Author: Stoicstella E-mail: Rating: R (definitely)
Summary: Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?
Author Notes: --I couldn't help myslef and as you can see updated again. I hope it's up to the usual standards of this story, despite it's rapid fire nature.
-- In other news, before I forget (Again) I'd like to thank Deadly Tears; I was reading one of her stories when I got the idea to write this one... it was totally unrelated, but I can't really account for my brain. Anyway, everyone thank Deadly Tears for stimulating my usually non-responsive brain.
-- Also I did a little reader response... It's at the end of this chapter.
--And of course some more footnotes were in order, but you know the drill.
"" Spoken
'' thought
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to the goo goo dolls.
Acoustic #3
"Your voice is small and fading
and you hide in here unknown
and your mother loves your father
cause she's got nowhere to go
and she wonders where these dreams go
cause the world got in her way
what's the point in ever trying
nothing's changing anyway"
Chapter 3: What's the point?
So here he was, 'Oh how the mighty hath fallen', sitting in a partially reclined postion with his feet on the bed and his back on the headboard, holding the nearly sleeping girl, who was covered from head to foot in bruises. Here he was, trying his best to be tender. Which before now had gone against everything that was in his nature, but right now his better judgment, (on which he usually prided himself), told his instincts to 'go jump in a lake'. The girl looked at him through half lidded eyes that seemed almost dead to the world and he wondered if maybe she had received a concussion or something of the like, it seemed as though she hadn't been awake for even half the time she'd been here.
She mumbled and looked up from his cradled arms with bleary blood shot eyes, and for a second his heart stopped. Anyone who could destroy something this beautiful and innocent was truly a monster. I mean sure he, had left guys in worse shape than this, sent his share of creeps in fist fights to the hospital, broken Inuyasha's arm, but it wasn't the same as causing the pain that was lingering behind her eyes. He couldn't understand someone wanting to do that.
She blinked several times under his intense stare before her cracked and dry lips turned up in a slight grin. "Sesshoumaru..." she whispered slowly, as if there was a purpose that she needed desperately to serve, only no other sound followed the inquiry. and after several moments of silence he realized she had nothing else to say.
He sat them both up fully before he proceeded to lean her gently against his pillows and then stood. He saw her eyes following him as he bustled about, but at first she did not question his actions. It was when he was just grabbing his keys off the ring by the door that she spoke again, her voice suddenly tense.
"Are you leaving?" she sat up suddenly, obviously too suddenly because she put her hands to her temple and shut her eyes tight most likely against the dizziness.
"No," his voice was cool, calm, impassive "We're leaving. You need to see a doctor." his manner was direct, blunt, but as far as he was concerned this was obvious. She could be suffering from a myriad of medical problems that he couldn't even begin to diagnose, and he certainly was not going to allow her to sit there on his bed and die of internal bleeding that was for damn sure.
"No!" Her eyes shot open in panic as she jumped to a standing position and almost immediately lost her footing, falling to her knees. He had seen it about to happen and even taken several swift steps in her direction but not quickly enough to catch her before she fell, resulting in him simply looming over her crouching body. But she didn't seem to mind the fall, grabbing onto his pant leg and looking up into his face, she seemed so desperately small and fragile.
"Please, let me stay here. Don't send me away." She whimpered in a soft voice.
"You're delirious" he stated calmly, but reached his hand down toward her anyway to help her stand. She took it, and pulled herself up 'til her eyes were at chest rather than shin level, and again looked up at him with those pleading gray blue eyes.
"fine... It's your funeral" He decided and she closed her eyes partially with a sigh, to which he almost couldn't resist the desire to smile a little; The look of contentment on her face gave him pause. 'She really was a crazy girl.'
Healing was an art and to be done properly it took time, of course Kagome had that, as long as she remained with Sesshoumaru at least. Her stepfather had beaten her worse than he had ever done before, but the wounds really were only superficial, and most were considerably quick to heal. At first She had worried about broken ribs, but was glad to find that they had most likely only been bruised. Then she worried of her nose, as it had bled so profusely that night, but found it had not been broken either. She was thankful for the little things like that, because you can't hide a broken nose, even when it heals everyone knows it was broken...
'and they want to know why it was broken.' Kagome swallowed back that thought, and waved it away, as she craned her neck a little to see the back of her left leg. She was searching her skin for any remaining bruises which she had been rubbing some vitamin K cream(1) on, all because she read in some magazine article this helped them heal faster. She didn't know if it was true, but ever since then she had been doing it.
