Yeaaa an update! Although it has been a month since my last update, I can tell you that the story will be done this summer as I only have two more chapters to write, so there shouldn't be too much more waiting. There is only one more real chapter and then I'm thinking I might do a sort of epilogue-ish thing after that. Maybe. We shall see. But that's it. It will be DONE.
So you knoooow... I have had many a difficulty with this chapter, because it deals with... stuff that's kinda close to serious. Haha heh... But, in all honesty, it was awkward for me to write. I can't exactly say why, cause then I'd be going into things that would kinda mess with the ending, but maybe I'll explain when it's all done. I hope it's not too awkward to read, though.
To all those who review, thank you very much! I truly appreciate it, even it's just a few words.
Napolde of the Council: Well, of COURSE they shouldn't have had all that booze! When have drunk people ever done anything good! Haha.
XNemesis: Oh... I bet you had a lot of catching up to do with your e-mail, hm? I hate that. Like now... and I still am checking every couple of days. Drunken fun... oh yes, well, pain is funny when it happens to other people. I'm glad you are amused, and I hope you got all those reviews done.
Black Thunder44: Yeees... fireworks. Note how I cleverly skipped the whole process of making it since I had no idea how and didn't feel like being classy and looking it up. Haha.
Arzosah: School... yes, it is a creativity zapper if there ever was one. My thing lately was travel... but I worked around it and was able to write a chapter anywho... although I had to write it and then type it up and all that crap which wasn't particularly cool. Heck yes, I daresay Sauron was a pyro. /laughs/ That whole flaming eye insignia thing and the living by a volcano... yeah. Haha.
Midnight Proc: Don't... do those moves. /shudder, laughs/ They... well, we know what those are. Drunks themselves should never be trusted. Haha... Stupid Sauron. Dunno where that came from, but it did. But yes, poor Lalaith... not cool to toy with emotions. Well... it is. But it's not nice, in any case. Time... could make me write better chapters. Yet, maybe not. Maybe it's because sometimes I'm cool enough to read over them when I'm not half asleep! As I've said before, I'm extremely proud of you for sticking with the story. It's... amazing, as you haven't even read the books and all. Go you. Many a bonus point. ...Yup.
Legolas's Girl 9: Yeaaa! I'm glad you like the story, and I hope you will like the last couple of chapters as well! Out of curiosity, how long did it take you to read through it all?
kingmaker: Wee, I did something cool with POVs! And I had to get Gandalf in there somehow. Drunk!Sauron... was something very odd to write, let me tell you. But that last chapter wasn't as bad as the end of the one before... that just started to creep me out as I went along. Huzzah for good writing... and just so you know, I love your reviews because you comment on the writing and not just the story. That... I quite like. Oooh ooh, but I used Olorin later! I was so proud of myself on that. I dunno why I didn't use it in the first instance... but obviously, at the time, I had some reason. Maybe. Hahaa... ugh. Anything dealing with Sauron and his 'relationship' also causes me to have slight squirming fits, so this chapter was rather awkward... although, once I go back and read it, that sort of thing usually makes me kinda laugh. And resolving things... that... also makes it awkward. Because there is clearly only one real way to resolve it (as I see it, at least), and that way somehow just doesn't seem quite right... but it's the only way. We'll see how it works out.
Snodgrass Winkle: Refreshing? Why thank you. That is a new compliment and quite a nice one at that. I can't picture Haldir drunk either. It just doesn't seem like a very elf-like thing. /blinks/ Yes, your comment about Sauron did sound really weird. /laughs/ Haha, but that's okay. Weird is applauded here.
Crystal113: Haha... yes they set it on fire. Sauron being nice is just whack and I think it does weird things to the synapses in my brain. They fire weird or something. Aaaah... Sauron. /tries to think of words to express thoughts but can't/ Yeaaah. He's just speecial. It's like a soap, isn't it? Haha... creepy. Oooh yes.. homework. It's a bugger. I'm now taking an online course and preparing for my english class next year... so sometimes it doesn't feel like I got out of school at all!
