Chapter Seven: Lothlorien, Where the Beds are Warm, Soft, and Very, Very Big!

"Where are we now?" Legolas asked weakly from where he was laying on the floor.

"We're nearly to Lothlorien." Aragorn replied.

"Oh, for the love of the Valar! Why don't I just strip down now!"

"No complaints here," Eowyn murmured.

Faramir gave her a LOOK.

"WHAT! Can you BLAME me!"

"What do you mean, Legolas?" Pippin asked, ignoring the daytime drama going on around him.

Legolas muttered something intelligible.

Aragorn translated. "No doubt Starr will be spending the night with our Elven friend here…"

"Oh…Ugh."

"Another one of those chapters?" Elrohir turned slightly green, remembering the last.

"Oh, no, not like that." Arwen said.

Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Oh, this one will be MUCH worse!" she added.

Everyone groaned.

"The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark." Haldir said airly. He looked at Frodo. "You bring great evil with you. You can go no further."

"She certainly skipped quite a bit." Merry remarked.

"I would call it plot enhancement, but I don't know…" Elladan trailed off.

Haldir's eyes suddenly fixed themselves on Starr. Astonished by her beauty, he immediately changed his mind.

"On second thought, you must come with me! Such a beauty has never before been seen in Lorien save for Galadriel herself!"

Starr snorted. In a charming way, of course. She was SO prettier than Galadriel.

All the fellowship and surrounding Elves seemed to believe so as well. Except for Haldir. No wonder he dies, he's really stupid.

"Let's kill her now!" Aragorn roared, leaping up. This chick had crossed the line.

Ooh, the be-otch was gonna PAY. She got the former Kingly-Ranger-Dude and now Rangerly-King-Dude mad.

Arwen looked pissed also. "I like Haldir! How dare she say such things! He died defending Helm's Deep, and was a most honorable Elf!"

Starr stood breathless on the hill overlooking Caras Galadhon. It was indeed very beautiful.

Legolas, who was next to her, wrapped an arm around her waist, and kissed her cheek.

Legolas whimpered.

"Oh, relax Leggie. She wouldn't have the gall to make you two get it on right out there in public!" Faramir joked.

"Somehow, that really wouldn't surprise me…" Gimli muttered darkly.

But they were lucky.

Several minutes later, the Fellowship plus Starr stood before Galadriel and her husband. You know, that one that sounds stoned? Kelbron or something…

"What's 'stoned'?" Pippin asked, while Elladan gagged at the horrendous way the authoress had mangled Celeborn's name.

Galadriel said her lines, blah blah blah. She, although beautiful, appeared old and worn compared to the youth and vigor emanating from Starr.

"Are you sure that's vigor? Perhaps she just needs a bath…" Faramir muttered.

"Yes, well perhaps we need to tie 'Lady Starr' to a tree in Lorien and let the orcs have their beasty ways with her." Eowyn said delicately.

'You are new to this world, Starr, Maiden of the West. Your part in this quest is still to come. Play it well, little one.' Came a voice in Starr's mind.

"Oh, so the previous occupants have moved out, then? Perhaps now this story will make sense." Gimli said.

Starr smiled at Galadriel, and then they were led to the place they were to sleep. Soon the moon could be seen shining among the trees, casting a blue light on the forest.

Legolas carried a jug of water gracefully over to the tree roots where the others were. He looks upward, hearing the singing of the Elves.

"A lament for Gandalf."

Merry looked up. "What do they say about him?"

"I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near."

"At least she got that part right." Elladan remarked.

Then Sam does his little impromptu about the stupid fireworks, and Starr's mind wanders as she looks around, her eyes gradually coming to a rest on Legolas.

"Spoke too soon."

His eyes twinkled slightly despite the cloud of grief hovering over the crystal blue orbs.

Starr guessed he was glad to be back among his own kind.

"Yes, so I may find some refuge from you, BANE OF MY EXISTENCE!" Legolas burst out suddenly, causing everyone in the room to jump about a foot out of their chairs.

The others were soon asleep, but Starr couldn't sleep.

She started as Legolas sat down next to her. "Is the world so troubled that a beautiful young lass cannot find peace, even in sleep?"

Starr leaned in and kissed him, and he kissed back hungrily—

(A/N: Hee hee hee (giggle, titter, titter) Prettyprettyprincesssweet16 here! Due to the content of this chapter, I had to cut out the NC-25 material. If you want to read it, try my live journal. Hee hee (giggle titter guffaw…wait, what? Guffaw. Eww…that's a yucky word!)

Those reading weren't sure whether to be relieved they were spared of those horrific images, or to be sick seeing the true personality of the authoress revealed.

Legolas was teetering on the brink of nauseous himself.

That night was magical. In fact, it was beautiful, special, gorgeous, thrilling, miraculous, stunning, striking, wonderful, magnificent, superb, fantastic, amazing, breath-taking, astonishing, brilliant, and just-got-hit-in-the-back-of-the-head-with-a-two-by-four excellent.

"Not to mention good." Elrohir grinned.

"You're a sadist," Legolas groaned.