Harry Potter and the Nerd's Rock Collection

Homer Simpson-Like Character (No, Not Dudley)

It was Halloween, and everyone was at the feast in the Great Hall. Harry, Ron, and Dave were noticing that Hermione's usual spot was empty.

"Hey," Harry said to Neville, "where's Hermione?"

"She spent the whole afternoon in the bathroom," he said. "She's been crying."

"How do you know?" Dave asked. "Do you go in the girls' bathroom?"

Fortunately, he didn't have to answer, because at that precise moment, Professor Quirrell came running in the Great Hall screaming like a little girl.

"TROLL!" he shouted. "Troll in the dungeon! Thought you ought to know."

He fainted. The whole Great Hall was thrown into pandemonium as students ran around in circles until Dumbledore shouted.

"Prefects, take your students to your house Tower," Dumbledore said.

As they walked, Harry, Ron, and Dave were talking.

"How did Dudley get all the way here?" Harry asked.

"Maybe it's just King Kong," Dave said.

"That's Dudley, too," Harry pointed out.

"Wait a minute. What about Hermione?"

"Oh, fuck her," Ron said.

At that instant, Dave had punched Ron in the face.

"Don't ever say anything like that about Hermione!" Dave yelled.

"Okay, okay, we'll go find her," Ron said, not wanting to get punched again.

They ran down the corridors until seeing a huge shadow ahead. They hid behind a corner, hoping it wouldn't see them. It went inside a room; the girls' bathroom where Hermione was.

Inside the bathroom, Hermione was sitting in one of the stalls, still crying. She was about to get up when a huge club swung over her head. The troll had found her!

Before it could sing again, it made a disgusted look.

"Ugh," it said. "You stink! What have you been eating? It smells like someone died. No wait, that's not bad enough... Wait, I've got it. You smell like a dog that died with diarrhea."

"How dare you!"

She didn't say anything else, because her stink was doing a good job of keeping the troll away. Each time it tried to move closer, the stink pushed it back. Finally, when it became too strong, mostly because Hermione had let out a silent one, it fainted.

Harry and Ron came in to see what happened. The troll was lying on the ground unconscious.

"Good job, Hermione," Harry congratulated her.

That's when he caught a sniff of the dead rat's home smell. He fainted, and soon after, so did Dave and Ron. Actually, Dave was still conscious, saying it smelled good.

The teachers had come running in to see what happened when they all suddenly fainted. It had been three hours before Harry, Ron, and the teachers woke up.

"Explain yourselves," McGonagall said strictly.

"It's my fault, Professor," Hermione said so the boys wouldn't have to. "I went looking for the troll, and tried to fight it. If Harry and Ron-"

Dave cleared his throat very loudly.

"-and Dave hadn't come, I would be dead."

"Well," McGonagall said, "I hope you're proud of yourself. You've not only defeat a troll, which I'll give you five points each for doing, but you've given the school a stinking smell, which I'll take ten points off for. Now get to your dormitories. And Ms. Granger, clean your self off before doing so."

The boys made it to the dormitories in no time. Hermione came afterwards, much cleaner now, and went straight to her dormitory after saying, "Thanks" to the boys.

"I hope we never have to do anything like that again," Dave said.

"Of course we will," Harry said. "We've got six more books and movies after this."

"That sucks."

After ten hours of thinking, I'm continuing the story. I figured, which is probably very sad, that it takes a smart person to write a stupid, yet funny, story. That's my philosophy, and send your reviews.

I used up my "you can only use the 'f' word once in a PG-13 story" pass up, so that won't be used anymore.

Oh, yeah, before I forget, due to a couple of factors that were necessary to the storyline, and because I'm just a twisted person, the sequel will be rated R. Thanks!