Spoofmaster: Greebo. Haha. How is that cat anywho? Drunken morons are... I dunno. Was gonna think of something clever but that's way beyond me. Revelations... are serious normally and therefore strange little buggers. Woe to them that have a nose, a real nose! Aha aha aha!
The return trip wasn't anything special. They went back to their room and picked up their things, which took all of three minutes since they hadn't even opened their packs since arriving and had already paid for their rooms the day before.
Once they had gotten their stuff, they made their way back to the docks and waited. Haldir asked a sailor who had just disembarked from his ship for any information concerning the one they needed to find, and was told that it should be arriving in an hour or so.
His estimate was right on, and an hour later the ship sailed into the harbor. Haldir was again left to take care of the arrangements and, since most of them had been figured out the day before, they were able to board without any problem.
Although Sauron hadn't been particularly inclined to talk the rest of the morning, he was absolutely silent on the ship. By now Haldir had expected such, so he went and found some of the sailors who were not busy at the moment to talk with.
Once back at Valinor, they retrieved their horses and rode on home. Haldir couldn't help but smile a bit at Sauron's change of attitude regarding the horse. It was obvious that he did not care for the animal, but he was not cursing at it or glowering at the back of its head for the whole ride.
It was once they had reached the streets of Valmar that Sauron finally began to talk. "I suppose it's close to dinner?" he asked, his voice distant.
Haldir glanced at him. "Yes. I wouldn't be surprised if they are finishing up about now."
A small frown. "I suppose, if they aren't done yet, I could wait and... take care of it afterwards."
"If that is the case, I could take everybody out then, if you like."
"I would appreciate that, yes..." replied Sauron thoughtfully.
The remainder of the walk to the house was silent. Shifting his pack and taking a deep breath, Haldir prepared for the onslaught that would no doubt coincide with their entrance.
He turned the knob and stepped inside, glancing around. There was nobody in the hall. Letting out the breath that he hadn't known he was holding, Haldir moved in a bit more to make room for Sauron.
"I suppose we should probably find where they are and let them know that we're back rather than waiting until they find us," Haldir reasoned sadly.
"That probably would be the better choice," Sauron agreed as he set his things by the stairs.
Haldir did the same and then they went to the family room, which was the usual gathering place for everybody following dinner.
The first to notice their arrival was Rumil. He had looked over to the doorway briefly before looking away, only to turn back to them. "Well, lookie who it is. I guess they did decide to come back."
At this, the other three people looked over, their reactions varying. Orophin seemed to be amused, as did Rumil, while Elhith shook his head in a reproachful manner. Lalaith, however, seemed to go through a range of emotions in a few seconds, from relief to anger to simple happiness.
It was with the last that she stood up and approached Sauron. She looked up at him for a moment before throwing her arms around him and standing on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. Sauron looked altogether unprepared for this reception, but quickly fell into the charade and gave her a small lopsided smile. Haldir did everything he could to keep from feeling ill.
"Wherever did you go?" she asked Sauron, leaning back a bit to meet his eyes.
"We left a note on the counter," Sauron replied, seeming almost unnerved by Lalaith's rather confrontational gaze.
Her brows drew together and she turned to the others. "There was a note?" she asked.
Rumil and Orophin glanced at one another. "Well, perhaps there was, now that I think about it," Rumil said slowly, his most appeasing smile spreading across his face.
"You worm!" Lalaith cried, making a move toward Rumil before she was caught by Sauron. "I was so worried, and neither of you mentioned a note!" she continued, trying to unclamp Sauron's hands from around her waist.
For a moment, Haldir couldn't help by grin slightly. Perhaps Lalaith had been fortunate enough to be raised without her brothers around, but she had seemingly picked up the angry desire for vengeance that Haldir had regardless.
She didn't seem about to stop her unladylike tirade anytime soon. "Darling," Sauron cooed in that disgusting brain-washing voice of his, pulling Lalaith back, "we need to talk."
And that was all it took, to get her to stop struggling at least. "Yes, we do," she said, turning around in his arms to fix an angry glare on him. "You can't just go off without any sort of warning like that! Do you have any idea how worried I was?"
