(A/N): …Does anyone even read these…?

Roses are red, violets are blue. I no own, so you no sue. Toodle-oo!

THE CHAPTER THAT COMES AFTER FIVE:

An all-too-familiar moving glob of jelly cackled evilly, yes, cackled, though it had no mouth. Watching from the shadows of one of the many doors to the courtyard, it rubbed its hands (okay, tentacles) together satisfactorily. Everything was falling into place. The world of Cephiro was crumbling (figuratively, duh, not ANOTHER apocolypse) at his feet (or lack thereof) faster than he could have dreamed. Nearly all the males in the palace were at eachother's throats: literally! His power was even now leeching off of the prince himself and the captain of the guard, who were two of the most influential and powerful men in Cephiro, respectively. If only he could capture that Cail…now THAT would be REAL power! The Slash Monster gritted his non-teeth frustratedly. He'd heard incredible things about Cail Lantis, by eavesdropping throughout the palace. Tremendous power was in his very aura. The Slash Monster would NOT fail his next attempt. He would turn the magic swordsman if it ended him! For now, though, the Monster turned back to the battle before him, more and more rapidly becoming a rather risque striptease, without even the knowledge of its participants. God, he loved his job! Energy flooded into him like a moth to a lamp.

And the best part of all was that those accursed monster-hunters who were always foiling his plans didn't even know he was there at all—

-oh crap, there they were.

The Slash Monster fled.

Narri and Jade skidded to a halt in the doorway opposite that that their nemesis had prviously been lurking in. Jade, with her Clef-centric bishounen-preference, overlooked the display before them easily and scanned the rest of the courtyard quickly enough to see the Slash Monster retreated down the opposite corridor. "Narri, LOOK! There he…there…uhh…Narri?"

The fangirl was rooted to the floor so firmly that she might have been mistaken for a tree. Trembling, she raised an arm, then a lone pointer-finger, and gestured towards Ferio and Lafarga, still going at it in the middle of the courtyard. "They. Ferio. They. No. Shirts. I. They. Look. They. Sweating. So. Sexy. I. Ferio. They. We—" Jade obligingly rolled her eyes and slapped Narri out of her trance. "You're not allowed to talk about Cleffie and I anymore, you realize."

Upon being firmly jolted out of her "moment" Narri squealed the loudest Fangirl Squeal ever to be Squealed by a Fangirl in the defineable sense of the term "Fangirl Squeal". The world paused for a moment to cover their ears, until she was done and chattering happily and nonstop into her newly-repaired camera-phone. "LAUREN-CHAN! OhmyGod, youAREN'TgonnaBELIEVEthisone! Wait'll I tell y—"

Somewhere in Louisville Kentucky, a very sleepy and irritably-awakened otaku girl blinked and stared disbelievingly down at her bedside lamp. "Narri. Do. You. Have. ANY. Idea. What. Time. It. Is. Here?"

Narri paused to blink down at her watch, having been set upon their arrival to Cephiran time. "Uhmmm…ten a.m.?"

"CLICK—beeeeeeeeeep…" went the phone from 2:17 a.m., Louisville, Kentucky.

Jade rolled her eyes. "NARRI, save the gossip hotline! Slashy-kun's ESCAPING!" Undaunted, Narri continued to giddily snap pictures away on a disposable camera that had materialized from Mokona-knew-where, and dialed another number on her phone. Jade took a moment to be puzzled. "An' where did you get that camera?"

Not ceasing her assault on the button of the camera, Narri answered, "Uhm…hammerspace? OOOH, Ferio's trousers are almost gone!" Jade sighed condescendingly and vaulted over the railing between the hallway platform where they stood and the dirt practice yard itself. "SLASHY-KUN! HALT! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!" She yelled through a megaphone she suddenly held, waving an equally-spontaneous butterfly net in the other hand.

"We have him surrounded?"

