Aaaaahhh haha. Yes, I'm back. Took long enough, I know. But school is evil. Especially history. Wah. It's okay though… I have a four day weekend again. Weee. Those are always good. So my goal of the weekend was to write a chapter. And I did! Ergo, I feel much better. I accomplished something! …Now for homework.

Anyways, thank you all for bearing with me on this… I'll try to update as often as I can!

Reeeeeviewers!

Dark Borg Drone: Haha… yeah, Sauron wasn't so bad in the LAST chapter. But times change… I have a beta fish. It's name is Hal, not from Haldir, but from the little elvish word part meaning "little fish." Yes, I look up useless stupid things.

Ruler-of-Da-World: …I just had this scary mental image when you were talking about maia being the sort to read… and I think I'll keep it to myself. Haha… verbal arguments… yeah, those will show up again. "But he's insane and doesn't count." Yeah… that about wraps that up!! Mary Poppins? Haha… no, I don't think so. Maybe he taught her all he knew, hm? I've been waiting to bring the finger thing up ever since I had this part of the story planned…. Which was a long time ago. Haa. Ah… and you and your Elrond shirt. Nice.

XNemesis: Well, Haldir and Sauron are both dense and don't notice it. And egging her on…? Not yet… La… oh, and I truly am sorry about the comma thing. I just… if I don't know where I'm missing them, I can't fix it. I am sorry it bothers you though. Really.

Spoofmaster: No poor Sauron. Sauron sucks. He killed Finrod. Bloo.

Kingmaker: Yeah, Valinor probably has a secret weapons area labeled "Just on the Off Chance Something Fluky Happens With Sauron…" Mm… well, Haldir hasn't been around the female gender much, I mean, even around Lalaith much. So he's not really sure how to go about things with her, I don't think. But he tries… just doesn't do well. And as for wounds… it's one thing for somebody else to have it, and quite another for you to. Also, I suspect him to be a bit, uh… careful around his phalanges, so having something happen so close to that are might be a bit nasty, you know? And thank you for your compliments, it's those sort of comments that keep me going!

Midnight Proc: Hahaa… Poor Lalaith. I pity her somewhat. Then again she's fictional so not really. But you'll get to know all about the lovely little happenings once Haldir takes some actions to his realizations…

Phoenix Golden Fire: Mmm… I'm evil and fantastic? Okay. Haha. Um… Again, sorry that the update wasn't as prompt, but I'm doing what I can. Hopefully this is okay…

Mistress Koishii: Well, that was right to the point!

Black Thunder44: I hope they continue to be great chapters!

AzureDragoness: No, definitely not something you want to reason out. Oo… Icecream? Squee! I like ice cream… too bad my dad is sugar-phobic. And my mom can't reason with him on it so… hm. You know, the sad thing about this is I knew EXACTLY where I wanted to go… I just actually didn't have the time. Which stinks, cause all the ideas are floating in your head, but you can't let them out! Ugh. But some are out now, that's good.

Crow: I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Hopefully you'll continue to do so!

FlameTalon: Oooo… that was a very nice compliment! Thank you thank you thank you! It would be nice to get paid… hehehe. Alas, I do not… yet at least. Maybe someday. That would be quite spiffy. Thanks for the review, that was speeecial.

Kit Cloudkicker: Yeah, the Valar are crazy. And so I am. Mixes well, yes? Ehehe… well, there wouldn't be a story if they hadn't let him out, would there?

Vorbariel: I agree with you, and yet I disagree… just because I know where I'm going and the crap is coming up. So you just have to give it time, I'm dipping my feet in the bakunka in this chapter. Patience! It's coming.

GollumRox: You know I don't like talking on the phone. We all must make sacrifices. Neur. I mean, hel-LO? My slug!

JadedFire: Well, you could see a possible romance… but… you'll just have to read I guess. Ha.

