AN: Alright, it isn't a super long chapter or anything, I know, but yeah… I tried. : D Hope you all enjoy it. Please R&R. You will make my day!
Chapter 27. Decisions For The Future
Toulouse entered Christian's home to find it in more disarray than usual.
Papers scattered across the floor as carelessly as the clothing Christian discarded daily. The blankets of Christian's bed half draped upon the floor, as dozens of stacks of papers rested atop the surface of his bed. Untouched food dwelled on a table, and Toulouse began to fear that Christian was not getting the proper nutrition or, rather, less of a proper nutrition than the usual norm.
"Christian?"
There was no denying the weeping that emanated from the fireplace.
To see Christian sitting on the ground, his head lowered upon his knees as he cried mercilessly in whatever sorrow had overtook him, Toulouse hesitated in what he should say in fear of setting off an already unstable Christian.
"She has left me, Toulouse…" Christian cleared the air and presented the problem, saving Toulouse a lot of bother trying to pry it out of him. "No good-byes… no promises of returning… just a note… a wretched note."
"A note?" Toulouse was surprised at the sudden change in character for Isabel. "What did she write? Where is this note?"
"That she cannot be with me," Christian's cries deepened. "That she could never hurt the Duke and did not wish to ruin the joy she has created in his life. She said she believes I will… someday… find love again… but… I… I am not so sure. So she would rather be with the Duke and hurt me. She would choose his happiness over my own. Toulouse… I have opened up my heart to have it broken again!" Christian shook his head. "I could not stand it, Toulouse. I threw it in the flames. The fire can consume the words. But no matter if the note is only ashes now… the words remain. They are engrained in my head. I shall be haunted by that note until I die… oh Satine…"
"Put yourself together, Christian!" Toulouse bent down to try and pull him up, but Christian remained with his head down. "Come! I believe it is time to get this ache off of your mind. Sitting in this room basking about your hurt does not improve how you feel at all. Come, Christian!"
When Christian remained where he sat, and Toulouse knew he did not possess the external strength to physical bring Christian to his feet and drag him from the room, he walked out of the door.
Returning with a bucket of water, he poured it upon the fire, not even trying to aim to miss Christian.
Scowling, Christian stood quite soaked and turned at Toulouse with murder written in his eyes.
"Anger is better than distress, for now." Toulouse remarked with a grin, and patted Christian on his shoulder. "Come now, we shall go out for the day and we can discuss what we shall do later in the evening."
"We?"
"Of course," Toulouse patted Christian on the back. "I am as involved in the matter as you, my friend. Know that I will be by your side through all of this, no matter what the outcome."
"I… I cannot go out today, Toulouse." Christian provided him with a wan smile. "It is all too much."
"The show must go on, Christian." Toulouse reminded. "No matter how horrible the situation may be. You should know that by now."
"The show must go on…" Christian closed his eyes, remembering the show that just must go on.
"I will be back in a moment," Toulouse promised. "There is something that I have for you, my friend. Give me a minute… perhaps two… alright… ten at the most."
"I just don't know what to do with myself
Don't know just what to do with myself
I'm so used to doing everything with you
Planning everything for two
And now that we're through…" (1)
Christian tossed back his wet hair before discarding his shirt and picking up a wrinkled one upon the floor. Probably never blessed with being truly washed, the shirt was at least better than his soaking one.
"I just don't know what to do with my time
I'm so lonesome for you it's a crime
Going to a movie only makes me sad
Parties make me feel as bad
When I'm not with you
I just don't know what else to do." (1)
Little did Christian know that a few blocks away, Isabel sang the same melancholy tune.
"Like a summer rose/Like asummer rose
It needs the sun and rain/It needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love to ease all the pain/I need your sweet love to ease all the pain
I just don't know what to do with myself babyI just don't know what to do with myself
I just don't know what to do with myself baby/I just don't know what to do with myself
If your new love ever turns you down/If my new love ever turns me down
Come on back I will be around/I pray that you will be around
Just waiting for you/Just waiting for me
I don't know what else to do." (1)/ I don't know what else to do." (1)
For a brief moment, Christian put his song on pause as another melody floated in the air while Isabel continued singing.
"I don't know just what to do with myself
I don't know just what to do with myself
I pray that you will be around
Just waiting for me…" (1)
Isabel ended as her tears took over, her sadness a louder sang in her heart than the hope that resided at what she had inflicted upon herself. Christian, noticing the silence that had claimed the room once more, started to pick up the papers of a love story that he had tossed around the room in desperate frustration.
"I'm still so crazy for you…" (1)
"Are you sure?" Ziddler raised his eyebrows, looking at his accomplice in a new light after he had explained his devious plan. "Do you think it wise? Can we… shall we… be able to pull this off?"
"I have the funds for it," Edmund reminded. "You would be surprised at what can be done when you have a large quantity of it within your grasp."
