Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaiden Saiyuki.
Chapter six:
The sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky but most of it seemed to prefer shining in Goku's face, much to the monkey's annoyance.
Rolling over on his bed he pulled the pillow over his head and groaned loudly making his discomfort clear to everyone else in the room.
Goku couldn't remember in detail what had happened but he knew he had had a long and agonizing rest. He'd been turning from side to side unable to get comfortable with all his limbs aching, yelling in pain and now had the most awful migraine in history. Vaguely he remembered some familiar figures taking care of him but it was all a bit of a blur.
" Maybe some aspirin will solve the problem."
Squinting, Goku looked up at the owner of the voice.
" Hakkai?" Well he meant to say 'Hakkai', it came out more like an indefinable groan.
Luckily the curtains had been drawn so the 'evil', far too bright sun could no longer torment him.
Sitting up Goku gratefully took the glass of water with the already diluted aspirin and downed it in one gulp.
Looking around Goku noticed that he was once again in an unfamiliar room.
The room itself wasn't very big but seemed to have everything one needed.
There were two beds, a bathroom ( The door was slightly ajar) and a small table with a grumpy looking Gojyo sitting at it.
"..uhm..where..", a hand to his aching throat Goku cleared it also seeing that his wrists were bandaged.
" Where are we?"
" In the nearest inn we could find.", Hakkai answered.
Goku wanted to ask 'why' they were at an inn. Normally they'd be dragging him to a stupid hospital or they could have dumped him in Sanzo's church for awhile.
However he didn't think he could concentrate on the explanation right now.
" Are you feeling better? You had us all quite worried, you know."
" What he means is : Don't ever scare us like that again!", Gojyo interrupted loudly, far too loudly in Goku's opinion.
" You've already told me that.", Goku complained clutching his head.
" Stop repeating yourself, stupid kappa."
Hakkai and Gojyo shared a confused look.
'Probably because the insult only came out half-heartedly.', Goku thought.
Carefully getting out of bed - Gojyo would never stop laughing if he'd trip over his own two feet- Goku slowly made his way to the bathroom.
His vision had a slight tilt to it and he must have been swaying because the kappa jumped out of his seat to help him.
Gojyo didn't 'help' without a request and he never jumped to anything that had nothing to do with a woman and a bed.
After doing his 'business' Goku washed his face pleased by the cool water against his pounding head then decided to dampen a washcloth and hold it against his forehead.
A cold, metal circlet around his head got in the way a little.
" Damn Diadem.", Goku cursed under his breath.
…..Diadem?……What Diadem?
Surely not the Diadem that didn't exist because youkai didn't exist and that was a part of his own strange and slightly screwed up imagination.
Disbelieve written all over his face Goku stared into the mirror as the Diadem upon his brow stared right back.
" HOLY SHIT!"
Surprised by his own loud exclamation Goku quickly clammed both hands over his mouth.
'Please don't have heard it, please don't have heard it, plea..'
Knock, Knock!
" Goku? Is everything alright in there?", Hakkai's polite question stabbed through the tense silence.
'Damnit!', Goku swore this time inwardly.
" Yeah. Everything's fine."
Did his voice sound nervous or was he just imagining things?
" What are you yelling about then, stupid monkey?", Gojyo yelled obviously having not bothered to get off his seat.
Excuse! He needed an excuse and fast!
Searching the room Goku finally sought out the perfect bluff.
" They serve breakfast until eleven in this place!"
A relieved sigh and muttered curse of him filtered through the door.
Goku silently thanked the gods for being in a more posh inn than usual where they had little time charts in the bathroom.
( They exist, I've seen them and found it weird)
He was stuck in his illusion again.
This wasn't good.
He started pacing the small bathroom.
There was bound to be a logical explanation for this!
What would Nii say about this?--------------------- Hmm………………..
Who the hell knows what that creepy sicko would say?
Calming his nerves Goku decided to try and remember 'what' had happened.
Right.
So.. Gyukomen had been arrested and Izumi had just arrived and then..and then…
He'd had one of his strange dreams with the glass tube and green liquid only this time the tube was broken and his friends were there but dressed the way he remembered from his illusion and Jeep was a dragon.
Of course all this information told him……that he was either dead, in a coma or gone completely mad.
Personally Goku put his money on mad.
