Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto, nor any characters. Mae-chan created the plot.
Written By: Ushiromae
Translated from Mae to everyone else by: Kuro
Enjoy… or… yeah.
Chapter 2: Naruto's Pants, Sasuke's Makeup
oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo and another for good luck: O
As it was a beautiful shiney day in Konoha, Kakashi felt the urge to sit in his bathtub. No, not to take a bath, but to sit and be one with his favorite meat cleaver.
"Hmm, hmm, hmm," our favorite jounin thought out loud. "I love my meat cleaver," he commented, staring into its reflection. Before he could go in depth of his love, he heard a loud noise.
"CRAP!" he shouted, jumping up. "What was that!" The noise went off again. "GASP! GASP!" Just as those words left his mouth, creepy music began to play, and the bathroom door creaked open, Kakashi grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, even though he was completely dressed. As the door opened more, he screamed. A very manly scream mind you, if manly is like a school girl. Kakashi fell back down into his bath tub, as someone everyone least expected entered.
The black haired sound Nin, known as Zaku, stepped into the room. Kakashi stood back up, and used his meat cleaver to point at Zaku.
"What are you doing in Konoha?" Kakashi demanded. Zaku smiled.
"I converted last week. I'm a leaf-nin now!" he pointed, full of joy and pride at his leaf-nin head band. Kakashi went into serious mode!
"A likely story," Kakashi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "But… what are you doing in my bathroom?" he gasped, Zaku looked confused. "IT WAS THE MONKEY WITH THE PLUNDGER IN THE ATTIC—DON'T DENY IT!"
"Oh, I'm just borrowing some toothpaste," Zaku stated.
"Oh, alright," Kakashi replies, petting his meat cleaver happily. Zaku grabs the toothpaste and waves as he leaves.
"See you later," he says, closing the door. Kakashi suddenly feels leet.
"L4t3r m4 h0mm1e," he says, very stoner!Maahado-like and sits in the tub again.
SUDDENLY! There's a DJ! "Shwuuuump! Says the DJ! And it's THE NEXT DAY! Oh my god!
Somewhere, Sakura and Sasuke were awaiting their teacher and other teammate. Well, mostly anyways. Sasuke was more nervous, about something, he seems to be trying to tell Sakura something! What could it be?
The raven boy fidgets, and Sakura gives him a curious look.
"Uhm, what's wrong Sasuke?" the pink haired blond asks. A non-understandable mumble erupts from the raven boy's mouth. Sakura offers another confused look in return. "What?"
"No… makeup…" he pouts, still mumbling.
"Ino's makeup? What?" Sakura blinks in confusion. Sasuke sudden becomes very upset.
"I HAVE NO MORE MAKEUP!" he shouts, coming close to a temper tantrum. Sakura backs off a bit.
"Oh," she whispers. "Uh… here!" she hands him a sparkly makeup case. SUDDENLY!
"Yo!" Everyone's favorite silver haired scarecrow said from atop a random thing that's high up. Sasuke had begun to apply the makeup, and didn't notice, Sakura however nearly jumped out of her skin. This is a figurative term meaning "she was very frightened".
"Shit!" she shouted. "You can't just appear out of nowhere like that! You'll give someone a heart attack!" she screams.
"LIKE ME!" Inner Sakura adds in her bitchiest tone. Kakashi gives her an odd look.
"I've been here the whole time," he tells her. She shrugs.
"I guess I didn't notice," she sighs.
"Guess not," Kakashi agrees, pulling out his dirty little book that everyone knows is dirty yet don't think less of Kakashi for reading in public. SUDDENLY! A lady runs by screaming!
"Wow, that was odd," Kakashi says, as one commenting on the weather would.
"I know!" Sakura says, surprised. "Did you see her hair! It was so grey!"
"And her handbag so totally didn't go with her outfit," Sasuke adds, putting mascara on.
"Uhm, No I mean--" Kakashi was cut off when a hoard of suspicious looking little people began to chase women. No, I don't mean like that, you little dirty minded bastard! "Shit, you just see those little people!" Kakashi asks.
"What are you smoking?" Sakura asks. Sasuke sighs.
"Yes, it is hard to put on makeup," he sighs again, wiping off the mascara and reapplying it.
"But I didn't say..." Kakashi trailed off slightly.
"NO!" Sasuke hissed, protecting the makeup with his body. "This is MY makeup! Get your own." Kakashi merely gives him a strange look. This seems to be the day of strange looks.
"Hey, where's Naruto?" as sudden realization struck her like a lightning bolt would a totem pole. Their third teammate was suspiciously missing!
"Stop it!" Sasuke whined.
