Ahh, well, it's something to the tune of three in the morning here now that I've finished writing this chapter and editing it with what crappy skills I can muster together. Sorry if there are a ton of grammatical inaccuracies or anything. Meh… well. This hopefully will tide you all over for a bit. Although, I do have this thought that considering I have a wait in Seattle for four hours before I get to go on a plane to DC that will take another five hours that I might be amusing myself in a notebook, dishing out some of the next chapter. Hopefully there will be more soon!

Also, I would like to dedicate this chapter to Spoofmaster, in honor of her birthday. Isn't that speeecial?

Reviews, you lovely people. May the voice of evil that has recently poisoned my brain not poison yours!

Feagliniel: Yeah, getting along a bit… for the moment. Hehe. School is evil! Needed, but evil. Aren't you glad you're done? Freee… for the most part.

kingmaker: I hope that it is a good vacation. Very planned out, so I should think it will be fine. And I think just being unable to carry out whatever evil whim he has is doing a world of good for Sauron. smirks Mad skills… oh yeah, you'll be seeing some of those later on. For sure. Muehehehe. I'm glad it was a good chapter! Hopefully this will be good as well. The British Isles? Well… for some reason I feel like I promised those to somebody already. I have too much to remember, I really should write it down. And also, it is mandatory of all those who wish to have any sort of rank when I rule the universe to swear fealty to me. So if you're up to that, then I'll see what I can do about the isles. Latin thus far only gave me a headache and the inability to figure out some English words in the 'comparative' and 'superlative' things… I got really confused. Started using more/most in place of er/est, and vice versa. Although in first year we did have to write a story and I made mine about Haldir. shrugs My poor teacher…

AzureDragoness: Clubs… that works I guess. Not much else you can do, eh? Sounds like we'd be on the same level though, since if I wielded anything sharp I'd probably hurt myself the most! reads plea Mmm… can't runaway… and I'm sorry because this chapter might be the worse for suspense… but I'll get another chapter up. I'm still aiming to wrap up the story this summer. Hopefully…

Carmen: My dad DROPPED me when I was a baby. I think that explains a lot. That and the Scandinavian and French blood and long exposure to heat. And I know about cicadas… they are always there. …Just not millions of those 17 year old ones. You realize, they are older than we are? Sick.

Kit Cloudkicker: It's called male stupidity for a reason, isn't it?

AAAClub: Hm… reviewers seem to be giving me a lot of sugar right now. That's all I need for my hyperactiveness…. Hehehe, oh well. Sugar is gooood. smiles I like bows. They make me smile. Especially at this time when just about everything I see makes me smile!

Darth T-Rex: Now, the idea of a mace and a club are very similar, aren't they? Just one has big pointy metal spikes… heh.

Spoofmaster: Yeaaaaah, I'm leaving. I'll try and update though, of course. Happy Birthday too!!!!

Passing by: I don't know how well my brain would handle having surgery on it. Already so messed up, it might actually fix it or something you know. But of course I'll have a notebook. It's just too bad that I get car sick or I could write while we're driving everywhere too… I'm glad that you enjoy it that much! It's always such a compliment to hear that something you've written has made somebody laugh.

Twisted Mary Sue: The sister I hope will be cool… she's gonna be interesting. To write at least. And yeah, she'd be like you in some things, eh? nudge nudge wink wink Anyways, that snippet was lovely. I was just so inspired. Hehehehe. But I dare say it's about write. Sheesh, Forkie has some problems… Anywho, the song seems to have a smashing start to it!

XNemesis: Oooo… recommendations! That's always spiffy. Rolling pins are scary, I agree, but not as scary as walls. And the floor in general. It I want to pull off any sort of coordination, it takes a lot of concentration. I have a knack for tripping and running into things…

Ruler-of-Da-World: My room is becoming disgusting. Some might argue… but it's seriously getting on my nerves. twitch I'll have to clean tomorrow. And then I leave in a day or so anyways! Ugh… oh well. Oh… well, hello cousin person if you happen to see this sometime. Glad you like. Mmm… no, Haldir was the only one who died. The rest are just coming over from Middle-earth. Robes… eh, I dunno. I was sorta thinking tunics too, you know, then you can do all that nice ensemble matching with the tunic part and leggings or if it's cold a nice undershirt! Ooo… wow, okay, that was the lack of rest speaking. But a couple different things, I'm sure. And I bet the old one was burned. Hehehe. Mm mm mmm…. Yes. That's the ticket.

Uuugh… well. Here's the chapter! I hope you enjoy it!

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Having slept the whole night, Haldir felt much better in the morning when he got up. It was still earlier than he normally would have risen, but he knew that he needed the day to prepare for his family to come. He figured that it was an important enough thing that he could sacrifice some sleep for it.

