Shannon Goes Fishing (for a man)

Shannon sat, her elbows on her knees, her lower lip pushed out in a pout. She looked up as Boone walked over. He was carrying a large basket and was returning from the jungle.

"It's about time that you got back with food!" Shannon snapped. "I almost starved to death!"

"This food isn't for you!" Boon cried, pulling the basket back defensively. "This is for Kate."

Shannon paused. "The food is for...Kate?"

Boone sat the basket down. "Oh. So...no one's told you."

Boone was such a freak. "What are you talking about, idiot?"

"Well, Princess, I'm not providing for you anymore."

Shannon laughed an evil, manic, cackle. It sounded just like the evil queen on Snow White (by the way, that was Shannon's favorite character, and she had dressed up like her for every Halloween). "You're not very funny you know."

"I'm serious, Shannon."

Shannon stopped laughing and glared at him. "You can't do that."

"I can, and I am."

Shannon hesitated. "You're my servant. You have to do whatever I tell you, or I'll tell everyone about our one-night-stand!"

Boone shrugged. "Tell them, for all I care." He picked up the basket. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Kate."

Shannon grabbed his shoulders. "Wait, just before you go...I have to know one thing."

Boone turned around and looked his teary sister in the face. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Why Kate?" she asked, her voice thick. "Why...Kate?"

Boone shrugged. "I realized that I didn't really have any feeling for you after my drug induced vision quest. Kate and I have confessed our undying love for each other. We're going on a picnic today, and I offered to gather the food. I have to meet her soon, or I'll be late." He plucked her hands from his shoulders. "You might want to think about gathering food."

"Why!" Shannon cried. "You gather the food for us!"

Boone sighed. "Shannon, there isn't any 'us' anymore. I'm moving in with Kate."

And with that, he walked off, leaving Shannon utterly alone and depressed.

Well, he could stay with that nasty little wench for all she cared! She would take care of herself!

Shannon was going to fish for her food; she was going to fish for a man.

Shannon rummaged through her suitcase until she found what she wanted: a notebook and a pencil. She flipped to a clean page (most of them were filled with sentiments like I am Queen of the World, I Love Me, Boone Sucks, etc.) Immediately, she began to list all of the eligible bachelors on the island. Soon, her list looked somewhat like this:

Jack (total hottie, though he looks sort of like a mouse)

Sawyer (he has everything; I'd never go hungry or be without)

Locke (he's too old, but he is eligible, so I can't exclude him)

Charlie (he's shorter than me)

Sayid (he was too quiet, and he was always sweating)

And - God forbid - Hurley

Michael (has a kid...blech!)

Shannon looked over her list and smiled. She stood up and walked towards the beach, knowing that everyone else would be there.

The only people (men, preferably) that she could see were Charlie and Hurley. She frowned.

"Do any of you know where Jack, Sayid, and Sawyer are?" she asked coolly.

Charlie shook his head. "They went into the jungle some time ago. Why?"

Shannon sighed and clutched her notebook next to her heart. "Boone has left me for Kate, and I am searching for another man who kind provide and take care of me."

Charlie smiled. "I'm single, you know."

"Trust me, I know." Shannon glanced hastily at her list. "So tell me: Why do you think that you should be my provider?"

Charlie stood up, trying to look as macho as possible. "I'm quite a warrior, and strong, and, if I do say myself, quite attractive."

Shannon thought that Charlie looked shorter than usual. "You're too short." She threw her hands up in the air and looked towards the heavens. "I will never find a provider now that Sayid, Sawyer, and Jack are missing!"

"I'm single," Hurley pointed out.

Shannon wrinkled her nose. "You're too fat. Why do you think that you should be my provider?"

"I don't want to. I was just saying that beggars can't be choosers, man." Hurley frowned. "Besides, beauty is only skin deep; it's in your heart and soul that really counts."

"I'm never a beggar: I'm always a chooser!" Shannon said defiantly, thrusting her chin out and ignoring that last remark. "I will find someone who will hunt and fish..."

Shannon paused. FISH. Yes. Why hadn't she thought of him before? She glanced down at her list.

Well, he wasn't EXACTLY single, but he was still an option, right?

Shannon smiled deviously as she left the others standing at the beach