"I'm truly sorry that I distressed you in any way, Lalaith," he continued silkily after a moment of hesitation.
Haldir shivered. Please, continue somewhere else. I can't stand much more of this...
Apparently Sauron's further use of that voice soothed out what remained of Lalaith's anger. With a sigh, she nodded. "Alright."
I:I:I:I:I
Sauron was a bit impressed that Haldir was able to get his brothers and Elhith out of the room without any further questions. By the expressions, however, he doubted that they had even the faintest notion of what he needed to talk to Lalaith about.
Sighing tiredly, he rubbed the back of his head and sat on the sofa. He was a bit surprised to find that he automatically left his arm up along the back of the seat to allow Lalaith to cuddle against him. He grimaced to himself. The ruse had been going on way too long if he was changing his habits for it. Although, he noted as Lalaith leaned her head against his shoulder, he had kept up such acts for much longer spaces of time before.
Sauron stopped musing on the topic when Lalaith looked up at him. "You seem very thoughtful," she said, playing with his hair.
With a deep breath, he nodded, by now so used to ignoring her fingers in his hair that he hardly noticed.
"You aren't angry with me, are you?" she asked.
"Angry?" he repeated quizzically, unable to think of how she could have gotten to that conclusion.
She looked away for a moment. "Since you left. I wondered if I had done something to upset you. I'm sorry if I did."
"Oh no, I'm not angry with you," he assured her, although he wasn't quite sure why.
"Then why did you go? You have to remember, I never saw the note."
Sauron almost found himself smiling at the fiery note to her tone. She was still clearly upset with her siblings. "I needed to think," he answered. Seemed like a good enough reply in any case; he had spent the majority of the last day or two considering a wide variety of subjects.
"About what?"
"Many things."
Lalaith smiled slightly. "That was rather vague, Iaewur."
"One mustn't give away all of their thoughts," he answered, smiling in turn.
"Seriously though," Lalaith prodded. "You said we needed to talk. If I didn't keep asking you questions, you'd be silent. What's on your mind?"
At that, Sauron's smile lost a bit of its practiced structure and became just slightly more authentic. How to possibly answer that question?
Rather than replying, he reached into a pocket and pulled out a small wad of cloth, setting it on his knee and opening it. Lalaith looked at him suspiciously and then back at the bundle.
In the end, Sauron had decided on something of a compromise concerning a gift. During the return trip on the boat, he had gotten quite a bit of nervous built up, although he had told Haldir that it was simply creative energy. The outcome had been that he'd found a shell on the ship and borrowed a needle used to repair the sails from a sailor. That had allowed him to concentrate on carving out an intricate design from the shell rather than the fact that he was surrounded by water. He loathed boats.
It had become the plan to give the resulting charm of sorts to Lalaith. Now seemed as good a time as he'd be likely to get.
When Sauron pulled the shell out of the cloth, he tried very hard not to feel a bit proud at the astounded gasp Lalaith gave. After all, it was truly nothing, and it wasn't as though her opinion really mattered anyway.
"Oh..." was the only thing she said as he pressed it into her hand. "Where'd you get this?"
"I made it."
Another gasp. "You made this?" she breathed.
"Yes," Sauron said with a nod, still trying to push back his pleasure that she was clearly impressed. My, you're just ready to accept any compliment now, aren't you? he thought dryly.
"You made it for me?"
He nodded.
"Why? I hardly seem like one to warrant such a gift."
He was quiet now, thinking. "It's as an apology," he said finally.
It was amazing how quickly her expression fell. "An apology? For what?"
So, this was it. He had never really gotten a good plan as to what he was going to do. It really wasn't anything he had wanted to figure out, although he had told himself that he really ought to. It just made his mind ache anytime the thought would hit him that he was in a relationship, false or not.
This was an ending to one of Sauron's plans that was totally unlike any other. Usually, anything he did was supposed to end with varying degrees of destruction and ruin. For once, he was having to keep it as peaceful as he could. That made him moderately uncomfortable.
"I'm a horrible person," he said at length. It was true enough.
