Oh, my god, I am so tempted to start singing that Eminem song...the, you know, "if you want Shady, this is what I'll give ya—a little bit of ME mixed with some hard liquor" and the, uh, "guess who's back? Back again? Shady's back, tell a friend." Because clearly I am such a gangsta. I suppose it might be more appropriate for me, the little suburbanite, to bust out with "Everybody...rock your body...everybody, rock your body right—Backstreet's back, all right!" Because those are the only two songs I can think of that are about people coming back. Though, really, neither one is appropriate because guess who is ACTUALLY back? Seth! And he's totally not dead, though it has been fun to mess with your heads all along. ;)

Also? Sorry I just busted out, like, type-singing. That's really not an appreciated action. But okay. Thanks for the reviews; you guys are so nice. Rachel, you're always right on-the-ball with your reading and reviewing and I absolutely love it. I thought I owed it to you to post ASAP. ;) And this chapter title belongs to the New Pornographers. Thanks, guys.

And I've gotta say this in my own defense--the Backstreet Boys? I was never into them. Honestly. The only shameful boy-band album I ever had was N'Sync Christmas, I swear to god. I stayed off the Hanson bandwagon, and I never thought that Nick Carter was hot, and I still stand by my theory that Justin Timberlake is actually a woman. This may bring you to question how I know the words, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure, which I realize is a shotty answer. But I just like to clear my name. Thank you for your time. :bows:

And, as usual...please read and review! ;)

xoxo

Chapter 25: Ballad Of A Comeback Kid

When he called, she thought it was a practical joke at first. Some bored water polo player who'd had a few beers. The voice at the other end of the line sounded too old—too weary to be her little boy.

"Look, I don't know where you even got this number, but this really isn't funny."

"Mom, I swear to god. It's me. Seriously, you're so paranoid. And a little self-absorbed. You really think that someone would go out of their way to, like, punk you? You been watching a little too much MTV lately or what?" Her breath caught in her throat. It was him, all right. "We're both well aware that I'm not popular enough to evoke classmates to make prank phone calls in my honor."

"Seth?" she finally managed to croak out. He softened on the other line, his voice quiet and kind.

"Yeah, Mom." It was then that she believed him, then that she burst into tears.

"It's really you?"

"Seth Cohen. In the flesh. Well...I mean, I guess in the voice, rather. I mean, technically, I am in the flesh, but the voice is what...I think you get the point."

"Oh, my god, Seth. Are you all right? Where are you? Where the hell have you been? How can you be making fun of me after you've been going for almost a year without so much as a phone call or—"

"Mom, I'm sorry." He sounded young again, and suddenly she pictured the little boy who she used to read bedtime stories to every night, the one who would clutch her hand when they went hunting for seashells. She laughed because she was so relieved, and there were tears streaming down her cheeks for the same reason.

"Oh, it's so not okay...but, god, you're...alive. You have no idea how much I've missed that voice, Seth."

"I'll remember that the next time you tell me I talk too much."

"Where are you?"

"Pittsburgh."

"Jesus. Why?"

"I'm staying with Anna."

"With Anna like...with Anna?"

"No. God, Mom, get your head out of the gutter."

"You're grounded until you're eighty."

"Assuming I come home." She froze. This possibility hadn't occurred to her. He would call, and the call would be immediately followed by a heartwarming reunion and months of intense but cheerful grounding.

"You're coming home," she said sternly.

"Mom, I just need you to listen and—"

"I'll listen to anything you want, but you're coming home."

"I don't know if I can."

"I do. You can." He sighed and she sat, trying to picture him at the other end of the line. "I thought you were dead," she said quietly. "We all did."

"I'm not." He managed to say this with compassion and she smiled, still unable to believe that she was sitting at her desk having this conversation.

"Oh, sweetie, we have so much to talk about," she mused. "But maybe we should just book you a flight for tonight and get you home first."

"Mom, that's not why I called. I don't want to come back."

"There is an area where you don't have a choice, I'm afraid."

"I do if I refuse."

