DIS: Ta da! I'm back!
Marik: Why?
DIS: (-.-) ...Anyway, I am – at the idea of a reviewer – making an Easter humor fic, mwahaha!
Marik: Again, why?
DIS: (knocks him out with an ice cube and grins) Now, read below and enjoy! HEHEHEHEHE!
Everyone: (OO)
DIS: (just grins)
X
Title: Easter in AugustGenre: Humor
Rating: M
Summary: Sequel to Christmas in July: After their incident with Santa Clause, the YGO gang are faced with a rabid Easter bunny! And in August! Will they ever escape the weird land of the Easter Bunny? Pure humor!
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, Alice in Wonderland, or the Easter Bunny – I wonder who made up the Easter Bunny...?
Notes/Warnings: Bakura/Anzu – well, it will be at some point...Pure humor!
X
Anzu yawned, waking up and walking outside to get the newspaper and mail.
Crunch.
"Eh?" She looked down to see that she had stepped on a decorated egg. She blinked and bent down, staring at the Easter basket on her porch with a small note on the handle.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER"(OO) Oh my god!" She whirled around in circles, then shouted, "I THOUGHT IT WAS CANDY, HONESTLY! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS DRUGS!"
(OO'''?)
Then she ran in the house, breathing hard, looking around, before locking all the windows and doors.
Riing, riing!
"HELLO? MOM?"
"I know what you did last summer, Anzu, bwahahaha!"
"(OO) NOOOOO!" She tackled the phone, unplugging it, then smashing it against the floor. "YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE!"
As for the neighbor's...Well, they were all ready freaking out and enforcing their house with nuclear weapons that were no doubt illegal to citizens.
X
Marik came out and stared at the Easter basket, before leaving and sneaking out, sitting on the porch with a gun in his hand. Come on, you little chick-a-dees, I know you want to hatch. COME ON YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!
"Marik, what the hell are you doing?" Malik demanded, glaring down at him.
"Shut up, fool, if they hear you, they won't reveal their true selves...Watch."
Silence.
"Marik – "
"Shut up, I said!"
More silence...
"Those are already cooked and everything."
"WHAT? YOU LITTLE SLUT!" Marik smashed the eggs angrily. Malik sighed and took the basket, thinking Isis might want it, then saw the note.
" 'I know what you did last summer'..." he muttered. Marik shoved Malik away, taking the note.
"What fools! Nobody knows what I did last summer!" Marik announced proudly. Malik raised his eyebrows.
"Oh? I do." Marik jerked away from him, gasping.
"How dare you imply that you do! Fiend!"
"(-.-) Marik, you told me."
"(o.o) Er...I did?"
"You were drunk, but you told me in these exact words after I asked, 'I've been at that farm down the road, taking the chickens and forcing them to rape their kids' and then you gave your trademark laugh."
"…………"
"Well?"
"…………."
"Uh, Marik?"
"YOU TOLD THEM, DIDN'T YOU?"
"(Oo) What?"
"That's how this person knows what I did last summer!" Marik grabbed Malik by the collar and glared down at him.
"It's not my fault you have a grudge against chickens and that you blab when you get drunk."
SLAM!
"I deserved that," Malik muttered, rubbing his sore nose where Marik punched him.
X
"Sir, this was on the doorstep." A servant handed a basket to Kaiba and he took it coolly, opening the note.
"I know what you did last summer," Kaiba muttered, glancing at the servant.
"(OO) Wh-what?"
"I know what you did last summer," he repeated.
"Sir, I really didn't mean to walk in when you were naked!"
"(oO) What! YOU WHAT?"
"(;.;) I'm sorry, sir!" Then the servant ran out of the room. Kaiba stared after him, eyes wide, then he looked back down at the note.
Hmm...What did I do last summer again? Oh yeah...
Flashback
Kaiba crept into the house and smirked at the porcelain dolls. Then, it showed his shadow, a hammer in his hand. A violin played every time the hammer came down on the porcelain doll. He crept out of the house and went to the other house. A dog growled and Kaiba took the hammer and –
DUN!
DUN!
DUN!
(That would be the violins, you know when an evil guy does something? Yeah.)
"OH MY GOD, MY PUPPY!" A boy screamed.
"(OO) Oh shit..." Kaiba knocked the kid out and ran out of the house, but then a scream sounded and sirens came. "(OO''')" Kaiba looked around, then jumped into someone's house and listen quietly. Then, a light came on.
"Hey there," two guys purred, leering at Kaiba, who had jumped in their bed in the middle of the two.
"(o.o) Uh..."
End Flashback...How does anyone know I lost my virginity accidentally that summer? And that I killed a couple dogs, rabbits, and birds when I was sneaking in peoples house, vandalizing their stuff? Kaiba shrugged. Oh well.
"BIG BROTHER!" His brother wailed, bringing in a basket similar to his own. "SOMEONE KNOWS I HUMPED AN ANIMAL LAST SUMMER!"
Oh, Lord...
X
"Oh my god, Jou!" Shizuka ran into the house, holding two Easter baskets. "It's the Jehovah witnesses again!" (No offense to anyone who is a Jehovah witness)
"Dammit, I dought I ran dem off last time..."
FlashbackDing-dong!
Jou answered the door and blinked.
"Hello," the man said.