"What a thing to say about yourself! Why would you think that?" she tried to say lightly, but Sauron could hear the unease in her voice.
"I've been very unfair to you these last few months." He paused as he tried to think of a good way to continue, brushing Lalaith's hair back over her shoulder before standing up so that he could have a bit of distance.
This apparently did nothing but intensify Lalaith's worry. She was instantly standing in front of him, preventing him from pacing as he had desired. "Iaewur, what is it? Please just tell me; I can't stand you tip-toeing around the subject."
"I can't be with you like this anymore," Sauron blurted out, his usual eloquence failing him in the face of this naive little elf.
She simply stared at him, he eyes wide and uncomprehending. "What do you mean?" she whispered.
"There can't be anything between us, romantically at least. No more lies."
"Lies?" she echoed.
"I've been leading you on." He fidgeted with his belt, then figured that he should make up some sort of explanation. "For a while, I thought that perhaps there could have been something --" He felt ill saying that. "-- but it hasn't worked out that way. I don't want you to continue thinking there could be something when there never will."
By now, Sauron had expected something, but her expression was still incredibly blank.
"So, all this time, even with everything...?"
"Nothing."
"And how long has it been an act?" she demanded, anger seeping into her voice.
Sauron didn't think of a reply quick enough, which he later realized made it seem as though it all had. While that was the truth, he hadn't planned on telling her so.
In the end, he didn't get the chance to make any sort of response. A small hand flew out and struck him hard across the face, surprising him on a variety of levels. Sure, Uinen might have done so, but even he knew what he had done to provoke it the instant it happened and admitted that he rather deserved it. And, coming from somebody who was of his order, he was at least about to deal with it.
But Lalaith, sweet, innocent Lalaith, was something altogether unforeseen. Had this lowly elf-maid dared to strike him? This was insufferable.
Sauron's anger flared up dangerously as he turned to glower at the little tart, only to have his fury instantly extinguished by the sight of the tears streaming down her face, which was displaying a completely wretched expression.
Rather disturbed at how easily his rage seemed to dissipate on recent occasions, Sauron said nothing as Lalaith lifted her skirts and ran from the room, one broken sob escaping her lips before she passed the door.
Sauron collapsed ungracefully back onto the couch, sighing heavily. That had gone... rather badly. Gingerly, he raised a hand and touched his cheek, which was burning and stinging in turns. Once he took his hand away, he was once again shocked when he found his fingers stained by blood.
He stood up again while trying to contain his shiver - he hated the sight of his own blood - and went to go to the kitchen, where he figured he could find something to stop the bleeding.
As Sauron made his way there, he tried desperately to be irate that not only had she slapped him, but had done so violently enough to draw blood. For all his efforts, however, Sauron could not stir any sort of vengeful feelings. He simply felt exhausted and, for once, almost every millennia of his age.
When he got to the kitchen, he found Haldir sitting at the table. Groaning, Sauron tried to avert his face from the irritating elf. "I'm really in no mood to talk to you," he tried to snap as he pulled a rag used for the dishes out of a drawer and got some water on it.
"How is she?" Haldir asked, completely ignoring Sauron's comment.
"Well," Sauron began, turning to look at Haldir, "what would you suppose this to indicate?" he finished, gesturing to his face.
Haldir cringed a bit, then sighed. "I suppose I should go talk to her." He glanced at Sauron again and shook his head. "I'm sorry about that. You don't think it will need stitching, do you?"
Sauron actually laughed, but it was humorless. "Just what I need. Another noble scar!" He shook his head as he pressed the towel to his cheek. "No, it's not bleeding very much. It should be fine."
"If you say so," Haldir said slowly as he made his way toward the door.
He had thought Haldir was gone, but then heard him whisper his name. "What?" Sauron asked, towel still clamped to his face.
"I just wanted to say thank you. For sticking by your end and going through all that," Haldir finished by waving a hand in such a way as to indicate that he meant Sauron's cheek.
Sauron didn't respond instantly, once again having a painful realization as he saw that he had, for once, kept his word. "Well," he said dully, "don't mention it. Seriously - nobody needs to know."
Haldir gave a half smile as he left. "If that's what you want."
