Disclaims: I don't own Spider-man, Stan Lee does. But I own everything else. This a spoof of numerous movies and series. This takes place two years before my story so Chris has no super-powers and he's in high school. Enjoy!

Age:

Chris- 16

Julius- 17

Aidan- 19

Damian-16

Nikki(African American)- 18

Ellie- 16

We're in a classroom, and people are all standing up, goofing around, a few paper airplanes are being flown across the room and upon entry the teacher, Mr. Hammond seemed to have dodge a paper spitball like he knew it was coming.

"Take your seats everybody!" Mr. Hammond yelled at a very convincing tome.

Scared out of their wits the students obey and scatter around the class room.

"Have any questions before we start?"

No reply.

"For now, let's talk about you guys, and what you expect of yourselves in this class, cuz that's what's really important." The students just groan and sink in their seats.

The teacher just sighed. He could have worked in his family business and become a billionaire but no! He had to want to make a difference in students lives!

One girl is sitting at a table, writing something. She seems aloof, calm, boy she didn't dress like it! She was wearing all black except for the long yellow sleeves of her shirt, and something about her makeup screamed 'Gothic!' Across from her is our heroine, well not yet anyway! Chris is on his laptop typing rapidly like he just discovered 'electricity'.

"So anybody got anything they would love to share about there expectation?" When Mr. Hammond's question wasn't answered he smirked. "Alright that was your biggest mistake this morning, I now assign a letter to me telling me what your goals and fears are!"

Everybody moaned and started complaining. "Come on, now! I'm gonna be staying here past ten to handle business and I need something to read!"

From across the Chris was Julius sporting the usual bad boy from the ghetto look. He was wearing a black tank top with blue jeans and a headband over his ears. Although he was dressed tough inside he was feeling like a bruised peach. The girl of his dreams, was not talking to him! Her name was Nikki. She had it all, brains, style, and most importantly of all: Gluteus Maximus!

He just looked down when she averted his stare. 'My fear is that Nikki will never talk to me again. My goal is that I jump off the Brooklyn bridge before third period!' He reflected.

Oh my god he is so yummy in blue, today! The hair, the body, the eyes, and those lips! Does he know what he does to me? I just want to run over to him right now and give him a kiss! I swear I will have you Christopher Nathaniel Parker!

Chris was at his locker putting his books away when somebody tackled him from behind!

"Sup, biatch!" When Chris turned around he was facing Julius' amused face and he quickly pushed him off.

"Man, you need to stop it with that shit, dude! I thought you were Emmer, trying to start a fight with me again!" He protested as they walked down the hall.

Julius snickered. "Chris just chill, okay? You know I do this every time I get upset! It's like when I was little and I 'read see spot run' to calm me down."

"I remember. That was the last book you ever read!" He gagged. "So what's her name and what did you do to offend her?"

"It's a confusing story. I call Nikki up two days ago and she tell me that she's sick and I, the sweet boyfriend that I am ask if tomato soup will help. She says yes. I hang up and go bowling!"

Chris stops him. "You think maybe she wanted you to buy her tomato soup?"

Julius was exasperated. "Than why didn't she just tell me that?!"

"She's a woman, she was speaking to you in Womanese!"

At that time the crazy Goth chick from Mr. Hammond's class bull rushes between them to catch there attention. Than she turns around and faces Chris for a good hard, long minute before walking away satisfied.

"Speaking of woman. I think she likes you." Julius brought up.

Chris just trembled. "She looked like she wanted to eat me!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if she did. Most chicks these days are crazy cannibals!"

A girl with blonde hair rushed up and grabbed Chris by the arm. "Hey, Parker don't forget that we have to finish our project. "

"Don't worry, Ellie we'll visit the school library and get it done!" Chris alleged as Ellie skipped off happily.

"Whatever you do don't get mix up with that girl, she a total tease!"

Ellie and Chris were reading a book and were looking quite comfortable with each other.

Ellie checked her watch. "Oh my, its almost 9:00!"

"We should go!" Chris grabs the book and tries to check it out. But the librarian is an elderly sleeping soundly.

There's a boy next to the counter looking quite irritated. "I've been waiting here for a long time and this lady just won't move!"

"Damian Carter, right?" Ellie asked extending her hand suspiciously at him.

"So um, what's the story with, Gumby over there?" Chris asked.

Damian turned her head to the old lady. "Well she's really old, but really smart, but really old."

"Really old and really smart. Thanks, man." Chris said sarcastically. He really had to get home! So he walked over to her and lightly tapped her shoulder.

When nothing happened, Ellie spoke up. "Must be really tired."

