Chapter Eleven: I'll Feed You Lies to Make You Smile

Disclaimer: Don't own GW, and the chapter title is from a song by the Manic Street Preachers.

Notes: Thank you so much to DragenEyez, ShinigamiPhoenix, blood-poisoning, starlit gossamer, pUnK-RoCk['s Sk8ter chic, and camillian for the awesome reviews! [I love you guys!] You guys made me happy, so I wanted to update quickly this time.

IMPORTANT: Please see the second chapter's A/N, as I don't want to waste disk space by repeating it.

This chapter is dedicated to Michelle, whose memory will not be forgotten, and Kada, whose strength is something to be envied.

"Hey Heero, come help me with these boxes!" Duo yelled as he struggled to carry his belongings from the large moving truck outside, up the driveway to their new apartment. It was now mid-December, and the chill of the winter air was biting into him, tinting his lips and hands blue, and numbing his limbs. The snow on the ground was slowing him down, as he lost his footing and stumbled through the open doorway.

"Hn. Baka." He heard a soft snort behind him, but when he turned around, Duo could see the mirth in Heero's eyes. "They're your boxes, I've already taken mine inside. I don't see what is taking you so long."

Duo could only sigh, having no answer for his friend. At least, none that he was willing to give. He knew he was being babyish, and he knew he was acting weak, but.. he was weak. The numerous trips up and down the driveway had worn him out, and he was so cold! He was bundled up in a thick winter coat, a scarf, a hat, two pairs of pants and heavy gloves, but still the frost was chilling him to his very core. But he could not admit these things to Heero, his pride would not allow him to.

Turning again to walk out the door, Duo's vision suddenly became blurred, and he tripped. Expecting to fall in the freezing expanse of white on the ground, he was thoroughly surprised when he found himself pressed against a warm chest, engulfed in two strong arms. Reluctant to leave the warm embrace, the American slowly pushed away, gazing into a pair of concerned, cobalt eyes.

"Thanks," he murmured, pulling out of Heero's arms completely. Suddenly, a warm hand pressed again Duo's freezing cheek, the contrast in temperatures making him gasp and pull away in shock.

Frowning, Heero took in his friend's shaking hands and blue lips.

"You're freezing, Duo. You go inside, I'll finish bringing up the rest of your boxes."

The American nodded, smiling in relief, before racing inside and plopping down on the sofa, wrapping himself in the quilt he found on top of it.

It was about fifteen minutes later when Duo felt something hot pressed into his hands, and he opened his eyes – not realizing that he had fallen asleep while waiting – to find Heero handing him a coffee mug.

Surprised by the warm gesture, Duo smiled up at his friend before raising the cup and taking a sip, only to spit it out immediately.

"What's wrong?" Heero asked, taking the mug from Duo as he frantically wiped at the corner of his mouth.

"Calories," he answered without thinking, then froze as he realized what he'd just said.

"What?" Heero snapped, fixing his friend with a cool glare, old suspicions coming back to him.

Glancing up in fear, Duo almost flinched as he took in the cold look in Heero's eyes. "It's not black," he amended. "I don't like it too sweet, that's all."

"Hn."

Taking the mug back from his friend, Duo stared into the murky depths of the coffee, studying the swirls of white – the sugar and milk – hating them, and hating himself for his horrible slip of the tongue. Those swirls, he couldn't look away from them. They were hypnotizing as they circled near the top of the thick liquid, singing out, Drink me, drink me, drink me... Would he have to drink it now? He should. Heero was gazing at him with those intense eyes of his, almost as if he were challenging the American. And it was a challenge, Duo realized. A test. And it was one he refused to fail.

Locking his eyes with Heero, Duo once again raised the cup, taking quick gulps until he had finished the whole thing. Then slamming it down on the table in front of him, feeling like he'd lost, even though he had won.

Seeing some of the tension in Heero's face ease, the American smirked, and then stood to bring the empty mug over to the sink in the kitchen.

Big mistake, he thought to himself as he saw Heero following him out of the corner of his eye. He should have known better than to think that the Perfect Soldier would admit defeat so easily. Especially not over something like this.

"You're exhausted, Duo, why don't I make you something to eat." His tone made it clear that, despite the way it was phrased, it was an order rather than a suggestion.

"I'm not really that hungry, actually..." Duo fumbled, at the same time knowing that there would be no getting out of this one. Not if he wanted his secret to remain hidden.

"You must be, after carrying in all those boxes. And I know you didn't eat any breakfast."

"How-"

"We were on the road all morning. I... noticed," Heero said softly, bowing his head to avoid Duo's eyes.

Duo noted Heero's embarrassment, and, though he knew it was cruel, he snapped, "Since when do you watch me and notice everything I eat, Heero?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them. They were uncalled for, and he knew it, but couldn't help himself. He was just so angry at being caught!

But Heero only sighed, refusing to fall into the trap he knew Duo was setting.

The American was surprised at Heero's reaction. Or lack thereof. The other pilots had switched so easily to anger, lashing out and entirely forgetting about the original situation. This man was different, Duo realized.

And he wasn't sure whether to be terrified or relieved.

"Since you stopped doing it," Heero finally retorted, drawing Duo from his thoughts.

Scowling, Duo stalked over to the refrigerator, noting that there were only a few items inside. Only the necessities, as neither man had had the time to fully stock it yet.

Good, Duo thought to himself, grabbing a loaf of white bread and some cheese. So fattening, so many calories, but he had a point to make, and something to prove.

He wolfed down the grilled-cheese sandwich within seconds, much to Heero's relief, and when Duo went to the refrigerator for seconds, Heero walked out of the room, convinced and happy that his suspicions had been wrong.

An hour later, when the Japanese had finished unpacking his clothing, he passed Duo in the hall as he came out of the bathroom. And thought nothing of it.

Three weeks later, Duo was beginning to seriously regret his agreement to move into a smaller apartment with Heero. The place was small enough that his friend knew where he was at all times, and he couldn't even sneak out to exercise, since Heero, still fighting the training, was always awakened by the sound of a door or window opening. He was going crazy, eating three meals a day, forced back into the old cycle of binging and purging.

The upside to this was that the Japanese was completely oblivious to the abnormal behaviors going on right under his nose. All he knew was that Duo was eating, and so the fact that he hadn't gained any weight since moving in didn't really matter. As far as he knew, the cutting had stopped, for Heero couldn't find even a scratch on Duo's arms or legs. He praised himself for his good idea, not even thinking to check his friend's stomach, his chest, his thighs. Or maybe not wanting to, for he knew what he would find.

The sound of water running pulled Heero away from his thoughts, and he looked up to find that Duo had finished his meal and was now standing at the sink, washing the plate.

Giving his friend a strained, tiny smile, Duo said, "I think I'm gonna go have a shower now, you think you can handle the rest of these dishes?"

"Hn."

Heero stood, taking the plate from Duo's hands as he watched the American almost run into the bathroom. The sound of the water running in the room next to him caused Heero to smile, as he imagined the tears, screams, anger, sadness, and depression cleansed from Duo's body, washed away and forced down the drain.

In the bathroom, Duo was having similar thoughts. Throwing up the tears, screams, anger, sadness, depression, until all that was left was nothing. Cleansed, he thought, there was nothing left in his body... and nothing left in his soul.

End notes: I can't seem to write anything good anymore.. I'm sorry :(