I'm still shocked that so many people seem to like my work... here's the next chapter to enjoy!

Chapter 55: Monster

Things were still awkward between them, even though it had been over two years since they had parted ways. Naruto fidgeted nervously, and Sakura watched him longingly, hoping to make eye contact long enough to force a conversation about what had happened that night. Neither of them truly wanted to bring up the past, but it was obvious something needed to be said or they would spend their whole lives with this tense air around them.

"I know you may probably hate me, but I'm very sorry for how horribly I treated you." Sakura piped up, softly, staring everywhere else but into Naruto's eyes.

"I don't hate you, Sakura-chan." He replied, just as quietly. She looked up at him and frowned.

"You should." She protested. "I used you and your feelings in the most despicable way, and I don't know how you could ever forgive me." He smiled wisely and closed his eyes as feelings inside of him began to stir up from the reminder. Tears prickled his eyes, but he was used to much worse tear-jerking moments and wasn't worried about the possibility of crying in front of his friend.

"I guess some part of me always knew you never felt that way about me, but I didn't want to admit it. You don't have to apologize for feeling the way you do. No one expects you to allow yourself to be tied down with things you don't like. If you want something, you have to go out there and get it."

"I've tried and all it's gotten me is six and a half years of trailing after Sasuke like some love-sick animal." She grinned, thankful that they were now back on speaking terms. Naruto paused, trying to toss the idea back and forth in his head. His strides faltered for a moment before continuing in their leisurely pace.

"Have you ever thought that maybe Sasuke doesn't like that behaviour?" He offered helpfully.

"Yeah, but I don't know how else to act around him."

"Try being his friend first and foremost." Naruto explained. "That way you at least have some sort of foundation to work from." They turned a corner and both nodded politely to another genin patrol group. Tsunade had stepped their patrols up to working in pairs, because of the impending danger.

"I don't know how I can possibly do that when you're the only person to get anywhere near him." He smiled inwardly at the irony of her words. "Isn't there some way you could set something up between us?" He frowned suddenly, not liking the direction their conversation had taken. For one thing, he was still a little touchy around the subject of their break up and everything that connected her to Sasuke, and he found it a little irritating that her dream boyfriend seemed to be the only thing she thought of. He was tempted to voice his rude opinions, but she looked so hopeful that he merely sighed.

"I don't think that's fair to me or Sasuke." He replied. "I don't think I'm willing to use my relationship with Sasuke to find you a date. Things like these, especially if they are supposed to be meaningful, should be done on your own. Half the fun is that split second when your whole being rests in that person's hands, there's a certain thrill you get when you lay your soul on the line like that, that you just shouldn't share with anyone else."

They continued their patrol in silence until they walked near the ice cream shop, the last stop before they had to scout out the forested areas that were known for their dangers.

Naruto let out a low chuckle at Konohamaru crouched in a corner with his other team mates, planning to pull a prank on someone, and suddenly wished he was with the younger brat. There didn't seem to be too many people there, though they both knew it would begin to get crowded in an hour. The sun was shining brightly, only hindered by the few clouds, sent there especially for Shikamaru.

Naruto grinned at that thought, and wondered what his friend was up to on his day off. They didn't have time to stop and chat with anyone as they turned around and headed away from the wonderful frozen treats towards the more feared part of the village. It was widely known that even some chuunin were afraid to go into the forests, for fear of some of the stories that were whispered to them as children. They were nothing but fairy tales, told to keep children from misbehaving, but some things were just engrained so deeply within them that even common sense couldn't cure them.

At first, everything was going as planned, and they had settled into friendly banter, talking about normal everyday things that were going on in their lives, almost as though nothing between them had ever been stained. Naruto was skilfully avoiding the topic of Sasuke entirely and Sakura was listening closely to her friend recount some of the things he had been through when she wasn't around.

Then came the ambush.

Neither of them expected it or were ready for it. It was so sudden that, for a moment, Sakura couldn't breath for fear that the blow they were delivered had killed her friend instantly. No one would know how relieved she was when she saw him stagger drowsily to his feet, but there was nothing she could do to help him as she was tied up with protecting herself from the series of kunai that were sent hurtling towards her. Many of them were skilfully knocked aside, but a few met their mark, impaling her shoulder and legs.