Digging through his clothes, Haldir found a clean tunic and yanked it over his head, then looked at the mess of unfolded clothes and wondered if he should fold them. He quickly decided that there were more important things and that if he had time he could see to it later.

He stumbled his way downstairs and went to the kitchen. As usual, the other two inhabitants of the house were already up. Elhith, as ever, was making breakfast. Sauron, as ever, was sitting at the table doing nothing more productive than staring at the patterns on the ceiling.

Long ago Haldir had figured that if Elhith was willing to go through the trouble to always cook for them, then he could at least try and help out. This meant that most of the time Haldir was doing dishes and serving things, everything but the actual cooking.

To fulfill his duty, Haldir made his way over to the cupboards and pulled out the plates and glasses, then to another drawer to get the silverware. He carefully stacked these and carried them to the table, setting them down in front of Sauron.

Sauron jolted out of his staring fit and looked at Haldir. "What am I supposed to do with that?" he asked.

"Set the table."

Sauron considered him, then the dishes. "And what do you plan on doing while I am accomplishing that?"

"Watch."

"Is this a sort of twisted entertainment or something?" Sauron asked suspiciously.

"No," Haldir said honestly. "I just know that when my family comes and there are more people around that everybody will end up having to do something. It's likely that down the line you might have to set the table, and I just want to make sure that you can do it."

"I think that you're just slacking off and want me to do it."

Haldir smiled. "Maybe just a little."

Shaking his head, Sauron nonetheless got up and started putting everything out. Haldir was again a bit surprised at this, but didn't say anything because he was pretty sure that it would made him stop.

Haldir watched a bit, and then cleared his throat. "The fork goes on the left," he said.

Sauron looked up at him, scowling once more.

"Just telling you."

"Does it really matter which side the stupid fork goes on? It's not like it will impair your ability to use it if it is on the right!" Sauron said, pointing one of the forks at Haldir.

Haldir put one finger on the fork and slowly pushed down so that it wasn't pointing quite so dangerously at him. "That's just the way it is. You put the fork on the left, and then on the right the knife and then the spoon."

"Why? That has to be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Which is saying something because I've heard numerous amounts of things worth such a title."

"It's just the way it has always been."

"Are you saying that you're born with this innate sense that this is the order in which everything goes when you set a table?"

"No, we learn."

"Then it wasn't always that way, was it?! You could have, like," Sauron sputtered for a moment, trying to think of something that the elves apparently could have done instead of what they did at the present. "You could have stuck the fork under the plate and crossed the spoon and knife on top of the plate just as easily!"

"No, that's not true," Haldir said calmly. "If you have the fork under the plate, then if you have already put food on your plate how are you supposed to get it? It inhibits your ability to get to it."

"Okay, then what about the order? Is there any particular reason that it goes the way it does?"

Haldir shook his head. "No, I don't believe so."

Sauron slapped his hand against his forehead. "You elves make no sense. That has no logical reasoning behind it! You just randomly decided that it should go in that order."

"Pretty much," Haldir consented.

"That is so… nonsensical."

"If it makes you feel any better, I agree with you."

Glancing at Haldir, Sauron narrowed his eyes. "You do?"

"No," Haldir said smiling. "I just felt like saying that so that I could ultimately disagree and be annoying."

"Well, it worked!" Sauron cried, letting his hand fall back to his side again.

"Great! About time that those sort of things worked."

"Oh, you're always annoying Haldir, it isn't like this is a recent development," Sauron said sulkily.

Haldir smiled smugly. "Only doing my job."

"I thought your job was to try and get me to stop being evil," Sauron said snidely, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Oh, you said evil!" Haldir said, pointing at him. "Now you're getting into that argument from so long ago, only by what you just said, it seems as though you have adopted my stance on the topic."

Sauron's expression turned a sour that was pretty noteworthy, even for him.

"Anyways, yes, I suppose that is what I should be doing," Haldir said with a thoughtful frown. "However this is much more fun, and you don't seem to want to be 'rehabilitated' or however you could phrase that eloquently."

"I thought elves were supposed to be good with words."

Haldir smiled. "And I thought that dark lords weren't supposed to squeal at clothes."

Sauron shut his mouth.

Stretching his arms back, Haldir continued to grin. "The things you set yourself up for."

"…That was a long time ago," Sauron finally said.

"Long ago? It was a year or something."

"Well, then that's a long time."

Haldir cocked an eyebrow. "Time must be going very slowly for you, hm?"

Sauron's expression actually fell a little bit. "You have no idea."

While he had thought to probe this a bit more, Haldir did not get the chance as at that moment Elhith appeared bearing the breakfast.