All and all she almost looked normal again, she decided, as her eyes glanced over the naked figure, looking up intently at her from the bathroom mirror, which she had been standing in front of after having finished her shower(2). It was midmorning which meant Sesshoumaru, would be in between classes, and come back to the dorm as he usually did, and she liked to have finished dealing with all this stuff before she saw him.
'At first things had been quite difficult between us, to say the least' she was running her fingers along the smooth skin of her forearm as she thought, elating goose bumps on the fading bruise there. 'But things are better now.' she smiled slightly as she slipped on yet another of his T-shirts. She was probably really cutting into his laundry cycle, which she had no doubt he had. The man had a schedule for everything.
The first week she was there, she was almost entranced by it. He would get up at the exact same time every morning and go to sleep at the exact same time every night. He liked order, and precision, and she was throwing a wrench in the whole perfectly honed machine he called 'his life'. She smirked, but it quickly morphed into a frown as she pulled on the boxer shorts and wondered how much of a fool he probably thought she was.
It had been during the first week, during that time when she was really attempting to stay out of his way but even so she had somehow managed to screw things up and anger him, when he approached her, her thoughts had gone to home; she thought he would hit her, it was instinctive that she covered her face, but the look he gave her afterward was absolutly imperceptible, he didn't say anything else, the argument was soon forgotten, but...
"Idiot!" she said to the embarrassed blue eyes that sparkled back sadly to their truer counterpart from the mirror. She shook her head "fool"
When he opened the door to his room she was right where he expected her to be. Standing there in his underclothes, half out the bathroom door, steam bearing the smell of his shampoo wafting around her. This had become part of his schedule, and he would never admit how much he enjoyed it.
She smiled. That innocent one, she did that just turned up the very corners of her lips. He loved that one, it really complemented her, but it also reminded him she was still a child, and she had no business here.
"What" she asked playfully sensing the sigh that was begging to come out of his, tightly pressed lips. "Tough day at the office dear." and her grin spread into her more devious one, at which he just shook his head and let the previous thoughts go.
"I have offered you clothes... why do you insist on wearing my underwear." she smiled sheepishly as a pretty little blush took to her cheeks, and she proceeded to mumble something about money, all he clearly heard was "besides they're comfortable." to which he simply rolled his eyes and sat down on the corner of his bed intent on flipping on his television to watch the news, (as he always did).
There looking back at him was the usual young anchor woman for a second and then the scene cut away from her as she finished her introduction... Sesshoumaru was barely paying the TV any attention at all as he watched Kagome out of the corner of his eye. She sat down beside him, and he mentally chided himself for watching her instead of the news report, but didn't look away until apparant shock registered on her face and brought his attention round front again.
A woman who was similar in appearance to the girl sitting next to him and a man with long black curling trestles were standing in front of a house he recognized from his block, and assumed to be Kagome's. The woman had tears in her eyes, and the man looked cold and impassive, if not a bit angry.
"I just want my Kagome back" a picture of his companion flashed onto the screen as the news anchor's voice continued. "The parents of the girl have issued an award for her safe return and more information about that can be found on the stations web site" An address was flashing on the bottom of the screen as the Anchor woman turned to her co-anchor "...back to you Tom."
Sesshoumaru turned his golden orbs onto the stunned figure beside him, her mouth was open a little in silent shock. He suddenly found he could not control his words and they came unfiltered from his own mouth.
"What happened to you, Kagome?" He almost sounded exasperated even to himself, and he vaguely wondered why he should. As long as she was with him she was safe, if she didn't want to talk about it, what difference would it make? But he didn't like the situation, and he thought he had a right to know.
"Why would she run away?" his wife asked with tears in her eyes. He eyed her a moment before replying in his usual smooth, and calculating voice.
"I think she is testing us. She wants to see how much you will allow her to get away with." She looked doubtful, but didn't argue.
"That's why when she come's home she needs to be punished." he punctuated, with an equal degree of calm, Again she looked at her husband with doubt, and then idly nodded.
"You know best... Naraku." she replied.
'That, I do' he thought 'that. I. do.'
