Chapter 3 - November

November 1st

Those Slytherin boys teased me at breakfast today for being the only seventh year girl who didn't go to the Halloween Ball. They called me a troll again. I almost started to cry when they asked me why my boyfriend didn't take me. My first boyfriend is dead and it's their entire fault. My new boyfriend can't take me because we're a secret. Harry couldn't tell the Slytherin boys to go away because he has to be careful not to let people know about us, but Granger could have told them to shut up. She's Head Girl and they were breaking the rules. She was too busy with her nose in a book to do her job.

I don't need stupid Hermione Granger or anyone else because I made four new friends last night. Their names are Bella, Suzy, Annie and Mary. Now I have someone to talk to and share secrets with like the other girls do. I can tell my friends everything because they can't tell anyone else.

Mary and Suzy are pretty and popular. They know all about how to look pretty and act the right way. They're going to help me get ready for when Harry and I don't have to be a secret anymore. I'll need to look good and know how to act when we go out with all of the important people who want to be around us.

Annie is a little bit mean. She doesn't let people push her around. She snarks people before they get a chance to snark her. Annie was already mad at Hermione Granger for being a nag, and at the Slytherin boys for killing my first boyfriend. She got even madder when I told her about breakfast today. She said that they all needed to learn a lesson.

Poor Bella. All of the other girls call her Ugly Bella because there just wasn't enough hair for her. I like Bella best of all because she understands me. I can talk to her about anything without being embarrassed because she knows how I feel. When the other girls fell asleep we talked about how bad it feels to get laughed at and called a troll. We also talked about how I feel when Harry and I are alone together. I told Bella what it feels like to kiss a boy and we both wondered what everything that comes after kissing feels like.

It's nice to finally have friends to talk to. I like all of my new friends, but I like Bella the best. I can't wait to introduce them to Harry.

Severus went into his private stores and retrieved some Pepper-up potion. He had slept fitfully and even his customary morning coffee did little to improve his mental clarity. He had to be sharp today. This was the most complex diary entry thus far and it was critical to analyze every nuance correctly. He approached the task with the same exacting attention to detail that he used in making potions. He read the passage again, and then a third time. He had to ask the right questions if he was going to get the answers he needed.

Who were Miss Tilly's friends? They were obviously not other students. The rules of her universe would not allow her to divulge her perceived relationship with Potter to an actual student. The castle still contained other possibilities: ghosts, portraits, and house elves, just to name a few. Severus dismissed all of these, and anything else with a consciousness and a mouth, for the same reason he dismissed the idea that they could be students. Her rules simply did not allow her to tell her secrets to anyone capable of repeating them.

So what did he know about Miss Tilly's new friends? He knew their names, their basic personalities and that Bella was ugly because there wasn't enough hair for her. What did he know about Miss Tilly? She had an imaginary relationship with Potter, she talked to owls, and she took everything literally…

Of course! If what Potter said was correct, Miss Tilly used language literally. When she said she made four new friends; she meant that she actually constructed four new friends. Effigies perhaps? That was seriously dark magic. No one would create an effigy and call it a friend. They were probably just dolls. Why would she construct pretend companions in a school full of children?

Severus sat back in his chair and laced his fingers together behind his head. Why indeed? It was painfully obvious that the girl was lonely and craved companionship. The question was, how did she go from constructing imaginary friends to attempted murder? What relationship did any of this have to her death?

Severus felt the beginnings of a massive headache coming on as he began to consider the individual personalities of Miss Tilly's friends, and her relationship with each of them.

What would a snarky old bastard like me know about how teenaged girls relate to each other? I haven't the first idea what goes on in the minds of those giggling dunderheads.

He didn't understand teenaged girls when he was a teenager and he didn't understand them now. Hermione was his only frame of reference and he was sure she was as far from the norm in a positive way as Miss Tilly was in a negative one. He doubted that Hermione could offer much in the way of understanding Miss Tilly's psyche. Hermione excelled in her studies and had close friends; she was Head Girl and was famous as a member of the golden trio. Miss Tilly was isolated and tormented.

Severus paused. Those were emotions he could relate to. He knew exactly what it was like to be a loner at Hogwarts with four students making your life miserable. But were those emotions enough to drive a person to attempt to commit murder? He reluctantly reflected on his own school years.

The Marauders…two were dead, one had gone very wrong, and one…he was now an ally of sorts. He had good reason to hate Black and Potter. They never missed an opportunity to hex or humiliate him. If Potter hadn't intervened, he'd have been killed by one of Black's pranks.

Pettigrew. Severus snorted when he thought about that mealy little rat. Pettigrew was too weak to harm him on his own, but avidly cheered Potter and Black on when they entertained themselves at Severus' expense.