" I know. It's perfectly simple. I'll just rationalize my way out of this.", Goku muttered to himself.
'And stop talking to myself.', his own thoughts muttered back.
Our smart little monkey king had thought of the perfect solution.
" Nyoibo.", he said quietly not wanting to raise the suspicions of Hakkai and Gojyo.
As if by magic instead of his imagination his trusty Nyoibo materialized into his outstretched palm.
Part of the solution had been that Nyoibo shouldn't have appeared in the first place since Goku is absolutely certain that such a phenomenon is impossible.
( Well, Nii had thoroughly explained to him that such a phenomenon is impossible and everything Nii had told him made perfect sense if you looked at it logically….)
Since that theory failed Nyoibo shouldn't feel right. It shouldn't feel of anything at all.
Unfortunately Nyoibo felt like it was vibrating with energy and not existing things weren't supposed to feel that way.
Great.
He was back at square one.
A light knock on the door brought his attention back to his companions or..uhm..maybe illusions of his companions worried about him on the other side of the door.
" Goku, are you sure you're alright? Do you need any assistance?"
'Assistance' in a bathroom?---Gods, Hakkai could be really embarrassing sometimes.
Gojyo started laughing in the background but soon quietened down.
A sharp glare from Hakkai probably did the trick.
"I'm fine, Hakkai, really."
What was he going to do?
" Oi, monkey!", Gojyo said his voice easier to hear now. He'd probably finally got his arse up.
" Food's being served downstairs. Get a move on, I know you're hungry."
Typical Gojyo. Damn kappa thought every problem Goku had could be solved with food.
Just as Goku was about to rudely retort the hungry rumbling of his own stomach interrupted him.
Loud laughter rung in Goku's ears accompanied by stifled and slightly relieved giggles.
Not Hakkai as well!
Goku sighed. For now he decided to just play along.
He was hungry anyway.
The dinning room was very full. It was around lunchtime and this inn's restaurant seemed to be very popular.
Chewing on his meat bun, the one Goku had been munching on for the last five minutes, he looked around the place.
Everything looked real yet he knew it couldn't be real.
Or at least he thought he knew.
Again Goku caught himself staring at one of the traditionally dressed woman in the room.
They were probably dressed normally but the clothing looked so strange to Goku he just couldn't stop looking at it.
Suddenly his forehead was slammed against the table.
" Goddamn monkey stop staring at people! You're embarrassing us.", Gojyo yelled having lost his patience completely.
Fortunately Goku's migraine had more or less disappeared or there'd be roasted kappa for supper.
" Goku, you know it is rude to stare. Please behave.", Hakkai said also feeling slightly embarrassed by their companion's abnormal behaviour.
Goku muttered a 'sorry' before swallowing the still intact half of his meat bun whole.
Holding his head in his hands Gojyo grunted disapprovingly at him but was ignored since Sanzo entered the restaurant.
Sitting down at the table of his travelling partners Sanzo spared none of them a second glance and simply started reading his paper.
" So the almighty Sanzo finally graces us with his presence."
" Shut up, kappa. Better yet, drop dead."
The usual battle of wits, which was called a 'childish squabble' behind their backs by Hakkai and Goku, between the two started but Goku was no longer paying attention.
Before now he'd never noticed how weird Sanzo's robe looked. It reminded him of a fancy dress costume he'd seen in a shop window.
Why did monks have to wear such strange clothes anyway?
What did Sanzo's scripture say?
Maybe Goku couldn't read it because you can't read stuff in dreams.
Or was this reality because nothing so powerful and mysterious could be part of anyone's imagination not matter how wild this imagination may be?
" Hey, stupid monkey.", Sanzo called anger seeping into his voice.
" What the hell are you staring at?"
A faint blush on his cheeks for being caught staring at Sanzo of all people Goku quickly turned away.
He had to get a grip on things or else they'd start asking questions Goku wouldn't be able to answer without them truly doubting his sanity.
" Goku?"
" Hmm?", Goku mumbled another meat bun already in his mouth as he turned to Hakkai.
For some strange reason he was even more hungry than usual and he was sure such a state was impossible.
" Are you aware of what happened?"
Trust Hakkai to start the serious conversations.
" He's never aware of anything.", Sanzo grumbled behind his newspaper.
" He's plenty aware of food.", Gojyo added.
Hakkai frowned at them.