There was not much talk about the table that morning. Surprisingly, most days somebody would have been saying something. Normally this would mean that Elhith was just telling everybody else what he was thinking or considering at the moment, or Sauron and Haldir were picking at each other. Yet today through most of the meal it was quiet.

Then at the end however Sauron spoke up. "So, cleaning then?"

"Yes, cleaning."

"Cleaning?" Elhith repeated.

"Cleaning."

Sauron frowned. "Do you know that the word 'cleaning' was just used four times in the last ten seconds or so?"

"Do you know that that would be something that most people don't care about?" Haldir replied between bites.

"I do realize that. Also, did you know that you've been copying the way I've been phrasing things this morning?"

Haldir thought about it for a moment. "Well, so I have. Fancy that."

"No, I don't fancy that. It's getting really redundant. Think of a new way to sling what I say back in my face, will you?"

"Cleaning," Elhith said, bringing that topic back in focus. "And what does said cleaning entitle?"

"I suppose… the usual things that cleaning implies," Haldir said. He actually had never had to clean in his life, really. Wasn't like he had even had a real house before which needed to be taken care of in those sort of ways. Especially when he had been a marchwarden.

"You don't know what you're talking about, do you?" Sauron sneered.

"No, I don't," Haldir admitted after Elhith looked at him. "I'm sure that you do though, considering the shape your room was in."

"Of course. Only, cleaning is just one of those things that happens when you're organized. It only occurs because of what organizing entails."

"Mmhmmm… well, if that's what you tell yourself to make your cleaning fetish chime with the rules of being evil, go right ahead."

Sauron gave him an 'oh, I wish I could hurt you right now' glare.

Haldir was enjoying himself. So far, Sauron had been pretty docile even under the string of insults he had been shooting at him all morning. "Did you clean Barad-dur or anything? Sweep the ash plains? Then again, it'd be hard to clean dirt, wouldn't it?"

"ENOUGH!" Sauron screeched, pounding his fists on the table with such vigor that his hair fell forward into his face.

Both Elhith and Haldir jumped slightly.

Sauron took a deep breath and pushed his hair back again behind his ears. This seemed to allow him time to regain his cool. "Of course I didn't clean Barad-dur. That's what minions are for."

"Oh, yes, how could I forget?" Haldir said, nodding. "So I suppose you had some nice little tapestries hanging up saying 'home sweet home' and the like, right? Very warm atmosphere, regardless of the volcano?"

Sauron's jaw clenched, but he continued with the conversation. "Indeed. You have to have some nice embroidery to make a nice work environment. Sweets out in the front and everything too."

This was all quite a change for Haldir. Sauron was actually playing along. It was most definitely a first. True, he didn't seem to be quite comfortable with the whole thing, but he had kept it up. Might have snapped a bit earlier, but him snapping only once was pretty remarkable.

"Must have been a top class operation."

"Wouldn't function any other way."

At this point, Haldir actually didn't have anything more to say. He'd run into a wall.

Elhith looked back and forth between them, trying to figure out if either would speak again. When it started to become apparent that neither was going to speak, he got up and picked his plate up. "I suppose we had ought to start then?" he said as he made his way to set the plate away.

"Yes, probably," Haldir agreed as he stood up and followed.

Sauron didn't say anything, yet he got his stuff picked up and joined the line. "Is there any sort of plan you have for this?" Sauron asked in an offhand manner as he set his stuff down.

"Not really, just one room at a time I guess."

"No! Not like that!"

"Why not?"

"You have to have a plan."

"I have a plan."

"Really," Sauron said, more of a statement than a question.

"Yes. My plan is that we will clean."

"That's not what I meant in any way, shape, or form."

Haldir shrugged as he began to clean the dishes. "I know. See, I figured that you would want a plan, and so make one whether I wanted it or not. That being the case, why would I waste my time making a plan when I knew you would just make one later on?"

"I'm not that predictable, am I?" Sauron asked, his voice seeming to earnestly mean the inquiry.

"Depends. But that was a pretty sure bet, so it was predictable."

"Hm," Sauron just replied thoughtfully.

"So, tell us your almighty plan of house cleaning," Haldir said as he dried off the last dish.

This Sauron did, apparently coming up with everything on the spot. It did not take long before all of the different jobs that needed to be done were divvied up and they all scattered off to complete them.

Later on as Haldir pushed a large trunk back into place, dust and dirt all over his face and clothes, he decided that Sauron had probably separated out the jobs in such a way as to give him the most unpleasant ones. Of course when Sauron had told him what he would have to do it hadn't sounded that bad, yet he also didn't know the condition of a lot of the things he would be doing. Sauron, on the other hand, probably had noticed every ridiculous particle of dust. Or so Haldir figured as he brushed off his tunic, releasing a small cloud into the air. As he sneezed, he decided that he did not like cleaning.