She stumbled slightly, and jumped at the shinobi who had attacked her when she noticed something odd. No one was paying her much attention. They were mostly focused on attacking her companion.

She took a few steps towards the handful of enemy ninjas and made her way right into the middle of the group without them noticing until it was too late. If they wanted to fight solely Naruto, they would have to go through her.

She took a protective stance above her fallen comrade, allowing him the time to get back to his feet and catch his bearings. It didn't look like his head took the impact of hitting the tree too favourably. She didn't have to wait too long for Naruto to be ready, and within seconds, an all out battle was raging, five against two. Then it was seven against two. And then there were eight.

Sakura turned to her partner and saw that he was fairing no better than she was, and had five out of the eight focused on attacking him. She frowned in worry, but she had too much else to worry about to even consider going to help him. She jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding a shinobi's right hand which had reached out to slap her, palms clothed in shuko hand claws. She winced and tried to keep her focus on her fight and let Naruto worry about himself. She didn't want to stop and think about the fact that their raid was starting to become an ambush, focused on hurting Naruto.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto called out, pain seeping into his voice. She had just knocked out her last ninja, and turned to her friend. He was still concentrating on hand-to-hand combat with the three that remained.

"Naruto!" She cried out as the razor-sharp edge of one of the masked ninja's tessen met with the soft flesh of Naruto's wrist as he brought his hand up to protect his head. He had lost the weapon that had been in that hand previously and blood was now pouring out of the fresh wound, trickling down his arm, as he tried to hold onto the deadly fan and the wrist holding it for as long as he could, while a few of his remaining clones protected him from the other two. He turned to her and she saw a long knife wound ripped across his face, forcing him to keep his wounded eye closed. She suppressed a horrified shudder.

"Sakura, go back to the village." He whispered, making it obvious that the various other wounds on his neck were affecting him more than he would let on. She shook her head profusely, but he continued talking, leaving her no room for argument, though she would try. "Get everyone to meet me at the Hokage's office, now."

"I can't just leave you, you'll be killed!" She screamed, moving forward to help with the other two that were starting to get closer. He snarled at her and she faltered in her steps.

"This is a war." He growled. "The whole is more important than the individual. You'll be safe going back; they only want me." He turned his face from her and with a swift movement, her eyes couldn't follow, he snapped the shinobi's wrist painfully and the tessen dropped from his grip. Another two strikes later, the man was passed out on the ground, courtesy of a few training sessions with Neji. By then, however, Sakura was long gone, and couldn't see the brutal way Naruto was using to defend himself. Even though she knew that Naruto was merged with the fox demon, it never occurred to her that he was close to losing control of himself, or that he was now running on nothing but adrenaline and fear.

He watched out of the corner of his remaining good eye as she retreated quickly before turning his attention on the last two. They were heavily considering attacking him, but the sight of all of their fallen comrades convinced them otherwise and they retreated into the darkness of the forest foliage. He sighed in relief and sank to the moss covered floor, fingers ghosting over every wound, some of which were already starting to heal.

He wasn't alone for long before he was visited by one other masked ninja. He curled his lip in disgust at the man, but fatigue was starting to settle into his limbs, and it would take a lot for him to find the energy to fight again.

"So you survived that night..." The ninja trailed off thoughtfully. Naruto tried to keep his head up to look at the ninja, not really knowing what he was talking about. "I never would have thought some genin as stupid as you looked would have survived a few minutes, hanging in the meat packaging shop like you were." Suddenly Naruto was reminded of the night the meat vendor died on his patrol and the horrifying agony he felt when he had learned that it wasn't just the one death on his shoulders that night, but the man's entire family.

"You're one of the shinobi who killed that man." Naruto stated angrily, the adrenaline beginning to flow back into him. "You murdered his whole family. They were all innocent people." The shinobi shifted his weight from one foot to the other and chuckled.

"Everyone's innocent when it suits them. I was just doing a job." He exclaimed, but every fibre in Naruto's being told him otherwise.

He struggled to his feet once more and snarled viciously at the man in warning, but his opponent was being cocky and ignored the danger signs.