" Please keep your comments to yourselves for a moment. I know you're both immensely relieved that Goku is alive and well but the situation isn't sorted yet."
That surely did the trick.
Both grunted their denial and turned away.
Was Sanzo blushing?-----Nah, must have been the light or something.
Hakkai once again gave Goku his full attention waiting for the boy's response.
What was he suppose to say?
Yeah, I'm aware that this is all an illusion created by my own mind while in reality I'm stuck in some kind of coma or am maybe even dead and this is my afterlife.
Or perhaps I'm completely confused because you said this wasn't real and now it seems to be but it isn't---------
" This long silence is a definite 'No', Hakkai.", Sanzo said impatiently.
" I had feared so myself.", Hakkai said sighing worriedly.
" Does it really matter 'what happened'?", Goku interrupted.
If 'this' wasn't real then why should he care 'what' had happened because it hadn't really 'happened' happened.
Or something like that.
'Memmo to me: No more 'Relativity theory''
His companions stared at him as if he were a total moron.
" It was only a question you don't have to look at me like that!"
Hakkai cleared his throat gaining everyone's attention.
" About a week ago, Goku, during a youkai attack a man dressed as a scientist interfered.He attacked you with a strange device, I think it was an orb of some kind, and was able to trap you in it. Then he disappeared. We've been searching for you since and were able to free you from his laboratory…."
" Stop!". Goku yelled his hands over his ears. His headache was back pounding heavier with every word Hakkai said.
It was happening again.
Reality was being logicalized ( Is that a word? It is now) into an illusion and his illusion into reality.
They were staring at him again, surprise written all over their faces.
" It's nonsense. Complete nonsense."
" Goku. Please, let me try to explain it. I know you've been through a lot..", Hakkai said softly a reassuring hand on Goku's shoulder.
Goku shoved it off.
" Darn right I've been through a lot and I'm not going through it again." , Goku yelled standing up from the table not caring that he was making a scene.
His anger dominated his reason.
" You'll be telling me everything that happened during the past week was an illusion created by my mind next and that this is reality. Well I'm not falling for any of your lies again.
None of this is real and neither are you!"
Not waiting for their reaction Goku stormed out of the restaurant.
He neither knew nor cared where he was going he just needed to get far away from everything.
From his confusion and all the lies.
He couldn't trust a word his companions said because tomorrow he'd probably wake up in the other reality again in which the exact same people would be telling him the exactdifferent thing.
It hurt.
He felt betrayed, he was confused and no one could help him because everyone was hurting him with their lies.
With things going on like this he'd be better off locked away somewhere miles from any living being who was trying to hurt him.
At this thought Goku stopped dead in his tracks.
He'd thought like this before.
In the cave………..'If this were the deepest underground then I wouldn't ever have wished for the sun.'
……..
The cave.
Was anything outside the cave real?
He'd been in there so long he knew how real the cave was.
Compared to that the outside world seemed fragile and surreal. Wonderful but still surreal.
Had he really left his cave?
Sanzo had assured him for several years that he would never go back there but he had also said that youkai didn't exist.
He was still in the cave.
Shire terror ran through his veins at this realization and Goku fell to his knees.
For a long time he just knelt in the mud and stared into nothing because nothing was all he had.
His madness had finally caught up to him, hadn't it?
Hakkai, Gojyo, Jeep, even Sanzo had all been invented by his desperate mind, so desperate to be free that he'd created an entire universe so he wouldn't have to feel the cold stone behind his back anymore or the tormenting metal chains around his wrist.
But then…..then his mind became confused. After so many years of holding this reality up it must have been confused by it's own indefinable attack (the green orb thingy—chapter 1) and created another reality.
And now Goku had to face the truth.
………………….
………………….
He felt rain on his skin. Looking around him Goku noticed that it must have been raining for quite some time. A sniffling sound caught his attention only to then realize the sound came from himself.
He was crying. Not really much of a surprise, the stone prison was his worst nightmare after all.
Wet footprints came up behind him but Goku didn't turn around. It didn't matter anyway.
Friend or Foe he had neither.
The person crouched in front of him and buried a hand in Goku's hair.
The hand was warm, so much warmer than Goku.
" Are you lost little monkey?"
The familiar voice and hauntingly familiar question grabbed Goku's attention.