Chris turned to face the old lady. Suddenly her eyes snapped opened and she grabbed a hold of his T-Shirt! "Ah!"

"Beware of this school! For a tortured teen walks among us, you have no idea what's she capable of! She could kill you right on the spot! Beware!" The old lady yelled directly at his face.

"Let go of me, you old hag!" He insulted, struggling to get free.

"It is over for you teens, I saw her in my dreams armed with a bloody weapon she hopes to drench with your own blood! Ha ha ha!" Chris gets free and backs away along with Ellie and Damian. The thundered roared across the skies, the lights flickered on and off, and the old lady's laughter could be heard beyond the walls!

"Ha ha ha!" She continued before she started coughing. "I need my medication!" She than pulls out a cigarette and breathes in slowly before assuming. "Ha ha ha!" Than she fainted from exhaustion.

The three teen are standing there with a confused, not to mention freaked out expression.

Damian turns to Chris. "Bail?"

"Bail." Chris answers back before running out of the library and into the school halls with his fellow piers closely behind him. But once they reach the exit. They can't get it open because its locked!

"They can't do this to us! We have rights! I demand that they open this door!" Ellie yelled.

"Its okay, don't panic. My Aunt always said that everything around you is your friend. You just have to figure out how to use it!" Chris fueled.

Damian grunted. "Oh yeah? Lets try to be friends with Mr. Door over there." Damian walks toward the door and knocks on it. "Hello Mr. Door. Lets be friends forever, please open up. You can't? That's okay! Were Screwed!" He chirped mockingly.

"Can we break the glass?" Ellie suggested.

"Its five layers thick, we'll never break it!"

Unknown to them a dark figure was closely creeping up on them. Slowly but surely he was getting closer, like a wild animal hunting its pray!

"So what do we do!" Damian asked desperately.

"Sup, biatch!"

The three teens screamed!

When Chris turned around in panicked he was facing Julius' amused face and he quickly pushed him.

"You stupid, fuck! You nearly gave us a heart attack!" He insulted.

Julius apologized. "My bad." He than turned to the corner. "Hey, its okay now!"

Aidan than came out of his hiding place and walked towards them.

"Hey guys, I think something weird is going on here. All the exits are locked." Aidan told them.

"Oh man!" Chris complained. "Is somebody trying to kill us?!"

At that both Julius and Aidan looked very nervous. "What?"

Aidan walked over to the janitors closet and opened it. "Please don't scream."

When Damian, Chris, and Ellie took a peak inside they were horrified. The dead body of the janitor was lying on his back. His face was completely decimated. His eyeballs were by his side, oozing with blood. Five red slash marks were made on his chest rippling with smooth blood. His legs were cut off. But that wasn't the scary part, above his fallen body written in blood, the janitor's blood were thick bold letters. 'Everyone must die!' and the legs of the janitor formed the Y.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Time-lapses

The gang is now in their literature classroom. There was only one reason why they were there. It was the only classroom with a lock.

Suddenly, Damian stood up and started hoping around.

"What's wrong with you!"

"I gotta pee!" Damian said desperately. He went over to unlatch the door but Aidan stopped him. "What the hell?"

"Listen here you weak-ass white boy haven't you ever seen Yell, Nightmare on Oak Road, or I Know What You Did In Grade School? The person who leaves the group always gets killed!" Aidan pounded into him.

Damian nudged him out of the doorway. "Well what are we suppose to do, I gotta go!"

"Um, one of us can go with you." Ellie suggested.

"Guys we can't pair off! Horror movie rules is if you go stray from a big group or split up the killer always get you!" Julius piped up.

Ellie agreed. "Good point."

A light bulb hit Chris. "Let's travel in threes!"

"That's it! Come on guys, this is not a horror movie!" Damian screeched holding his crouch.

Everybody groaned and started throwing fits.

"What?"

"Your not suppose to say that!" Aidan informed him.

"Even I knew that, and I failed twice!" Julius yelled at Damian. "You've killed us all!"

Damian just looked more desperate and pissed than ever. "Look this is crazy, I don't need any of your help to go to the damn bathroom! Now I'll be right back!"

Everybody gave another collective groan.

"What now?" He asked annoyed.

"Damian let me clue you in on what's happening! There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to survive a horror movie. First, you can never drink or do drugs. Second, you can never have sex. BIG NO NO. It's an extension of number 1. It's written on the bible. And last, you can never, ever, ever under any circumstances say "I'll be right back," 'Cause you won't be back." This time it was Chris who informed him.

Damian left really annoyed. "Y'all are seriously crazy!"

Once he left Aidan coughed. "Well, he won't be coming back."

"Guys this is awful. Who could possibly want us dead?" Chris asked.

