Dude Looks Like A Lady

Chapter 3
I Hate Teddy bears

Seifer was disgusted with the way Squall was staring. From the moment Seifer had walked into the office, Squall's eyes had not left Seifer's breasts. He wasn't even staring anymore, he was leering. Seifer thought if Squall looked any harder, Squall might actually be able to see through the tiny white t-shirt that did nothing to hide Seifer's pornographic pets. Seifer wanted to vomit. This was just too much. Irvine was one thing, but being ogled by his rival was just completely sick and wrong.

"It's all arranged," Squall said to Seifer's boobs. "You'll be sharing a room with Rinoa until graduation. She'll be taking the exam this term, too, so if you need any help catching up, she'll be there to help you."

"I can't have my own room?" Seifer asked and he flinched at the sound of his own voice. It sounded so . . . whiny.

"Cadets share a room, no exceptions," Squall replied to the twin peaks. It was if Seifer's breasts were doing the talking. "As far as your classes, you're enrolled in the same ones Seifer was in, except for your PE period. Here's your schedule. If you have any trouble finding anything, just ask Rinoa."

"Oh, yeah. Rinoa's a great help," Seifer mumbled. If not for Rinoa, he wouldn't be in this situation. If she wasn't such a hack, he'd be kicked back in his own room, surrounded by his own things right now. Instead, he was being visually molested by the commander, forced to wear Rinoa's underwear, and he was still disturbed that his little buddy was gone.

Maybe this was just a really bad dream. A dream he'd wake up from soon. He wanted to pinch himself, but he didn't think people actually did that, so he folded his hands in his lap and willed Squall Leonhart to burst into flames.

"If you have no questions, you're dismissed."

Seifer trudged down the corridor to the elevator, noticing that everyone was staring at him. They were whispering, and he thought he actually saw a few people point. It made him want to scream. Someone behind him called out "Hot Mama!" as he stepped into the elevator, and he felt his cheeks flame. This was the most humiliating thing that had ever happened to him. Worse than when Chicken Wuss had pulled his pants down in front of girls when he was twelve. Worse than the time he'd had too much to drink and barfed on his date while making out with her.

All the way to Rinoa's room, he sulked, feeling as if the whole world were looking at him, and he was relieved when the door was finally closed behind him, and he was alone with Rinoa's teddy bears. He sat down on the bed and glared at the teddy bears.

They looked back at him with vacant, glassy, expressionless eyes.

He hated teddy bears. They were staring at him too.

Enraged, he snatched one from the shelf and twisted it's head until the seams tore. Stuffing stuck out one side and he dug his fingers into the hole and pulled. There was the sound of fabric ripping, and then the head came off in his hand. Satisfied, he tossed the head across the room and let the rest of it fall to the floor.

The rest of the teddy bears were still staring at him.

"Let that be a lesson to the rest of you," he told them and then settled down for a nap.

An hour later a shrill cry woke him. "Seifer, what the hell did you do to Mr. Snuggles?!" Rinoa cried, holding the body of the murdered plush toy in one hand, it's misshapen head in the other. She stared down at him with accusing, tear stained eyes.

"It's was bothering me," he mumbled. "What's the big deal? It was just a toy."

"Just a toy?!" she cried. "Squall gave me this on our first real date! It was special."

"Give me a break," Seifer said. "It's a stupid toy."

"It's not a stupid toy! You don't understand!" she cried.

"No, I don't understand. You're getting all sappy over something that serves no purpose."

Rinoa dropped the bear on the bed and stared at him. "It had sentimental value, Seifer. It meant something to me."

Seifer heaved a sigh and looked back at her. "My penis meant something to me too, but thanks to you I'm going to have to live without it, so I'm sure you can get used to your dumb little bear being gone too."

Rinoa burst into tears again. "You big MEANIE!!!" she screamed and ran from the room.

In the morning Seifer attended his Tactics class for the first time as a girl. When he entered the room, there were several cat calls and remarks made out his legs. He was further humiliated when Instructor Trepe introduced him to the class. "Miss Almasy, tell us a little about yourself."