"Then killing you will just be me doing my job." He growled, jumping forward in a lunge, tackling the masked shinobi to the ground and, with a well-aimed fist, slammed an overcharged ball of chakra through the man's face.

There was a moment of deafening silence as the entire forest was hushed. The wind ceased it's howling, the birds stilled their chirping and even the distant sounds of the village seemed to become silent. The now-lifeless body collapsed to the ground with an echoing thump. Naruto remained hunched over the dead man, hand still poised in the shape of the sphere of chakra he'd just used. There was blood everywhere, covering his clothes and face, it had even splattered across the forest floor and created patterns of dark dots along the bark of the nearby trees. It was nearly a minute before Naruto could gather his thoughts enough to realise what he'd just done.

It had been a moment of blood red crossing his vision as the rage pounded in his ears, and now he was left to deal with the after effects.

"Oh shit." He whispered, stumbling backwards into a blood-splattered tree trunk and slammed his head on a low hanging branch, but it never registered. He had just killed a man. "What did I just do?" He whispered, afraid of his own voice, but there was another part of him that reminded him that it was a war, and every war had its casualties. That and the man deserved to die for the things he did.

"What kind of monster have I become?"

(Star)(Star)(Star)

"You're not starting with the pacing thing again, are you?" Neji frowned at Sasuke, who was currently attempting to burn a line through the rug in the Hokage's office. The genin shot Neji a glare, but refused to waste his energy with a retort of any kind, physical or verbal.

He had already been in a meeting when the number of shinobi burst into the room, demanding to know where Naruto was. Sakura was the worst though, covered from head to toe in blood and looking panic-stricken that the blonde was nowhere to be seen, and neither Sasuke nor the Hokage had seen anything of him all day. When they were finally let in on what had happened, Sasuke was near hysteria, though he contained it well, only his constant pacing let anyone know how unnerved he really was.

"How many ninjas was he left with when you left?" Tsunade asked quietly.

"Two." Sakura replied, staring at her hands. "I wanted to stay, but he said the whole is more important than the individual and that you all needed to know the war has started. He practically forced me to go." They all knew it was a half-lie, but no one called her on it.

"How did he look?" Shikamaru spoke up from his comfy armchair. "Was he still doing well on his own, or was he starting to lose ground?"

"He..." Sakura trailed off, remembering the gashes that littered the visible skin. "He was doing okay, but he didn't look too pretty."

"He took some hits?" She nodded, hesitant at telling them just what she saw.

"How bad were the injuries?" Shikamaru asked slowly, noticing her reluctance.

"Bad." She replied. Sasuke turned to her and grabbed at her clothing, pulling her from her seat so that she was eye level with him.

"Stop giving us shit for answers!" He growled, tightening his hold on the fabric as it bunched at her throat. She let out a startled gasp and began talking as fast as she could.

"He's taken some hits to the throat and had some trouble speaking to me." She closed her eyes and continued to give them a full assessment of his injuries. "And he had a terrible kunai gash right down his face." She dragged a finger across her face and down her own cheek to give the shinobi the basic idea of how bad things were. "It's deep and he can't see out of that eye any longer. Last I saw, it was sealed shut with blood." Sasuke stumbled backwards, dropping the girl, but Jiraiya was behind him and caught him by the shoulders.

"I doubt that injury will be permanent." He exclaimed quietly, for Sasuke's benefit more than anyone else's. He might have said more if the door hadn't opened, revealing a broken young man.

"Naruto!" Sakura exclaimed and ran over to the blond, who was also covered from head to toe in blood. "You idiot! I was so worried about you!" She exclaimed. He looked at her with a far away expression and smiled faintly.

"I'm sorry for making you worry." He whispered softly, his eyes scanning the room for the one person he needed to see there. He found Sasuke frozen in the middle of the room, stuck between his reputation for not caring, and the need to hold his rival until every last wound healed. They stayed locked in each other's gaze until Naruto felt the strength leave his legs and he collapsed forwards into Sakura's arms.

Everyone seemed to jump to life at his fall and Sasuke ran towards him to help Sakura drag him into a nearby chair. He was crowded suddenly, and bombarded with hundreds of questions at once until a sharp glare from his best friend silenced them all.

