- Chapter Six -
It was raining the afternoon of the engagement party held some three weeks later- a fitting atmosphere for the day's occasion, despite any cliché overtones, in Trowa's opinion.
It wasn't even a sorrowful weeping of the clouds, no, the rain that poured down was accompanied by angry winds that tore and shoved at a person, the icy raindrops beating against bodies like a thousand tiny fists.
While fur wrapped women and older gentleman in uniform scurried across the parking-lot huddled under umbrellas and voicing their complaints about the merciless weather, Trowa marched forward, head bowed, his hair quickly soaked, as had been his shoes and the long trench coat he wore.
There wasn't any way of avoiding this event. Excuses wouldn't have been valid in the eyes of Quatre.
More than that.. This was.. This was something he had to see through till the end, no matter how difficult it may be. Trowa had to witness this for himself, to fully accept that he wouldn't ever have the chance with Quatre that he so desperately wished for.
In a sad, pathetic sense, this was his way of finding closure to a relationship that had never had the chance to bloom.
As Trowa reached the entrance and stepped inside, removing his coat and half-heartedly attempting to adjust his hair, he swallowed thickly, realizing how out of place he was in a hall full of light hearts and well wishes.
Three weeks ago he'd walked into a restaurant to meet Quatre, a lingering shred of hope buried under strict logic. Now he weaved through a crowd of people he hardly knew or didn't recognize at all, knowing that he would bid his friend a final farewell before the night ended.
He crossed his arms as he pressed forward, pausing to take a deep breath before he dared approach the table he'd be sharing with a few other guests, more than likely the three other pilots.
His final farewell, to Quatre. It was strange, to think of it like that as he took a seat at the empty table, a quick scan of the large room alerting him that Wufei was already there, though he was busy discussing something with a few other men similarly dressed in Preventers uniforms.
Everyone here.. Quatre's sisters and Relena's brother.. All the fancy ladies in their extravagant gowns and pearl necklaces, the men in their fine suits, the gold chains of pocket-watches swinging at their hips.. Everyone present, all of them... They would see Quatre and Relena again, as husband and wife.
Trowa wouldn't be able to bear the sight of it, the happy smiles, the clasped hands, the matching rings.
It would drive him insane, surely it would.
The tall pilot leaned back in his chair, holding his crossed arms a little more tightly against the growing ache his heart swelled with, bowing his head as he fought to retain his emotionless disposition.
The slightest thought of the reality that would soon come into being already upset him to this extent. Trowa gave a small, bitter smile for his own benefit, not caring to imagine what his state would be once it did come to pass.
He'd been so sure, after all this time, that his last good-bye to his blond friend would be at his own death, not like this, in this place, in this time... Not under these circumstances...
"Yo! Trowa!" a familiar hand patted his shoulder, and a second later Duo hopped into the chair adjacent to his, wearing a wide grin, another fancy suit, and holding a tray that looked as though it were one of the many that the servants milling about carried, especially seeing that it was covered in an assortment of mini-foods.
Duo flashed him an odd look (though considering he was the one who'd stolen an appetizer tray...), violet eyes scanning the length of the pale 03 pilot's forlorn form. "You didn't walk here, did you, Trowa?"
"I forgot my umbrella, and crossing the lot without it..." Trowa said quietly, lifting a shaking hand and gesturing to his damp clothing.
"And you're shivering! Man, just be glad Quatre didn't see you yet, he'd have a fit," Duo shook his head, rocking back to balance on two legs of his chair and popping a deep-fried piece of something into his mouth.
"I'll survive, I've lived through worse." Trowa bowed his head once more, eyes half-closing. He would survive this, unquestionably; he simply hoped it was true that time would dull the hurt.
Giving a shrug, Duo lifted the oversized platter and held it before his friend. "Interested in a stuffed mushroom?"
They were interrupted before Trowa had a chance to level a gaze on Duo that would have spoke magnitudes in the declining response area.
