Chapter 38. Answer
"And finally the silence
Looking out, looking back across the sky
Trying to find a meaning
Knowing that I just left it all behind
Still I smell a lingering softness
Where did she go, how did she go, I wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me
Come on, without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on" (1)
Entering the Moulin Rouge, Gregory walked about aimlessly, passing by cast members who waved and bid him welcomes that he did not notice. Sensing his distraction, they eventually let him passed without a word his way, not sure what to make of the young Duke who seemed so lost in whatever inspired him to fill the Moulin Rouge with his song.
"Thinking back before her
I never knew the meaning of alone
Still the flag is feeling foreign
I live the day to escape into a phone
Speaking of a world not real then
Where did she go, how did she go, I wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me
Come on, without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on." (1)
"Gregory! Duke!" Giselle raced to greet him only to be brushed aside.
He headed towards a staircase and left Giselle at the bottom, staring at him ascend in silence, fighting the ambivalence to pursue him further or just give up and leave the Duke to whatever brooding he was going through.
"She's coming, she's coming here to me, I'm needing
Desiring to kiss her now, I'm living for her
Breathing for her, singing for her fairytale
Come on, without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on
Come on, without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on." (1)
Gregory breathed slowly when he found himself in the doorway of Isabel's room. The room remained in the same clutter Isabel had abandoned it to this morning when she had dashed away from Gregory, claiming about some rehearsal.
Sitting upon her bed, the sheets ruffled and wrinkled, he could only think of how many times Isabel had brought her lover to her room. Had it been once? Twice? Thrice? A dozen? None?
"It will drive me to insanity," Gregory ran his hands through his hair as he lowered his head in defeat. "Why can I never find love?"
My eyes soon adjusted to the darkness of my room as I found my way around. Finding my bed, I tore off part of my sheets to wrap around my hands.
Behind the padding of my sheets, I gripped the chest by my bed and rammed it into my door. Performing the ritual repeatedly, I allowed a new song to pass and be known.
"I will be the answer at the end of the line
I will be there for you while you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance if you can't look down
If it takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend
It'll all be worth it worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright." (2)
I could feel the blood soaking up the sheets in my hands but it did not deter my routine. Hitting the door with all my force, I could feel it shaking. As strong as it may be, in the next few hours it would eventually give way.
I only needed to keep my spirit going for so long…
"Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes a whole life I won't break I won't bend
It'll all be worth it worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind." (2)
…as long as what was between Gregory and myself remained there… as long as I never let that one light out of my life… I would succeed.
Who would have ever thought that my love for Gregory, as much as it diminished my being, would end up saving me?
"So glad you are here early, Isabel!" Ziddler rested his hand upon my back, leading me up to my room. "I will send for someone to help you get ready right away, my dear."
"I do not need your assistance," I reassured him. "I can prepare myself, I am sure."
"Without a doubt," he agreed with a nod. "But, for this night, allow me to help you."
"I will never need your help, Ziddler." I told him. "And after this night, I never intend to."
"I believe you, my child." Ziddler said. "Believe me, I agree."
"Gregory?" my breath caught at the sight of him, his head down, his hands in his hair, sitting on my bed. "What are you doing here?"
"I…" he looked up at Ziddler and myself and stood up. "I was just leaving."
"What a mess you are!" Ziddler exclaimed. "Come, and I shall take you to your brother."
Sitting at the spot where Gregory had sat, I could still smell him in the room, overpowering the smell of Christian that had filled my room for weeks on end.
"Please forgive me," I whispered. "Please don't let this ruin you."
"What did she do?" Edmund sneered when his cousin entered Ziddler's office tear-stained like some love-pained boy. "Do you mean to tell me she has… broken your heart?"
"I know," Gregory lowered his head at his cousin that sat in the desk in front of him, Ziddler standing behind him. "Hard to have seen coming."
Only the hatred within Edmund allowed him to remain poised and not laugh at how obvious Isabel had made her love affair to be.
"What do you plan to do now?" Edmund questioned. "I suppose you cannot attend the performance now, can you?"
"I would like to see her one last time," Gregory decided. "To see the production that she has spent all of her time perfecting a love between her and Christian that never required any acting to evoke."
"And the girl?" Edmund pushed. "Tell me that you do not feel any anger towards her."
"How can I help it?" Gregory confessed. "She has made me miserable. As much as I wish I didn't feel like this, I think she deserves no better than what I have at this moment."
"Which is?"
"Death seems far more promising…"
"Is that truly what you want?"
"It is only my anger speaking."
"But would you feel any sorrow at her death?"
Gregory closed his eyes to think. Try as he might, nothing could surpass the pain that had begun to deteriorate his spirit. He was void of all compassion towards Isabel now.
"Right now… no."
"What would you have to say if I could make this take wing?" Edmund raised his eyebrows. "That, during this performance, right when the truth of Isabel's affair in the story is made known to all, she gets what she rightfully deserves?"
"On stage?"
"Isabel is going to die tonight?"
"Die?" Edmund laughed nefariously. "I would consider it a saving from the scandal that will arise once the production ends and everyone realizes that this is all the truth and Isabel really is the whore that she is made out to be in the production. It is only the rightful justice she deserves after such adultery."
"Adultery?"
"Is that not what she did to you, Gregory?" Edmund could see his shoulders lowering at the truth that brought him down. "Tell me that is not what she did, Gregory. Tell me that all of this is not worthy enough to face the penalty of such an act. Tell me that Isabel is innocent and I will call it off."
To all of Edmund's talk of the night, Gregory could only shake his head and hold his tongue.
Isabel was guilty of it… there was no denying it.
Silence was the only reply Gregory could give his cousin.
And it was the answer that Edmund had needed.
AN: Okay, I know it is a cliffhanger, and I apologize ahead of time for leaving you guys hanging. I honestly do not know what I'll be able to update again, but I will try to put it up by the end of this week. I hate leaving you guys hanging because you all are completely awesome and make my day with your reviews. Many many apologies for my sudden delay in updating this summer. And many many thanks for your guys' devotion to reading this story and reviewing. I love you all more than a jewelry box loves its jewelry.
1. Ben Jelen "Come On"
2. Sarah McLachlan "Answer"