"Are you okay?" Sasuke asked. Naruto looked up at Sasuke and had trouble focusing on his fine features, even though the young man's face was only a few inches from his own. He brought a hand up and gingerly touched the fleshy gash that ran down his face, just barely missing his eye, but it left him without sight until it fully healed. He nodded slowly.

"Do you know who it was that attacked you?" Tsunade asked over Sasuke's shoulder.

"Sand and sound ninjas." He exclaimed, his voice hoarse. "And that ninja that killed the meat vendor and his family. Most were knocked unconscious and the last two ran away, the ninja who attacked me before is dead." He looked pale and Sasuke could tell how much energy it was taking the blonde not to throw up right then and there.

"Sasuke, can you take him to the Hokage sleeping rooms while I clear up some things here?" Tsunade asked, helping Naruto to his feet. With a curt nod, Sasuke slipped an arm around the young man's waist and helped him to the door. Naruto stopped a few feet from the door, tugging on Sasuke's hand to get his attention.

"Can you carry me just this once?" He asked timidly, a tired smile curling his lips. "I'll admit defeat this time." Sasuke returned the expression briefly before placing his other arm under his rival's legs and scooping him into his arms. Neither cared about their audience as Naruto snuggled into the fabric of Sasuke's warm blue shirt, and Sasuke nuzzled the matted blonde locks. They walked out of the room without a second look backwards.

Sasuke walked slowly to the room, not letting the tension of a looming war quicken his strides, and for a while they stayed in a comfortable silence. It wasn't until Naruto started fidgeting in Sasuke's arms that the young man dropped the blonde's feet to the floor and began a conversation.

"Are you sure you're okay, Naruto?" He asked softly, wondering if the teen's nervous fidgeting had anything to do with his wounds, but Naruto meekly nodded his head. Sasuke was about to continue walking, shouldering most of Naruto's weight when his friend dropped his gaze to the floor and shook his head.

"No." He mumbled.

"Pardon?"

"I said, 'No', I'm not okay."

"What happened when they attacked you?" Sasuke moved so that Naruto was leaning with his back to the wall, and placed his hands on the wall beside the young man's head in an effort to block out the rest of the world.

"It wasn't the ambush... I killed a man." Naruto looked as though he was starting to break, and that in itself was scaring Sasuke. He always knew that Naruto was the only one able to keep up his outward façade, and if the man lost it now, there would be no hope for the rest of the village falling apart as well.

"Naruto, we're in a war, casualties happen all the time." He explained. "It's a part of being a shinobi."

"No, Sasuke, you don't understand. I killed a man, and liked it."

"What?" Sasuke stared at Naruto, dumbfounded.

"You remember what happened when that shopkeeper and his family were killed?" The dark-haired genin nodded slowly. He remembered vaguely the incident when Naruto had nearly been killed trying to defend a meat vendor who had been attacked viciously at his own home, but he didn't see why that incident would be relevant now. "One of the ninja who attacked us came back after the ambush. I...I got so angry...I... I don't remember even thinking anything other than the fact that I had been hurt and I had a chance to get my revenge. I don't think I meant to kill him, I hope I didn't, but... all I saw was red... I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me, like he hurt that man's family... Why do people keep dying because of me?" He asked softly. Sasuke took a deep shuddering breath and tried to figure out an answer to his rival's question, but all he came up with were more questions.

"These things happen." He whispered, suddenly giving in to the urge to use the presence of his body heat to alleviate the stress on Naruto's mind. He leaned closer to the wall and rested his forehead on the pale surface, just over the young man's shoulder, and pressed himself comfortingly into Naruto's bloody orange outfit. "Sometimes, Neji has the right idea believing in fate. You're not a god, Naruto. You can't expect to save everyone."

"I can try." Naruto mumbled into the dark shirt and brought his hands up under Sasuke's arms to hug his rival back. Neither of them cared enough about the idea of being seen to ignore the simple fact that each other's mere presence was more calming than anything else in the world.

When Sasuke was sure that Naruto was okay, they continued to walk down the hall, the blonde only leaning slightly on Sasuke for balance, as his wounds had been healed a lot more since he first stumbled into Tsunade's office. They both stopped in front of the large white doors, neither knowing exactly why they had hesitated, when a tremor shot up Naruto's spine and he stepped backwards.

