AUTHORS NOTE

DON'T be freaked out by the first sentence! This isn't THAT kind of fic! I'm not turning Yazoo into a drag-queen or anything! It's all for practical purposes.

This is not a sequal to the other Holding my thoughts inside. As said before, the short stories are idependent from each other... atleast for now.

Oh. I don't own any of these guys, but this beeing I guessed I wouldn't have to point that out...

Holding my thoughts inside: Mezmerised

Kadaj watched with a disapproving look on his face as Yazoo added the final touches of make-up to his face.

"I still think Loz should be the one going" he said, his anger not well hidden in his tone.

Yazoo didn't turn from watching his own reflection in the cracked mirror. He didn't want to look at his younger brother. Like a predator, looking into the eyes of an irritated Kadaj was just going to be regarded as a provocation for an attack. Therefore, he lowered his eyes as he moved on to spreading a thin layer of foundation on his exposed neck.

"We have been over this" he answered gently "Loz is not fit for such a thing. He is a little too… inattentive"

"He can still get the information we need!" Kadaj argued. Yazoo could hear him uncrossing his arms, a thing he did when he was angry.

"Not unnoticed" Yazoo replied "A huge white-haired man beating confessions out of random people is going to attract attention. Even in Midgar"

"So I'll go then!"

"You're needed here. You are the only one who knows how to make the preparations"

"That's just bullshit, Yazoo!"

Yazoo wished so much to let out a sigh, but he didn't dare. Why was Kadaj being so difficult all of a sudden? If he' been a normal teen, Yazoo could have blamed "the phase". But they weren't normal. And this wasn't puberty. Kadaj was changing, and not for the better.

"You wouldn't go unnoticed either" Yazoo answered his younger brother.

"Meaning I'm not as slick as you are?" Kadaj wasn't even trying to hide his anger any longer.

"Meaning that you're pray" Yazoo finally turned to his younger brother, although keeping his posture somewhat submissive "We know how amazingly strong you are, Kadaj, but people out there is not going to see that strength. They are going to see a pretty 16-year old boy walking all by himself in the deserted allies. They are going to come after you"

"Hmpf" Kadaj sneered "As if some street-scum is going to be a problem"

"I know they won't" Yazoo continued "But you killing of a gang of perverted gangsters is not to be considered discreet either"

"You're just as much a pretty-boy as I!" Kadaj stared into his brothers formerly pale face, which was now light brown "Maybe worse, with those huge eyes of yours"

"But I'm older. And taller"

"And not so high tempered I would go into a killing-spree" Yazoo silently added to himself.

"You're ill. You're weak" Kadaj pointed out coldly "Weakest of us all. You are the only one that might face danger out there"

"I'm also the one most fit to go" Yazoo replied silently "Or do you want HIM to know we are looking for him? What about your plan then?"

Kadaj fell silent. Under lashes and bangs, Yazoo dared to look at him. He was biting his lower lip, arms crossing over his chest as he was thinking it over. He looked like a kid not getting his way, which is kind of how things were, but still not. Kadajs eyes were no longer the eyes of a child. Most of the time, his gaze were as hard as two cold emeralds. Only for brief moments would he wake up from the tough shell he shielded his mind in. And then he would be all torn up. Especially from those nightmares …

"I … I just don't want you to get hurt" Kadaj finally spoke, his voice small "I don't want you to disappear … like Sephiroth did"

"Kadaj… I won't disappear" Yazoo replied as he finally dared to meet his brothers now saddened eyes.

"You promise?"

Dear Gaia how small he looked all of a sudden. So alone. So fragile.

"He's still just a child" Yazoo thought, knowing it was untrue "And I can't promise a thing. I can't promise I won't disappear. I'll do anything to protect you… anything!"

"You promise?"

"Yes, I promise. I'll always be at your side"

Kadaj smiled. It wasn't pleasant.

"… anything"

"It's almost scary how different you look" Loz pointed out as Yazoo entered the room which formally might have been known as the living room.

Instead of his usual black leather, Yazoo was wearing a pair of old jeans, which were a little too big, a grey T-shirt and a worn-out old biker jacket. The skin on his face was no longer pale and albino-like, but a healthy brownish colour. To cover up the flaws in his make-up, Yazoo had smeared some dirt into his face. That way people wouldn't notice if his skin-colour was uneven. The radiance in his eyes were somewhat covered behind a pair of dark, coloured glasses.

"And what the hell did you do to your hair?" Loz continued.

Bothered, Yazoo ran a glove-covered hand through his now dark-grey hair.

"I smeared some coal-stained water into it. It took better then I had expected" Yazoo answered.

Loz put a fist over his mouth, but that didn't stop Yazoo from hearing the half-muffled giggle.

"What?" his eyes snapped to Loz, voice harsh.

"Oh no. Your precious hair" Loz said, still failing to hide his smile and the amusement in his voice.

"I will have you know it's going to be hell to wash this out!" Yazoo exclaimed angrily.

"I could just cut it off for you" Loz mused, gesturing towards a small knife used to cut twigs, lying on a box near him.

Yazoo stared at Loz as if his brother had volunteered to carve his lungs out with a rusty spoon. Loz broke into violent laughter at Yazoos startled expression.

"Glad I amuse you" Yazoo said, almost making the mistake of rubbing his forehead "I'll be leaving now"

He wasn't even half-way to the door when he heard Loz voice.

"It still think I should be the one going"

Yazoo turned slowly to him.

"What?" he said.

"I should go" Loz continued "You know, you're not all well and all and I think I might be better off trying to…"

He didn't have time to finish his point until Yazoo had closed the distance between them and driven a 180 kick into Loz's shoulder, sending him flying out of the old sofa he'd been sitting in. He crashed into the wall on the opposite side of the room. Surprised and grinning from pain, he looked at Yazoo from the floor.

"THE HELL YAZZ!" he growled.

"If ANYONE says ANYTHING even along the line of that to me AGAIN I'm going to beat that person into a bloody pulp!" Yazoo screamed "And that goes for you as well!"

Then he walked out of the house and slammed the door shut behind him.

"Yeesh. Okay. Whatever" Loz mumbled.

"Be careful!" Kadaj called from the other room.

That's that. Rewievs are more then welcome! Thanks for reading!