He continued all that morning and into the early afternoon. During all that time, he had not come across Sauron or Elhith. Their different cleaning jobs obviously had to be on opposite sides of the house. However, considering this, Haldir got a bit suspicious. By then he figured that they would have crossed paths at least once, yet this had not happened.

Dropping the cloth he had been using for dusting, Haldir made his way downstairs. It had been his duty to see to the second floor, and although he wasn't responsible for Elhith's or Sauron's (not that his needed it) rooms, it still had been a lot of work. He had needed to clean the other rooms up for use, something that they hadn't really been seen to. Those rooms had just been there, left alone for the last year, and because of this they were a bit dirty. Still clean in the sense of picked up and everything, but remarkably dusty. Haldir regretted the fact that he had never even thought to clean those rooms before then. He was paying for it now.

After wandering the first story for a bit, he found both Sauron and Elhith sitting in the kitchen. Instantly Haldir felt quite put out and a bit irked too. "Well, what's this then?" he asked, sticking his hands on his hips.

Sauron looked at him over the brim of the glass he was drinking from. "Don't stand that way Haldir," he said after swallowing. "Only women stand like that."

Haldir frowned even more. He didn't want to know how Sauron had figured out his previously stated bit of knowledge on the stances women took. "I'll stand however it pleases me. Back to my question though. What's going on here?"

Elhith looked a bit uncomfortable, but Sauron looked unfazed. "We're done, so we stopped. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"Yes!" Haldir exclaimed. "I still have two rooms left! You gave me so much to do, and now you are all done and just letting me do it all by myself."

Sauron shook his head in a mock-sad way. "Haldir, did you ever think that perhaps you're just slow at this?"

"No," Haldir said instantly, considering his words afterwards.

"Well, between Elhith and myself, we have cleaned the whole downstairs. Yes, the upstairs is large, however you did not have to do two of the rooms so it should not be as bad. Down here there are even more rooms and junk all over to clean, since it is the area that is used the most. So, I think that leaves the only conclusion that you are just slow."

Haldir snorted, but did not reply this time. Sauron might have actually had a point.

"Takes a bit to get used to cleaning, Haldir. It's one of those things you just pick up as time goes."

Haldir sat at the table with them, pulling an extra glass off the counter behind him and filling it with whatever was in the pitcher on the table. "Do you know how pathetic it really is that you are the one telling me about the nature of cleaning?"

Sauron nodded. "The irony of the matter has not escaped my attention," he said into his glass.

"Good, at least you realize it."

They sat silent for a moment longer. "Well, was that fun?" Haldir asked.

Elhith looked at him. "What?"

"Not you. Sauron."

"Hm?"

"Getting to put everything in an order that suited you, did you enjoy that?"

Sauron leaned back in his chair. "I like having things my way and organized as I like, that is true. However I really don't care for cleaning and all that. It's just something I have to do because nobody but myself can get it the way I want it to be. And it isn't like I never tried to get other people to do that sort of thing. Just, whenever I ordered them to do that stuff, it never worked and I ended up doing it myself anyways. Then I was unhappy because I had to clean and also really hacked off because everybody else was too daft to get what I meant."

"That's acceptable then. I was a bit disturbed that you would actually enjoy cleaning. It was an even creepier thought than that of you cooking."

Sauron gave an almost smug half smile, rocking on the hind legs of his chair. "I'm sure that if I felt like it, I could share things which would be creepier to you by far than me cooking."

Haldir tried to think of something, but then decided that it probably wasn't a good train of thought to explore. "I'm not really one of those people who enjoys being creeped out."

"And I'm not really into sharing, so it all works out, doesn't it?"

"Yes, seems that it does."

There was another silence, once again broken. However this one was interrupted by the sound of a knock at the door.

They all looked at each other. Apparently that took a minute because there was another series of knocks in this time.

"Well, somebody get the door," Sauron finally said, a note of exasperation in his voice.

Haldir got up, as did Elhith. Although Haldir did not see it while he went to the door, he heard Elhith convincing Sauron to come along too.

So he came to the door, Elhith beaming behind him as he always did and Sauron adopting a more surly expression.

And with that he opened the door, finding himself instantly drowned in his sister's embrace and the sounds of his brother's greeting him before he quite knew what had happened.

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laughs manically Hahahahaaaaaaa… now you still have to wait to meet the family. Is that a bit cruel? Hehe. Oh well. It'll come eventually. You guys just have to have patience… something that I don't have myself, but that's okay. Anyways, until my next update, have a good summer!!!