Grammar nazi: Tevildo, yes? Well… I did think about that when I went to write the chapter, but then I figured that since that was in the Lost Tales, and in fact the part talking about cats that way really was later replaced with Sauron in Tol-in-Gaurhoth and all that… so I decided that the whole cat thing might have been abandoned and that I could just say that elves could like cats in that case. So… there was my reasoning!

Randa: I'm glad that you're enjoying it! That is good! I would like to use your suggestion… but I pretty much have the rest of the story mapped out now. Otherwise I'd probably be able to sneak it in. But there shall be pranks in the future… that's in the map!

Aaaah, wow. That was a lot. I feel quite loved. Haa… well. This chapter might not be the most humorous… I personally feel like it has more head slapping moments. But that's just the way it went! This sets up the events for… well… I guess it starts the chain for what remains of the story. So maybe it's a bit more plotty… I dunno. But I hope you enjoy it either way!

…

She loved him!

Haldir blinked up at the ceiling from his position on the floor, so baffled that he didn't even think about getting up for a moment. It was just too much for his brain to handle.

Slowly he sat up, rubbing his head where he had hit it on the floor. Haldir was just glad that Sauron had left the room a moment after Lalaith and so had not been present when he had been hit with his nasty realization.

No, he quickly told himself. There had to be a more logical explanation than that. It didn't make sense! It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever considered!

As he picked up the chair from the floor and pushed it back under the table, Haldir tried to think of a more reasonable conclusion. Unfortunately, however, the more he thought about it, the more cemented it was in his head. The idea wouldn't shake loose; it obstinately glared in his thoughts, demanding to be the only answer.

It was too much. What was Lalaith thinking? Haldir quickly came to the realization that she wasn't. If she was, this wouldn't have happened.

So, if she wasn't thinking, then something had to be done. Well… even if she had been thinking, Haldir wouldn't just have let it go. Lalaith might not know who "Iaewur" really was, but Haldir did, and that was all that really mattered at the moment. He would do something, save her from going down that road too far.

He would go talk to her. Perhaps, somehow, he was wrong in his deductions. Yet, if he was right, then he could smash the whole thing before it got too carried away. There wasn't any other choice but to talk to her.

So with that, Haldir marched from the kitchen, up the stairs, and to Lalaith's room.

The door was shut, leading Haldir to figure that Harma might be in there, so he was obligated to knock and wait for an answer. Haldir quickly got the okay to enter, and cautiously (on account of not wanting to let the cat out) entered the room.

Lalaith was sitting on her bed, Harma perched in her lap. As he came in, Lalaith looked up at him and smiled. "What brings you up here?" she asked cheerfully.

"We… need to talk," Haldir said hesitantly, feeling painfully awkward.

Although she did frown thoughtfully, Lalaith just nodded her head. "Well, sit down," she said, gesturing to her bed.

Smiling uneasily, Haldir sat down on the edge of the bed, scratching the back of his neck. Where to start? he asked himself, looking sidelong at his sister, who was obviously becoming more baffled by his behavior as the seconds passed.

"What do you need to talk about, Haldir?" she asked finally.

Haldir opened his mouth, trying to find a way to speak less bluntly than he usually did. "You did very well earlier," he said slowly.

Lalaith's expression betrayed that she was not fooled by his first comment and knew that there was something else. "Haldir, you've never been good at beating around the bush. Just put yourself out of your misery and say it straight, as you do best," she said with a small smile.

Although still drastically uncomfortable, Haldir did manage to return her smile somewhat. "I was just wondering…" he began, "what you're feelings for Iaewur happened to be…"

Unfortunately, rather than simply responding with something along the lines of 'why do you ask?' Lalaith promptly blushed, her eyes darting away from his the moment he had spoken. Haldir felt the pit of his stomach drop. All she was doing was confirming his worst suspicions.

"Well..?" he pressed for something more definite, wanting an answer and not really wanting one all at the same time.

Lalaith fiddled with a lock of hair for a moment. "I, um… well…" she muttered softly, still not looking at him.

"Lalaith?"

