A/N: YAAAY, I'm so hyped! Today I got…DDR! And a fever/sore throat…summer colds suck. (pouts) Ah well. Here's the ficcie, have at it.

Cail Lantis paced the length of the Master Mage's study, deep in thought. Events were getting more and more…yes, "twisted" was definitely the word. At least everyone had calmed down (calm being a relative word, of course) and were acting semi-rationally.

"UUUUMIIIII…"

"GSMRglphRRlgmrrstrjrbsh!"

Siiigh...

The Cail, twitching, turned his gaze to Clef's large worktable, where Ascot was curled up in a fetal position, bawling his eyes out and blubbering apologies to a photograph of the Water Knight. Clef, much to his chagrin, had been deemed a danger to himself and others and had been firmly duct-taped to his throne-like desk chair. Lantis wondered for the millionth time why he hadn't just stayed in Autozam.

"So…that's how it happened?" he asked for the fifty-millionth time. He'd been in the study for hours trying to pry an explanation out of the distraught pair. And he still had no idea what was going on. Lantis sighed…again…as neither seemed to notice his question. He'd always counted on Clef to take charge of idiocy like this. Now the normally calm, cool, collected Guru was blubbering like a baby.

No, wait…that was Ascot. CLEF was only speechless, outraged, and a million kinds of stunned…some of them more violent than others, hence, the duct tape.

Lucky him.

Lantis shook his head: he really hadn't been expecting an answer anyways. "I must admit…at first I thought this trivial, but now I shall bring to light that I, too, have been having tendencies to…lean THAT way…as of late. Earlier today, I was jolted awake from an otherwise peaceful nap by rather…disturbing…thoughts of Eagle Vision. Normally I would be questioning the imminent loss of my sanity, but other suspicious signs, such as your little…transgression…" all present twitched, "…leads me to believe that darker forces may be at work."

Cough, cough.

The cail glanced in Ascot's direction: he had ceased his blubbering (thankfully) and was now coughing rapidly and admiring the floor's lovely tile pattern with extreme attention. "Yes…Ascot?"

The boy-turned-guy blushed, trying out what he apparently meant to be an assuring grin as he shrank back timidly. "Well, y'know, Lantis…that's not THAT…I mean, strange, y'know? I mean…WE…understand…" Lantis raised an ominous eyebrow at the dramatic-growth-spurt-victim. "EXCUSE me?"

"Well, it's sort of EXPECTED…I mean…we've all sorta…gotten the hint…"

"WHAT are you FOOLS TALKING about!" The Cail's normally stern face was just about to cross that line into "miffed". Oh the horror. At least for Ascot. As Lantis glowered, Clef cowered, and Ascot sweatdropped so massively that it was surprising his neck didn't snap. "Uhm…that is to say, Ithinkwe'dbettergonowbyeLantis!" Ascot tore like heck for the door.

"MMrrphgllrstmrr…" Clef agreed, attempting to propel himself toward the door on his tiptoes. Lantis, about to escort the tiny mage out by his abnormally-high shirt collar, caught a glimpse of something dangling from one of the Guru's tapestries. Reeling Clef back in like a fish, via the hem of his robes, Lantis scraped a glob of green goo off the cloth hanging with a finger. "Clef…do you know what this is?"

The Master Mage shrugged free of his gag and raised an eyebrow disgustedly. "Yes…apparently housekeeping isn't doing their job. Remind me to change Fyula's litterbox myself later."

"NO!" Lantis was nearly at his wits' end. "I've seen similar gunk before…right outside my chambers, as a matter of fact…and right after I was influenced to think those aforementioned thoughts of Eagle." Clef's brow furrowed, jumping onto Lantis' train of thought. "They COULDN'T be connected…but nonetheless, this is suspicious. I'm beginning to agree: there MAY be more to this than a lazy cleaning lady after all."

Lantis nodded in agreement. "Should we notify Lafarga to put his men on alert?"