And then there was Lupin. Lupin did nothing to Severus. That was the problem; Lupin did nothing. Lupin clearly disapproved of the others' behavior and, as a prefect, had the power to stop them, but chose to do nothing.

Severus drew some very disturbing parallels between his tormentors and Miss Tilly's. Malfoy was very much like Black and Potter. He humiliated her and caused her very real harm. Pettigrew, Crabbe, and Goyle were all cut from the same cloth. They were toadies -- feckless followers, who cheered on the real bullies. That left Hermione and Lupin. True, they were both prefects, but the similarity ended there. Lupin was aware of Severus' circumstances but chose to turn a blind eye. Hermione barely noticed Miss Tilly. She had no idea that the girl was suffering.

Granger could have told them to shut up. She's Head Girl and they were breaking the rules. She was too busy with her nose in a book to do her job.

A prefect who refused to see, and a prefect who didn't see. Perhaps they weren't so different after all. If Hermione was Miss Tilly's Lupin, would that be sufficient motivation to attempt to commit murder?

Severus could understand if Miss Tilly tried to murder Malfoy; he recalled lying awake many a night in his dorm room fantasizing about Potter and Black's painful and embarrassing demise. But she didn't choose Malfoy. She chose Hermione, who did nothing to harm her and nothing to help her.

Severus wondered if he would have murdered Lupin if the opportunity presented itself when they were students. He remembered seeing the deep furrow in Lupin's brow as the werewolf pointedly ignored his friends as they dangled Severus upside down. He remembered his humiliation when his only champion turned out to be a girl, and a mudblood at that. Finally he remembered Lupin getting up and walking away when Potter and Black uprooted him again and removed his undergarments after Evans left.

Yes, there were times when I would have liked to murder all of them if I'd had the chance.

Severus' train of thought was interrupted by a crash at his chamber door.

"Wotcher, Severus," Tonks called out cheerfully as she entered his chambers. "Sorry. I knocked over the --"

"I heard," Severus interrupted, casually closing the diary and placing it in a pile of similar looking volumes. "Most people announce their presence by knocking on the door before they enter someone's private chambers; not by knocking over their possessions after they enter."

"You know the drill, Sev. I'm to make at least three unannounced visits to you a day, so don't be occupying your time with anything I don't want to see," she said raising her eyebrows suggestively.

Severus' lip curled slightly at her implication. His relationship with the fumbling Auror had evolved from open dislike to genuine respect over the last two years. She was one of the few people who could say anything she wanted to him without fear of getting hexed.

"How is your investigation progressing?" he asked, inviting her to sit with a graceful gesture of his hand.

"It's not. I'm no closer to an answer than I was last night when we talked to the boys. A medi-wizard from St. Mungo's will be arriving this morning to examine her body. I think that's our best hope for an answer."

"Have you gone through her possessions?"

"Sure have. Like I told you, no answers, just more questions."

"How so? What did you find?"

"It's not what I found; it's what I didn't find. She had six blank books that turned out to be journals when I cast a revealing spell on them. I figured they were journals because I had the same kind when I was in school."

Severus was well practiced in deception. His face didn't reveal any of the tension that he felt when she mentioned the journals. He asked the logical question.

"What didn't you find?"

"There were only six journals. This year's is missing."

"Are you sure she kept a journal this year?" he asked. Tonks shook her head in amusement.

"Sometimes you can be such a …man. -- Of course she kept a journal this year! It's her last year at Hogwarts. No girl keeps a journal for six years and then stops just when things get interesting!"

"Have you searched the castle for it?"

"A manual search in this castle? You're joking, right? Vector will need about three days to write a locator spell for it. We'll find it."

"Good," said Severus. He had three days to discover whatever secrets the diary held before it would be in the hands of the Aurors. Whatever it contained had to be earth shaking if Albus couldn't acknowledge knowing about it and didn't want the Aurors to know about it either.

"You didn't find anything at all unusual?" Severus asked, attempting to steer the conversation away from the book.

"I didn't say that. She had four of the ugliest little sock puppets I've ever seen. She made them with some old, smelly stockings, ink, and her own hair." Tonks screwed her face and changed her hair color from pink to baby blue. "At least if I made sock puppets, they'd be interesting."

"Hair? Are you sure it was her hair and not Hermione's. Perhaps she was practicing dark magic." Severus felt like Albus, asking questions he already knew the answers to.

"No. That was the first thing I thought of when I found them. It was her hair and there was nothing magical about them. Sorry Sev. They're just socks with faces drawn on them and hair."

Severus nodded his head and acted like Tonks' revelations were news to him.

"Well Sev," said Tonks, rising from her chair, "as much as I enjoy your company, I've got work to do. I hate that you're restricted to these drafty dungeons. But hey, at least you have your lab. Sort of.