"Seth, this has been the worst year of my life. Do you understand that? You tore up our lives completely. Me, your father, Ryan, Summer, your grandparents. You didn't just leave this town, Seth, you left people who love you and care about you. You put me and your father though months and months of agonizing hell, do you get that?"

"I'm sorry. It wasn't about you."

"If it's about you, Seth, and you leaving this family, then yes, it is about me. How could you not call? How could you spend a year living clear across the country and never pick up the phone just once to tell me that you were okay? You would be hard-pressed to find something that is more about me, Seth, okay?"

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"You're coming home."

"Look, Mom, I—"

"How are you paying for anything?"

"My hos are taking care of it. Doing some good, honest work, handing over the profits. I run a good biz, mother."

"Not funny." Seth sighed.

"I just...have...cash."

"Seth."

"Grandpa gave me a credit card. For emergencies."

"What? When? Jesus. I'm going to kill him."

"No, Mom, it's not his...it's my fault."

"Oh, I'm killing you too. Don't worry about that."

"Look...Anna's aunt is really awesome, and her friends are all really cool. I've been studying, too. I do Anna's homework with her. So it's not like I'm even that behind. And I have a job at a skateboarding store. How cool is that?" He didn't expect her to answer, and she didn't. "I really like it here, Mom," he said earnestly.

"Well, I really like having my sixteen-year-old son and the most important person in my life living at home with me where he legally belongs, Seth."

"How's Dad?" Seth asked, attempting to change the subject. Kirsten, not wanting to upset Seth and have him hang up on her, gave in temporarily.

"He's okay. He and Ryan are spending the week in New York."

"Ryan came back?"

"Just a few months after he left. Teresa miscarried." Kirsten realized she probably had to tell Seth about her own experience but decided it could wait.

"Wow. So he's...he's living there."

"He is."

"And he and Dad are in New York? Why?"

"Your father wanted to show him around. Harbor has a five-day weekend."

"Why didn't you go?" She could hear the jealousy in Seth's voice. The truth was that she hadn't gone with because she'd wanted to give Ryan and Sandy some father-son type bonding time, but she lied so as not to hurt Seth.

"You know me. Work."

"Ah." Seth cleared his throat. "Well...that's cool, I guess. I mean...cool. So not much has changed, I guess? I mean...nobody died or moved or...went to jail or came out of the closet or anything? That sort of sucks."

"You were hoping that someone would die while you were gone?"

"I guess not." He sounded mildly disappointed and she laughed.

"Plenty changed, sweetheart. Nothing as extreme as you're talking about, but come home and I guarantee there's a lot you won't recognize."

"Oh my god...did Grandpa have a sex change?"

"I didn't necessarily mean physically," she corrected herself, smiling.

"Oh. So just like, new tires on the cars? Replaced some of the furniture?"

"Among other things."

"And Summer? She's doing okay? You know, I mean, is she..."

"Summer's fine," Kirsten said, tensing. "She's actually...she left."

"What do you mean? For vacation?"

"No, I mean...she moved. To Chicago. To live with her mother."

"What? But...Summer hates her mom. She hasn't talked to her since sixth grade!" His voice was high and wounded and her heart melted hearing him so upset.

"Her mom came back and...they reconciled." He was silent for such a long time that she thought that they had lost the connection. "Seth?"

"Yeah, I'm here," he said quietly. He cleared his throat. "So, listen, Mom. I've grown up a lot in the past few months. I'm making this decision as an adult."

"You're more that welcome to make that decision when you become a legally recognized adult. Until then, you're coming home and finishing high school." Kirsten's secretary stuck her head in the door.

"Mrs. Cohen? Mr. Savage is here about the Palo Alto land trust?"

"Thanks," Kirsten sighed. "Seth, I've got a meeting that I really can't miss. Please...call your dad and leave a number with me so I can call you back?"

"I'll just call you," Seth said dejectedly.

"Okay. It's so great to hear you, honey."

"Yeah, you too."

"I love you."

"Love you too." She heard the other line click and she sighed, setting down the receiver in the cradle. She wanted to cry and call Sandy and have a SWAT team go retrieve Seth, but instead she stood up, smoothed her skirt, and entered the conference room.

"Mr. Savage, I'm sorry to keep you waiting."