Still holding the towel against his cheek, Sauron pulled out a chair from the table and sat down. For a moment, he wondered how everything would play out, but then pushed the thought away. It couldn't get much worse than it already was.
I:I:I:I:I
Haldir stood outside Lalaith's door for a moment, his frown deepening at the sound of her sobs. This was what he had always feared would happen and had tried to avoid. Lalaith, however, had seemed to always feel things deeply, and this was clearly no exception. Even though it had only been a couple months, she had obviously let her feelings fly away with her. With a touch of anger, Haldir noted that Sauron had gone through great pains in his attempts to be charming and lure in Lalaith's affections.
It was over though. Done. Yet... this was the result.
He sighed and knocked on the door, only to be told to go away. "Please Lalaith, let me in."
This time he got no response, so he dared to open the door. Cautiously, he poked his head into the room.
Lalaith was laying curled up on her bed, her small shoulders shaking. Haldir scratched his neck, undecided as to what he should do. On one hand, he wanted nothing more than to quietly exit and shut the door behind him. He had little experience in comforting people, especially females. Still, at the same time, he was reminded of his protectiveness and desire to keep his baby sister safe and happy.
The latter feelings won. Haldir took a few tentative steps into the room, feeling incredibly awkward. It was with a great deal of discomfort that he sat at the edge of the bed.
Lalaith still hadn't turned around or done anything to acknowledge that he was even there.
Haltingly, Haldir reached out and gently rubbed Lalaith's back, causing even stronger sobs. He instantly considered drawing back his hand, but remembered some far gone day when he had been very young and his mother had done the same things with a similar result. He also remembered feeling much better after having bawled his eyes out.
So Haldir sat there and rubbed her back, hoping that neither of his brothers would walk in and see him. He was positive that he'd never hear the end of it.
Finally, Lalaith seemed to calm down somewhat. She sat up and wiped her eyes, which were now puffy and blood-shot, and brushed her mussed hair back from her face. Without looking at him, she leaned against him, giving a shaky sigh. "You were right," she whispered.
"Pardon?" Haldir asked gently.
"You tried to warn me about... about..." A few more tears escaped her eyes and soaked into Haldir's sleeve. "...him..."
Haldir hugged her shoulder. "Sometimes we have to learn things ourselves, I suppose," he tried.
"You're being very forgiving," Lalaith said with something that almost could have passed as a laugh. "Had it been Rumil or Orophin in my position, you simply would have told them that they were stupid."
"Well," Haldir said with a smile. "It wouldn't require them to do anything to earn that title from me."
Lalaith smiled a bit and sat up again. "I just thought... he always treated me so gently. That it was all nothing... it's hard to believe, you know..."
While what she said was quite different from what Haldir would think, he supposed he could figure out why Lalaith might have thought such things. If he tried really hard.
"I guess that's it then." Thoughtfully, she ran her fingers through her hair. "I have no idea how I'll be able to live here with him around anymore. Probably have to put up as good an act as he did."
Haldir didn't like the bitterness in her voice. "He's had a lot of practice at that sort of thing..." he muttered to himself.
Unfortunately, Lalaith heard. She instantly jumped to her feet. "He's done this to others? Was that what you meant when you had talked about me not knowing him like you did?"
"No, no!" Haldir exclaimed, almost laughing. "No, I do believe this has been his first and last relationship."
Lalaith sat down again, pondering Haldir's statement. "His last as well? Why would you say that?"
"Because I am more aware of his character than you. The only person he's capable of really loving is himself, I believe."
"How does all this go together, Haldir? What you apparently know of Iaewur is very different than what I know about him." She paused, thinking. "Who is he?"
"Not 'Iaewur,' although I do believe that name fits extraordinarily well."
Lalaith gave him one of her classic looks of exasperation. It seemed to be an expression required by sisters to have for use against brothers. However, Haldir was aware that he couldn't let the truth come out. That would not be acceptable at all. It would only make Lalaith feel worse to learn that she had unknowingly become attached to Sauron...
