Grissom had never hated waiting. It was a pain, yes, but one he could usually bear. His job was about waiting. For answers. For evidence.
But that night as he sat in the hard plastic hallway seats of the hospital, waiting for the doctors to finish examining Sara, rage slowed time. The world was void of anyone but he and Adam Trent. Grissom had never had the urge to commit murder but there he was, wishing for an interrogation room and a gun, unaware of Catherine Willows approaching him. Not a gun, he corrected himself. Too quick.
"Hey." Her voice cut through his reverie and he started, and then turned to look at her.
Catherine held out a fresh styrofoam cup of coffee and he took it, a tired but acknowledging look passing over his face before again returning to a passive wall of veiled emotion. "You look like shit." She stated as he gulped down the black coffee in one go. He'd been in that hallway at least four hours.
"I feel it." Grissom admitted, crushing the empty cup in his hand. Catherine observed her old friend and her heart ached for him. Everyone knew he'd never admit his feelings for Sara, and everyone knew they were there. They went way back. Back even before he took Catherine into the lab.
"Gil…" She began, but was stopped by a young Asian woman in a white lab coat walking up to them from the doorway to Sara's room.
"Hello, I'm Doctor Yan. Mr…" She glanced at her clipboard. "Mr Grissom?"
Gil nodded and swallowed. "She okay?"
Dr. Yan's smiling response was wistful at best. "Yes, Ms. Sidle is stable. She sustained…" Again she consulted the metal clipboard. Grissom fidgetted. "Two cracked ribs…a mild concussion…bruised collarbone…heavy epidermal bruising. There was a cut on her hip that needed five stitches." The doctor dropped the clipboard to her side and regarded them both. "You may come see her now, and I can talk you through the rest of it."
Grissom didn't trust his legs but they complied in standing, his knees threatening to buckle. Catherine and he exchanged glances, unsure. "Gil…I don't think Sara would want me in there. Her and I-" He nodded, understanding - Sara and Catherine had only recently come to a head after the Melton case. "You'll be okay?" She regarded his face, drawn, resigned. Again, Grissom merely nodded, too tired to speak. Catherine paused before hugging him gently and then she was gone, and he was alone with Doctor Yan and one of his worst nightmares waiting for him in the doorway opposite.
The darkness was all consuming and warm, like a cocoon. Sara was lying wrapped in that cocoon of black, and she felt safe. She was hovering between unconciousness and subconciousness, she knew - her memories and thoughts were separated from her and all she could feel was this blissful nothingness. But there were two voices, they began to permeate the silence, almost inaudibly at first and then became louder. She could hear snippets but comprehend much less of what she heard.
"There was some deep scratching sustained…uteral haemorraghing…stitches…may be painful for a couple of weeks…administered sedative…wake up soon. Stay…few days…observation."
The other voice came in, deeper. "… no permanent damage?"
"Physically she'll be fine…mentally…another story…numbers of counsellours…need a chaperone…few weeks…somewhere safe…"It was so frustrating, Sara could hear the words but her brain refused to cooperate and decipher them. Her eyes were sore but she fought to open them a tiny bit. The light flooded in painfully and she snapped them closed again.
"She's wheezing…"
"That's normal…ribs….badly damaged. I'll be…if you need…."
"Thank you…"
Who was the male voice? Sara felt her brain slowly begin to whirr into motion. She knew who she wanted it to be. All those nights she'd cried herself to sleep for fear, for anguish, for memories best forgotten, for hurt she'd known exactly whom she needed there. But never had he appeared at her side. He didn't care. She wasn't "worth the risk".
Sara could feel a rough thumb on her cheek. She would've winced if she'd been copus mentus enough, as the thumb brushed a blossoming bruise on her cheek bone. A small wave of pain penetrated her darkness. But the hand was warm, maybe comforting.
"God…Sara…" That was his voice! Her mind screamed at her. He was there. But why? "I have so many unanswered whys."
