, he had caught her chin in his hand.
"What happened?" he asked, while his eyes spun with unreadable emotions she took on face value and assumed to be pity. She was choking on memories which she had no desire to relive. Plus she'd die if he knew. God kill her, if Sesshoumaru knew the way Naraku had touched her. She'd rather die.
"Please" she choked out. "Not now; ask me anything else but that, now." He eyed her suspiciously and she was terrified he wouldn't comply, frightened beyond her worst fears that he wouldn't understand, that he would demand her story. She wouldn't have been able to handle it if he had. So thankfully he hadn't.
"Fine." he spoke softly, cradling her suddenly. "We will discuss that later." she let out a long sigh of relief as she cuddled into his arms. Her mind mentally whispered his name 'Sesshoumaru' It didn't matter how little she really knew about him, all that mattered was that she knew he wouldn't hurt her and for now she was safe.
Footnotes
(1)This statement is rather ambiguous due to the difference in laws. In all actuality Age of consent for Sexual activity in Japan is 13 years, but in America it is usually around 16 but can be anywhere from 14-18 years of age (depending on what state you live in), also there are a plethora of confusing additions addressing age difference. In Japan however it is clear that if a person over the age of 13 has sex with a person under the age of 13 even with that second person's consent the act is considered rape and shall be punished with imprisonment at forced labor for a limited term of not less than two years, according to the law. So really it doesn't border on illegal in Japan, where it would in The US. Even so, I am going to allow him to think along these lines anyway, because the age difference is enough to make him nervous in my opinion.
(2) This is probably pretty evident... but I don't know I mentioned it more then once so I thought I would clarify it's significance. Kagome is in a kind of weird place mentally right now. As is common with victims of abuse she feels extremely humiliated and shamed, and guilty. She is extremely worried that everyone "knows" which means, that everyone thinks what she fears is true: That she not only deserves but wants the abuse she is receiving. It is kind of twisted, and I don't know if you caught on to my subtle hints of the toll this is having on her mind. but there it is. (can't say I never gave ya' nothing.)
(3) You know? ... "Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name." Don't even ask me why I know that, or why I referred to this knowledge. I can't help where my mind wanders when I am writing... and where my mind wanders... so wanders Kagome's...