Looking up he stared into Gojyo's red eyes. His eyes were so full of life and intensity it caught Goku completely off guard. For a moment he just stared up at his former brother.
Was it really possible to imagine a life?
A small voice in the depth of his heart whispered: 'No, it's not'
Gojyo's voice echoed in his now clearer mind.
'Are you lost?'
" Yes. I'm totally lost.", his voice was hoarse and quiet but Gojyo responded.
" Well then, it's a good thing I found you."
Gojyo took hold of his arms and pulled Goku to his feet.
" You ready to go home?"
Goku blinked confused. "Home?"
" I mean to Sanzo and Hakkai."
Goku smiled shakily. "Home sounds good to me."
Gojyo wrapped his arm around the monkey's shoulders and headed back to the inn.
They walked in silence, Gojyo's arm always staying in place comforting Goku far more then he'd like to admit.
" Why are you being so nice?", Goku asked.
" Because you look like you've been to hell and back.", Gojyo replied no hint of a joke in his voice.
" I'm not sure I'm back yet."
Gojyo gave his shoulder's a light squeeze.
" Your sun will guide you back the rest of the way."
Goku's head whipped up to stare at the kappa.
" Don't look at me like that. I know exactly how you tick, stupid monkey."
Once again they fell into a comfortable silence.
"He was worried, y'know. I mean really worried. Not the subtle worry only people who know him well can see but the honest to god obvious worry."
" Sanzo?", Goku whispered confused.
" The stinking monk's changed. Changed a hell of a lot if you ask me. Ever since you were captured from that scientist nutter he's been gradually changing. I think you may have finally cracked him."
After entering the inn they headed upstairs to the room Goku had woken up in.
Voices could be heard coming from inside the room.
" Hakkai get out of my way I'm going to look for him again."
" Sanzo, we've been searching for hours with no success, it would be best to wait for Gojyo maybe he had better luck."
Without knocking Gojyo opened the door and walked in leading Goku in front of him.
" Of course I had better luck. Lady luck would never neglect her favourite water sprite!"
" Goku!", Hakkai exclaimed rushing over.
"Are you alright?" Concern shone in the tired green eyes.
He'd hurt them. Worried them.
" I'm not hurt but…" He wasn't alright. Probably never would be since he was stuck in a prison for all eternity.
Gojyo lead him over to where Sanzo stood then took Sanzo's hand and placed Goku's in it.
" Fix him.", Gojyo said sternly. "By tomorrow morning Hakkai and I want a fully functioning monkey."
He then went to the door and grabbed Hakkai's sleeve on the way.
The concerned healer resisted a moment.
" If you need us we'll be in our room down the hall." Then he let himself be dragged out of the room.
Sanzo and Goku were alone in the room still holding hands.
" You're soaked through."
" Am I?"
Lifting Goku's chin with his free hand Sanzo stared intensely at his face.
" And you've been crying."
"Oh." Goku didn't feel like saying more. He wasn't sure he could feel anything at all.
" Go dry off and put something dry on, too."
Goku mechanically did as he was told. Clad in his night ware Goku emerged from the bathroom only to be met with a heart aching sight.
Sanzo stood by the window cigarette in hand bathed in the moonlight. The rain had stopped a while ago but Goku wished it would have rained all night because then he wouldn't have had to deal with this breath taking scene.
This scene which was only in his mind.
Spotting Goku standing in the doorway of the bathroom Sanzo put out his cigarette and sat down on the bed.
" Come here.", the tone was soft but demanding so Goku obeyed as he always did.
He sat rigidly as far away from Sanzo as possible with his eyes fixed to the ground.
Sanzo grumbled something frustrated.
" Talk to me, Goku!"
Talk to him? And act crazier than he was already. He'd been talking to his imaginative companions for years, even had non children suited dreams of one of them.
They'd met many strange perverts on their journey but Goku now believed to be the worst of all.
" Talk to you about what? How about the weather?", Goku's voice was pained and mocking at the same time.
" Don't you think the rain came unexpectently? And it vanished just like…."
A pair of arms suddenly grabbed him and pulled him backwards.
Before Goku could finish his sentence he was lying in Sanzo's lap with his keeper's arms wrapped tightly around him.
Sanzo lay on the bed propped up by the bed's headboard and was petting his charge's head.
" Goku, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong.", he whispered nuzzling Goku's temple. " And I want to help you."