Julius started to pace the room. "We can figure this out, the killer has to be the person we least expect!"

"That's always hopeless! If we suspect someone they won't be the murderer because we suspected them!" Ellie debated.

"Wait a minute. What did the old lady say?" Chris inquired.

"Who cares! She was obviously crazy! Her medication was a cigarette!" Ellie screamed at him.

"Don't you think I know that?! But what she said might shed some light on this!" Chris argued.

"Something about a tortured teen soaking blood on her weapon."

Chris paused and thought back. "You know what your, right. She was crazy. Come on we gotta figure a way out of here!"

"Oh, please! We have a better chance of fighting of the killer with a stick!" Julius stated.

THUD!

The three teens turned there heads towards the door. "What was that?!"

Chris walked toward the door. Sweat broke out from his brow. His hand was shaking throughout as he unlatched the door. He turned to his friends, they gave him a approved look. He opened the door slowly.

"There's nothing here." Chris than laughed and turned to his friends. "Were really getting paranoid!"

The others started laughing. But than a body fell on Chris.

"Oh my god!"

When Chris stopped screaming he took a good look at the person who fell on him and discovered Damian.

"AH!" Chris shoved him off when he noticed that he was dead.

"Jesus Christ!" Ellie screamed.

"I know! He's not wearing any pants!" Julius yelled over-dramatically.

Ellie poked Julius angrily. "He's dead!"

Julius examined him. "Oh. Dang girl you the rocket science of the group, we all know you gonna survive!"

Chris cautiously flipped Damian over. There was blood trickling from the side of his mouth. A giant, thick stick was launched on his stomach.

"Well now we know that were not getting out of her AND we shouldn't fight off the killer with a stick." Chris mumbled.

Julius fell down in a hysterically fit. "D! I'm so sorry! My stick joke gave the killer a new idea to take your lily-white ass out! Please don't come back as a poltergeist and try to suck me into the T.V.!"

Aidan smacked him up side the head. "Fool! Get up! We warned him he would get taken out!"

"Well it looks like he wasn't killed very long. The wounds are fresh. Judging by the rebuff on pants I'm guessing he was killed during his trip to the bathroom." Chris said examining the body. "Check it out."

"I ain't going anywhere near no dead body!" Aidan protested.

"Damn straight! They pop back up when you get to close!"

Aidan just grunted. "Girl, this is a remake of 'Identity' not 'Dawn Of The Dead'!"

"Shut up, fool!" Ellie shouted.

Chris got up and got in between them. "Guys were can not fight each other! That's exactly what the assassin wants us to do!"

J-Kwon's tipsy" blared throughout the hall.

Aidan complains, "I think the killers into hip hop, he's trying to torture us with African American culture! That racist!"

Julius pulled out his cell phone from his back pocket. "Oh no that's just my cell phone! Hey Aidan mom wants us to come home in a hour!" He told his brother, reading the text message.

The others looked at him incredulously. "What?"

"You mean to tell me throughout the whole carnage, you've had your cell phone the entire time!" Aidan screeched.

"Say it don't spray it!" Julius joked.

Aidan grabbed the phone from him. "We could have called for help, hours ago!"

"Well my phone bill is incredibly high these days. Its only suppose to be used for emergency!" Julius argued.

"Two people are dead and were trapped inside with a Killer! What do you think this was?" Aidan answered fuming. He dialed a number. "Oh, man I can't get a call!"

"That's weird it was working a few minutes ago." Julius grabbed the cell phone. "Hey I got a new text message!"

"You'll never be able to call for help. -I.M. Kill-R." Julius read. "Dang whoever this dude is, sounds like a major dork!"

The others looked around terrified.

"Guys there has to be somebody still here that can help us!" Ellie screamed panicky.

"Well there's the old lady. But I think she's still napping. Oh didn't Mr. Hammond say he was gonna stay here really long to take care of business?"

"Great idea!" Chris headed for the science lab but was stopped by Aidan.

"Dude he could be the killer!"

Ellie than thought about it. "He's right. That teacher has always been creepy and when he said he had business, little did we know his business was to..." Ellie than finished with stabbing motions.

"But why us!?!" Aidan questioned.

"Maybe he read our letters to him and thought it was the crapiest!" Julius said.

Everybody gave him a distraught look, and than his phone went off.

"Hello?" A creepy voice asks.

"Who this?" Julius asked

The voice just laughed evilly. "The last person you'll ever hear from!"

"Um, Nikki? If this is you baby, I just want to say how much I love you and-

"DOES IT SOUND LIKE I'M A FRICKEN FEMALE, YOU JACKASS!"