"Maxwell, you have exactly three minutes to return that tray of appetizers to the kitchen," Wufei came to stand behind the two, arms and back straight, wearing an expression of absolute annoyance.
Scowling at the command, the braided pilot pulled the platter back from where he'd been offering it. "Who died and made you king of the party?"
"Preventer Noin and Preventer Po, if you really want to know. They thought it would be a good idea to have myself and the other officers present double as security guards for the occasion, to prevent the entry of unwanted guests..." the Chinese man's eyes narrowed, "And stop disruptions before they escalated into full blown affairs."
Huffing, Duo slouched to his feet with the tray in hand. "Fine," he sulked, starting back towards the kitchen door.
Wufei grinned in a self-satisfied manner, once Duo had made it halfway through without incident, but he quickly abandoned the look when the American glanced back over a shoulder, smirked, and proceeded to balance the large, round tray on his head with one hand, dodging guests with more agility than most would have attributed him.
"It's nice to see you again, Barton. Perhaps we can talk later," Chang said stiffly as he darted away to retrieve Duo and the platter of food and properly escort them back where they belonged.
Trowa didn't answer as he lapsed back into his veritably catatonic state, absorbed in his own thoughts as he closed his eyes against all the people and the horrible, varying shades of pink decorations.
Maybe it was time to go home. Earth hadn't delivered anymore than he'd expected it to, and Cathy and the circus were what his battered spirit longed for. His position with the L3 circus would always be available- the ring leader had yet to find a soul who could handle the lions as well as Trowa had, or a soul willing to face Cathy's daggers day in and day out.
Shifting his body in the chair so that he might better see the happenings of the entire area, Trowa sighed, mentally wrestling himself out of an entirely introverted state. No recognizable faces had joined the others since he'd last checked.
Forcing himself to keep an indifferent eye on the transpirings so as not to be caught totally unawares should he be approached again, Trowa mulled over thoughts of L3.
No questions would be asked, if he did choose to return; Cathy would just be glad to have him back. She'd be happy to fall once more into the ritualistic routines their existence had been comprised of before Trowa had left, and he'd be grateful to comply. The familiarity of the life he'd led on the colony was what he needed.
Trowa exhaled a lasting sigh, green eyes shutting on their own accord, vainly trying to block out the image that they had just absorbed.
He'd have given anything to be under the spotlight and under his painted mask, if it would have saved him from having to witness Quatre and Relena entering the grand hall together to a wave of encouraging applause.
XxxxXxxxX
The engagement party, while boasting some of the best dishes of Japan and an open bar, was severely lacking in the entertainment department.
Duo heaved a disheartened sigh, rocking and balancing on two of the legs of his chair (once again), arms hooked over the back as he stared up at the white ceiling that had a wide array of pink streamers tacked to it.
The band/musicians that had been hired for the party continued playing on with their dull melodies, most definitely not the sort of thing once could dance to.
And even if one (being Duo) did want to dance... Well, it wasn't as though there were a huge choice of partners. The vast majority of the guest list had included men and women who were far past their prime or far too young to be of any use to the braided man.
There was no doubt in Duo's mind as to who was responsible for how boring this party was turning out to be- a roll of his eyes had him looking yet again to the main table where Relena (and Quatre) sat, surrounded by a bunch of military and political personnel. He'd gotten in one, maybe two, words in edgewise, if that, and the rest of Quatre's time had been wasted on people he and Relena knew as a couple.
Duo leaned forward, bringing all four of his chair legs back to the ground as he looked to Trowa. The guy was acting like a very agitated cat, the way he was sitting there, arms folded tightly, green eyes darting and more often than not fixated on Quatre.
He'd spent the entire time sitting there like that, even when Une had come over to invite both the 02 and 03 pilot to have a drink with her. Trowa had actually snapped at Duo when he'd tried to convince him to come along. Talk about strange.
Certainly, Quatre and Trowa's friendship was something Duo didn't think for a second he could compete with (nor would he want to), but it wouldn't have killed the taller man to loosen up and make nice.