"Just take your dirty pictures, Narri…"

Jade determinedly charged after the Slash Monster, exhibiting moves that famous track-and-field athletes and Hikaru would be envious of, vaulting over plants, dodging hurdles and exercise dummies, plowing straight through racks of weapons, and mowing down anything and anyone through her way…

…including one sprite-bottle-green-haired prince of Cephiro.

Either from the Slash Monster's retreat, and his powers with him, or from "Presea" rampaging wildly through the middle of their battlefield and running right over Ferio, who would now be more appropriately named "Pancake", the two fencers snapped out of their trance and looked about them wildly. Lafarga caught sight of Narri pouting at Jade's antics from the railing ("Jadeeeey…don't bulldoze canon characters!") and gasped in horror. "C…Caldina! I'm so sorry…OH GOD, what have I DONE!" he ran off in shame at being seen so disgracefully betraying his "beloved Caldina". Narri sprouted kitty ears and question marks materialized in the air over her head, puzzled, as Jade jogged back into the courtyard, panting. "Okay…he's gone…"

Narri pocketed her now-full camera and vaulted over the railing as well, phone in hand, to meet her partner on top of Ferio's head. "Oi, sorry Jadey, but…y'know…they were half-naked…"

"Yes, well, you wrote me a kissy-scene. I guess you deserved—"

"—Mmrph—MMPH-MRRRRPGL…" (Translation: "EX-CUSE me…" ) Both monster-hunters glanced down at the bish currently half-buried in the dirt ground under their feet, and attempting to free himself. They jumped off obligingly (well, Narri jumped off obligingly, and then had to drag Jadey off, who maniacally and Nova-esque-ly started to jump up and down on the trapped prince's head, cackling giddily). Ferio sat up, coughing up dirt and glaring up at the two fakers (not fakirs, mind you). "What the hell is going on here! Presea, Caldina…"

"OOOOH, Jadey, he's so adorable when he's pissed!" Narri squealed, patting the head of the flustered bishie, who winced. " 'Jadey'…? What IS going on! You're PRESEA…"

Jade shot a Look at Narri, who giggled sheepishly. "You did that on purpose."

"Nuh-UH…"

Jade sighed, and removed her wig to Ferio's dismay, who was actually beginning to hope this was all just a bad dream. "P-PRESEA!"

"EEEEEHHHNNN! Wrong!" Jade sighed, dropping the ponytailed orange wig on Ferio's head. "We're Earthlings, you see. I'm Agent Jade Cook, and this is—"

"—call me Narri!" The American chirped, also dropping her hot-pink wig on top of Jade's. "And may I say, I've been a fan of your work for YEARS—"

"—yes, yes…the point is, now that our cover's blown, that we're here on business—"

"—though we wouldn't mind actually taking a break now and then. Y'know, see the sights, go to the beach, check out the Forest of Silence, maybe a tour of the palace—"

"—yeah, all that. But MOSTLY we're here on business." Jade squirmed under the confused…heck, downright stoned…gaze of a confuzzled Ferio, while Narri giggled in the background and snapped more pictures on her camera-phone. She was NOT used to being the serious one, but strict-Narri was currently inaccessible. Le sigh. "We're here to hunt down a threat to all of Cephiro, one which you have already experienced first-hand. A horrible monster which invades anime, book, even movie…well, basically all sorts of media fandoms has now entered Cephiro, and lurks through the halls of the castle even as we SPEAK!" Jade suddenly had a flashlight, and aimed it under her chin for scary effect, yes, VERY scary, except it was daylight, so "poo". Or "puu" as it may be. Ferio blinked. "Where'd that thing come from?"

"Uhmmm…hammerspace."

"What's—"

"Nevermind, doesn't matter. Now, where was I…?"

"Lurking through the castle?" Narri offered helpfully. "OH, YES, that's right! Lurking through the castle is the hideous and feared Slash Monster! Or Slashy-kun, to us." Jade smiled, as Ferio sweatdropped, wondering why in the worlds they had given their quarry a pet name. Narri decided it was time to add her two cents' worth. "We've been chasing him through all sorts'a fandoms for a long time now. It's our job." She smiled proudly. "An' we always get him…but then he always gets away from us somehow! So we've gotta catch him again..." she pouted. "It does get rather monotonous, ne?"