...Unless that very thing could be the cure. If she continued to think that she had lost something of worth, she'd mourn. But if she knew that it was really for the best, considering the circumstances, perhaps she'd be able to use her predictable anger to instantly heal whatever wounds she had and move on sooner. Perhaps that was actually the way to go...
Lalaith once again pried. "Who is he then, Haldir? You obviously know."
Haldir took a breath. How to say this? "Lalaith, I'm telling you something that you won't like," he warned, assuming what he hoped to be a serious expression.
"I've gathered that from the fact that he had not been able to use his true identity. There must be some reason that isn't terribly pleasant."
"Oh no, this far outstrips unpleasant, Lalaith. He's..." here Haldir paused, trying to think of how to introduce this. "He's been out greatest enemy, since we've been alive at least." Wow, that was weird to say.
She blinked at him. "Malencal? I thought that spat was cleaned up years ago..."
"Not him! I mean, like... everybody's enemy."
For a long moment, she was absolutely silent. "Haldir, that isn't even remotely funny. That's no way to try to belittle this and make it comical."
"I'm not trying to make it funny as I don't think any of it is."
"I don't care what he tricked you into believing, but he is not-"
"Sauron? Yes, he is."
"You don't have any proof of that!" she gasped, a rather wild light coming to her eyes.
"Not any to show you, at least," Haldir replied thoughtfully. "Although, there is his missing finger..."
"Which he said he lost in battle!"
Haldir raised an eyebrow at her. "...Your point?"
Once again, Lalaith sat on the bed. "He can't be..." she whispered, even as all the color drained from her face.
"I'm not supposed to tell you," he explained, "so that's why I didn't say anything before. I had never thought it would go on this long or assumed that your feelings would get as strong as they apparently did, or else I would have... given in sooner."
"Given in?" she asked.
"I made the mistake of letting him know your feelings. At that time, he said that, if I did not take him to Eressea to see Frodo Baggins, he would do everything he could to gain your affections, since he knew that would... irritate me quite a bit, to put it lightly. I finally gave in and took him there, so, subsequently, he held up his part and has... broken it off."
There was a long, terribly uncomfortable silence, which suddenly came to a violent end. "And why are you telling me this now?" she cried, clasping her hands against her head. "Are you trying to humiliate me? I'd rather you just call me stupid!"
Haldir sat on his knees before her and took her hands. "I don't want you lamenting. I don't want you to think you've lost something."
She looked up at him, her eyes once again wet with tears. "And... we've all thought that you two were friends, all this time. You act like you are, you know." Now her voice had an almost reproachful hint to it as she attempted to cover her feelings and divert the attention away from herself.
It worked, and Haldir found himself remembering what Mithrandir had said to him that morning. So, it looked that way to others as well? How... awkward. "You've just been lucky enough to miss the times when we just about murder each other."
"Still, I've seen you at Rumil and Orophin's throats more times than I can count, but you still have a sort of friendship with them, twisted though it may be. So..." she trailed off, leaving the question hanging in the air.
"Lalaith, do you seriously believe that he would be capable of keeping a friendship?" Haldir said at length with a bit of discomfort. "I believe the concept to be completely foreign to him."
"He can play the part when it suits him though."
"Yes, he's very good at acting, but that's all it ever is -- a facade. All smoke and mirrors; you can't take any of it as real. I wouldn't be surprised if I haven't heard a completely honest word out of him all this time."
She frowned. "Yet... you two banter back and forth, and you can't tell me that there aren't some friendly tendencies to that."
"No, I don't suppose I can," Haldir admitted. "He can annoy me to no end, and yet recently I've found myself forgetting who he is. Over time, he's been less Sauron and more Iaewur, if you understand me."
"Frankly, I don't," she said honestly. "But I've had so much turned upside down today that I'd be surprised if I understood anything. I suppose you'll give me the whole story some day?"
"Perhaps. I've already just broken a great amount of rules... so... we'll see."
She looked ahead and then gave a small nod. "Can I be alone for a while, please?"
With a sigh, Haldir nodded. "Sure." He then gave her hand one more squeeze and left.