She raised her head, meeting his gaze for a brief moment before dropping it again and letting out a nervous laugh. "I'm not exactly sure myself…" she admitted finally.

However, it was not an 'I honestly don't know what I think.' It was an 'there's something, I just don't want to talk about it' sort of thing.

Haldir groaned. It was sick. It was just all sick. It made him want to pound his head on a table, hopefully killing wherever the knowledge of the whole thing lived in his mind. And to make it worse, he couldn't explain to Lalaith why it was so bad in a reasonable way. While keeping Sauron's identity had been a direct command to Sauron himself, it obviously ran off to everybody else who knew. So what argument could Haldir make to get Lalaith to stop having these 'feelings' which would carry any weight at all?

"Lalaith, I don't know what that means."

Lalaith's discomfort seemed to be at about the same level as Haldir's now, and she turned defensive. "Why are you asking me about this? Does it make a difference?"

If only you knew… "You're my sister," Haldir tried to explain. "I'm just trying to look out for you."

At this, Lalaith narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why would you have to 'look out for me' when it's over somebody who lives in this house who you apparently know?"

Yeah, and that is why I have to look out for you… "There are things about him that you don't know, Lalaith, and I think that it would be better if you were able to… un…like him, or something," he said haltingly, mentally smacking himself for his horrible abilities with language.

Something struck a chord this time, though, but Haldir didn't really think it was anything positive. "What don't I know about him?" she asked.

"Pretty much everything. I mean, you admitted that you rarely spoke."

"So?" was Lalaith's retort.

Haldir continued, shifting the topic just slightly. "He's not who you think he is."

Lalaith's demeanor was turning frosty. "Well, who is he then?"

Haldir sighed. "I can't tell you," he said softly.

"You can't tell me?" she repeated, raising a brow. "Then, maybe he'll tell me."

"He can't tell either."

"Then how do I know that this isn't just some weird thing you've made up to try and 'protect' me?"

"I wouldn't make something like this up, Lalaith! If you knew who he was, you'd understand!"

Lalaith rolled her eyes. "I'm sure." She frowned, shaking her head. "Stop being so overbearing; I'm not a little kid anymore."

Haldir gripped what he could of his short hair, sighing in frustration. "I know Lalaith, I know, but if you're not willing to even listen to me when I know what I'm talking about, you're not making a very good case for yourself."

As soon as he said it, Haldir knew that it was the wrong thing to say. "Is that so, Haldir?" she said icily. "You're just assuming that this is some childish whim then? I'm not capable of having responsible feelings or something?"

"That's not what I meant, and you know it," Haldir said quickly.

"No, I don't know it. You haven't given me one good reason why I should listen to what you're saying. In fact, the more you've said, the more you've disproved yourself."

Haldir couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had planned for trouble… but not trouble in the sense of her not listening. "Lalaith, please…"

"That's enough, Haldir," she said, the finality in her voice indisputable. "Please, go."

"I-"

"Just. Go," she stressed, resting against her wall, not looking at him as he left.

Haldir shut the door, leaning back against it with a frown. There was no hope of Lalaith listening to him now; no matter what he said, it wouldn't change anything. It was the stupid stubborn pride of their family, one of the traits that Lalaith had sadly been unable to escape as well.

He did want to save her as much heartache as was possible though. Who knew how long this could go on if let alone, and the thought of Lalaith just… pining away, as it were, was not favorable at all.

For a moment he waited there, thinking of ways to shorten the duration of this crazy mess. Obviously, he could not do anything from Lalaith's side. So that only left one other option: the other side. And that meant talking to Sauron about it.

Still, it was not a very nice thought. It was a bit embarrassing for Haldir to even think about telling Sauron that his little sister had taken a fancy to him. It was all wrong. He could just about envision Sauron's jeers for that… but it was risk Haldir was willing to take, to see if perhaps Sauron would do something. They had, after all, been getting along on decent terms lately, so maybe it would not be too difficult to persuade him to somehow put an end to Lalaith's hopes.

