Okay. I'm not entirely sure if anyone will still remember me or this story because it has been so effing long since I last updated...but here's a pretty long-ish chapter for you. If you don't hate me and want to leave me a review I very well may have an extremely happy next chapter already written and waiting to be read...not that I'm attempting bribery after I disappeared for several months. I hope you'll like how this is going...thanks so much for the reviews you left for the last installment, like, fifteen years ago. Also? Chapter title belongs to U2. It may seem like I am a huge fan, but really I sort of detest Bono. I just have a weakness for their older stuff—and selective newer stuff. Whatever. Not important. I hope you enjoy! ;)

xoxo

Chapter 24: With Or Without You

Kirsten wasn't anywhere near in the mood for one of her famous Newport blowouts, but she had promised Summer a going-away party and she was going to follow through. The caterers were almost finished setting up and people were set to arrive within the next few minutes. She found Ryan in the pool house, tugging exasperatedly at his tie.

"You look nice," she commented, then wordlessly removed the tie from his hands and tied it with expert precision. It occurred to him that she had probably done this a lot for both Seth and Sandy, and he smiled at how casual she was with him, taking on his tie as if he were her own son.

"Thanks. So do you." She tugged at the hem of her Chanel, looking critically at herself in the mirror.

"You think? Thank you." She ran a hand through her hair, still looking dissatisfied with her reflection, and he wondered how she—literally the most perfect woman on the planet—could be so concerned about the way she looked.

"Are you okay?" he asked her uncertainly, sitting on the edge of his bed. She smiled.

"Yeah. Fine. Are you all ready?"

"I think so."

"I haven't even asked you how you're feeling about this," Kirsten said, cocking her head.

"I'm fine with it."

"I know you've gotten closer with Summer in the past few months." Ryan forced an easy, noncommittal smile.

"Sort of." She recognized his discomfort and nodded quickly.

"Okay. Just checking."

"I'm totally fine. But thanks, Kirsten."

"Anytime." She reached for the doorknob. "Shall we?"

Jimmy Cooper approached her tentatively, jutting his arm out in a nervous wave.

"Hey. Thanks for inviting me."

"Of course," she said, forcing a smile.

"So, Kirsten, look...I'm sorry about—what happened. It was so beyond stupid and I just—" She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jimmy." He stopped sheepishly, looking up at her. She smiled again, this time for real. "I'm glad Marissa's okay." There was a minute of quiet, mutual realization that all was forgotten between them.

"Thanks," Jimmy said, nodding. "So are we."

"How's she doing lately? We don't see much of her anymore," Kirsten said pointedly.

"She's here," Jimmy said, craning his neck to look around the yard. Finally he spotted her sitting by herself at a table and gestured over. "Right there."

"Oh." Kirsten nodded and offered a noncommittal wave in Marissa's direction, but the girl was in somewhat of a trance and didn't seem to see her.

"It's been hard for her," Jimmy said. "The people at the institution were all about...you know, starting over, setting things right. And she sort of took that to mean...starting new, completely."

"That has to be confusing for anyone. But...at her age, especially..." Kirsten sympathized.

"She really loves Ryan," Jimmy said quietly. "She's just having a hard time admitting that to herself because she thinks that she isn't supposed to."

"Well, he's a phenomenal listener if she ever decides she's ready to talk," Kirsten said, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, I had a feeling." He jammed his hands in his pockets and studied her awkwardly. "So...Seth?"

"Nothing," Kirsten said softly.

"Oh, Kirsten, I'm—"

"Yeah, I know," she cut him off, smiling sadly. He reached over and put a hand gently on her shoulder, a gesture that, thankfully, felt completely platonic.

"I may not be a phenomenal listener, but if you ever decide you're ready to talk..." he trailed off, smiling. "I'm always around."

"Thanks, Jimmy." She cocked her head and glanced over to see her husband conversing wearily with one of their neighbors. "You should stop by sometime soon. I know Sandy misses having a golf buddy."

"You think he's okay with me?" Jimmy asked doubtfully.

