Okay, so I know it's been a long time since my last update (a little over five months to be exact…) and you probably thought I was dead, but I just want to say that I am very sorry and should win the bad writer award for being so late with this, and I would give you all my excuses as to why I haven't updated in forever, but I know that you don't care and just want to read the story, so I'll get in to it now.

Oh, and the title of the chapter is very important, or else you'll think that I' m going bonkers later in the story, so I'm going to repeat it so you don't miss it.

"The One With All The Ships"

If the residents of Port Royal would have looked out at the bay that day, they would have seen a majestic ship pulling up to the docks, her white sails unfurled and her flag waving high in the air. They would have seen her captain standing tall on her deck, pride of his ship apparent in his face. And if they had waited for that ship to pass, they would have seen a small fishing boat half sunk in the water with a man standing on it that didn't look like he knew what a bath was. We begin our story with that grimy man and his dingy boat.

Captain Jack Sparrow, or Jack if you have a death wish, was most widely known for being the former captain of the Black Pearl, the most feared pirate ship in the Caribbean. He sunk Nassau Port without firing a single shot, escaped off an island by roping a couple of sea turtles, and was very well acquainted with many of the less virtuous women on many islands. So, what does this man have to do with anything that's been going on so far? Well, in an attempt to follow the plot in some way, that bit of information will be held back till a further time.

So, Jack was on his boat while it slowly continued sinking in to the water, until it stopped right in front of the dock. And without missing a beat, the eccentric captain stepped off the boat and on the dock, where he then proceeded to model the latest in pirate fashion to all the cameramen on the sides. Light bulb flashes go off as he strutted down the catwalk and did his little turn.

Once Jack finished and the goat started to make his descent, the harbormaster, who had been a big fan of the captain's work since the start of his career, came up to him and asked, "Can you sign my autograph book for me?"

And Jack, being a man who loves being noticed, took the offered book and signed "Mr. Smith" right next to "Mickey Mouse". For you see, since he was a pirate as well as a supermodel, he had to have a pseudonym to separate his two selves.

"There you are," Jack said, handing the autograph book back to the man.

His work there being done, Jack made to leave, but the harbormaster stopped him again. "Look, I know you're a big fan, but one autograph per person," Jack explained, a little exasperated.

"Oh no, it's not that," the harbormaster stated while shaking his head. "It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock." The two of them looked over at his ship, which only had the crow's nest showing over the waves. "And I need to see your license and registration."

Since he had "borrowed" the ship from someone, and because his I.D. was written out to a Captain Jack Sparrow, he couldn't show the man his license or his registration. So, he took out his moneybag and asked, "What do you say to three shillings, and we forget the boat?"

And then the harbormaster's assistant, the little boy, raised his eyebrows at the thought of the two extra shillings. His employer also liked the idea of the extra money, and replied, "What boat? The sunken one? I was just going to call to get that thing towed."

Jack whispered a thank you and left the docks, but not before stealing the harbormaster's money. It was just sitting there asking to be stolen, and he was a pirate after all.

Back at the battlement, a bunch of rich people were standing around in the hot sun waiting for Norrington to be dubbed Commodore. The governor, sensing they might become too bored by the time the actual ceremony started, hired a team of flag twirlers to entertain the crowd. However, to make it more in theme, he got them to dress in the Navy's uniform and twirl guns. So, the people got an exciting show and it made him look like he had a large Navy. Everybody wins.

After a couple of minutes of gun twirling, the governor decided to finally start the ceremony. It was pretty uneventful, considering all that happened was Norrington picked up a sword and Elizabeth looked like she was going to have a heat stroke. The real fun happened at the after party.

This was the party to beat all parties. All of England's A-listers had come down to congratulate Norrington (except for the Queen, but she sent a nice fruit basket). Everything was going fine, or so they thought.