"Yeah…I TOLD you we should've gotten that shock collar!"

"He's not a DOG Jadey, he's practically jelly! That thing could fry him to pieces!"

"Oh, he'd LIVE…"

"WAIT a second!" Ferio interrupted, more than a leetle confused. "Why's this…THING…so dangerous, anyways! I mean, if it's 'practically jelly', what can it really…DO?" he complained. Both fangirls looked at eachother, sighed, and finished their grisly, space-occupying explanation.

The Slash Monster slithered along the polished and shining corridor, exhausted and out-of-breath. Damn, those idiot monster-hunters moved fast! If only his powers worked on girls, he would've had them suitably distracted and off his trail LONG ago! He shook his gooey head in disgust. That unspeakable hellhole they imprisoned him in everytime they caught him…it was a place of unimaginable horror, the likes of which no one in their right mind would ever traverse. He nearly lost his sanity whenever he was encased in that putrid stinking vat of chaos, a veritable breeding ground for lost minds and rotting souls. He shuddered, and it vibrated through his entire liquidy frame. They'd never take him alive again.

He halted, and squished his way into a narrow space between a pillar and, ironically, a statue of a former Pillar. A wide-open doorway his left provided ample opportunity for further feeding…but before the Slash Monster had the chance to extend his powers to whomever the room contained, he heard an all-too-familiar voice emanating from inside.

"…You honestly have no idea?"

"None at all, sir Cail…this is as foreign a substance as we have ever seen. I would take it back to the Guru and have him run some sort of magical experiments on it, or something of the like…it really is a matter for sorcerers to deal with, not us."

"So you don't care if more people fall victim to this odd plague?"

"Look, how are WE supposed to know if this is really a veritable disease, or just a bunch of people coming out of the closet?"

"…….."

The Slash Monster grinned. The Cail again…he'd caught on, had he? Apparently the Guru was aware of his presence as well. And yet, despite their "knowledge", they were as confused as ever. 'Those fools…' he cackled mentally. He paused as he heard who he assumed to be some palace healer continue.

"…Look…this MAY really be some sort of disease which affects the mind and emotions, or causes some temporary insanity…it is very possible, now that I think of it. A lot of diseases have sprung up recently, which we've never even heard of before. Our top physicists theorize that they may be the result of so much access to these foreign countries, something which Cephiro has never had before."

"…That is one option."

"Indeed," the healer sounded so relieved, the Slash Monster theorized Cail Lantis must have been directing one of his infamous "Look"s at the man. "In fact, one would suggest delaying the upcoming peace delegation, just out of interest in regards to palace health."

"…I'm afraid that would be impossible…the delegates are arriving this evening."

"Ah…"

"Either way, I'm not too concerned about it. I did not contract any foreign disease while in Autozam, at least. We should be relatively safe."

"…But Cail…if this disease does what you…SAY it does…then…will it really be the best choice to have all these gentlemen together at the same time?"

"We'll figure that out when we come to it. Thank you for your assistance," Lantis swept out of the healers' quarters.

The Slash Monster was already on the move.

"…And that's the deal," Narri and Jade nodded firmly. Ferio had a massive headache…but felt somewhat more relieved. "…Oh, THANK YOU MOKONA! I HAVEN'T betrayed Fuu, I HAVEN'T! Oh, Mokona…THANK YOU!" He danced around in ecstacy. Jade grumbled. Narri beamed and took more pictures.

Sobering, Ferio frowned. "So how do ya'll go about catching this thing?" Narri grinned. "We chase it."

"Yeah…"

"An' we catch it!"

Ferio facefaulted. "Just like that? How about some detail!"