"I know, Monsieur," Ziddler reassured. "I completely understand."
"When will you begin?" Edmund looked upon his stopwatch and frowned. "I am not a patient person, as you already know, Ziddler."
"This evening," Ziddler nodded. "It shall all be in order by the end of today."
"I expect it to," Edmund stood up and placed his hat upon his head, but not even the shadows of his hat could shield the virulent embers burning within his eyes. "Good day to you, Ziddler. I have matters to tend to… particularly with my wife-to-be…"
"How do I get through the night without you
If I had to live without you
What kinda life would that be
Oh I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You are my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away
Everything good in my life
And tell me now…" (2)
Gregory's love affair with the maid went on daily, as did Edmund's harsh ways.
Watching Gregory sneak the maid out into the garden to kiss and profess his love each night was enough to drive me into a new sorrow that filled up my chest until it was suffocating.
"Promise me, Candace," Gregory held her face in his hands, his heart completely exposed to her. "Promise me there will be no one else. That you will be faithful to me. There is no one else in my life."
"Gregory…" the maid shook her head. "I am older than you. Imagine what would happen if we got caught… if your family found out. Imagine the problems that would arise. I cannot risk you losing your honor and good title."
"Don't you love me?" he did not contain his hurt, an obvious sign of his youth an inexperience with the world outside of his home. "I thought you loved me…"
"I let you go because I love you," the maid set a hand on his face, still as soft as a baby… I already knew. "I cannot bear to see you lose all respectability because of me."
"But I love you!" Gregory cried out.
"Goodbye, Gregory." The maid's eyes filled with silent tears as she bade her farewell. "It would never work out. I am the maid of your home. You are Duke. Imagine the uproar…"
"I don't care!" Gregory shook with sobs by now. "You can't do this to me, Candace. I love you. You love me. What is so wrong with that?"
"You are still so young," the maid smiled at this thought. "There is much time for you to find love again, Gregory."
"I don't want to!"
"How do I live without you
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live…" (2)
"Don't leave me!" Gregory clung to the maid as soon as she had turned to leave. "I cannot survive if you leave! Candace! You… I… please!"
"Gregory! Let it go!" she begged. "You are not making the situation any better…"
"Without you
There would be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There's be no world left for me
And I, baby, I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away
Everything real in my life
And tell me
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I, oh how do I love…" (2)
When Candace persisted in leaving, Gregory pulled her to him and kissed her. It was a kiss of desperation, filled with all of the love that would be denied after this, and when Candace pulled away, even from the distance where I stood upon the balcony, I could see the tears on her face.
"Goodbye Gregory."
"Please tell me baby how do I go on
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby don't you know that you are
Everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without out
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live
How do I live without you
How do I live without you, baby
How do I live without you." (2)
"Gregory!" I fought back my smile at his presence when I left the balcony to find him resting in his armchair sulking. "What are you doing here at this time in the night?"
"Contemplating jumping off of the balcony," Gregory wiped his cheeks, still stained with his tears, as he pouted. "Candace has left me. She thinks I am too young. That our love brings more bad than good."
"You will find someone else someday," I reassured him, cringing at how Candace had told him something along those lines not so long ago. "Not everything in the world is going to come crashing down, I promise."
"It sure seems like it will," Gregory sighed. "What a great Duke I am, sitting here crying over a maid, of all people! My family would find me insane."
"Sometimes we cannot help falling in love," I chose my words wisely, afraid of what I might reveal. "All we can do is act upon it and try to make the best decisions we can in how we deal with our love."
"Spoken like a true intellectual," Gregory smiled, and I felt my heart melting in a puddle at my feet. "You know, Cecille… as tough as life can be at times, I can always count on you to bring some sensibility back into me."
"Anytime," I smiled weakly, desiring for a different kind of praise. " Just count on me."
"I can talk to you about anything, Cecille." Gregory held out his hand. "Ah, come on, Cecille… we're good enough pals to be able to shake."
"I suppose we are…"
He offered me a handshake…
I wanted more…
Was a handshake all that he was willing to offer me?
"Where are you going?" Gregory called when I took off.
"Good night, Gregory." I said, ignoring his question.
"Pleasant dreams, Cecille." Gregory replied. "Thank you so much for being there, you know? I love you."
Just not in the way I wished he could…
"Come now…" a dark voice growled. "Enough of your dreams now. It isn't healthy."
"….." I opened my eyes when I was shook, and saw Gregory. "Grre…."
I stopped short when my eyes focused in and I saw Edmund's eyes full of the usual darkness and lust he had when with me.
"By that smile upon your face while you slept, I am sure you got your moment of indulgence." Edmund bared his teeth in a smile. "Now it's my turn…"
1. Nicky Holland "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
2. Trisha Yearwood "How Do I Live"