Harry Potter and the Nerd's Rock Collection
Damp, Dark Alley
Hagrid, Harry, and Dave walked up to a bar which looked abandoned until they went inside.
There was lots of stuff going on in there. There were fights, drunken people dancing, karaoke, etc.
The three walked up to an old man behind the counter.
"Hello, Hagrid," he said. "The usual?"
"Not in front of the kids," Hagrid replied. "I'm taking Harry and his friend to get their school supply."
At that, everyone stopped doing what they were doing. They all looked at Dave.
"Kill him," he said, pointing to Harry. "He's Harry."
After everyone had shaken hands with Harry, Dave was steaming mad.
A man came from a corner, wearing a purple robe and thing on his head, to introduce himself.
"I-I-I-It's H-H-H-H-H-Harry P-P-P-P-Pot-t-t-t-ter," he stammered heavily like a broken record.
"Boys, this is Professor Quirrell," Hagrid said. "He teaches at Hogwarts; Defense Against the Dark Arts."
Harry stuck out his hand, but Quirrell wouldn't take it.
"Hey, isn't purple kind of a gay color for a man to wear?" Dave asked.
Quirrell looked at his robes, and had a look on his face that means he was about to cry. Hagrid pulled the two to a room with a brick wall in it.
"Who would be stupid enough to put a brick wall in a closet? And why do all these people know who Harry is and not me?"
Hagrid ignored him, as usual, and tapped the wall with his umbrella.
"I know the reason. It's because I'm black!"
Hagrid still ignored him.
Suddenly, the brick wall spread apart, revealing an alley full of people.
"Welcome to Diagon Alley," Hagrid said to the two.
They walked through while Harry looked around at the many places and people. It was magnificent.
"Why do why have to come here?" Harry asked.
"Because this is the only place in England where you can buy anything good," Hagrid answered. "Plus, you never go to K-Mart for this stuff. It's cheap and old stuff there."
"Yeah," Dave said. "That's why K-Mart went bankrupt."
Hagrid ignored him.
They went to a bank, called Gringotts, (A/N: Rowling came up with some creative, yet weird names.) and found the place filled with extremely ugly goblins.
The ugliest one, which resembled Michael Jackson, was up front.
"Harry, told him that you'd like to make a deposit," Hagrid told him.
"Why can't you tell him?" Harry asked.
"I don't like Michael Jackson. He reminds me of that movie 'Boogieman'."
"That movie was terrible."
"Man, you all are a bunch of sissies. I'll tell him," Dave said, bravely scared.
He walked up to him, shaking and sweating, told him, and walked back, still sweating.
"He said to come to the underground passage," he said.
Later, they came to Harry's vault, and he got a vault full of gold! After getting what they needed, they went to Dave's vault, which only had one gold piece.
"It's because I'm black!"
Harry said he'd share his gold, which made Dave happy.
After getting everything they needed, they went to get a wand. Once inside the store, I don't know the name, a man named... sorry, I don't know his name either... came out from behind with some kind of white powder around his mouth.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"We come in peace," Dave said. "This is Harry, so kill him."
To his surprise, he shook Harry's hand, which made Dave very angry.
"Let's see what wand you need," the old man said.
After nearly destroying the place, Harry finally found a wand, and the dramatic music started playing.
"What the hell just happened?" Dave asked.
The old man, like Hagrid, ignored him.
"Very curious," the old man said.
"What's curious?" Harry asked.
"I'm saying that because it sounds dramatic for the movie, and because that wand's brother gave that scar."
"Who was their mother?"
"A disturbed person. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named that shall not be named, did great things. I don't know why I said that. I just know it sounded cool."
There was a knock on the door. Hagrid was outside holding a cage with a white owl in it.
"Happy birthday, Harry!" he said.
Later, they were eating lunch at the bar when Harry asked the question.
"He killed my parents didn't he? The one who gave me this scar?"
"Harry," Hagrid said after pausing, "not all wizards are good. There's Michael Jackson, George Bush, Dr. Phil, the guys who made 'Pootie Tang'-"
"What about He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?"
"Well his name is-"
He stopped.
"Can you write it down."
"No, I can't spell it. His name is Bob!"
"Bob?"
"Shut up!"
Harry shut up.
"It was dark times. Bob and his followers always wanted to kill your parents. When you came you ruined everything. He killed them, and tried to kill you, but he couldn't for some reason we'll never understand."
Harry stood silent. Bob killed his parents and then tried to kill him? Why?
The next day, the went to King's Cross Station.
"Well, here's your tickets," Hagrid said, handing Harry and Dave their tickets.
Harry read his, and it said:
Go to Platform 9 ¾
Hogwarts Express
"Hagrid," Harry asked, "there's no such thing as platform 9 ¾, is there?"
Harry looked up, but Hagrid was gone.
"Dave?" Harry asked Dave, "where'd Hag-"
Dave was gone, too.
"Steve," Harry asked his imaginary friend, "where's-"
Steve was gone, too.
"Help, somebody," Harry yelled.
"I'm over here!" Dave yelled.
Harry ran after him.
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