Chapter VI :: Warning Sign

Fresh from the pot, I stared down at the dark, steaming mug of molten dirt. It burned in my hands, yet it couldn't compare to the blaze in my flesh. The ceiling fan in the kitchen spun lazily above my head, weak protection against the blistering heat that was predicted to melt the city today. It did nothing to soothe the fire on my face. I closed my eyes, and carefully, deliberately, placed the mug on the counter.

"Hey. You awright?" Silence. "Cloud?"

"I'm fine." Why did it hurt to speak? The words rang in my head, and I regretted answering at all. I couldn't move, feet glued to the sticky wooden floorboards.

"Y'look like you're gonna pass out…" he commented. I heard him shuffle towards me, and sucked in breath as the coolness of his palm rested curtly on my forehead. He made a similar noise as he recoiled, scorched by the touch. "Je-esus! What the hell is wrong with you?! Why the hell didn't you say somethin' 'bout you still bein' sick?!"

It wasn't as if I hadn't noticed. It wasn't as though I hadn't entirely forgotten about the illness that hadn't completely gone away. I just…I'd had a lot on my mind…

I tried to speak, but opening my mouth proved too difficult, my energy too spent from doing…other things. I gripped the edge of the counter and table, to keep my balance as the room begin to take off. I listened as Marlene hopped into the room, alarmed by the commotion. Barret quickly shooed her away, to call…someone, afraid of…of infection. He turned back to me, his hand reluctant on my shoulder.

"Hey, open yu'r eyes! Look at me!" I couldn't—I didn't.

The floor collapsed under my weight, and I fell with it.

--

I fell for a long time. I wondered absently how deep the apartment was…if apartments could be deep. After a while, it didn't really seem like falling, not as much as it resembled soaring, just hanging by now strings, simply being. Then everything stopped; my feet hadn't touched ground, but I knew that I was standing. I could see the world floating around me—a rainbow of chaos that was so jumbled and torn together it was peaceful, quiet. I could see everything from where I was.

I stepped forward. So now I was here. I just needed to find out where "here" was. As I put one foot in front of the other, I found I could concentrate and control where my legs took me—I could focus on the nothing I was standing on. The darkness didn't spin the way Barret's kitchen had, the way most things had for the past few days. I didn't see spots, and the blurs dancing in my field of view were clear blurs, those that weren't meant to be completely lucid. My thoughts were organized, understandable, not tossed or burning. There were no voices, nothing that pierced my brain and made me wince.

My heart sank. I'd been here before—this void. The blackness was familiar.

No. No, not now…I was fine, really I was… Then I realized that those last moments on the planet, I hadn't been able to walk.

I was dead.

"Long time no-see." I should have thrown myself off balance, with the speed at which I spun. But I stood, in the Lifestream, staring wide-eyed at a woman I hadn't seen in two years.

"A-Aeris?" She smiled gently, and nodded. "Wha…what are you doing here?" The smile faded.

"I should be asking you that question," she replied, in a tone I had never heard her use. Her gaze rested on me, unwavering, solemn, remorseful—those brilliant green eyes that had always eluded of what lay behind, transfixed and mystified. She made me feel small, the way she was staring at me. "You've been stressing yourself too much, Cloud." It was a warning.

"But…Tifa is…you know, don't you? You have to. If only you could see what's happened to her…" I couldn't find the words. She nodded, however, slowly. "I have to help her." She focused again, comforted and despondent.

"She's too far away. I can't even reach her, where she is…" She paused. "She can't hear you."

I stared at her. Her figure swayed, illuminated, dulled.

"She doesn't want to hear you; she doesn't want to be found—she's convinced herself she enjoys being along forever." Silence. "Mostly."

"I'm going to find her," I declared, the first open testimony of my self-assigned task. I didn't notice, then, how I spoke as if she had hidden herself in a building, an area, a place where I could go. "I don't care how far away she is—I'll bring her back." Aeris smiled, despite the fear.

"I think you're the only person who can. Just…don't push yourself too far." The grin went calm. "You've done it several times already, pushed yourself over the edge. But now, this time…I won't be able to help you if you die again." Something emitted from her lips that akin to a laugh, but it hardly was enough to label it that. "I'm not that strong. You—you need to be her support now, Cloud," she instructed. "You need to be stronger than me, or her. Stronger than you ever have been for anyone else. You're her last hope."

I opened my mouth, speechless, closed it again.

"You…last time…?"

"You're not giving yourself time to heal. You're still not healthy enough to go and start worrying over other people." Was I ever that healthy? "You can't go added more stress on yourself than you already have. You know that." Her voice went quiet.

"But you know what she looks like—you know how she's become…! You said so yourself," I retorted, frustrated. "You said she can't here me, or Barret or anyone else! I have to find a way to bring her back, to make her listen…she's dead out there!"

"I did say that," she agreed. "Yet simply talking to her isn't enough." She had suddenly become sharp, uncongenial. She sighed, her light hair freefalling down her back, framing her round face in the spectrum of colors. "She's almost gone. Cloud, listen to me: Tifa is…hurt. Not just hurt—that's not the right word. She's damaged. She's dying, slowly but surely she's slipping away, and soon no one will be able to help her. You have to make sure she knows you're alive." Her eyes narrowed, as she penetrated my mind with images. More memories. Memories that weren't mine, of families with fathers and afternoons with childhood friends.

—Why, Mama? Why do you have to go…?

They were Tifa's. And I could see them. Nearly more coherent than my own, every one specific to its time and place.

"Everything she's been through—all those traumatic and painful experiences—they're all weighing on her. They finally took her down. Your leaving was the final disaster. She couldn't take it anymore." Aeris mellowed, softening. "She's lying to herself, convincing herself that she's happy where she is, away from everyone." She stared at me intently. "She doesn't want to feel anymore, so she's given it all up, so she can be numb."

I closed my eyes. Because of me…

— Come this spring…I'm leaving this town.

"She won't want you to come after her. Even if you are alive, she won't admit it that she wants to live again," Aeris explained. "You were right. It's not that simple."

— Sephiroth…Sephiroth did this to you, didn't he?!

"Just tell me what to do," I said. "Anything, and I'll do it." I returned her gaze, determined, mindful.

—Tifa…I don' know how to say this…that was someone from Coral. He—they found Cloud.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you." For the first time in our conversation, she looked away. The emotions were all there, and yet she couldn't face me with the boldness that had come with readily-prepared answers. "I don't know. I don't know how far she is. All I know is that her soul…it's getting closer. I can feel her soul leaving her body bit by bit, but her mind…it's locked away." Her eyes rested on me once more. "You are the only one who can reach her."

"I know." Already, the image of her face was beginning to haze, distort. I called out to her, before I returned; she had become distant, yet I could still understand her words. "I…I'm sorry, Aeris." Quiet, save for the flowing around me.

"For not being there."

"Yes."

"You were, Cloud. Don't worry, I know you were there." She dissipated, and was gone. And as I reached out for her, to grasp at the shadow, I realized I was gone as well.

-sniffle- Augh. I can actually commiserate with Cloud on this one—being sick isn't fun at all. My, what good friends I have, getting me sick. Hmph. At least it isn't some weird jungle disease…hopefully. Anyway, there you have it. Hopefully most of the plot has been written; if not, please let me know. And don't worry: Tifa's recovery is going to be long and hard. I mean, she's a basket case, after all. Cloud's actually gonna hafta work for this one. O. And again, thanks for all those that reviewed! It makes me happy to know that people are really reading this. Raine