"Is there anything left in my lab?"

"Not much more than the ingredients to brew a strong cup of tea, I'm afraid. I had to remove anything that could possibly be used to create a dangerous potion so you could have access. I thought you'd rather be restricted and have your stores left alone, but Albus insisted. I have no earthly idea why."

"I stopped speculating on Albus' motives a long time ago," said Severus.

What the hell did the old man know and why wasn't he telling?

Severus rose to escort Tonks out so he could get back to the diary and get some answers.

"You'll keep me informed?" he asked earnestly, as he opened the door for her.

"You know I will," Tonks answered, reaching up and placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. "Keep your chin up Sev. I'll find your answers."

November 15th

Those Slytherin boys were being mean to me again at breakfast. They were making fun of the way I look. First they made fun of my hair. I had to cut some of it off to make my new friends and it's a little longer on one side than the other. Then they called me mean names. They are always calling me a troll, but now they are calling me Two-Ton Tilly and Hideous Hyacinth too. Granger didn't look up from her book to stop them until Pansy Parkinson started laughing at the boys with that God awful high-pitched laugh of hers. I'm glad that my being tortured finally inconvenienced Granger. She doesn't care about anything except getting the highest NEWT scores in Hogwarts' history. She should do her job.

The morning was awful but the nighttime was so great! My new friends got to meet Harry!!! After dinner, my friends and I all went to the Owlery so we could talk in private. We were talking about the Slytherin boys and how we would make them pay for being mean when Harry came up and met us. He said hi and I told him all about how I was taking care of Hedwig. He got all shy looking and said thanks. He must not have had a lot of time because he said he had to go. Granger was probably nagging him again. He told me he'd see me later.

My friends thought Harry was so handsome and so nice. They can't wait until Harry and I don't have to be a secret anymore. Neither can I.

Imaginary friends…an imaginary relationship with Potter. Her relationship with Malfoy and his sycophants was the only important relationship in the diary that was real.

Severus believed Miss Tilly's accounts of her run-ins with Malfoy; it was just like him to provide a laugh to his mates at another student's expense. There was also the very real death of the squib in Hogsmeade to support her tale. He was not at all certain about her perceptions of Hermione's behavior. He had a hard time accepting that the girl who championed the cause of house elves would turn a blind eye to a band of Slytherins tormenting a Gryffindor…or anyone else for that matter. In the end, he decided that perhaps the truth was not the issue; perhaps his answers were to be found in Miss Tilly's perceptions.

"Ouch!" Came a frustrated voice from the doorway.

"Good Lord woman, how did you ever manage to pass stealth training?" He was grateful to her, despite his annoyed tone. Severus was fairly certain that Tonks was intentionally alerting him to her presence. She was exceptionally talented when it came to following the letter of the law while violating the intent. He slipped the diary into his desk drawer and motioned to her to enter his study.

"What is it?" he asked, noting the grave expression on her face.

"It's not good news, Severus." Tonks took a deep breath and sat down before continuing. "The medi-wizard from St. Mungo's has finished his autopsy."

"Was he able to determine what caused her death?" Severus was sure that the medi-wizard's report would vindicate him since he was, in fact, innocent. It appeared from Tonks' demeanor that it did not.

"Yes and no. She was killed by your Petrificus Totalus, but the medi-wizard was not able to determine exactly why."

"That's hardly news, Tonks."

"If you'll allow me to finish…He wasn't able to determine the exact reason why the Petrificus Totalus killed her. But he did discover that she ingested a complicated potion about two hours before her death."

"What potion?"

"Can't tell without further tests. It was almost completely metabolized when she died."

"I want to see the autopsy notes. All of them."

"Of course. I'll have them sent down immediately." Tonks paused uncomfortably. "Severus, I need to know where you were between dinner and rounds last night."

Severus pondered the irony of his position. His answer to Tonks' question would both exonerate him and convict him.

"I was in my chambers."

"Can anyone verify that?"

Of course. The Head Girl stopped by for leisurely shag before she went on rounds.

"Yes, Miss Granger stopped by for some assistance," he answered truthfully. He'd instructed Hermione not to lie to the Aurors, but not to offer any information either. She understood that the necessity of keeping their relationship a secret. He hoped his answer was sufficiently vague that it would correspond with whatever answer Hermione gave Tonks.

"I hope that's enough, Sev. Even with an alibi, this potion looks bad for you. I'm not sure Albus is going to be able to keep you out of Azkaban anymore," said Tonks, with great regret.

"How long do I have?"

"One day…Two at the most. I'm so sorry Severus. I'll do everything I can..."

"I know you will."

He thanked Tonks for the information and escorted the despondent Auror to the door. He returned to his desk and stared at the diary.

It's time to tell me all of your secrets, Miss Tilly.