Sometimes I wish that I could close my eyes
To some things I don't want to see
Still I believe if you lived your life again
You'd still be here with me
Tumbebrutus knelt at the rail of the barge, staring down into the inky-black water. Tears stung his eyes and threatened to fall, so he shut them tight until the water dried. He turned his head and looked around the deck. As he expected, he was the only one there. Now, in the dead of night at his turn on watch, was the only time he'd get a chance to honour Jessny's life. He didn't know why he did this – it was some instinct, perhaps something taught to him when he was a tiny kitten. He'd never seen any of the other Cats on the barge honour a dead Cat's life. He gazed back into the water.
"Jessny. May your spirit be filled with the wonders of the Heavyside Layer," he whispered. He said this because the words seemed right, he didn't know he was reciting the old Jellicle death-verse. Then he began to quietly sing his friend's favourite song.
"River, river, carry me
Carry and sink me
Toss me and turn me
Down to the sea."
He bowed his head, and this time wasn't ashamed of the silent tears that fell freely from his eyes. Then a rough, heavy paw clapped onto his shoulder and spun him around. Tumble gazed up in terror at Growltiger! He wriggled, trying to get away, but the huge Cat just gave an evil smile. Then Tumble yelped as Growltiger faded slowly, and in his place there grew an even taller, shadowy figure with glaring red eyes. Tumble shrank back still further from the figure of Bluepoint's favourite night-time ghost story, Firefrorefiddle. But the thing before him hadn't stopped changing. Now it shrank again, into a familiar shape. A tiny white and silver-gold Singapura kitten stood before him, it's delicate paw still on Tumble's shoulder.
"Jessny!" He cried, moving forward to hug her. But Jessny scowled and swiped at him with her other paw, and Tumble realised in horror that her eyes were glowing red as the Fiend of the Fell's.
"Tumblebrutus! I thought you were my friend. But you didn't stop Growltiger from killing me!" She hissed, stepping forward, driving him backwards toward the rail.
"No, Jessny, please listen, I tried to stop him, I was too late…" He choked, tears of despair melting into his fur. "I'm sorry Jessny, I'm sorry," He gasped, but Jessny drew out her sword and plunged it into his chest. With a cry, he fell backwards over the rail…he was falling…falling…
"Jessny!" Tumble awoke with a start, his heart pounding, the remains of a scream dying in his throat. He looked around him in panic for a few seconds, then began to calm down slowly as he realised he was safe in the back room of the pub he had come to call home. He wiped tears away from beneath his eyes, shuddering at the terrible nightmare. He had had it a few times since Jessny's death, but this was the first time in weeks. Although he knew it wasn't true, knew that Jessny would have forgiven him for not being quick enough, it still wrung his heart to see her, even in a dream, so angry with him. To take his mind off the nightmare, he ran to the door and pushed out the catflap that the human, Jack, had put in a few days ago. Looking up, he saw it was nearly dusk. He realised that tonight was a full moon – the first he'd seen since he had left the barge. He bounced across the back yard and climbed up onto the wall to await the moonrise.