"We're talking about one of the most forgiving people on the planet." Jimmy nodded his agreement.

"And you? You would be okay with me coming over?" She smiled and punched his arm playfully.

"With my oldest friend? Yeah, I think I'd be okay with that."

An hour later she was sitting on the edge of her bed, envying Ryan's status as the surly teenage boy who was allowed to sit sullenly at the bar drinking Mountain Dews.

"I thought I might find you hiding out." She looked up and smiled at Sandy standing in the doorway of their bedroom.

"Smart man," she said quietly.

"I can't imagine why you'd be hiding out. I mean...we've got several Coopers, a few Nichols, a Taryn, a Taryn's husband in a Hawaiian shirt, and a very intoxicated step-Roberts. This is a hell of a party, Kiki. You've outdone yourself this time." She waved a throw pillow at him.

"Thank you for adding insult to injury, Sanford." He sat down gently next to her.

"You okay?" She shrugged.

"I will be, I guess."

"Well, that's a reassuring answer."

"This is just harder than I thought it would be." He put his arm around her and she leaned against him, loving that he knew her so well.

"Hey, Kirsten? I—oh—my god, sorry," Summer recoiled in the doorway, blushing. "Sorry."

"We've got to stop meeting like this," Sandy said, grinning as he disentangled himself from his wife. "You holding up, kiddo?" Summer nodded slightly, smiling at him. "I'll let you two talk." Kirsten, cheeks reddening with embarrassment, turned to Summer.

"What's up?"

"Um...my mom. She's here."

"Oh. Your mom." Kirsten felt oddly threatened.

"She wants to meet you."

"Me?" She swallowed hard and forced a smile because Summer looked anxious. "Great."

Summer's mother was pretty, standing out in all black amongst a sea of spring-line-Cavalli-clad Newpsies. She quickly put out a cigarette in the grass when she saw Kirsten coming.

"Hi, I'm Kirsten Cohen," she offered in her overly friendly awkward-meeting voice.

"Alicia. I've heard a lot about you." Summer's mother shook her hand and made no effort to conceal the fact that she was looking Kirsten up and down, evaluating her.

"Lies, I'm sure," Kirsten said, smiling.

"No, everything she said was pretty consistent. Very sweet, gorgeous, successful, killer wardrobe, perfect husband, great job. Did I leave anything out, Sum?" Summer blushed and Kirsten laughed, intensely flattered. "She's been raving about you," Alicia said, sounding half bitter and half kind.

"Well, I could go on about Summer forever. You're very lucky," Kirsten said honestly. Alicia nodded.

"I am. But we should get going." Summer looked as surprised as Kirsten felt.

"Get going...like, leave?" Kirsten asked.

"Our flight leaves at nine-thirty."

"We're leaving tonight?" Summer asked, dumbstruck.

"Yeah, sweetie, I told you I have some big clients coming in tomorrow afternoon."

"I don't think so," Summer said quietly.

"No? I'm pretty sure I did."

"Okay," Summer muttered. "Um...I guess I...I should probably go say goodbye to...um..." She looked up at Kirsten almost desperately and Kirsten put a hand on her shoulder.

"Ryan's over by the bar."

"Thanks," Summer said gratefully.

"Sum, I need to go pack my stuff," Alicia said impatiently.

"I just need a couple of minutes."

"It's a twenty minute drive to my hotel and I'm already—"

"Alicia," Kirsten said brightly. "Why don't you go back and pack your stuff and I'll drive Summer over after she finishes with Ryan? I'll make sure to leave you plenty of time to get to the airport." Alicia glanced between a hopeful Summer and a smiling Kirsten.

"Fine. Sure. Thanks. I'll see you at the hotel, Summer. Bring whatever you need for the week." She looked up at Kirsten again. "We're having the rest of her stuff shipped." Kirsten nodded, feeling surprisingly saddened by this. It made things so final. "It was nice meeting you," Alicia said. "Thanks for keeping an eye on Summer." Suddenly Sandy was behind Kirsten with am arm around her waist; she reveled, once again, in his acute understanding of her.

