Oh, my god. Seriously? You guys are awesome. It's absurd and I love it. Thanks for all of the reviews; it's so cool to hear that you're liking this. Princess Oats? I am right there with you on the packing thing. My sister tries to help me minimize, but I just end up depositing the entire contents of my closet into my suitcases after she leaves. So I'm not really that productive, clearly. Aand...let's see. Ansy Pansy? Thanks for all seven of your reviews! It's so nice to hear that you like it. And I definitely believe that you didn't copy my story; please don't worry about it—you don't have to give me any credit, it was your idea too! ;) And everyone else—you guys are phenomenal. It's so awesome to hear all of your thoughts. Please keep it up! ;)

And now I have a question for you guys...is this overkill? Continuing on with this? Is it inanely long? I'm feeling like 30 chapters might be a bit much, and I'm not even done yet. So if you think I should tie up the loose ends quickly and end this before it becomes too long? Or do do you think it's okay for me to keep it going for awhile? I'm just not a very good judge of these things. Please let me know. ;)

Also, sorry it's been so long, especially after you guys were so awesome with the reviews. I've been on vacation, which sounds like a lame excuse but if you wanted you could feel bad for me...because it was pretty much torture because my family is, like, clinically insane and my mom kept trying to have these deep, psychological talks with me and is apparently now convinced that I have an eating disorder and social problems just because I'd rather watch "Laguna Beach" than eat dinner with my parents. But whatever. Now I'm back in action. ;)

All right, here goes nothing. "Ugly Love" belongs to the Eels. Please read and review! ;)

xoxo

Chapter 30: Ugly Love

The first thing Seth asked when they pulled into the driveway was who the new Jeep belonged to.

"That's...Ryan's, actually," Kirsten said hesitantly, making fleeting eye contact with Sandy.

"He got his own car?" Seth sounded surprised and hurt.

"I had a big case a couple of months ago..." Sandy explained weakly. "And with Marissa gone and your mom and I both busy with work, Ryan didn't really have a way of getting to school."

"I've been asking for a car since my sixteenth birthday," Seth said, and Kirsten couldn't help herself.

"Why didn't you just steal a credit card from your grandfather and buy yourself one?" A stony silence followed.

"Kirsten," Sandy finally said, his voice an odd combination of incredulity and soothing. She sighed.

"I'm sorry, Seth, I just—" Before she had a chance to finish he had clambered out of the backseat and was on his way inside. She turned helplessly to Sandy. "I didn't mean to do that." He gently took her hand.

"I know."

"Everything's different now," she said, clearly crushed by her revelation.

"I know," he repeated quietly. "He's a different kid. A...man, almost, save the moody teenage outbursts he keeps displaying." He took a deep breath then reached over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "We'd better get in there. We'll figure it out." She nodded slightly and they got out of the car together. They got inside just in time to catch the tail-end of an exchange between Ryan and Seth.

"Well...I've got...you know. Stuff," Ryan mumbled. He caught sight of Sandy and Kirsten and instantly brightened. "Hey, guys." He approached them and gave Kirsten a quick hug. "Welcome back." It struck her then that she hadn't seen him in over a week, what with their coinciding trips, and she returned the embrace, refreshed by how happy seeing him made her feel.

"Thanks, sweetie." When she pulled back she saw Seth watching them hollowly from across the kitchen and she offered him a smile, which he didn't return.

"I was just going to go do some homework," Ryan explained.

"Okay," Kirsten replied. "You'll have to tell me about New York, okay? Maybe later?"

"Yeah, definitely." He exited the kitchen towards the pool house, leaving the awkward three alone once again.

"So, are you hungry?" Kirsten asked Seth, her voice markedly cheerful.

"No. I'm gonna go put away my stuff."

"Okay, well if you get hungry..." Kirsten trailed off as she watched him storm up the stairs, ignoring her. "...we can order in," she finished off quietly. Sandy had pulled out his phone, was checking his voicemail. He patted her gently on the shoulder before heading into his office.

"We'll figure it out," he said again, and all she could do was shrug.

"Sandy showed me his apartment from when he was little..."

"On Lake Street? The scene of my first fateful Sophie Cohen encounter." Kirsten was enjoying this—how animated Ryan was, how kind. How natural it felt to be with him, more than anything else. They were sitting together in the kitchen; Ryan had joined her when she had sat down to work on some floor plans. Suddenly Sandy was in the doorway, smiling at them. "Ryan was just telling me about New York," she explained, her means of inviting him into the conversation. Sandy bit, unable to resist an opportunity to talk.

"Did you tell her about the statue that was erected for me? Best New Yorker ever? Lost to the brutal clutches of Orange County..." Sandy sighed wistfully and Kirsten rolled her eyes. "Hey, so..." Sandy gave her a look that she recognized as the one he used when he had made a possibly controversial decision without first consulting her, part pleading and part defiant. "Seth and I are going to go get some dinner. Guys night out." He looked at Ryan and blushed. "Ah. Jews night out, I mean. You know the drill." Ryan didn't seem bothered, but Kirsten couldn't help but feel slightly hurt on both of their behalves.