Wait a minute, She thought. I've heard that before. Sara connected. Grissom was right there beside her. Maybe he did care. Hmph don't get your hopes up, Sidle. The thumb was still there.
Then the pain struck. A dull ache first, crawling up her nerves like a poison, and then fully-fledged agony. Her lower half felt like it were on fire, and she was more disorientated, trying to ride the wave of pain that had hit her. It subsided. They've given me painkillers.
"I am so sorry." Grissom's voice was less distant now, but still held a soft compassion, providing an insulation in its own to the pain riddling Sara's body. What is he sorry for? And then the memories assaulted the blissful ignorance of her subconcious mind. Images of Adam Trent violating her passed through her brain at lightspeed, it came back to her and hit her full force. The memories were all too painful, and she was reliving them.
"Sara?"
The whisper was right beside her ear. No, no! Don't wake up! The darkness was too warm and comforting to leave, now that she knew what was waiting for her on the lighter side of the abyss, but then her universe of black evaporated. Harsh white light spilled into her eyes and as they adjusted, formed the silhouette and then the image of Gil Grissom gazing down at her.
When Sara's eyes opened, Gil knew he had to choke down the tears that had been threatening to fall. He had prepared himself for the worst, before Dr. Yan had lead him to her bedside. But nothing could have prepared himself for the sight he saw there.
She lay in a white hospital gown on the plastic matressed bed, and in that moment he had never seen her look so fragile, not in her entire life. Her skin was pale, white, all except for the bruises. The bruises would forever brand their mark on his memory.
Her face in her subconciousness was relaxed, but her lip was split and her left cheek swollen and purple. Her eyes were dry - it shocked him when he remembered she had not cried. All but those four words she had said on the floor in the nurses station, she had not made a sound throughout the entire ordeal. God, her face, He thought. The features he had gazed at when she thought he wasn't looking. The lips I imagined being mine one day…stop it, Gil! Now isn't the time.
And here his Sara lay looking up at him, her eyes a depth of anguish. It scared him how raw they looked.
"Sara…" Grissom said, his voice almost a whisper. He reached his hand out to touch her face again, but she inched it away. There was fear in her eyes. She's afraid of me.
Sara's eyes filled with unshed tears and she rolled onto her side away from him, curling up into a ball. Seeing the gooseflesh on her bare arms he picked up a folded blanket from the side table and tucked her into it, careful not to touch her body as he did so. There was something about touch she was going to have to get used to again.
"I'm okay." She said, but her voice betrayed her words for a lie. Grissom sat in the chair beside the bed, and merely nodded. "How long am I in here?"
"A few days." Gil replied, clasping his hands and gazing at them. "Nick, Greg and Warrick want to visit tonight if you are comfortable with that, Greg went to your apartment to get you some clothes."
Sara gave a slight nod and then closed her eyes, the memories still going round her mind's eye. Images of Adam Trent and her, lying dishevelled on the lino floor. Images of Grissom pounding on the window.
Grissom sighed, and gently reached out his hand to pick up Sara's, which hung halfway over the side of the bed. She didn't stop him as he took it in his own, and instead she squeezed his hand before falling into a troubled sleep.
He was violating her. The dark pressed in on Sara's body as her perpertrator thrust himself inside her repeatedly, sending waves of agony up her spine. His hands were everywhere, hungry in their search for flesh, kneading her skin like leather. Pinching, hurting, pressing. Hitting. His left hand held her wrists together above her head, so tight she could feel her hands going numb, and his disgusting mouth was on her breasts, biting them. He collapsed onto her, spent -his breathingwas shallow. His sweat mingled with her blood. "Did you like it, bitch?" Then his face came closer to hers, and her breathing stopped.
The face didn't belong to Adam Trent. It was Gil Grissom.
