Harry Potter and the Nerd's Rock Collection

Norman the Weird-looking Dragon

It was exam season, which meant everyone needed to study for his or her exams… apparently.

Harry was studying, but Ron was playing with his trading cards and Dave was smoking a weed cigarette. You might imagine that the instant Hermione appeared he snatched it out of his mouth and flicked it away. Unfortunately, it landed in a girl's shirt in her chest area. Dave swung open his book and randomly turned to a page.

"Look at you," Hermione said disapprovingly as she glared at Ron. "Playing with your cards. Why can't you be more like Dave? He studies!"

At this Dave had said, "Yeah, Ron. I'm the black guy, so I'm the one who shouldn't be studying."

Ron just stared at him for a long time.

"Never mind."

Harry was looking at one of Ron's cards when he noticed in big letters in said: NICHOLAS FLAMEL.

"This is it!" Harry said excitedly. "Nicholas Flamel worked with Dumbledore."

"Than this means," Hermione started, only to stop and run to the library.

Harry, Ron and Dave followed.

Once they got there, they found Hermione looking in the "EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT NICHOLAS FLAMEL" section.

"I had you looking in the wrong section," she said, slamming an enormous book on one of the table nearby.

The book was called What Nicholas Flamel has to do with what Hagrid said to you November.

"See here. It says Nicholas Flamel is the creator of the Nerd's Rock Collection."

"What?" the boys quoted simultaneously.

"Don't you guys read?" she asked.

"No, I don't read," Dave explained. "Most of the kids in my old neighborhood didn't even know how to read."

"I understand you Dave, I'm talking about these goofballs in front of me. Anyway, the Nerd's Rock Collection consists of only one rock because the Editors of this story were too cheap to buy any more. It makes anyone who has it live forever."

"Then that means Hagrid knows something," Harry said.

So that night, they ran to Hagrid's hut (without an Invisibility Cloak, those stupid, little bastards!) to talk to him. They knocked on his door fifteen times before he answered.

"Go away," he said.

Before he closed it they yelled, "We know about the Nerd's Rock Collection!"

"Not convinced," he said.

"We know about your girlfriend!" Dave yelled.

At this, Hagrid opened the door and let them in.

Later, they talked about the Rock Collection.

"So there are other things besides Bagel guarding it?" Harry asked.

"Her name is Biscuit, and yes there is," Hagrid said. "The teachers are protecting as well."

"Even Snape?"

"Yes. I can't believe it either."

Suddenly, a "thump-thump-thump" noise came from a pot on the fire. Hagrid took it out and put it on the table.

"Wow, a dragon egg," Ron said. "Where did you get it?"

"eBay," Hagrid said.

"You must be pretty poor if you get your things from eBay," Dave said.

Suddenly, the egg exploded. A dragon was now lying where the egg was.

"Hello, Norman," Hagrid baby-talked to his new baby. "He knows his mummy."

"You're gay?" Hermione asked.

"Shut up. Who's that?"

Everyone turned around to see Stevie Wonder in the window. He darted away once he was discovered.

"We better get out of here," Hermione said, and they all left.

On the way to the Foxx Tower, they ran into Professor McGonagall. She took them to her office where Stevie was waiting for them, grinning.

"Since you disobeyed the rules, I'm taking ten points from Foxx," she said.

"Ten!" Harry screeched.

"Fine, ten more."

"What?"

"Twenty."

"But-"

"Thirty."

"B-"

"Twenty."

"…"

"Ten."

"…"

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Thirty. And ten more before you even start to make it an odd number."

"But it's an even number."

"Ten. And be thankful it isn't more. You four will serve your punishment tomorrow night."

"Four?" Stevie asked.

"Yes," McGonagall said. "You were out of bed, too."

"Damn."

"What did you say?"

"Damn."

"For your honesty, I'll add ten points to Jackson, but I'll take ten points away for swearing."

"Dang."

"Ten more points for almost swearing."

"Shit."

"Forty."

"D-"

"Go to your houses!" she screamed before he could say anything else.

Another bad chapter; this story is getting harder to parody. Please review.