"I don't want to go in there... I don't understand..." Naruto exclaimed, confusion written all over his features.

"What?" Sasuke asked, stepping back as well. He looked at the doors before it dawned on him. "Oh, you were... Orochimaru...in there..." He whispered in understanding. Orochimaru had raped Naruto beyond those doors. "You don't have to go inside if you don't want to." Naruto nodded and collapsed against the wall across the hall from the room. Sasuke followed suit and sat down a lot more gracefully beside him.

"I'm sorry." Sasuke turned to Naruto, studying the tanned face to try and understand the blank look that had taken over.

"Why?"

"I'm weak. How could you want someone who can't even walk into a god damned room as a sparring partner to help you get stronger to defeat your brother? I'm pathetic..." Sasuke shook his head and showed the blond one of his self-assured smirks.

"What's with the self-pity, dobe? Since when did you need this?" He shook his head and looked towards the doors. "Horrible things have happened in your life, its okay to allow them to have some sort of impact on your life, but you can't allow them to take over. I learned that from you. Some of your most traumatising moments happened behind those doors. Of course you're going to feel the waves of those moments later on, just don't let them consume you." Naruto nodded, and smiled bravely. Sasuke could tell it was part of the mask Naruto was trying to patch back together, but it was a sign that he was making the effort at least.

"I know you might not offer otherwise, but..." Sasuke trailed off, unsure of the proper way to go about his request. "Could I hear the whole story of what happened that night? If you're willing, of course. I was just thinking... I can support you when you need it, and even when you don't. If not, then I won't ever ask aga-"

"No." Naruto shook his head. "Maybe it'll be the last stage in me moving on. I'm so close to freeing myself from that night, I can almost taste it." He turned to Sasuke and smiled proudly. It looked like he had effectively replaced his old mask. "It started out with him challenging me... he said........"

(End of Chapter)

I needed to end it here because as it is it's just over 4000 words (according to Word), and with the added stuff it would have been well over 7000... at least... and I wasn't even half way done... and no this isn't a cliffhanger... the beginning of the next chapter is a flashback of the actual rape scene... solely cause Mi-kun, my editor friend, has been bugging me to know EXACTLY what went on behind those doors... so I wrote it down.

To Teki Star: I'm not entirely sure, but sources say yes to the Anime North Halloween Dance... If I go I'll be going as Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist... my hair is no longer right for Ino... plus it'll be damn freezing at that time of year. You going?

To the Laer: Yeah, I suppose it is just you repeating it, but it's like combing through the story. It shows me what about the details you liked and didn't like. Everyone else just gives me general reviews... You reflect on the story... and it helps me fine-tune my own style of writing. According to my calendar it's August 15th, Zabuza's birthday. I'm keeping a record so I know when everything is happening during what season... and I'm trying to keep it relative to the main characters' birthdays. As well, that chapter wasn't too hard to write, all I did was focus on the side stories I wanted to keep going, the main one being Neji's dislike of Sasuke, and I did keep mentioning the main two throughout the whole story... so no one missed out terribly. I laughed with your comments about Neji's views about Sasuke. He does seem a bit judgemental, but it's also a lot to do with how he's seen Sasuke act around Naruto. Although it's not mentioned yet... he also heard about what happened to that kid Sasuke beat up for calling Naruto 'dobe'. Wow... that was long...

To Mia: Currently Kankuro is the Kazekage, but there was a chapter when Naruto and Sasuke did reconnaissance in Sand and Sasuke overheard Gaara giving out orders and pretending to be the leader. In the end, Leaf got false information, so they really aren't sure of who's really in charge of Sunagakure.

To AkaNoShika: 55 chapters... hell, I'm amazed at my own attention to this fic. I could have sworn on my life that I would never be able to stay with a story this long. Even 20 chapters was far out. I once told my friends that I was planning this story and as far as I had planned was approx 30 or so chapters... they laughed their asses off at me... and for good reason. You know, it took me a minute to figure out who KM was... yes, I am that dense.

Also, my next deadline for chapter 56 is supposedly Friday... I think... so expect it around Saturday night... heh heh, just kidding Mi-kun.