What was he supposed to say?

"Um . . . "

They were all looking at him. He imagined they were all staring at his chest. He'd never wanted to scream more in his life.

"I'm from G-garden," he mumbled. "I hate teddy bears, and uhh, I use a gunblade."

I hate teddybears?

There was a collective giggle from the class and Instructor Trepe stared at him dumbfounded. "Thank you Miss Almasy. Please take your seat."

The class was uneventful, save Instructor Trepe's scolding him not sitting in a ladylike manner, and when it was over, he decided to grab an early lunch. At that hour, the cafeteria wouldn't be so crowded, and there wouldn't be quite so many pair of eyes looking at him. To his dismay, he got in line right behind the Chicken Wuss.

"S'up," the chicken said with a slight nod of the head.

Seifer noticed Zell's eyes went right to his breasts. Disgusted, Seifer grabbed Zell by the collar. "What are you staring at?"

"Nu....hu....nothin,'" Zell stammered.

"Pervert," Seifer said and released him.

Zell rubbed his neck and his face turned crimson. "Sorry. They're just so . . . big, and you're so . . . hot. I couldn't help it."

Seifer covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. Chicken wuss was hitting on him! This was a new low, even though just hours ago, he thought there was nothing below his present situation, but he'd been wrong. Having the chicken check him out was worse than anything so far. The sick part about it was that the chicken knew he was really a dude. "Don't let me catch you looking again."

"Sorry," Zell muttered and looked everywhere but at Seifer's boobs. "Can I make it up to you? Buy you a hot dog?"

"You need help," Seifer hissed at him. "Don't ever speak to me again, you friggin sicko."

He grabbed his lunch and picked a table at the back of the cafeteria away from prying eyes. Everything was peaceful until he was approached by a SeeD who sat down uninvited and began talking about how wonderful he was. "You're gorgeous. The prettiest girl at Garden, I swear it."

"Get bent," Seifer mumbled and stuffed a hotdog in his mouth.

"If you'd like, I'll take you to dinner some time."

"I'd rather jump off a cliff."

"Why are you being so stuck up? I'm just trying to be friendly." The SeeD's hand brushed Seifer's boob.

That made Seifer angry. He dropped his half eaten hotdog on his tray and got up. He lifted the SeeD out of his chair and threw him against the nearest wall. The SeeD yelped and cowered as Seifer glared down at him. "I want you to leave me alone! I want everyone to leave me the fuck alone! Do you hear me? Just leave me alone!" he screamed and kicked the SeeD, ala' Fujin.

Seconds later, he was pulled away from the SeeD and taken to Cid's office. The headmaster was not pleased.

"Seiferia, Garden does not tolerate this sort of behavior," Cid said and shook his head.

"The guy was groping me!" Seifer protested. "What was I supposed to do, let him fondle me while I ate my lunch?"

"I understand you were upset, but you are to conduct yourself in a civilized manner at all times. Any misconduct on anyone else's part is to be reported, and it will be dealt with appropriately. Your actions today were not very ladylike."

"I'm not much of a lady," he muttered.

"So I see," Cid said. "I've thought about that and I have a solution. There's a class held three days a week that teaches proper behavior for young ladies, and I think you'll benefit from it. It's taught by Selphie Kinneas, and she's quite good."

Seifer began to chuckle. This was getting ridiculous. "Great! Sign me up," he cried sounding more enthusiastic than he meant to, all the while on the verge of hysteria. The last thing he needed was to attend a class taught by that annoying little cheerleader. He imagined that in less than a week, she'd have him brain washed into believing that rainbows, stickers and lucky charms made the world a better place. He would become a big breasted blonde Selphie-clone.

"I'm glad you approve," Cid said with a smile. "You'll start tomorrow."

Notes

The long awaited third chapter....Hope y'all still think this is funny. This chappy is a bit short, but the next chapter might be longer........he he. Can Selphie turn Seifer into a REAL lady, or will it go horribly wrong? I've got so many ideas I can go with, I just don't know what to do with myself......

Enjoy, review, repeat.