And Wufei? The young Preventer hadn't even sat down at the table for his meal, and was probably busy thwarting underage kids' attempts at sneaking a drink when their grandparents backs were turned.
Kids these days. They honestly didn't know the first thing about plotting and conducting illegal, or at the very least immoral, activities. The tricks of the trade were inaccessible to the children of well-to-do, upstanding citizens, such as the ones present at the party.
Duo, on the other hand, had learned all there was to know and then some in his youth. A wry grin twisted his features rather devilishly as a hand sought his blazer jacket, returning before him with a long knife.
It wasn't as though he'd wanted to take it from Wufei, but the Chinese pilot had been so damn arrogant, and therefore, had it coming. Besides, it would liven things up a fraction when Wufei finally did realize his knife was missing and that Duo had taken if off his person without him noticing.
Casually, Duo flipped the knife into the air before him, watching as it lazily turned hilt over blade before he caught it once more, only to send it back up to repeat the process.
XxxxXxxxX
Someone called for a toast and all around glasses were raised high.
Trowa didn't raise his.
He was willing to forego his own happiness for the sake of Quatre's, but that didn't mean that he had to wish longevity and vitality to Miss. Relena. Considering that his toast would be tainted with selfish, undying longing, it would have probably negated the purpose of lifting his drink to the woman anyway.
Trowa caught a flash of silver, and he moved slowly to face the source.
Duo was toying with a dagger- no, a fighting knife that Trowa had seen Wufei use on more than one occasion.
His mind returned to thoughts of L3 and Cathy.
The knife somersaulted in the air.
If he did go home, he might be able to forget, or at least learn to accept things for what they were.
Duo swiped, hand wrapping around the hilt of the blade.
Trowa shifted in his seat so that he could view the unattainable. Would he really want to forget everything? Granted, nothing had turned out like he'd wanted, or even pragmatically thought it would...
But, if given a choice, would he want to forget?
A glimmer of silver danced upward in his peripheral vision.
Would he want to forget how Quatre made him feel?
The movement of the braided pilot catching the knife flickered in the corner of his eye.
Would he want to forget that Quatre had made him feel?
The knife spun into the air again.
Trowa swallowed hard and lifted a hand, pinching the bridge of his nose. He should probably step outside for some fresh air, but he didn't want to stand and have people watching him leave, he didn't want to have to deal with the chattering, small crowd of those who'd gone outside to have a cigarette.
Duo caught the descending knife.
More than anything, he was afraid that if he went outside he'd keep going.
And he had to see this through till the end.
The knife was tossed up.
Trowa straightened, though he didn't look at the other when he spoke in a dangerously low voice. "Stop. It's distracting."
XxxxXxxxX
What a bundle of joy Trowa was proving to be.
Duo caught the knife deftly, and almost flicked it up again just to see what his irritable friend would do. Almost.
He didn't solely for the fact that Trowa sounded far too serious to chance bothering. But just because he was in a bad mood didn't mean that he was allowed to be so rude.
And so, to protest his ill-treatment, Duo frowned, shoved his chair back, and stormed off to find a different table. Of course, this was doing Trowa an incredible service, but Duo unintentionally overlooked that fact.
There were a few tables that had empty seats. However, he opted not to sit at those particular places, as they were in-between various guests who didn't look like anyone Duo cared to get to know. They also didn't look like the type of people who'd care to have a knife-juggling teenager sitting with them, so it worked out for all involved when Duo instead chose the one empty, unset table in the far back of the room.
Just as Duo had taken a seat and gotten comfortable, he felt light fingertips delving through the base of his braid to brush across the back of his neck, a touch that knew exactly how to send a shiver down the 02 pilot's spine.
Grinding his teeth to ward off any more unwelcome responses from his body, Duo frowned. "I should have known you were here the whole time, lurking in the shadows," he grumbled, poking at the table with the tip of Wufei's knife.
Sliding into the chair next to his partner, Heero grunted as he placed his untested glass of champagne on the table before him, though he seemed more interested in looking at the crowded room than at Duo. "Hn."