"Okay." Both Sandy and Kirsten were aware that this action could be perceived as betrayal on Sandy's part—fraternization and possible reconciliation with the angry son—but neither one knew whether or not it was appropriate to acknowledge these feelings. Sandy cautiously approached her and leaned down to kiss her goodbye. She offered him her cheek and smiled vaguely. "Have fun." Sandy nodded, then hesitated.

"Ryan, you know...you're more than welcome to join us. We could ditch Kirsten and talk about the stuff that matters. Basketball and weight lifting and, uh, other...rugged...activities." He offered them both a lopsided smile and placed a hand gently on his wife's shoulder. She knew that he had won her over again, always knowing the right thing to say, and she reached up to take his hand in her own. They both looked at Ryan, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Thanks, Sandy, but that's okay. You guys probably have...a lot to catch up on."

"You sure?" Ryan nodded quickly.

"Positive. Maybe another time."

"Okay. Well...if you change your mind..." He knew that this was overkill but he figured too much inclusion was better than too little.

"Have fun," Ryan said encouragingly. Sandy nodded, clapped him on the shoulder, and started out of the kitchen.

"You guys, too." Kirsten watched him leave and it wasn't until he and Seth had left and she was alone with Ryan that she realized that he was really the only person in the family that she wanted to be around right now. She was angry at Seth. She wasn't angry at Sandy, just leery of him for reasons she herself wasn't sure of. But Ryan was spotless—kind and understanding and not overly talkative. They were quiet for a moment, and then Ryan spoke up softly.

"Are you all right?" She glanced up, almost surprised that someone was asking.

"Sure." She offered a meek smile.

"It's okay if you aren't," he said gently. This surprised her even more.

"I know." She left it at that, not wanting to burden him with her own issues. "Are you all right?"

"I guess." She motioned for him to continue, and he sighed. "I just feel like I got too comfortable here. Like I...moved in on Seth's territory or something."

"Oh, honey, please don't take this as an opportunity to reconsider your position in this family. You never have to do that again, okay? You're just as much our son as Seth is." He paused, shook his head.

"But I'm not. That's the thing. He's always going to be yours and I'm always going to be...me. And you guys are...I mean, I couldn't ask for greater...parents. Uh, foster parents. But he's always going to be the real thing." Her face fell and he could tell that he had hurt her feelings without trying.

"Ryan..."

"It's just that I know that's why he's mad at me. Because he thinks I tried to take his place."

"He's mad at the world, Ryan. I wouldn't take much of what he's saying right now seriously." She realized how harsh she sounded and instantly felt angry with herself for talking about him like that. "I just mean that he needs some time to clear his head, that's all." Ryan nodded slowly.

"I'm happy to share my car with him." She smiled.

"I know you are." She felt sad, all of the sudden, and she tried to hide it, but her face clearly expressed her emotions.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked, and she shrugged.

"Everything keeps changing."

"This family could use a break," he agreed, smirking. He paused, seemed to be considering something, then looked up at her. "I realize that we're speaking on a much larger scale and by a 'break' we're talking...just some normalcy. And that's going to take some work. Some time. But...for the meantime, have you ever played the ninja game?"

Several hours later, they were both still settled in front of the Playstation, Kirsten finally getting the hang of it. She was tired and slightly hazy from staring at the screen for hours, but she was having fun, loosening up. Ryan had never seen her so at-ease. They had ordered pizza and she had been so involved in the game that she hadn't bothered to question its nutritional value or take the time to meticulously rid it of all visible grease.

"Fuck!" she yelped as Ryan's player stabbed her player in the stomach and it fell over, dead. She glanced up quickly, blushed. "Sorry." Ryan grinned, setting his controller down.

"I thought ladies didn't swear."

"They do when they get bludgeoned to death by ninjas." She sighed, watching as the screen flashed 'PLAYER 2 LOSES.' "I guess I won't be quitting my day job anytime soon."

"Hey, no. I think you've found your calling. You could definitely take Sandy, and he's been playing a hundred times as long as you." She opened her mouth to respond, but the front door opened and Seth and Sandy walked in. For a split second it was a face-off: Sandy and his brown-haired counterpart and Kirsten and her blonde, but then Sandy's face broke into a smile and he crossed over to her.

"Video games? I never thought I'd live to see the day!" Sandy sat down on the couch next to Kirsten and Ryan offered up his controller.

"She's good," he warned, and Kirsten blushed.