" Let go.", Goku's voice was panicked. He struggled to get out of the embrace.
Stop torturing me. This isn't real.
"No." Sanzo's arms tightened.
" Let go of me!", Goku yelled.
No one would ever hold him because there was no one out there just stone walls and the merciless sun.
" Calm down. It's alright." Sanzo's voice brought him back from his thoughts.
Goku was crying again and shaking all over.
Annoyed by his weakness he quickly wiped the tears away and tried to stop the shaking.
How could he make this all stop?
Pulling himself up Goku hovered over Sanzo's face the monk's hands now soothing his back and holding his waist.
" You have to be honest." , Goku's voice was shaky, his emotions out of control. Sanzo nodded his expression serious. " Don't make fun of this because it will sound weird." Sanzo looked confused but nodded all the same.
" Are you real?"
" What?", Sanzo asked eyebrow raised.
" Are you real?", Goku repeated his voice serious. " I remember the scientist guy and the attack. When I woke up you told me that this world with youkai and stuff didn't exist.I believed you because everything said seemed logical and then I was back here.
This isn't real Sanzo and neither was the other place. You aren't real. I , my mind invented you because I couldn't bare being in the cave any longer. Don't you see? I never left the cave.
Still trapped.", he trailed off head resting against Sanzo's shoulder his fatigue catching up with him.
This explained his earlier outburst in the restaurant.
The room was silent for a moment while Sanzo considered how to respond.
" Why are you so sure the cave is real?"
Goku laughed humourlessly. " I spent too many life times wishing for it not to be real. It's the only thing I'm now certain of to be real."
In the other reality he had let the cave be interpreted as loneliness due to his 'Father's' neglect but who wouldn't grasp the first chance to be rid of one's worst nightmare.
" So Sanzo, are you real?"
" I don't know."
" What?", Goku was stunned. That wasn't the answer he had been expecting.
" There is no true definition for Reality. Maybe one's heart has to decide what is real and what is not when the mind is too confused to do so. That is at least what my late master would of probably said to this problem."
Goku stared at Sanzo shocked. Never before had Sanzo mentioned his late master like this or what kind of advice Sanzo had learnt from him.
Maybe Gojyo was right. Sanzo had changed.
" But what would you say to this problem?"
" Pain.", Sanzo said thoughtfully. "In a dream or illusion ,in this case, one can't feel pain so the reality in which you felt the most pain must be real."
Goku's heart sank for a moment he had thought everything could be alright.
" The cave then. You're not real after all."
" Hold it, monkey.", Sanzo said sternly lifting Goku's face up to look him in the eye.
" The cave is part of this reality, right? You didn't just wake up one day and find yourself in a completely different environment. I had to haul my ass up there to fetch you and the headaches you've caused me over the years are definitely real!"
" You're really real?", Goku asked hopefully.
" I'm really real.", Sanzo answered.
" I'm glad.", Goku said smiling before dipping his head down to catch Sanzo's lips in a desperate kiss.
Goku wanted reassurance and comfort.
Surprised the monk's eyes widened in shock then fluttered close as he responded to the kiss.
He had certainly changed since Goku had last seen him.
The kisses became more heated and in the middle of all the wonderous new sensations Goku found himself now under Sanzo his legs tightly wrapped around his keeper's hips and arms pulling away the blasted robe.
As Goku's hands roamed further Sanzo called a protest into the kiss.
Hands taking hold of Goku's wrists and already straddling the boy Sanzo managed to free himself for a moment.
" Slow down, monkey! Gods! Stop getting carried away before you end up in a situation you can't handle!"
Goku stared up at him trying to free his hands. He wanted this, he needed this to make everything right.
" Sanzo, please. I need..you're real…need to feel." His sentence made no sense but by the way Sanzo's expression softened he obviously understood. Goku didn't know why he needed Sanzo in this way he just did.
" Goku, you're not ready for this.", Sanzo said softly. " I'd be taking advantage of your emotional state if we carry on. I won't hurt you."
" Sanzo, please!"
TBC
Yes, I'm cruel but I won't be writing lime anyway, sorry I don't think I could.
However the question is when they wake up tomorrow morning have they done it or were they just cuddling because Goku's not ready?
Reviewers, yes there are one or two out there, this is your task.
Sex or no sex.