"Stop what?" Sakura asked.
"Stop that!" Sasuke glared at her. Sakura offered him another weird look.
"Uhm… I don't know what you are talking about…" Sakura looked confusedly at Kakashi. Sasuke begins to cry.
"You're so mean! I hate you!" Sasuke shouts at the pink haired pig before running off with the makeup bag. Kakashi shook his head, and looked longingly after Sasuke.
"Sakura, how could you?" Kakashi asks solemnly.
"What I do?" the girl wonders out loud.
AND THIS IS WHERE THE SCENE CHANGES! HOMIGAWDS!
Somewhere, a bird chirps. Unfortunately for the bird, it happened to have a bright blond, bright orange wearing ninja shouting at it. The bird however, didn't give a rat's ass about that. The boy however, had been shouting at the bird for at least a quarter of an hour.
"GIVE BACK KAKASHI YOU EVIL ALIENS!" he shouts, pointing up at the bird. Oddly enough, Sasuke walked by right at that moment. And by walked by, I mean ran right into the alien obsessed orange. This caused him to yell some more. "AHH! ALIE—wait," he stops and studies the raven haired boy for a moment. "Sasuke, are you crying?"
"No," Sasuke sighs, and mutters quickly something about morons who just want his makeup. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to save Kakashi from a bunch of EVIL NACHO EATING ALIENS FROM THE CORNER OF THE UNIVERSE!" Naruto shouted, full of… Naruto-y goodness.
"Oh, sounds like fun. I saw him down by the bridge," Sasuke tells the orange, referring to their ever late teacher. "He tried to steal my makeup." Naruto nodded in understanding.
"Oh what a bastard," the blond was silent for a moment. When it hit him! Not literally of course, as the only that would hit him is a leaf and that wouldn't make realization hit him. "AH! Wait, I must go help him! COME BESSEH!" Naruto pulls on the drawstrings of his pants, which proceed to fill up with air. This causes the ramen eating orange to fly into the distance. Sasuke whistled lowly.
"Bessy, you are one nifty pair of pants," he comments. WHEN SUDDENLY!
"Sasuke…" a voice calls to him from the mist that isn't there. Using all his ninja senses and prowess (translation: looking around wildly) he searched for the voice without prevail.
"Sasuke… I…" it continues. Sasuke squeals like a girl.
"I… Sasuke…"
"Ehhh, who are you?" Sasuke demands, obviously not cowering like a girl. But secretly we all know he is.
"It's…" A blond jumps out from the bushes… or wherever there is to hide, and strikes a pose, now with hand actions! "Just Ino!" says Ino. This display was awarded by much clapping brought to you by Sasuke! "Can I borrow that makeup?" the female blond asks very politely, as Shikamaru—I mean her father, taught her. Sasuke returned this question with a much undignified look, by undignified I mean he's really upset.
"No. God, it's MINE," Sasuck—Sasuke puts out quite the pout after this.
"But my name is on it," Ino points to the rather sparkly make-up pouch, her face full of innocence and sincerity.
"Hah, nice try," Sasuke was not fooled by Ino's clever innocent act. "But it clearly says 'Ino'," Uchiha Sasuke was also not one to be fooled by mind games. But at re-reading what the pouch said, he was quite disturbed. "Wait. CRAP. When did that get there?" he demanded, quite upset. Ino shrugged.
"Uhm. I'm not sure. When I bought it, it said princess," Ino explains. She continues on with this so-called explanation. "I got it from the over-priced-sparkly-attention-grabbing-teenage-girl store." Take the upper hand, Ino quickly added: "Want to go on a date with me?"
"Yeah okay- WAIT!" the Uchiha bunny cried in anger. "Don't confuse me like that. Don't you have hamsters to rape?"
"Nah," she shakes her head. "Got that over with this morning." Quite the look was exchanged between Ino and Sasuke. Sasuke looking afraid, while Ino merely smiling.
IT'S ANOTHER ONE!
Back to our beloved couple—I mean… Back to our beloved scarecrow and cherry blossom (whom are not dating.) Things were going quite quietly. Sakura's mind was reeling, what had she done to Sasuke? And why was Kakashi upset with her. Once again however, Kakashi had pulled out his book and was reading it, perhaps for the 15th BIGILLIONTH time, but he didn't care. He never ever reached the end. But Sakura took his reading as he was ignoring her. She wondered why she was even still standing there. Neither said a word to each other, however, something in the sky had officially caught Sakura's attention.
"Hm… Kakashi-sensei, what's that?" the pink haired girl asked, pointing up to it. What she saw was an orange ball floating in the sky. The silver haired teacher glanced up.