"Than who the fuck are you?" He asked irritated.

"Your slayer!"

Julius moaned "Blade? Hey, homey, what's up!?!"

"I'm your slayer not a vampire slayer! DO I LOOK LIKE SOME GUY WITH AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM?" He shouted.

"Well your out here killing everybody!" He protested back.

"Fine call me what you want!"

"So whatcha want?" Julius asked getting back to the point.

The voice coughed. "What's your favorite scary movie?"

Julius smirked and thought back. "Well it was the Yell movies! Those were the bomb."

"Oh really?" The voice asked curiously.

Yeah, I love the insane killer with his insane games!"

"What a coincidence."

He looked at his friends nervously. "Why's that a coincidence?"

"You might want to drop the phone now." The phone clicks.

He than gets close to his friends. "Alright guys, I think were in trouble!"

Chris grabbed his bat from his locker. "Alright you slashing, tree-branching gutting murderer come out!"

Just then, the lights go out.

"We could have rented 'Yell 2' but you just had to bring 'Small Home on the Plain'!" Aidan screeched to Ellie.

When they hear footsteps they quickly get defensive. Chris raises his bat and gets ready. The lights flicker on and reveals the janitor moping the floor.

"Ain't he suppose to be dead?"

"What? I was sleeping." The Janitor said nonchalantly.

The group laughs sheepishly as Chris puts down the bat, he then turns to around to find the killer in the Yell' costume. Chris shriek as the killer raises his dagger and....

The killer is now on top of the school roof with Aidan handcuffed, on the edge of the roof.

"You gonna jump or what?!" The killer asked angrily threatening him, to either jump or face his knife.

Aidan took a good peek below. "Wow, I didn't realize how high it was on the ground!"

"Jump, nigger!"

"Look I don't care what happens to me but you better not be white under there because its Black History month!" He said offended.

"I don't give a fuck! Jump!" He pushed on.

Aidan leaned away from where he was standing. "Come on this is a really bad spot! I could smash those baby trees down there! And your gonna get a whole lot of complaints from Green Peace about it!"

The killer grabbed him angrily and move him three feet from where he was at. "Now you can jump!"

Aidan makes a try to jump off but can't.

The killer sighs and lowers his weapon. "Look if your too scared I can come back after I murder the rest of your friends."

"No, no, no. It's no problem. I'm a man I can do this!" He stated proudly.

The Killer just looks around. "Well I can always come back. I mean if you promise not to go anywhere."

"Shut up fool! Can't you see I'm trying to jump into a devastating fall and die tragically!"

Aidan gets ready to try to jump again. The killer impatiently looks at his watch. After ten minutes, Aidan turns around. "I can't do it. I'm afraid of heights!"

"Aw, fuck this shit! Wait right here!" The killer walks away.

Back in one of the classrooms Julius locks the door quickly as his friends start yelling at him to hurry.

"How the hell did that just happen!" He asked Ellie and Chris.

"He snuck up behind us and grabbed Aidan! The element of surprise!" Chris said hysterically.

Julius just shook it off. "Naw, why did the killer walk past you and grab Aidan when he had a clear shot at you!?!"

"Because I'm the main character! I'm not suppose to die!" He said cockily.

Julius just snorted. "Ain't that a bitch!"

Ellie started to sob. "We gonna die, Y'all!" After a few minutes Julius joined her.

Chris hushed them. "Okay, come on we can't panic. We need to come up with a plan to stop him."

"How about we design numerous ropes and pullies and plant an anvil to land on his head?" Julius answered mordantly.

"How about we try to figure out who the killer is!" Ellie suggested.

"Right! Okay, its obviously not one of us or Aidan because the Killer snuck behind us and we were all still there. Nikki could be the killer! She has a grudge against Julius but I'm not so sure about why she would come after us?" Chris analyzed.

"Well I did tell her that Ellie said she probably had plastic surgery on her nose." Julius admitted.

Ellie smacked him upside the head. "You idiot! If she's the killer than I'm probably the next target!"

"Enough!" Chris hollered. "That leaves Mr. Hammond!"

Julius stood up. "Okay, that's it! Guys get me a can of gasoline, matches, and meet me in the furnace, we gonna Teddy Cougar his ass!"

When they open the door, the killer is waiting with his knife in the air!

"AH!" The three screamed.

"Door number one, is very bad!" Chris screeched as he closed the door on the Killer's face.

Julius pointed to the a door across the room. It lead to another classroom.

"Quick!"

The gang ran up the hall with the killer close behind.

"Okay now were in deep! He's going for a full on assault!" Chris told his friends picking up the pace.