Haldir shuddered, his insides squirming from even having to consider it. Yes, it would be best to put an end to it before it truly got started.

A bit reluctantly, Haldir went downstairs again. He wasn't certain where Sauron had headed after leaving the kitchen, but he had a fairly good guess.

And true to that guess, Haldir found Sauron once again reading in the living room. Haldir was seriously starting to wonder what was so interesting in those books.

This time in trying to come up with his plan of how to approach the subject, Haldir was not even going to try and be tactful. It didn't help him at all. He would just say it. But in that was the main problem.

He sat on the chair next to the couch, not that surprised when Sauron ignored him. "Sauron?" he said, slightly exasperated, mostly from the fact that he didn't want to speak but had to.

Sauron looked at him over the top of his book.

Haldir opened his mouth to speak, but then all his thoughts blocked up and he wasn't able to figure out where to start.

After looking at him for a moment and letting out a long sigh, Sauron put down his book and sat up. "You know, it's times like these that I really wish I could still read thoughts…" he said under his breath as he relaxed back against the cushions. "You're free to talk whenever you want to, you know."

Shutting his mouth for a second, Haldir nodded. "I needed to say something which I'm not really that comfortable saying… that's why I'm having a bit of trouble here."

"'A bit' might be an understatement," Sauron muttered. "Anyways, go on."

"It's about Lalaith," Haldir said, trying very hard to prepare himself for the impending teasing he was likely to get from this.

Sauron raised a brow. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Haldir said with a sigh, looking at the ground. "She kinda happens to… like you… a bit."

There was a slight pause. "What?" Sauron asked, frowning.

"Do you really have to make me repeat it?" Haldir whined a bit.

Sauron shook his head at him. "What do you mean?"

"I meant what I said," Haldir snapped, not wanting to repeat it if he could help it.

"How'd you figure that out?" Sauron asked, seeming to be genuinely baffled at the moment.

"Just after she helped with your hand. I guess it was just a brother's realization or something… it just occurred to me suddenly."

"Well, couldn't you be assuming wrong then?"

Haldir shifted uncomfortably. "No, I went and asked her about it."

Sauron frowned again, putting his hands behind his head thoughtfully. "How did I miss that…" he wondered aloud, but then shook his head. He turned to Haldir again, a slight smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "So, why are you telling me this? There has to be some reason, because I know that you would never admit something like that without some motivation."

"True," Haldir conceded. "I was wondering if you could put an end to it, somehow…"

"Another favor, Haldir?" Sauron asked, an expression of 'you wish' on his face. "Last time I did that, I found something that I wanted not being granted…"

"Yes, but what you want is something you know I can't let you do!"

Sauron shook his head. "You could. There hasn't been anything forbidding me from seeing…" For a second his voice dropped, his eyes glaring daggers, but then his expression cleared. "… the halfling."

"I think it was one of those things that was so obvious that they didn't figure that they needed to tell."

"Well, maybe they should have," Sauron snipped.

"Anyways…" Haldir said, tiring of that topic as he always did. "Please? There's no reason to lead her on that way, and I don't want her to be hurt," Haldir said, disgusted that he was having to reason this out with Sauron of all people.

"Why don't you just talk to her about it?" Sauron asked slowly.

"I already tried… but I didn't do very well. Actually, I did bad. I think I made it worse, in fact."

Sauron smirked. "You would, wouldn't you?"

Haldir didn't reply.

For a few minutes Sauron didn't reply, clearly considering the matter. Haldir was not entirely sure what he was having to think about, but thought better than to ask.

Finally, Sauron looked at him again. Although his expression gave nothing away, Haldir had a feeling that something was not right. "Will you take me to Tol Eressea?" Sauron asked evenly.

Not exactly sure what was going on, Haldir shook his head. "No…."

"Are you sure?" he pressed.

"Yes."

