Lost belongs to JJ Abrams and crew. I'm just borrowing for some non-profit fun. After Sawyer and the others return to the island, he finds Kate has finally chosen Jack. Post Exodus II. (The events that lead up to previously posted stories –Incarceration, Interim, Ineffable) Enjoy!
Lost – Infected
By Mystic
July 2005
Jack felt like the walls were caving in. He waited in an office. It was like his own – white walls, diploma's hanging, books lining shelves and at the end was a cherry wood desk with a nameplate, a pile of files, a black lamp and a single picture of a man with his children. Jack had a similar image on his desk. He'd asked permission; he'd brought her a change of clothes. They sat with Maggie and James against a grey wall and smiled while the guard snapped a single picture. Jack hated that picture.
Kate's blouse hung loose on her skin, despite her insistence that it was – or had been – her size. Under her eyes were shadows and her arms, holding James, were thin and pale. Maggie looked shell-shocked, her smile fake as she sat on her father's lap. Only James smiled with honesty; widely, his dimples Jack's constant reminder of the circumstances of his creation.
They kept telling him it would be any day now, any day and they'd let her out. Good behavior, extenuating circumstances, psychological distress; they were all terms Jack was getting used to hearing.
She'd been in jail a year.
The door opened and Jack stood, turning to face the man he'd come to see. Sawyer's hair had been cut short and it stuck out in every direction like his son's had that morning when Jack pulled him out of his bed. He looked away from Jack as the psychologist led him to the second seat. They both sat together and Jack raised his eyes to the older man who frowned.
"We've made some progress with James. The treatments are working – Claire was released last week."
Jack nodded slowly. He'd been there to witness the woman's reintroduction to Charlie and Aaron. He watched Sawyer out of the corner of his eye as the psychologist went on about hormone levels, balances and stabilizations. Then he called Jack's name. He blinked, looking towards the grey haired man who leaned against the desk. The man smiled.
"James should be released within the month."
"Sawyer." Jack lowered his eyes. "His name is Sawyer," he asserted.
Sawyer kicked the desk with a grunt. "Sorry, Doc, going by James now. Something 'bout putting the past where it belongs and moving on."
Glancing over, he saw Sawyer picking something from underneath his nails and he lunged at him, punching him in the face and knocking him to the ground. The psychologist shouted for security and Jack punched faster, feeling Sawyer's body mold to his fists as he increased the pressure of his blows. The man under him shielded himself, not bothering to fight back, which made Jack flare his nose and shout at him. He called him words he didn't think would ever escape his lips and as the orderlies pulled him off Sawyer, he kicked him in the back one last time.
Jack calmed himself quickly, pulling himself out of the grasp of the two men who held him as Sawyer rolled over and threw himself into the chair, touching the blood on his lips. His eyes watered and he looked up at Jack. "Make you feel better, Doc? You gonna sleep well tonight knowing you got me good?"
He didn't know how to respond. Sawyer didn't know the nightmares Jack had. Didn't know how Maggie moaned in her sleep and pushed at Jack's arms when he tried to comfort her. Jack sat down in the chair next to him and took a long breath. "How have you been, Sawyer?" He asked, staring at the desk in front of him.
Sawyer gave a nod and touched his hair. "Made me get a trim. Not to happy 'bout that. Otherwise, doing fine. They got some nice medications in here, let you sleep like a baby."
Feeling his eyes close against the words, Jack looked over at him. "Any plans when you get out?"
Shaking his head, Sawyer frowned. "Nah, nothing in concrete."
Jack opened his mouth and wanted to offer his help. He started to breathe the words, but they were stuck in his throat. "If you need anything…" he started before Sawyer raised an arm, silencing him.
"Jack, I know you're the hero and all, but you don't have to help me. I know what I done and I know it's irredeemable. I know you wouldn't blink an eye if I dropped dead right now…"
The psychologist interrupted. "Jack, you have to understand, James cannot be held responsible for his actions."
Nodding his head, Jack shrugged his shoulder.
Sawyer shouted, "Don't you think I feel rotten inside about it, Jack! I never wanted to hurt her. Never."
"Well, you did," Jack said simply, standing. "She tells me about her nightmares, Sawyer, she tells me what you did." He pressed his lips together tightly. "Claire, all she wanted was Aaron; Locke, he wanted Walt, but you, you wanted to fuck her. So you did. Over and over and over and if she made a sound or movement in protest, you'd hit her." He turned away, feeling his stomach bubble with anger. "Jesus, Sawyer, you stabbed her in the shoulder with a god-damned knife. You could have killed her, but you didn't care, you just wanted to know you had her."
The other man sat silent as Jack stood.
"They'll release you Sawyer and I'll have no objections because I know, according to their charts and their studies, it wasn't you, but deep down, I think it was. It was what you wanted from day one and you got it." He walked towards the door and heard Sawyer call his name. Turning, he saw Sawyer staring down at his open wallet, at the Wal-Mart photos of Maggie and James grinning. Jack watched him pick the wallet up and run a finger over James' cheeks and stare up at Jack.
"I didn't know…" Sawyer trailed as Jack snatched his wallet, cramming it back into his pocket. He watched the sorrow in Sawyer's eyes and he hated himself for believing him.