Clef shook his head, raising a hand to his chin deep in thought, still dangling in midair by the back of his robes. "Let's not bring it to that yet. There may be a disease going around the palace of some foreign origin. We should take a sample of this odd…slime, I'd call it…to the palace healers. They may be able to assist us with tracing the substance. There may yet be no need for panic. As of now, let us wait and observe any other odd changes in peoples'…preferences."

Five minutes later, Lantis was well on his way to the infirmary wing of the palace, with a sample of the green gook wrapped in a handkerchief and a great deal more thoughts in his head than he'd woken up with that morning.

"LIIIIIFE IS WOOOOON-DER-FUL…."

Twitch, twitch.

Jade spun down a long corridor with hearts in her eyes and a song in her heart, as Narri was beginning to severely sympathize with Cephiro's cail. Her eye had been twitching spastically and she was having the greatest difficulty NOT stopping every few steps to violently bang her head against a wall.

Jade, on the other hand, was walking on air. On the highest of highs, she was spinning around like a ballerina, somehow managing to move forwards at the same time. In the greatest of anime special-effects, enormous pink hearts and yards upon yards of lace swirled through the background, and sparkles, seemingly from out of nowhere, filled the air. Narri was feeling more than a little suicidal. "JADE…he's a MIDGET…"

"He's MY midget!" Jade squealed, not phased a bit. Narri bit her tongue: Jade noticed. She frowned cutely, twirling back to Narri. "Na-rri-chaaan…why can't you be HAPPY that Cleffie and I have finally REALIZED OUR LOVE!" Jade cooed, twirling down the corridor ahead of her partner, who was beginning to have an allergic reaction to the sparkles. Narri tried desperately to knock the redhead out with her handy-dandy croquet mallet (a-la Hammerspace) but the pink hearts and lace had formed a sort of a protective barrier around the girl. The sparkles were beginning to nauseate the blonde so strongly that she was forced to give up attempting to conk her partner over the head (momentarily) and dash into the nearest bathroom to loudly worship the porcelain god Ralph.

"JADE…" Narri mumbled, stumbling out of the lavatory and wiping her mouth disgustedly, "Tune down the sparkles a little, ne? I'm getting ill. And at the magnitude you're putting them out, they may form an organized society and try to invade the castle." Jade nodded quickly, and sobered JUUUST enough to banish the sparkles. It HAD happened before, after all. "Aww, Narri, don't act like you wouldn't do the same if you'd snogged Ferio." Narri twitched, quickly banishing thoughts of a certain brown-eyed boy waiting for her in Kentucky. "Kelly is one thing; I'M another. I'M a Fuu/Ferio fangirl…Ferio's cool, but them together is best. THAT'S why I swiped my 'Nii-chan's camera-phone!" Narri flashed a peace sign while holding up a tiny cell phone for all to see (still drying from their little fieldtrip into Cephiro's finest toilets). Jade rolled her eyes. "And for what reason did we need this l'il conversation?"

"I'm sure the fans/readers are interested in our character preferences."

"I'm sure they're NOT."

"Well, you've made your own preference towards the midget Guru pretty obvious," Narri sighed sarcastically, glancing at the nearest wall. Jade suddenly sprouted kitty-ears a-la our favorite canon, red-braided heroine as something clicked in her mind. Grinning, she draped an arm around her partner's shoulders. "It's okay, Narri…you don't have to be jealous…"

The blonde was at the other side of the hall in .3 seconds flat, having turned a lovely shade of blue and glancing longingly back towards the bathroom. "I think NOT," she growled, holding up a homemade picket sign with "STRAIGHT AS A LINE" scrawled onto it in bold black paint. Jade blinked. "Where did you get that sign?"

Narri blinked in surprise herself, turning to look at the large sign that had sprouted seemingly from nowhere. "Uhmm…Hammerspace?"

"That works."

"AND makes tons of sense," Narri stated blandly, as the sign had suddenly disappeared to the plot device from whence it had come. Suddenly, a gi-normous crash and what sounded like the rumble of falling, smashed stone resounded from the end of the hall, catching the attention of both disguised schoolgirls. After quickly checking their Presea/Caldina costumes over and having adjusted wigs, the two teenaged monster-hunters split for the large courtyard the passageway led out into.

Ferio caught his breath as he was slammed into the wall behind him by the force of Lafarga's attack. He winced, rolling away quickly as his opponent's blade scraped into the wall where he had been a split second before. The prince shook his sprite-bottle-green head to clear his vision and once again faced the captain of the guard. Lafarga was even deadly with dulled practice blades, and sometimes didn't seem to know his own strength.

Alas, such was the price one paid for a sparring partner who wasn't afraid to hold back against their prince.

The tall blond charged again, a battle cry erupting from his throat. Ferio ducked under the swing of his captain's sword (not a difficult feat when fighting a Goliath) and swung up at the Dal's chestplate.

The very earth beneath him swung like an insane merry-go-round, and his vision tinted pink momentarily, as his blade swooshed a hair's breadth away from Lafarga's nose. Lafarga looked as floored as Ferio was by the split-second change of lighting, as his dusted-blue chestplate clattered to the ground. Ferio shook his head again and resumed his fighting stance. The sun had probably just slid behind a cloud momentarily. Yeah, that's it…a pink cloud. And there'd just been a little earthquake. Though there hadn't been an earthquake since Cephiro had reformed…

Lafarga stood braced for the next attack as well. Ferio steadied himself: he couldn't allow a moment of indecision to lose him a sparring bout. But…he'd sliced off Lafarga's chestplate…accidentally…right? They should stop, so he could get new armor…but HOT DAMN, his captain was well-muscled. Had he ever seen Lafarga without all his armor on before? One could see rippling muscles through his skin-tight shirt, making Ferio a little envious…as well as curious. What would they be like to the touch?

The Dal didn't seem phased, either. He raised his blade to his mouth and flicked it lightly with his tongue, then beckoned to Ferio with a wave of his hand. "Let's go." His voice made Ferio shudder, chills flashing down his spine. With a battle cry of his own, he launched forwards. Lafarga met him halfway, their blades clashing together for only a moment, before they scraped apart with a 'clang' and both warriors stumbled forwards past their opponent.

Ferio's tunic slipped off of him and pooled on the ground, as half of his cape fluttered to rest on the dirt behind him as well. The prince blinked as half of his long sleeves slid down around his wrists. He impaled his sword into the dirt to yank them off hurriedly, then took up his blade again and turned to face the taller man. His breath was coming in ragged gasps. Golden eyes met blue, and blue gleamed predatorily. Lafarga smirked as he charged again. Ferio could barely follow his movements, using all his energy to block and evade the Dal's lethal strokes. He jabbed upwards desperately, hoping to hit anything. He felt the blade slip through cloth, and felt something rip against his sword as they separated.

Lafarga landed on the ground several yards away, after a massive retreat-jump. A slit ran straight down the front of his shirt, which proceeded to fall open, revealing a well-muscled chest. He grinned eerily, glancing at the ruined clothing, and discarded it completely. Ferio blushed beet-red. Grimacing, he took up his fighting stance again, fueled by an unsuspected boost of testosterone from who-knew-where. He felt a smirk curl his own lips as he leveled his blade at shoulder-level and charged his prey.

And two Earthlings-in-disguise stumbled into the courtyard.

A/N: An' that's that for chappy-ter five! (3 Yes, yes, thank you, thank you…I'd like to thank all the LITTLE people…no applause, just money…

Jade: (in background) An' they think I'M crazy…

A/N: Heheh! 9-9; Ah well. I have no strength left to attempt humor, teh fever is sapping my energy…

Sailor Moon Villain-Dude: YES! MY plan to take over the world by sapping the strength of this authoress is nearly complete! NOBODY can stop me NOW!

Sailor Moon: (appears in flash of light) HALT, evildoer! And listen up while I make up a sappy pun having to do with your little minor-baddie-theme! IN THE NAME OF THE MOON!

A/N: …… (tosses them all out the window, slams, locks, and collapses onto bad) GOOD NIGHT!