I:I:I:I:I
Sauron had sat at the table for a while, thinking over a variety of things until he had gotten thoroughly aggravated with the warring factions of his mind. At that time, he had decided that he would just shut them up by sleeping. That had worked pretty well the last time.
By then, Sauron's cheek had stopped bleeding, so he had gotten rid of the towel and made his way to his room.
On the way, he could not help but catch snatches of the conversation going on between Haldir and Lalaith. Remarkably, Sauron had felt mildly discomforted by Lalaith's reaction. Betrayal wasn't something new to him; he had done it dozens of times. This, however, was a bit different in that he had known his victim on a much more personal -- too personal -- level than any others. He was used to the vain kings and proud nobility, who were just so annoying that it had been all he could do not to wring their wretched lives from their bodies prematurely to even his plans. Lalaith was an anybody, and that made it seem different.
He wondered if his prolonged exposure to decent examples had anything to do with the fact that he wasn't completely happy with the success of his plans.
Sauron's attention was instantly brought back to the conversation when he realized that he's just heard his name, his real name, as far as he was concerned. It had been so long since he'd used his Valarin name that he couldn't quite remember it anymore.
Haldir had apparently just given up the ghost and told Lalaith his true identity.
Impressed with himself for not groaning, Sauron leaned up against the wall and continued to listen. He wasn't one to let others speak about him when he wasn't assumed to be around if he could help it.
As he listened, Sauron found his face pulling into a violent scowl, and he really didn't have the faintest idea why. Haldir wasn't saying anything that was untrue, and yet Sauron found himself disturbingly upset by things he usually would have either been indifferent to or proud of.
It didn't take long until he had decided that he'd heard quite enough. Pushing away from the wall, he quietly made his way to his room and shut the door.
Sauron paced the small area angrily for a moment, but found it to be very inadequate. The room was simply not big enough for his long strides. After glancing around his room, his eyes fell to his wardrobe, which was still open from his quick packing job the day before. In his haste, he had apparently done a rather poor job of keeping his things straight. It just about made him twitch.
So, figuring that perhaps it'd allow him to release some of his stress, Sauron went about cleaning up. He could hardly believe that he'd been in enough of a rush that he had left his possessions in that condition.
The first thing he picked up was a cloak, which suddenly gave him a variety of ideas. He did need to get out, it seemed, since the room was too small to sufficiently storm around in. And Haldir apparently was occupied, so why not go for a bit? Not like he'd be missed!
Swinging the cloak over his shoulders, Sauron yanked the door to his room open and hurried down the hall and stairs, making sure that he didn't meet anybody on his way to the front of the house. After a quick glance down the halls to either side, he opened the door and walked into the night.
It was rather invigorating, to be out when he knew he wasn't supposed to be. There really was something about breaking the rules that was terribly pleasant. Sauron found he had missed it during that long stint of relatively good behavior.
Still, something in the pit of his stomach flopped at what he was doing. The Valar would no doubt hear of his little walk, somehow or other, and there would no doubt be consequences. By now, Sauron was pretty sick of consequences.
He pulled the cloak a bit more around him, irritated that he was glad he had brought it. All these things, these physical comforts that were starting to become necessities for him, like the cloak he now wore to keep off the evening mist, or that useless meal called lunch, or even being able to brush his hair out in the morning (although he would never ever admit to that one), bothered him greatly. He was getting much too comfortable in this secular state.
Everything was just slipping. Everything. He'd apparently lost his ability to be completely angered by the populous of the world and instead found himself just not caring about any of them.
Still, he thought to himself with a wry smile, I haven't lost my ability to brood.
, he thought to himself with a wry smile, .By this time, Sauron had reached the small grassy area behind the building. It was completely devoid of people, which suited him just fine. Quiet was a much easier companion to thought than masses of people.
There were a couple benches scattered about the small spot, most under large trees, and it was under one of these that Sauron took a seat.
Leaning to the side a bit allowed him to rest against a tree. He was tired. The only effect that managed to have was to make him more frustrated than he already was. What made it even worse was that he rather wished he had crawled into bed instead of traipsing off in the damp night.