Jade rolled her eyes in disdain. "We're professionals!" Narri "peace-sign-ed" in the background. "Plus, hammerspace is on our side. We're…AUTHORESSES!" She struck a dramatic pose. Jade sighed and pulled a long chrome cylinder out of her (Presea's) boot. "Yep! And now, my favorite part…" she held up the neuralizer in front of Ferio's eyes. "You've seen too much. Look here, please!" Narri squeaked and pounced on Jade's arm. "JADEY, NO!"

"HE'S SEEN TOO MUCH, NARRI!"

"YOU'RE BIASED AGAINST HIM!"

"……DUUUHHHH!"

"YOU'RE GONNA MESS WITH HIS MEMORIES!"

"……DUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH!"

"JAAAADEEEEYY!"

Ferio watched in slight terror as the two fangirls wrestled over the neuralizer. Narri finally drew her croquet mallet and batted the skinny cylinder into the air and across the courtyard. She then proceeded to jump up and down on the offending instrument while Jade sobbed over the neuralizer's little smashed pieces.

Huffing, panting, and dusting off her hands, Narri skipped back across the courtyard to Ferio, as genki as previously. "You're SAFE, Ferio-sama!" she chirped, flashing another peace sign. Ferio sweatdropped. "Uhmm…thanks? Hey, where did you get that croquet mallet, anyways?"

"…Hammerspace! Now on to business." She clasped Ferio's hands in hers, somewhat of a parody if you've read the manga's version of Fuu and Ferio's romance, but we're sure that if you're anything like Jade you've conveniently omitted it from your memory, so it's irrelevant: the point being, she clasped Ferio's hands in both of hers.

"Will you help us, Ferio?"

"…What?"

"…WHAT?" Jade ceased sniffling to storm over. "He can't come with us, Narri! He's a canon character, and they shouldn't be involved!"

"…Oh, THAT'S a stupid rule. Who made that up?"

"YOU DID!"

"…Oh."

Ferio cleared his throat. "Look ladies, I'll be fine. I'd probably be in ya'll's way anyways…"

"OOOOH, he's so CHARMING!" Narri gushed, patting Ferio's head and handing him a cookie (a-la hammerspace) while Jade made gagging noises in the background. "That settles it, you're coming with us!"

"But—"

"BUT—"

Narri grinned. "Jadey, Slashy-kun is avoiding us, right? Therefore if Ferio's with us, he won't be in any danger! Besides, we are NOT using the neuralizer…" Strict-Narri resurfaced for a split second, "…but he already knows everything anyways, so he can just tag along! Besides, he knows Cephiro WAY better than we do," she beamed happily. "We could use a guide!"

"W-well, I guess…"

"WELL…(sigh)…I GUESS…"

"THAT'S the spirit!" Genki-Narri chirped happily, as Jade shot Ferio a maniacal grin that quite plainly suggested she wished to simply hand him over to the Slash Monster. "We're going to work you harder than you've ever worked in your LIFE, 'Ouji-sama'." Ferio gulped, sweatdropping, as Narri's cell phone went off. Hyperly, she snatched it up and flipped it open. "H'lo…? KELLY-SAAAAAN! O'm'gosh, o'm'gosh, you were right! …Uh-huh…UH-HUH! FERIO WEARS NO UNDERWEAR! AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The green-haired prince, who by now had clothed himself, blushed as hard as his lover was famous for. Jade grinned manically. Ferio was starting to wish he'd taken his chances with the Slash Monster.

(A/N): Another successful chapter, ya'll!9-9 I hope ya'll enjoy! Well, not that we really GOT anything accomplished…but Ferio's teamed up with us now! And Slashy knows about the peace conference between all the worlds…OH NO! What will we do? Can we stop him in time? Will I be able to keep avoiding having to write shonen-ai/yaoi in a fanfic centering around it? And WHAT EXACTLY HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO, ANYWAYS! (sobs in a corner)

Jade: Uhhmmm…find out next time! Jaaaa!