"Eh?" his gaze focused on where she was pointing. "I don't know." He was being honest.
"Looks like a flying orange," the girl comments, her hand falling to her side again.
"Indeed it does," Kakashi replies. "Wait, it's saying something." From the so-called flying orange come the call of: "ALIEEEEEEEENS!" Now, this was not a normal thing for flying oranges to scream. Normally they scream "FREEEEDOOOMMMM!" but not this orange. To this day, the sheep in Hawaii wondered why.
"AH!" Sakura shrieks. If this were a Kakashi and Sakura fic, Kakashi would have swooped Sakura into his arms and exclaimed something like "DON'T WORRY SAKURA! I SHALL PROTECT YOU!" but as this is not a fic where they are coupled together, that shall not happen. What did happen was simply this; Sakura paused her high pitched shriek for a moment, and Kakashi stared blankly at the orange, wondering what it's problem was. "Wait, is that Naruto?" A few minutes later, the orange had come closer, and it turned out indeed to be the hero of the manga. To land, he popped his pants, and promptly fell on his behind.
"Hey guys," the orange ninja greets happily. Sakura, after realizing it wasn't a flying orange, was quite calm. Naruto and floating pants? Makes sense if you ask me.
"What were you doing up there?" the alpha-female asked the not-alpha-male.
"Oh, I was just on my way here to…" Naruto trails off slightly, before flailing his arms. "OHMYGOD! SAVE KAKASHI FROM THE EVIL FREAKIN ALIENS!" Kakashi, who had been silent up to this point, decided now to enter his two cents.
"I'm right here," the scarecrow said, raising his hand in greeting. If you could see both his eyes, he'd probably be giving Naruto an odd look. Naruto took on an exasperated look.
"But you aren't really the true Kakashi," Naruto accused. "Only a substitute! The real Kakashi would never wear a mask!" Sakura's mouth opened slightly in shock, had Naruto just said that? After an awkward pause, Naruto coughed slightly. "Oh wait. Yeah he woul-!" He suddenly spots something on the ground. "WHOA! WASSAT! It's a garbage pail," the blond tells the rest of the group. "LETS BLOW IT UP!" and with that he took out some explosion tags. Oh dear.
"Wait! Naruto!" Sakura exclaimed, grabbing his arm and they stood there awkwardly for a moment, before Sakura let go, wiping her tainted hands on Kakashi's vest. "That's not a garbage bin!"
"It's one of the suspicious looking little people from earlier," Kakashi says, slightly disgusted at Sakura wiping Naruto germs on his freshly cleaned vest.
"No its not! It's a lawn gnome," Sakura tells the two males. The lawn gnome gave them all an evil look before exclaiming:
"ATTACK!" At his word, millions of gnomes came from all directions! Swooping from the bushes and grasping Kakashi in their little gnome-y hands and carrying him away. Kakashi felt quite mosh raped.
"What the…?" Naruto asked as the lawn gnomes ran off laughing evilly. So evilly in fact that Orochimaru would have been proud. And he was.
"Oh those lawn gnomes," Orochimaru says with a chuckle, patting Kabuto on the head.
"Quite good, quite good," Kabuto responds, polishing Orochimaru's feet.
"Ho-shiznits, that was weirdly amazing," Sakura mutters.
"I know! I seriously thought that it was a garbage pail," Naruto sighs, wishing he could blend in as well as those gnomes.
"Kakashi was just kidnapped!" the cherry blossom yells at Naruto.
"He was!" and thus Naruto began to weep terribly, shaking the world right down to its core, making Gaara wonder why the person he was fighting wasn't dead yet.
"Aw, come on Naruto. We'll get him back," the pink haired girl tells the blond, patting his head reassuringly. "Come on, get over it."
"Okay," the blond shrugs. Orphans were good at acting.
"That was fast," the girl sweat drops slightly.
oOOo
Mae-chan: Muahaha. And so concludes another chapter of Lawn Gnomes.
Sasuke: >( I'm not like that.
Like what?
Sasuke: I'm not girly like that. You shouldn't make me like that! It isn't right! D:
… >.> well.. You were OOC because you were overly upset about not being able to kill that cashier (Who wasn't really dead…) that Kakashi had already beaten up.
Sasuke: >( damn you Kakashi…
n.n; Anyways… please review
Kuro: Mou… .. Sleepy-byes for Kuro… I added things in O.O Tee hee, I love making fun of Orochi-sama and Kabuto x) . . . And I love Gaara.
Oh, Northie-chan… Let's hope the lawn gnomes don't get this fic.
YOU REVIEW BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME