Harry Potter and the Nerd's Rock Collection

The Focking Forest

The five children (Dave didn't get a detention because he was black and therefore innocent, but tagged along anyway because…I don't know why.) follow Filch down to Hagrid's hut where Hagrid was there waiting for them.

"Hello children," he said. "Who's ready for a night of learning and education?"

Silence. Only Hermione raised her hand. This was a big mistake because when she did, Hagrid took out a pistol and shot her in the shoulder.

"Too bad, because that's not happening. Now let's move."

They all followed Hagrid into the forest.

It was two hours before they stopped. Hagrid had noticed some silvery liquid on the ground.

"Do you know what this is?" Hagrid asked.

"Something you get when you know you've become a man?" Dave asked.

"Close enough. It's unicorn blood. Now we're gonna split into groups. Hermione. Ron. You two stick together, and I don't mean in that way."

"Damn," Ron said while Hermione gave a sigh of relief.

"Me and Fang will stay together. Harry and Stevie will be with each other."

"What about me?" Dave asked. "You're just gonna let the black man go off on his own and get eaten, huh?"

"No, I forgot-"

"Yeah, just forget about the black man. Let him go off and get killed by some aliens in the jungle. I saw that movie 'Predator'. Both the black guys were alone, and both of them died. 'Jurassic Park'. The first person that died was black. 'The Matrix Reloaded'. Gloria Foster died. And don't get me started on that documentary on Emment Till."

"What about 'Star Wars'?" Harry asked. "No black people died on there."

"The black crew members died."

"Fine," Hagrid sighed. "You go with Hermione, and Ron you come with me. All right let's move."

Once they started moving, Harry and Stevie followed the signs (Dead Unicorn display to your left) and found the dead unicorn being eaten by a homeless man.

"I guess those people don't get much food at home," Stevie said. "It's better than slaving over-"

WHAM! Dave came out of nowhere and kicked Stevie in the head.

"Don't ever use that word again!" he yelled, and then ran away.

Suddenly, the homeless man was scared away by a talking horse.

"Harry Potter," it said, "you must leave. This place is not safe at night."

"Why?" Harry asked.

The horse stops for a second before taking out the script and skimming it for his lines.

"Bob is here," it said.

There was a very long silence. Just then, the others showed up.

"This is where I leave you, Harry Potter," the horse said. "You're safe now."

The horse ran away.

"What the hell just happened?" Harry asked.

When they were back in the Foxx Tower, they were discussing Bob.

"If Bob is here, then I'm in grave danger," Harry said.

"Please don't say Bob," Ron pleaded.

"Why?"

"Have you ever seen 'The Incredibles'?"

"Yeah, I hated that movie," Hermione said. "It made Dreamworks look like Paris Hilton porn."

"Yeah, but Elastigirl was pretty hot," Dave said. "With that big, juicy a-"

"Please! Let's just get back to the subject of Bob," Harry shouted.

"But Harry," Hermione explained, "Bob won't come if Dumbledore is here, so you're safe for now."

"Oh yeah."

…………………

"I guess that's it until the next chapter," Dave said.

Sorry I haven't updated. I had three thing going on: (1) School Finals (2) I forgot (3) I'm working on a satire on 'The Incredibles', which is why it is mentioned in the story. I'm trying to get back on track, so please don't hurt me. Thanks!