"So, this is what you're risking repercussions for?" a voice asked him from behind.
Sauron turned around to glare at Haldir for a moment before returning to his former position without any response.
Of course, the elf didn't seem able to take a hint. Instead of leaving, as Sauron thought he should, he came over and perched in the limbs of the tree. It seemed fitting, Sauron decided, that Haldir, who was about as annoying as a little bird, should be found in a tree. Just not this tree, as it was much too close. He should go to a tree on the other side of the city.
He didn't. "Whatever drove you out here at this time? Especially without me? Aren't you going through separation anxiety?" he asked with a smile.
Sauron did not smile. He did not do anything, in fact.
That might have been a mistake, however, as it made it clear to Haldir that something was amiss. Amiss? Sauron thought, confused with himself. Whatever could be amiss? Nothing is any different than it's been for the last couple of ages, really...
"What's the matter with you?" Haldir asked, the smile quickly turning into a frown.
"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you," Sauron spat. "After all, all I ever say are lies."
There was a long silence, in which Sauron was almost sure that he could hear the gears in Haldir's mind turning. As he hoped that perhaps this would bring the conversation to a close, Sauron shut his eyes.
"You heard me talking to Lalaith?" Haldir questioned quietly.
"Yes."
Another pause. "And... that made you upset?"
"I'm not upset!" Sauron snapped, opening his eyes and realizing a bit too late that such a tone would make it seem like he was upset. "Haldir, just go away."
Naturally, he found himself being ignored. "I'm sure you've heard quite a share of scathing insults in your day. What I said was hardly insulting when you've even said such things about yourself."
"It's different coming from somebody else."
"And since when have my opinions counted for anything?"
"I don't know!" Sauron replied without any intention of saying that. He'd had many possible answers, and somehow the one he hadn't want to say, the one closest to the truth, was the one that came out.
Haldir was continuing to look at him curiously from up in the tree. While Sauron was well aware of this, he was very careful to keep his eyes fixed on a point across the common. "Did I..." Haldir paused, as though unsure about his next words. "...hurt your feelings?"
At first, Sauron didn't know if he wanted to laugh or glare at this. Ultimately, he did neither, as he suddenly found that he couldn't very well deny it, though he wished he could and knew he should. What a thing it was, Sauron considered, that somehow he had seemed to once again be endowed with a full spectrum of emotions. They had apparently worked their way through thousands of years of repression and reasserted themselves once more.
That was rather unfortunate.
For whatever reason, Haldir looked uncomfortable himself now. "Well, you obviously didn't listen to the whole conversation," he said as he hopped off the limb, "as I reputed some of the things I said."
"Such as...?" Sauron asked, raising a brow.
Haldir shrugged and moved off towards the house. "I guess you'd just have had to keep listening. Now you'll never know."
"Well, maybe I didn't care anyway."
"If you had listened, you might not be so worked up now."
"Are you telling me that I should eavesdrop?" he asked dryly. "Because that's sort of what I'm getting out of what you're saying."
Haldir paused and slowly turned around. "Good point... I don't want you to eavesdrop. What I'm getting is, after I said all those things that you took the time to listen to, all of which, I may point out, are more true than not, I have figured out today that I don't really think of you as Sauron anymore. You're simply the abrasive Iaewur."
With that said, he again started on his way back to the house. "Oh, and you better come back soon, or else I'm sure you'll face some sort of trouble for it."
Sauron betrayed just a whisper of a smile. "Soon."
"You better, or, as I say, you'll likely regret it."
At first, Sauron wasn't exactly sure if he was pleased with Haldir's explanation. After all, it was saying that he had lost much of his formal mannerisms.
But... perhaps he hadn't lost the mannerisms so much as his ways of dealing with them. Haldir had said he was still abrasive, at least.
He shrugged. Whatever was, was. There was no use, really, trying to regain what he had been before when he was completely pinned down with limitations that he had to acknowledge were impossible to overcome.
So, it would just have to do. He was pretty good with the name change thing, after all.
Emotional Sauron, how very very... weird. Haaa... well, I'm going to start working on the next chapter now cause that seems like a good idear.