The teens get a good eight feet distance away from their enemy who was still trying to recover from the vicious blow to his nose. With their bodies pumped with adrenaline it seems nothing on earth could stop the resident Dwayne High students from getting away.

Chris opens a door and Mr. Hammond's dead corpse lands on him. Leaving blood stains all over his perfectly clean shirt.

"Ah!" The three teen look behind them and see the killer getting closer. They take a ladder up to the roof and make a break for it.

Julius rounds the corner and notices his brother still standing on the ledge.

"Aidan!" The group runs over to him and leads him down.

"Thanks for getting me out of there! I was almost about to piss on my pants!" Aidan said gratefully.

"Don't mention it!"

The killer approaches them. "End of the line twerps!"

"Why are you doing this?" Chris questioned.

The figure took off his mask to reveal...

"Damian?" Aidan gasp. "Didn't you die, too?"

"Come on now, your the movie expert! You know you never count out a dead corpse! Especially when the massacred Janitor is up and running!" Damian retorted.

Chris took a brave step forward. "Why would you do this?!"

"My sister! She has been after you pretty-boy ass since you came. Do you have any idea the kind of hell, Yvette has put me through? Well your about to find out!"

Ellie lean close to Aidan and whispered, "You know we really should have taken more classes this year, we have entirely WAY to much time on our hands."

"Ain't that the truth?" He asked curiously as she nodded her head.

Damian attacks Chris. They end up on the ground fighting for the knife in his hand.

"Come on, Damian Give me the gun! I promise that we'll get you the best ayslum in town!" Chris choked wrestling with him.

Damian angrily kicks him.

A thick hand grabs Damian's head. Aidan has somehow sneaked behind him. "This is for Green Peace!" He than punches him into the far back corner.

Damian staggers up, and charges at all Aidan. Suddenly

"Eat lead, Motherfucker!" An angry voice shouted.

A gun fires, and three bullets impales itself into Damian's chest. He gags before collapsing onto the pavement. The three look up to see a figure in a hockey mask, standing on the stairway.

"Jason?!" Julius screamed, shocked.

The hockey masked heroine takes off her mask to reveal to be Nikki.

"Baby!" Julius walks over to her happily, trying to give her a kiss on the lips. But she guts him.

"Back off, you little bitch! I'm still angry at you!"

Chris walks over to them. "How you'd get here."

She points to Damian. "That stupid weenie gagged me and trapped me in the Principals office."

"Where'd you get the gun?" Ellie asked.

"I started carrying one with me ever since I started dating Julius." He stated as Julius laughed sarcastically.

Aidan sighed. "Let's get out of here."

The three begin to back away. The body jumps back up!

Nikki practically saw it coming and she turned around to put about five bullets through his stomach this time.

Damian looks down at the wound. "You stained my T-shirt, Ho!"

Nikki than shoots one at his head and he caves over. "And your dead. Nobody's perfect."

Julius hides behind Chris. "I'm never gonna stand her up, again!"

Five months later the gang are all over at Julius and Aidan's house watching a movie. Chris is at the kitchen making popcorn.

"Hurry it up, man. The movie's about to start!" Chris hollered.

"Okay!"

Hello this is the Miles resident, how may I help you!" He greeted

There was a very deep rough male voice on the other end.

"Do you like scary movies?"

"Oh yeah" said Chris enthusiastically. "Especially at the beginning scene in scream where this one girl gets that lunatic phoning her up then she gets gutted and hung from a tree."

"So do you know what I'm gonna do to you?"

He gets a terrified expression. "No, but my mind is exploding with imagination!"

"Ha ha ha!"

"Look I don't have time for this, were getting ready to watch a scary movie!" He yelled.

"Which one?" The voice answered.

"Titanic!" He said.

There was a sound of somebody hitting the ground. "That isn't scary!"

"It is for me!"

"You're a wuss." sighed the guy on the phone.

Julius looked around impatiently. "Look what do you want!"

"Do you like scary movies?" The voice asked that all-so-familiar question.

"Okay, you know what buddy, I know where your going with this!" He hangs up, grabs the popcorn and joins his friends in a flash.

"What took you so long." Aidan asked.

"Nothing." He said innocently.

Ellie grabbed some popcorn. "So what's your favorite scary movie?"

Chris sees someone run down the hall-way in a flash of black and white.

"My life." Chris screamed.

The others look at him in confusion, until the tape they put in shows a camera view of all of them.

"Oh shit were being watch!" Aidan screamed.

Nikki stood up. "I'm gonna grab my Uzi!"

"Anybody feel a sequel coming on?

A/N: That's it! Most of the movies and actors they mentioned are spin-offs. Can you guess which ones? Please review.