Sauron smiled now, that malicious, impish, disgusting smile that Haldir hated. "Well, that being the case," he said, waving his hand, "I suppose I should tell you that I will do everything in my power to keep her feeling that way, and hopefully drag her down even more, until you take me to Eressea."

The words spun in Haldir's head for a moment, reluctant to make sense. Or rather, while they did make sense, he did not want to accept it. "What?" he said flatly.

"You won't take me to Eressea, and I want to go. You just spilled out a huge scenario that I can use to my advantage. Since you don't want your sister to continue 'fancying' me and all that, I'm going to do what I can so that she does. By my logic, you will eventually cave and give in to my request. At that time, I will subsequently stop my ruse and let her off."

Haldir's brain felt numb. He couldn't believe this. "How would you ever be able to pull something like that off?" Haldir asked, trying to find a hole.

Sauron continued to smile. "You'd be surprised at what I could pull off. Think of the rolls I've had to act out before. This is something I excel at. And after all, I did spend a lot of time around you elves in Hollin and observed most of your customs. Courting was one that was hard to miss."

"Stop." Haldir felt sick. It all had to be a dream. Maybe he was still laying on the floor of the kitchen after having fallen backwards in his hair. Unfortunately, his mind would not let him off that easily.

"I don't think there should be any trouble, though. Just talking about it is already getting to you. I have no reason to think that I'll have to toy with her feelings for a length of time that would do anything to permanently hurt her. For a while, maybe, but nothing of a substantial length."

As Sauron spoke, Haldir slowly felt his anger begin to bubble up. He was so dismissive of her feelings! It didn't matter at all! Although Haldir knew he shouldn't be surprised by that, somehow the fact that it was his sister, his poor, innocent, baby sister, that was getting dragging into the whole thing made it much worse. His ears were pounding, his head was ringing, and his jaw was clenched so tightly that it felt like he'd never be able to open it again.

And then Sauron said the words that pushed Haldir over the edge.

After having tapped his chin for a second, he spoke, his voice dripping with the twisted enjoyment he was getting from the whole thing. "But you know, it should be better than when I normally had to put up a false front. Previously, I always had to, in one denotation of the word, seduce men in positions of power to my side. This time I just have to seduce one misguided girl. The fact that she is decently fair doesn't hurt."

Haldir lost it. He wouldn't allow him to even say such things!

Perhaps it was not the brightest thing the elf had done. Sauron had always proved to be stronger than Haldir, but Sauron wasn't blindingly mad at the moment. Haldir's one advantage was the rage that absolutely consumed him.

He lunged, wrapping his hands around Sauron's neck. "HOW DARE YOU!?!" he bellowed, his grip tightening.

Sauron looked up at him, his face both shocked and puzzled at the same time. That being the case, he hadn't really started to try and get Haldir to let go yet.

"NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN! STAY AWAY FROM HER!"

Finally Sauron seemed to overcome some of his shock. "You're… holding a bit tight…" he rasped, grabbing Haldir's wrists and trying to dislodge his hold.

Haldir, however, did not let go. "Don't do it…" he whispered fiercely, slowly releasing him and standing up.

Sauron was considering Haldir as though he was a crazed maniac -- which at the moment he pretty much was -- and slid back up to his former position on the couch. His shock dissolved pretty quickly however, and as Haldir left the room, he piped up. "You know, I will still go through with it, even if you do rampage and all. And to be frank… I think you'd be making it worse in Lalaith's eyes by doing that."

Haldir acknowledged his words as likely to be true, but did not respond. Instead he just kept walking, out the room, until he met the nearest wall, where he proceeded to bang his head against its hard surface multiple times.

…

There it is! As I say, I'll update as I can… which might not be until the next long weekend when I can stay up until four in the morning and all that good stuff. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it! Ooo… and on another note… GollumRox and I started a website… so I'll be posting the TTT spoof on there along with other random junk… maybe even some art. I'll have to see. So just check there sometimes, if you're bored. The link is probably on my bio!