It was cold. She cursed herself silently for not wearing more clothes, For not taking Sesshoumaru up on the offer three weeks ago, to get her proper attire. But she had been comfortable in the warm little room wearing the clothes that smelled of her protector, and reminded her she was safe.
When she left his protection, however, and was out in the brisk February wind the clothes lost any symbolic meaning they had previously held. And only served to remind her how much flesh she was displaying to the cold. She sneered. It's not like this was her idea of a good time. Kagome had always hated the cold.
Things just were not going her way. First there was the news report, which meant she should have been hiding away in a hole somewhere, where no one could make out her face. And then there was Sesshoumaru who had insisted on her story, and left no room for a way out. Forcing her to do what she felt was all she could do. Run or risk being sent home... so she ran.
And here she was. No more Sesshoumaru. No more rigid routine. No more warm, safe, house. Just skimpy attire, and mind numbing cold. Her mind whisked her suddenly back to her twisted and battered form curled on the floor of the tub, the night she had left and she started to cry.
'If you aren't going home, where are you going? I remember being told Sesshoumaru, back there, was our last resort.' Her mind whispered cynically in her head. She silently begged the voice to stop but it continued unheeded 'Look what pride gets you, hun. All you had to do was tell him what happened. What's the matter...? Huh, Kagome? He already knows you deserve it...'
"shut up" she whispered
'Everyone knows you deserve it'
She stopped walking then, as she suddenly grabbed fistfuls of her own hair on either side of her face and began squeezing her eyes shut against the onslaught of tears; she had to block out the voice, she couldn't loose it, not now.
'... or are you afraid he'll find out how much you wanted it...'
"No" Kagome said a little louder, drawing strange looks from the people passing by
'How much you like it..'
"No!" Kagome screamed, dropping to her knees and sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't even notice the figure approaching or the hands of the security guard as he righted her to her feet and whisked her away from the campus. Her thoughts were deep within her head... fighting a loosing battle with herself.
There she was looking up at him with those scared eyes, like a rabbit in a trap, but this time she was completely still as she lay beneath, his straddled legs.
"There's a good girl, Kagome" he whispered. "You really didn't think running away could solve anything... did you?" he was speaking softly to her, but he could already feel the rage boiling just below his skin. The thought that she would dare run away from him, was singly infuriating. She would feel his wrath for it; among other things.
He suddenly grinned coolly as he leaned in even closer and placed his lips almost upon her ear.
"you realize you have to be punished, don't you?" She nodded softly, tears coming to those sad gray eyes. His smile widened.
"Good... now keep being a good girl and everything will be fine." He whispered again his face right next to hers. Meanwhile his hands were reaching up her short skirt and slowly removing the panties she had underneath. When the police had delivered her to him she had been wearing some Man's clothing 'The little slut' and he had burned them. She was told to put this on right away. He was very fond of the "uniform".
She was softly crying again, but she made no move to stop him, or her "punishment" and he tossed the panties carelessly onto the floor, meanwhile the fingers of his other hand lingered on her inner thigh only moving when they went to his belt. He nimbly removed the leather strap reveling in the sound of it passing through the denim belt loops, and the way each whoosh made the girl between his knees cringe.
"You know running away is a very bad thing don't you" He asked as he pulled her arms up over her head and deftly bound her wrists together with the belt. She nodded bleakly again, bringing a little smile to his lips.
"And you know what bad little girls get... right?" she swallowed an incredible wave of tears began to flow silently down her face but she made no move to respond.
"Answer me." he warned in a scathing tone. "What do bad little girls get?"
"Punished..." she choked on the sob that followed and he almost laughed out loud. As he stood and picked up her limp body by the wrists he had bound.
"very good." he whispered dropping her without care onto the edge of her bed so that her legs were just sticking off at the knee, and he began to undo the button on his jeans.
She closed her eyes softly, her lips moving in some silent prayer, and he knew she was trying to go someplace else, but he wouldn't allow it. She was going to stay here for every moment of this.
"Open your eyes" he commanded as he stepped out of his jeans and stood before her submissive form in nothing but his boxers. The blue gray eyes popped open again, registering fear, and pain, and a plethora of other emotions just below the surface. At this he reached with gentle and manipulative hands between her thighs and spread her legs calmly, letting his nose linger pressed against her inner thigh until he could smell thar distinct smell of her arousal.(3) He smirked.