"It was our pleasure," she said softly, and Sandy nodded his agreement.

"You know what, Alicia? Let me walk you to your car," Sandy suddenly offered, and Alicia nodded.

"Sure. Thanks." Kirsten watched, confused, as they walked off together.

"Thanks, Kirsten," Summer said quietly when they were alone.

"Of course." Kirsten touched her arm gently. "Now go get Ryan and Marissa and say a proper goodbye, huh?"

"Yeah," Summer smiled. "I think it's probably about time that they both admitted that they're, like, obsessed with each other. I can't leave them both to brood alone. I might as well set them up so they can do it together, right?" Kirsten watched her retrieve Marissa and pull her over towards Ryan, and all of a sudden there was a hand on her shoulder and she turned around to find her father.

"Hey, Kiki."

"Hey, Dad," she said warily.

"Nice party."

"Yeah? Thanks." He kissed the top of her head.

"I think that Seth would really like what you're doing for his girlfriend." For whatever reason this statement brought tears to her eyes and she cleared her throat.

"You think so?"

"I know so." He lowered his voice a bit and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're a great mother, Kiki, and a magnificent person." She was so choked up by this uncharacteristic display of affection that she just leaned slightly against him. He smirked, ruffling her hair. "Your choice of friends, however, is questionable. Who is that garish man in the horrendous Hawaiian shirt?" And that served as a sufficient excuse for her to laugh instead of cry.

The car was exceptionally silent for the first few moments of their ride to Alicia's hotel, nothing but the sound of light rain hitting against the windows. Finally Summer mumbled,

"I feel bad just leaving like this." Kirsten turned slightly.

"Why?"

"It's like I just get to go start over or something. But he was your son. You should be the one who gets to escape."

"I've got Sandy and Ryan," she said, smiling sadly. "You've got your entire life ahead of you."

"But you and Sandy...you've been through hell and you lost completely everything and if anyone should be running off to Chicago it should be you guys." Kirsten smirked at the thought and shook her head.

"Seth is—was...my favorite person in the entire world. And like it or not, I'm not allowed to start over. I couldn't even if I wanted to. But you have to. You have to go out and be as happy as you possibly can and try to find what I found with Sandy and Seth and Ryan. It's...absolutely the best feeling you will ever have. Because even though Seth left? I'm always going to love him more than I can even tell you. I want you to experience that, Summer. You deserve it. I don't want you to stay here and miss him if it means that you're going to be missing out on great things." Summer nodded slowly.

"Okay," she whispered. Kirsten was pulling into the lot of the hotel and she turned to Summer.

"You better come back and visit. I finally got that daughter that I always wanted and if she just picks up and moves to Chicago and never comes back to see me it kind of defeats the purpose of the whole relationship." She laughed, again, because it was more pleasant than crying, but then Summer's tears spilled over and she lost it. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry," she offered, laughing again and then pulling Summer into a hug.

"Me too," Summer mumbled into her shoulder.

"Keep in touch, huh? Tell me what's going on with your life?"

"Yeah, you too." Summer leaned back and looked at her. "Thanks, Kirsten. For everything." Kirsten waved a dismissive hand.

"Oh, honey, you don't have to—" But Summer was shaking her head solemnly.

"Seriously. I don't know what I would have done if you guys hadn't...taken me in all of those times and just..." Kirsten smiled and nodded slightly.

"It was our pleasure." She cocked her head and laughed awkwardly. "You're going places, sweetie. You'll take Chicago by storm." Summer smiled, seemingly unable to speak again, and jumped out of the car. It had started to pour now and she jogged across the parking lot, shielding her head from the rain. Kirsten was watching from the driver's seat, feeling like she had when Ryan left. Summer stopped at the door to the lobby and turned to wave to her and she felt like throwing up. She flicked her wrist in Summer's direction and then floored it, getting away from the hotel as fast as she could because she thought it might make things hurt less.