"All right, Seth. You'd better get in here and watch your parents battle it out," Sandy called to Seth, who was still standing in the foyer. Seth fought back a smile but grudgingly approached them, alerting Kirsten to the fact that he and Sandy had come to some sort of reconciliation over dinner. When Ryan saw Seth coming in he started to stand up, but Kirsten placed a hand firmly on his leg.

"I'd like both of you to witness my victory," she said. Seth smirked and sat down in a nearby chair and Ryan settled slightly. Their match ended ten minutes later when Kirsten's ninja struck Sandy's over the head with a sword. Sandy fell back against the couch, defeated.

"No way. I've been playing every weekend!" Kirsten, meanwhile, accepted high fives from both Seth and Ryan.

"I bet you'd be the first person to leave the Newport Group in order to pursue a life as a ninja," Ryan suggested.

"I suspect foul play," Sandy said, still pouting.

"You've robbed him of his manhood," Seth said to his mother. Kirsten laughed, standing up.

"Conquest is exhausting," she declared. "I'm going to bed."

"Same here," Sandy said, and Seth slowly nodded his agreement. Ryan opened his mouth to speak but seemed to change his mind.

"Hey, man," he said to Seth. "You feel like playing?" Both Kirsten and Sandy froze on their way up the stairs and watched. Seth paused, then smiled slightly and nodded.

"Yeah." Ryan looked mildly self-conscious as Seth sat next to him, but then he smiled as he picked up his controller.

"It's good to have you back, man." Seth nodded again, focusing on the screen.

"It's good to be back." Kirsten looked at Sandy and they both smiled, and then he placed a hand on her back and they continued upstairs together. When they got to their room he started to undress as she took out her earrings.

"That was nice," she remarked, and he nodded. She disappeared into her bathroom to change clothes and continued speaking. "I will never understand the friendships of teenage boys. With girls, there's backstabbing and silent treatments and just cruel, vengeful stuff, and then...emotional reconciliation. But boys just act surly for a couple of days and then do one of those mysterious handshakes and it's like nothing happened." She emerged and watched as Sandy, climbing into bed, nodded once again but said nothing. She studied him for a minute before climbing in next to him. "Okay, what's wrong?"

"I'm worried about Seth," he said. She couldn't help but feel slightly irritated.

"This from the man who assured me that everything would be fine and then took him out for some clandestine male bonding without giving me any explanation. Huh."

"Kirsten," he said testily, and she instantly regretted it.

"I'm sorry." He smiled tiredly at her and reached over to touch her face.

"I should have talked to you about it," he said. "I just wanted some time with him. I wanted to see if we had any shot at getting our old life back."

"What's the verdict?" she asked softly. He let out a bitter laugh.

"Who the hell was I to think that things could be normal again?"

"It's wishful thinking, but I'm sure all of us are doing it," she said kindly.

"He told me that he feels like we're this whole new family and he doesn't fit in."

"He's been home less than a day. He hasn't really given us a chance."

"But really. We bought Ryan that car...you guys are closer than ever. Seth doesn't fit in. Not in the family that we formed with the three of us."

"Are you saying this is my fault because I've gotten close with Ryan?"

"No. Of course not. It's just..."

"He left us, Sandy. Ryan shouldn't be punished for that."

"I'm not saying he should. I'm just saying that we need to make a lot of room for Seth in our lives."

"I'm not going to reward him for coming home," she said indignantly, and Sandy sighed.

"Come on, Kirsten. Nobody's asking you to. We just need to give him extra attention unless we want him to run away again."

"So he's just going to be able to hold that over us forever? We do whatever he wants or he'll abandon us again?"

"Don't make him sound so heartless!"

"He disappeared for a year, Sandy. If that's not heartless then what do you call it?"

"Scared. Confused. He didn't leave because of us, Kirsten."

"You know, I keep hearing that, but that's not the point. The point is his blatant disregard for our feelings. We gave him everything and he still—"

"This isn't about what we gave him, Kirsten! Buying him boats and video games was never going to change the fact that he was lonely and miserable enough to want to run away from home!" She sat still, stunned, feeling like he'd slapped her.

"I wasn't talking about money," she said in almost a whisper. Sandy blinked, opened his mouth to retract his statement, but nothing came out. "God, Sandy," she said, her voice rising in volume. "I was talking about attention. Compassion. The things that have always come first with Seth."

"Look, honey, I'm sorry. I misunderstood—"

"You're never going to be able to shake that image you have of me, are you? The insensitive rich girl who thinks that money can solve everything. It's easier for you to look at it that way because you come out on top. Yours gets to be the resonating voice of reason that fixes everything because your wife is too naïve to be taken seriously."

"You've got to be kidding me," he said, clearly angry. "You know, it's funny how all of these conversations end up being about money and yet you're the only one who ever brings it up. I've never accused you of being one-dimensional or—"

"You just did!" And then he was quiet because, to a degree, he had. "I'm going to the guest room," she said sullenly. She turned to leave, and he didn't stop her.