-(flash over to the docks)-

Captain Jack Sparrow was not in a good mood. First, he didn't have a ship anymore since the one he came in had been impounded. Second, he hadn't brought his invitation with him to Port Royal, so no one would let him in to the party at the fort. And third, he really wanted some rum but no one had any in town. So, to brighten his mood, Jack thought he'd do a bit of pirating.

Since his first problem was that he has no ship, Jack decided to solve that set back first. And what could be more pirate-y than stealing a ship? So, Jack strolled down to a dock that had a big sign reading "New and Used Boats" hanging over it. Two men in matching blue suits ran up to Jack as soon as he stepped foot on the wood surface. "Hello," one of the men said, grabbing Jack's hand and shaking it. "I'm Mullroy, and this is Murtogg. How may we help you?"

Blinking a couple of times to get over the two men's sudden appearance, Jack regained his composure and told them, "Yes, I'm looking for a ship."

"Well, you've come to the right place," said Murtogg as he led Jack down the dock. "This is a nice model." He stopped in front of a small boat. "It can be navigated by one person, and yet has a very roomy interior. Also gets excellent mileage."

"Actually," Jack said, "I'm looking for something larger." He looked around and then pointed at a large ship. "Like that one."

The two men turned around and almost died when they saw which one he was talking about. "Of course sir!" they both replied, a lot happier. The three made their way over to the large ships, Murtogg and Mullroy walking with a bounce in their step. "Now this one here," explained Mullroy, "is the Interceptor, the fastest ship on the market. The Navy doesn't even have this one yet. It has everything: cannons, sails, and extra cup holders. Now this one," he said as he led Jack to another larger ship, "is the Dauntless. It's the strongest ship in the Caribbean. No body stands a chance with this ship's fire power against it."

"Can I see the Interceptor again?" Jack asks. The three of them walked back to the smaller of the two ships and went onboard to check out the interior.

-(flash over to the fort)-

Elizabeth stood over at the side of the fort feeling very depressed. The one person she had hoped to see at the party wasn't there. He was so charming and handsome; every time she thought of him her heart sped up and she had trouble breathing. She sighed. If only….

Her daydreaming was interrupted when the newly appointed Commodore walked up to her. "Hello Commodore Norrington," Elizabeth addressed him. "Congratulations."

"Thank you Elizabeth." He started shifting his weight from one foot to another, looking as if he wanted to say something but felt very awkward about it. "Look," he started, "you're a beautiful woman Elizabeth, and now that I'm Commodore, I was wondering if you would become my wife."

Elizabeth was stunned at the proposal. All of the sudden, a warmth swept through her. "Oh James, I don't know what to say!" A smile formed on her lips. "Actually, I think-." Her answer was stopped, however, when the crowd parted and she saw the man of her dreams, whom she had just been thinking about, standing there. She let out a gasp. "It's Jude Law!" she yelled. The excitement took over her and she promptly fainted. Norrington tried to catch her, but she tumbled off the battlement and down to the clear water bellow.

The Commodore shrugged and thought of just leaving her, but knew that her father would be mad if he didn't attempt a rescue. So, he rounded up some of his posse and headed down to get her.

Sadly, it wasn't Jude Law.

-(flash over to the docks)-

"… and so then I said that it was Colonel Mustard in the library with the wrench." Jack was sitting on the dock with Murtogg and Mullroy, telling them one of the many occasions that he successfully solved a murder mystery while looking dashing and winning over the leading lady.

Mullroy slapped his head. "Of course! Why didn't I see it?" Further discussion, however, was stopped by the loud sound of a splash. The three men turned their heads, Jack getting whiplash from his own dreadlocks, and just made out a woman through the Caribbean waters.

"Will you be saving her then?" Jack asked the two men.

"I can't swim," Murtogg replied. Jack looked at Mullroy expectantly.

"I only dog paddle," he confessed. With a loud groan, Jack got up and took off his jacket, hat, and scabbard, which he handed to the two men. He quickly dived off of the dock and swam for the mass of skirts that had fallen in the water. When he reached Elizabeth, he started to swim back to his companions, but had to take off her dress first because it was too heavy, and Jack Sparrow didn't miss an opportunity to take unclothe a woman.