"No 'Hi, dear,' or even a 'Hey everybody, here I am!' or anything. Not for Heero Yuy, ladies and gentlemen," Duo continued to grumble on, stabbing at the edge of the table with renewed vigor when his better-half gave him the cold shoulder.
Pressing a hand over that of the complaining youth's, Heero maintained contact for a few moments before he settled once more into his own personal space, retracting his touch along with the knife. "I was under the assumption that flashy entrances and exits were your specialty," he explained coolly.
Duo snorted, watching as Heero set the knife down beside the drink on the table-top and then following his lover's line of sight to see that the Japanese man was viewing Trowa with more than a passing interest.
"You know, all night Trowa's been staring off into space or at Quatre, you're here and all you're doing is hiding and spying on Trowa from what I can see, and here I am, watching at you like.. like some hungry mutt waiting for a scrap. And who's watching Duo? Not a damn soul. And that's just unfair," the American said angrily.
Heero arched a wry brow, though he didn't move from his position or look at Duo when he spoke again. "What, are you demanding my attention?"
Duo blinked, not quite having expected that question from the other. "Well.. Yeah," his reply stumbled forth, his words devoid of all their previous ire.
Seeming to nod to himself, though at what exactly was hard to say, Heero shifted his body before taking hold of Duo's chair and pulling it to his own so that no distance, however slight, remained between them. With an arm braced across the back of Duo's chair, he leaned in so that he was eye to eye with his lover.
Duo's surprise at this sort of reaction was clearly painted across his features. His wide-eyed gaze shot down to the hard line of Heero's mouth before leveling once more. "Heh.. And here I'd always thought you meant it when you said you didn't like public displays of affection..." Granted, they were in the very back of the room, and Quatre was now standing at the front as he prepared to make some sort of speech, thereby drawing any potential attention away from them, but still.
Heero kept quiet a few seconds longer as he stared hard. "Hn." His free hand moved to the other pilot's waist, curving around the sharp dip of one of Duo's hips, eliciting a sound of agreeability from his counterpart. "Do you remember what you said to me?"
Draping an arm around Heero's shoulders to better angle his own body against the surprisingly intimate touches of the Japanese youth, Duo gave a soft, nervous laugh, partially from Heero's uncustomary behavior and from the question presented. "I say lots of things to you."
"Do you remember when you said you loved me?"
XxxxXxxxX
Had any of the ideas, plans, or inner thoughts of his been worth listening to?
He'd acknowledged his feelings for Quatre, feelings that betrayed the boundaries friendship established. That had only made him undergo a long lasting session of self-reflection to sort through the barrage of emotions that he'd never considered or even knew existed within himself.
Conflicted with what course he was meant to take as a result, he had eventually come to the conclusion that admission to Quatre was the only means through which he'd find relief. That plan had been terminated the moment he'd seen Relena with Quatre.
And now, he'd sworn he'd see this through till the end, regardless of how it effected him. Quatre deserved his support, deserved to believe that his friend was happy for him.
And this resolve was eating away at him from the inside out, though thankfully, none were any wiser when they looked upon the seemingly unmoved pilot.
Trowa couldn't tear his gaze away from what was happening before him, even if he'd wanted to, at this point.
Quatre stood before the entire room as one of the hired musicians hurriedly placed a microphone and stand before him, and with a slight twist of the on switch, the blond's words would be carried so that everyone could hear him, as did all of the youngest Winner's sisters, some of whom were blowing their noses as tears of joy for their brother overflowed.
Those who didn't want to hear the future groom's speech, such as Trowa, were forced to bear their discomfort in silence.
Silence.. That was the route of all his troubles, wasn't it?
"It's no surprise, why all of you are here, is it?" Quatre started, speaking into the microphone. "At least, it shouldn't be, if you received the invitations inviting you to join us here today. If you didn't get an invitation, and you're still here, I suppose I ought to invest a bit into a new training program for the Preventers."
A soft round of laughs followed the blond's joke, as the security had been top notch, thanks to Wufei and the other men/women in uniform present.
