Harry Potter and the Nerd's Rock Collection

The Man With Two Asses

Harry and Dave made it to the chamber to see Professor Quirrel waiting for them.

"Quirell?" Harry exclaimed. "Where's-"

"Snape?" he finished the sentence.

He's good, Harry thought.

"Yes, Snape does seem like the type doesn't he? Who would expect poor, miserable Quirell?"

"I suspected you all along, honkie!" Dave said.

"No you didn't," Harry corrected.

"What about all that suspicious stuff he did?"

"He was only in two damn chapters!"

"It's called reading between the lines, jackass!"

"Don't call me a jackass, black boy!"

Dave started to lose it.

"Black boy, huh? Well, your momma is so white, everyone thought she was God!"

"Oh yeah? Well your mom is so fat, her toilet committed suicide!"

"Your dad's so gay, he only did your mom because she was a hermaphrodite!"

"Your mom's so fat, you thought you were crawling in a cave, but it was actually her v-"

"Whoa! This is rated PG-13, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Now that that's over with, let's finish this loser once and for all."

They both got in fighting stance.

"Well before we fight," Quirell said, "say hello to Bob."

His… head thing fell off and Bob was seen on the back of his head.

"Harry Potter," he managed to speak. "See what you've done to be? You ruined my life!"

"I was just returning the favor," Harry explained. "I mean, you did kill my parents."

"So what? I'm an adult! And I'm- No that means I can't do it. Anyway, KILL HIM!"

Quirell runs over to Harry, but he touches him and he explodes.

"That was easy," he said to himself. "What's next?"

Dave reads from the script.

"It says here we faint."

"Good enough."

That's just what they did.

Later, they woke up in the Hospital Wing where Professor Dumbledore was waiting.

"I see you're awake. Now, I know you have a lot of questions, so I'll answer them now. Quirell is dead, Bob is alive, Dave is black, (Dave punched him in his sleep) the Nerd's Rock Collection was destroyed, Nicholas is gonna die, and it's all your fault! Do you know how much paperwork we have to go through? Wait 'til you recover. I'LL KILL YOU BASTARDS! Sorry, Torrette's syndrome. But good job, Harry Potter and Dave…Dave."

He left.

The next day, the House cup was rewarded to Jackson. Foxx was definitely disappointed. ("Nobody cared to notice, but there were an awful lot of black kids in our house," Dave whispered.) Dumbledore, being the cheating bitch he is, gave it to Foxx, because, deep in his heart, he was black. (They edited this out because Dave thought he was being racist and threw a cup at him.)

Being the last chapter in the story, it wouldn't be funny. But don't worry. The story doesn't end here.

The End

For the next story, I'm making it rated R so I can try to do a satire instead of parody (although it will still be in the parody section). Thanks for putting up with, and the next story will come in a few weeks. Thanks!