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Entry Number Two.
You would never believe what just happened.
Actually, you probably would, because Wakka is such a huge flippin' clutz. We were out having lunch, right– and Kairi was trying to surprise her sweet little Sora by making a special cocoa pie for dessert. I don't know if I've mentioned it yet, but Kairi has been desperately trying to get into Sora's pants since his seventeenth birthday, if not secretly since birth. Him being as naive and innocent as he is, though, he'd never notice.
Anyways. We had just finished up the leftover Senora Burritos from the park when Kairi comes out of nowhere with this homemade pie. It's steaming, totally fresh and aromatic. Enough to make your mouth water from twenty yards away. I think that there was some sort of collective disbelief hovering over the whole table, because everyone's mouths simultaneously dropped. Heavens knows that girl cannot cook, but that cocoa pie looked and smelled damn good.
So Kairi flashes this sparkling, triumphant smile, proudly announcing that she had made it in celebration of Sora's victory at the practice arena last Saturday. In reality, Sora had brutally lost against everyone except Cloud– but I suppose that one pathetic victory must have meant wonders to stupid, lovesick Kairi.
Wakka, being absolutely smitten over Kairi (ah, the lovely island drama), has decided that he wants to help her cut and serve the pie. So, just as she's beginning to put the pie down on the table, Wakka absentmindedly leaps out of his seat, trips over his own damn foot, tries to catch himself on the table but instead slips and slops his fat, stubby hand smack down in the middle of the pie, sending cocoa jelly splurting all over the place. A simple mistake... until Kairi bursts into an ear-piercing wail and rambles off in the opposite direction, desperately sobbing the whole way home.
Call it morbid if you'd like, but I found that absolutely hilarious.
Anyways, Sora mentioned having to talk to me about something important. For some reason, I thought that was a strictly female thing. Getting together to gossip or have heart-to-hearts. But whatever. Sora was always far more in touch with his feminine side than I was. I might as well indulge him for the time being.
I just had the second, most crazy laugh of the evening. This island is going to end up driving me off my rocker.
Sora just confided in me a second dirty secret.
Oh, and speaking of dirty secrets. The first one was that he has homosexual tendencies. Well, he doesn't quite recognize them as being homosexual, probably because he's never heard of the term before. I, on the other hand, collect yaoi. But anyways. The dirty part is that he's been having a lot of succulent wet dreams about Leon. He was wondering if I had ever had something similar– which I then lied and said that I hadn't, just so I could humiliate him a little. Naturally, his face went beet red and he begged that I never say anything about it to anyone. I don't really consider an internet audience as an "anyone", but rather a large, intangible, and quite impersonal anything. So I suppose that I'm keeping my promise.
As for the second dirty secret, well. I'm still somewhat coming to terms with it. It actually wasn't about him at all, but more so about that gross, big-headed female-- which makes it a million times dirtier. Something having to do with confessing her love for him and offering her secret Paopu fruit in exchange for the destroyed cocoa pie. I don't know. I'm actually in the process of trying to erase the actual story from my memory. There is a positive part to all this, though– besides my laughing at Kairi's misfortune– and that is that Sora is a very good boy. He ran far, far away from that wicked monstress the first opportunity he got.
But anyways. I'm about to head out for a little wonder romp. Tonight I'm wearing my Phantom of the Opera suit, and I'm thinking about dropping in on Leon's bungalow and threatening him at a blade's end into handing over his lemonberry cookie stash. We'll see what happens.