I do not own smash brothers. If I did, I would have started production on SSBM 2

It was quite peculiar for Mewtwo to be sitting across a fellow psychic who happened to be temporary deprived of his cognitive faculties. If only he could watch himself drool and bat at imaginary objects, he would become ashamed at how pathetic he had become.

"Hey, Falcon!" shouted Fox.

"Whas, up, Fox!" he shouted with equal gusto.

"Let's have a contest to see who can drool more than Ness!"

"Steller!" replied an enthusiastic Falcon, "but then let's bat at imaginary objects later!"

"Awesome!" A stoked Fox replied. "Awesome to the Max!"

Mewtwo sometimes wondered if these two were actually powerful and insidious psychics. They knew exactly what pissed him off.

He sent out two powerful bolts of telepathic energy. The blast rendered both drooling idiots, a step below their normal intellectual capacities.

Mewtwo took another sip of coffee and discovered he had an empty mug. He went into the kitchen. Just walking into the kitchen from the side door to the patio was Jeff.

"Good morning, Jeff," greeted Mewtwo. "I assume you were the one that brought Ness home?"

Jeff nodded. "I just contacted Mr. Saturn and Paula. They'll be here soon and then we'll be out of your way."

"May I ask…?"

"Certainly," obliged Jeff. "Before I do, I need your promise that you will tell no one. I am about to reveal some details about Ness that are embarrassing."

Mewtwo arched an eye ridge. "If so, than why bother to tell?"

"If this happens again, I'll need the assistance of someone I can trust."

Ness was walking down the sidewalk, whistling the melody from a Bon Jovi single. He was heading towards a bingo hall. Now that there were no more monsters haunting Onett, his Father given him a ten-dollar allowance per week in lieu of his bounty hunting during the days of Gigas.

Ness tried blasting inanimate objects, hoping he could fool his Father. It was after blasting apart a container of biohazardous waste did he remember his Father always seem to knew how many enemies he defeated. With that ability, he would have no problem discerning that Ness was simply blasting harmless objects. He gave up soon after.

That cheap bastard, thought Ness.

At the entrance to the Bingo hall stood an employee. As ness tried to get past, the man held a palm outward.

"How old are you?"

"You don't need to know my age," replied Ness.

The employee's face went blank. "I don't need to know my age."

Ness blinked. That never happened before. He shrugged and went inside.

…and stepped off a teleportation pad. Two beings greeted him. Both were enormous Cyclopes with tentacles for limbs.

"Greetings," said one of them, "I am Kang."

He pointed a tentacle to his companion.

"This is Kudos, my sister."

Kudos waved a tentacle. "Hello."

"We are two explorers, who have travelled the vast expanse of your galaxy. We search for new forms of life, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

"Two aliens quoting Star Trek," said Ness in a shady tone. "It sounds to me that you thoroughly explored the trekkies conventions."

"I would not be so conceited if I were you," threatened Kang. "You see we have discovered your source of power."

Ness gave a feral grin. "Well come and get it then!"

Expecting alien rays and androids Ness braced himself.

He did not expect them to take his hat.

"NOOO!" screamed Ness.

"Quickly," commanded Kang, "teleport him back to the surface!"

Kudos rushed to her console and activated the teleportation pad.

They beamed Ness back onto the planet, right next to the bingo hall.

Ness clasped his arms tightly around himself.

"So cold," he uttered.

The bingo hall employee mimicked Ness.

"So cold," he uttered monotonously.

Mewtwo could not believe this tale. "Ness became catatonic with the removal of his hat?"

Jeff nodded sombrely. "I still have no idea why. His emotional attachment must be immense considering the number of years he wore that hat. It could be that he treasures no other object more."

(In space)

"Kudos," asked Kang, "what have you discern from your analysis of this object."

Kudos presented ten thin rectangular pieces of glossy material.

"The hat contained these inscriptions."

Kang read aloud. "One free Mach Pizza. One per customer per day."

Kudos starred in wonder. "What does it mean?"

Kang pulled his lips back in a devious smile.

"It means we shall have sufficient sustenance for this month's Star Trek marathon."

They both laughed manically for the next hour or so.