"Good Girl" Her body was now shaking with sobs but she remained posed where he left her, subservient as ever, she was being awfully good today. It must be the beating he had given her yesterday. He smiled to himself. 'Time to show her who's boss'
"Naraku?" It was his wife, quiet, questioning, just outside the door. "It's late. Are you coming to bed?"
"In a minute." he replied. Trying to keep his voice calm, trying to ride the wave of emotions back to a normal level, so she wouldn't sense any tension in his voice. "We talked about this. Kagome needs discipline."
"Well I know, but..." she faltered "Please come to bed. She'll still be here tomorrow. Punish her tomorrow. Give her a break tonight."
It was time to show the brat who was in charge. Now or never, cease the moment. But he needed his wife on his side. If she started to doubt his motives, then there would be a breech between them... she couldn't doubt him for this all to work. There could be no space between them.
"Fine" he whispered hoarsely. "I'll be in, in a minute." He heard her sigh, and then listened as her footsteps padded away.
"This is far from over." he whispered in her ear as he undid the belt on her wrist. "This is far, from over" he repeated as he put on his jeans, and unlocked the door leaving her to her tears of which he could still hear uncontrollable sobs once in the hallway, and even as he made his way to his bedroom.
Her mind hurt. Everything else was so numb, or thick like leather from beatings and cold showers, and expected pain. But her mind was still tender and exposed. and it hurt.
A cough broke free from Kagome's throat and she sputtered and choked on her tears for several seconds. Making her mind think of options even as it screamed for her to let it rest. The vengeful, wounded creature though, only presented her with bleak alternatives, and suggested she really had none. 'Don't believe everything you think.'(4) some other part of her mind retorted, making her laugh in that bitter desperate, joyless way. Why did she keep thinking of Song Lyrics when she was in these situations?
Still she sensed something lurking in the corner of her mind, some hope, perhaps... 'I can run away again...'
'You have nowhere to go' The part of her mind that thought she deserved this gleefully reminded her.
'we can go back to Sesshoumaru.'
'Yes, and tell him what happened.'
'we can go to Inuyasha.'
'Do I even need to say it?'
'Jichan?'
'Well what do you suggest?'
'I suggest you suck it up, and take the punishment you deserve. None of this would have happened if you hadn't run away in the first place. You and I both know that...'
'We're the same person.'
'That's not the point.'
"There is no point!" Kagome whispered out loud, which is to say she screamed it at her thoughts. The voices stopped arguing and she audibly sighed. At least she had stopped crying. She'd figure out where she was going when she got there; She, just couldn't stay here for this. She had never been so afraid in her whole life, and while part of her felt she deserved it, another part of her screamed she couldn't let it happen. And that part was the one she was hoping was more sane, because she decided to listen to it.
She hated cases like this. They always choked her up just a little. 'A sixteen year old girl in the ICU, attacked by thugs on the street.' She never would understand kids. Why couldn't a girl like this one, who lived in a nice neighborhood, with loving parents, behave, study on a week night, get good grades, prepare for college. She swallowed hard at some of the more obvious injuries on her body. She just could not understand what would posses this girl to to sneak out in the middle of the night trying to stir up trouble.
She looked down at the chart in exasperation. Kagome Higurashi She read, as she checked off the vital signs with a sigh. The girl was in very serious condition, and she would have to struggle to recover. But then again if her father hadn't come upon her when he heard the disturbance, Or if the neighbors hadn't called the police. Who knows where she would be?
Footnotes:
(1)--- I really did read this somewhere, but have never tried it. I don't know if you would even be able to tell the differences some bruises just take decidedly longer to heal. shrugs you just figure she'd want to do something to speed them in healing and that is the purpose of the comment.
(2)--- Those of you in college please spare me the smirks. I know I have not only given Sesshoumaru his own dorm room, but also a private bathroom. Perhaps he has privileges because he is rich, or maybe he killed his roommate, and scared the whole floor into leaving him alone. I don't know! Why don't you just ask HIM how he did it, because I just don't know. I 'd say he has his own apartment but I said in the first chapter he was pulling into the dorms, so now you have to figure it out.
(3) ---And no I am not suggesting Kagome is getting her jollies out of this. This is something that often haunts abuse victims. Their body reacts to the touch that disgusts their mind.
(4) ---Death by Stereo Lyrics... yes I know I am still verging on the brim of insane. Ask me if I care at this point.