Trowa swallowed hard, finding no relief past the huge lump that had formed in his throat and refused to dissipate.
In silence, he'd fallen in love with Quatre, and in silence he'd kept his secret, trying to deny it to himself before he'd succumbed to the truth, only to live in silent longing.
XxxxXxxxX
Duo's limber movements and complying frame all but froze up like a block of ice when Heero said that. It wasn't that he didn't remember, it was that it was something of a huge, gigantic shock to hear his Japanese partner say it like that. Maybe it was all the talk of engagement/marriage that had been floating around the room the entire night, or maybe it was all the pink and heart shaped decorations.
Heero frowned faintly, his hand tightening it's hold on Duo's hip as he started to repeat the question. "Do you remem-"
"Of course I do, you just surprised me by bringing it up, that's all," the 02 pilot admitted, his mouth drying as he felt nervousness prickling throughout his system. "You didn't particularly take to well to it when I said it last, you know." He couldn't help the hurt that his words were laced with- it wasn't every day that you're abandoned and left to wonder if your lover-boy (aka Heero) was ever going to show face again or if he'd been scared off for good by the "L" word.
He didn't have long to wallow in the memories of those shaky weeks, because Heero's mouth was suddenly pressed to his. With a soft, unchecked moan, Duo's lips were yielding to his lover's, parting in familiarity and anticipation of the warm, moist intrusion of Heero's tongue, and Quatre's voice became just a dull buzz in the background.
The braided youth felt Heero's hand traveling up his torso and then higher, a thumb petting at his cheek momentarily before abating. His eyes blinked open when Heero drew back an inch so that their foreheads were nearly touching, their lips close enough that he practically felt the Japanese pilot's words when he spoke gravely. "Did you mean it, Duo?"
The serious look in Heero's steel gaze was impossible to miss, and realization struck Duo just as it surely shook off any stupor that may have been derived from that heady kiss. Heero wanted.. confirmation! Aww, he always knew the man was insecure about lots of things (this being one of them) deep down. "I don't lie, I meant it then and I mean it now. I love ya, Yuy."
Though a 'you silly goose,' might have been fun to tack onto the end of that, Duo decided that maybe now wasn't the time to kid around... Besides, he didn't want to lighten the mood; he liked where this was going. Without further ado, the American's mouth had dipped lower to find Heero's neck and begin an exploration that would involve a healthy combination of kisses, nibbles, and licks.
He therefore didn't notice when Heero looked once more to where Trowa sat, or catch the low question that followed. "Is it enough, though?"
He also didn't notice when Heero's hand closed over the hilt of Wufei's knife.
XxxxXxxxX
"Relena and I felt.. We felt that it was the right time to make a decision of this magnitude, and that we were both prepared for this," the 04 pilot took a slight pause in his speech, eyes slowly roaming over the guests present. "And though all of you already know, we thought it would only be proper if I made an official announcement tonight, in front of everyone."
This was it, this was the conclusion. Trowa didn't even realize he was holding his breath, didn't feel his hands clinging painfully to his folded arms.
In silence, he had fallen in love with Quatre. And in silence, he would lose him.
"And so, I'm proud to announce that today, officially, Relena and I are-"
Their eyes met, and the blond faltered in his polished, pre-chosen words.
And with every fiber of his being, trapped in a cocoon of silence he had forced himself into, Trowa willed Quatre not to continue.
Not that it would actually change the course of things. Their gaze broke, and Quatre cleared his throat. "Relena and I are-"
Though Trowa's silent pleas had remained unnoticed, Duo's scream of pain was ample interruption to stop the Arabian pilot from finishing that phrase.
x
x
x
Wow.. That was a quick update for me.
See how much reviews motivate the author?
Thank you, everybody, for all the reviews! They seriously made me insanely happy.
Next chapter will be the last one, and I still don't know what kind of an ending Trowa is going to get. I'll have to sleep on it a little more.
Remember, the review button is there for a reason.
-Zangai