Once the two of them had finally reached the dock, Murtogg and Mullroy helped Jack pull the woman on to the deck. Jack heaved himself up and ran over to her to see if she was okay. "She's not breathing!" Murtogg cried out in distress. If it were to get out that a woman died at his dealership, business would be ruined. Jack shoved him aside, and found that the reason she wasn't breathing was because she was wearing a rather heavy Kevlar vest. He quickly took it off of her, and she promptly started throwing up seawater and gasping for air. Murtogg and Mullroy both gave identical sighs of relief.

Once Elizabeth had gained her bearings, she looked up at the man who had saved her life. The bright Caribbean sun shined on the many beads woven in his dripping hair and illuminated his dark chocolate eyes. She found that she was once again breathless, though this time not because her lungs were full of water. "Why, thank you," she finally managed to get out.

Jack, who seemed almost as transfixed on her and she was of him, said, "It was no problem," and helped her up to her feet. The moment was electric; they just stood there staring into each other's eyes.

"So," Elizabeth started after the moment's pause, "what's your name?"

The handsome pirate was about to answer, but another voice did it for him. "Jack Sparrow." The two turned around and saw Commodore Norrington there with his men. "I didn't expect to see you around here again. Not after what happened last time."

"I'm dreadfully sorry about that," Jack said, turning away from Elizabeth to face the Commodore. "But you were part of the Royal Navy and I was a pirate. It wouldn't have worked. We were just too different."

"But you could have said goodbye before you left!" Norrington sounded on the verge of tears. "You just left in the night. I didn't have the faintest idea of where you went."

Murtogg and Mullroy had brought out a tub of popcorn and were watching with great interest. This was getting very good. Elizabeth noticed this and went over to the two men and helped herself to a generous portion of the buttery snack.

"James, it is in the past; just forget it."

"No!" he yelled, looking away from Jack and blocking the pirate from view with his hand. "Don't call me James. Just- just leave."

Jack shrugged and went over to Murtogg and Mullroy to get his things. Once he was dressed in his full pirate garb, he went over to Elizabeth and offered her his hand. "Will you be coming with me luv?" he asked.

Elizabeth looked at the offered hand, but sadly shook her head. "I'm sorry Mister Sparrow, but I'm in love with someone else."

Jack just shrugged again and walked over the edge of the dock. "Ta everyone!" he called, waving his hand before leaving and heading towards town. Murtogg waved back enthusiastically, accidentally spilling popcorn all over Mullroy. Mullroy was pulling the kernels out of his hair when he stopped.

"Wait a minute, did he just say he was a pirate?"

Everyone gasped as they realized that Mullroy was correct. A pirate was roaming around Port Royal! "I must go sound the alarm," Norrington said, going in to Super Commodore mode. "Elizabeth, you must go straight home to keep out of danger. And you two," he said, turning to the two salesmen. "If you see Sparrow again, make sure he doesn't get away." They all nodded and went their separate ways to fulfill their duties.

In the chaos that followed, everyone was so busy that they all conveniently forgot about the exchange that happened between the four men and Elizabeth, and the plot continued on as it was supposed to: with no added romances.

So, if you get the thing about the "ships", good for you! And if you don't, then you don't spend enough time around Harry Potter fanfiction. They have ships for every pairing you could imagine (and I mean every one). Anyway, I want to thank all of my reviewers for the last chapter, and send an advanced thank you to all the readers who are still sticking with me. I'll try to get chapters out faster, I promise!

Anyways, tell me what you thought of this chapter. Also, thanks to Stina for being my beta. You rock my socks!

Disclaimer: I own POTC on DVD, but sadly the rights aren't mine, and I don't own the characters. I also don't own Jude Law, Mickey Mouse, or Clue.