Sara's eyes snapped open as she screamed, her body flat on the bed, two arms holding her down. She fought to get free of the hands on her shoulders, and it hurt. She was still screaming. "Sara!" A dim bedside light came on, illuminating her restrainer. Grissom had obviously still been seated in the chair beside the bed, but now he leaned into her, holding her down. "Shh…"
It took what seemed to be an age for Sara to breathe normally again. She shook her head, physically trying to rid herself of the cruel image of the face, the same face that stared down at her a sea of concern and compassion, bearing down at her from above. No no no…not Grissom…She desperately tried to tell herself. But still, the image tainted him in a way she couldn't understand. She couldn't look at him.
"Here…" Gil reached for a jug of water and a cup on the side table and filled it. Sara hadn't realised how dry her mouth was until then. He helped her to sit up, slowly, and then lifted the cup to her lips and she drank steadily.
"Thanks." She said in a small voice, smoothing the blankets, fidgetting, avoiding his eyes yet unable to hide from his gaze. Why does he look at me with such care? Why hasn't he gone home?
Grissom placed the cup on the bedside table. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?" Sara decided to play dumb.
"The nightmare you just had. Or…"
"Don't say it." She stopped him. "No, I don't."
"Okay." Gil knew he wouldn't press her then, but later. He refused to let her sweep this one under the proverbial rug, just like all the rest of her problems, but his intuition told him to hold back.
They were sitting in silence, both contemplating small talk and safe conversation to rescue them from painful grounds, when Nick, Warrick and Greg arrived.
"Hey girl," Warrick greeted Sara, hesitating before kissing her on the forehead. Nick gave her a small hug and Greg smiled at her sheepishly, hanging about in the background, looking to his sneakered feet. Warrick regarded Grissom warily, and nodded for him to move to the side to talk with him.
"Griss you should go home. You look like the walking dead."
Gil paused, considering defiance. But he knew Warrick was right. He nodded, but glanced back to the hospital bed where Nick had sat down and started chatting light-heartedly with Sara, whom looked relieved that somebody could lift the atmosphere from that of a funeral march. "She'll be fine. We'll take good care of her, and in the morning you can resume your post as bedside vigil." Warrick added.
Grissom gave him a look, then went back to pick up his coat and turned to leave -Sara watched him, worry spreading over her face. "Grissom." She whispered, her voice hoarse.
"I'll be back in a few hours, Sara. I promise." And with that, he left.
Warrick picked up a chair and sat down, picking up Sara's hand, seeing her expression still distraught. Nick spoke up. "Sar, he'll be here before we leave. He's definitely going to keep his promise. You should've seen him when the EMTs arrived to pick you up…he was holding onto you like his life depended on it - almost gave the poor suckers a few broken bones when they tried to separate you two. He had you as long as he could, I think the thought of losing you scared him shitless…"
Sara listened, her gaze focussed on her hands in her lap, and let her friends comfort her.
Thanks so much for the reviews! that goes to brainfear (okay, i'm posting, i'm posting! but to hunt me down methinks you need a trans-atlantic flight ticket... lol) Evita aka Oracle (thanks! I'm practising descriptive writing for my English GCSE in two weeks...v.encouraging) Unspoken Loves, saskia2 (hope the Uteral Haemorrhaging bit answers your question), woody8330 (well here it is...), BlueButterflyCSI (cool name!please pleasepost your fic once you've written it...I'd love to read it!), Elfgrins (I love the word Awesome, it is so antipodean...thank you!), Emmithar (you may yet become a GSR convert! lol the more the merrier ;) ), love2readfanfic (my brain juices are running low because of all thisstudy - i might take you up on the offer!), Almeida's-Angel24 (thank you so much!), trainerker, silence89 (lol well it's my first PUBLISHED...i've been writing fanfic for several years...you don't want to see my first ones!) and paulinecampbelljones...you guys are fantabulously encouraging! Hope you all liked this chapter!
Sorry for the delay it's been hell for coursework, I've got my official French Speaking Exam on Monday! arrrgh! so look out for an update Monday night (that is if our internet connect isn't being belligerent, as per usual) because I'll have more time on my hands to fill with writing the next chapter. I have updated chapter 1 too - was kind of hurried. Keep writing, happy reading! xxxx