"Shh," Jou put a finger to his own lips. "Satin is talking to me..."
"(OO)"
"He's telling me...I should...kill you?" Jou's hand came up with a knife and a shadow passed over his face. "BWAHAHAHAHA!"
"AIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
"Hehehe, sucker." Jou snickered.
End Flashback"(-.-) Uh, Jou, that was the Mormons." (No offense to Mormons either.)
"Really? Huh." He shrugged and took one of the baskets and opened the note as well as Shizuka.
"OH MY GOD, THEY KNOW!" Both gasped at the same time, looking at each other in horror.
Flashback"Okay, ya ready sis?"
"I don't think this is a good idea, Jou."
"Sure it is!"
Ding-dong.
"Trick or treat!" They both cheered to the blind woman.
"Halloween already?"
End Flashback"(OO)"
"What are we gonna do sis!"
"I DUNNO! LET'S GO INTO HIDING! OH GOD...WHAT IF IT'S HITLER REBORN?"
Pause.
"AWWW!"
X
Bakura opened the door and saw the two baskets. He stared at them for a long time, silent. He took one and opened the note.
"Moron, of course you know what I did last summer."
Flashback"Attention all males!" Bakura called out, standing on a stack of toilet paper. "It has come to my awareness that none of you idiots are fucking any women! So, here's what I did. I have a bunch of whore's waiting for you down at my convention, the Get Laid Convention. So...GO GET LAID!"
"YEAH!"
End Flashback"Bakura, what are you mumbling about?"
"Baskets."
"I want one!"
"Too bad, pansy ass." Ryou sniffled. "Stop it, damn you! Try to be a man for once!"
"Gimme one then."
"Fine, you baby-ass." He handed the basket to him and Ryou beamed, opening the note. Then he paled and fainted. "Wonder what he did last summer?"
Who knew I stole a chocolate bar last summer? Ryou had thought to himself in horror before fainting.
X
"Something here you two," Solomon Mutou told the two. Yami cautiously took the basket and stared in it.
"Oh my Ra!" He gasped, eyes going wide. "Yuugi...The chickens...Marik was right! They're trying to tell us something!"
"(T.T)"
"And look! They wrote us a note too!" Yami read it. "OH MY RA! SOMEONE KNOWS WHAT WE DID LAST SUMMER! OH MY RA, YUUGI, OH MY RA!"
"(OO)" That did not sound right...Solomon thought to himself.
"Er, Yami, calm down," Yuugi patted his hand. "Actually, what did you do last summer?"
"Oh, well..."
Flashback(A/N: There's so many of these, huh?)
Yami waved orange things and the truck backed up and set the huge rocket down. "All right, you can go now!"
(Later)
"Three, two, one – lift off! Wow...That looks like a..."
(Somewhere)
"...Pickles! Pickles for sell! Hey, what's that in the sky? It looks like a..."
(Somewhere)
"...DICK! DICK, WHERE ARE YOU? Huh? Hey! That looks like a GIANT..."
(At Yami's house)
"...hotdog. Want one?"
"No thanks," Yami declined, waving his hand. Jou shrugged.
End Flashback(oO)
"Yami..." Yuugi sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"What'd you do last summer, abiou?"
"Um...Nothing? Well, no, that's not true. Remember when we were camping with everyone? Well, I forgot Anzu was bathing in the hot springs and so I went over there and saw her naked." Nod, nod. "Yup."
"(OO) YUUGI!"
"What?"
"If Bakura heard you say that, you'd be dead!"
"(o.o)"
X
Mai picked up the basket and glared at it.
"YOU WHORE!" And she threw it at a passing car.
"Hey!" The old lady shook her fist at Mai. "That was very, very rude! So very rude! You're a very rude young lady! Because of wenches like you, society is in the sewer. You're a very, very rude woman! I bet your parents are ashamed of you! You're..." Mai sighed, turned, and went back inside her house.
"I SHALL NOT ALLOW THE PRESIDENT'S WIFE TO TREAT ME THIS WAY! SO WHAT IF I BANGED HIM A FEW TIMES? GRRR!"
X
When everyone was meeting at the Kame Game Shop, a shadow passed over them.
"(oO) Huh?"
And something knocked them all out.
X
The first to wake was Yami, who sat up and blinked, then – "(OO) Holy Ra and Osiris."
"WE'RE IN A FRICKIN' VERSION OF A DISNEY MOVIE!" Bakura roared, awake.
"(o.o) And we're animated!" Mai screeched. "Ahh! IT'S ALL THE FIRST LADY'S (1) DOING!"
"You know what your problem is?" Marik asked Mai. "I'm too good looking." (2)
(X.X)
"Don't insult me, chicken lover!"
"HOW DARE YOU!"
"SHUT UP!" They turned to the bunny, who was in tuxedo and was smoking a cigar. "You're all givin' me a headache." He spoke in a voice very much like the Godfather's. Then – "HAHAHA! I KNOW WHAT YOU LOSERS DID LAST SUMMER!"
"AWW!" They all shrieked, except Kaiba, Bakura, and Malik.
"HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL TO SANTA?"
Chirp, chirp.
"Run that past me again?" Bakura requested, squinting at him.
"Last summer you guys stole Santa's sled and crashed it! How rude!"
"That was...A month ago..." Anzu said uncertainly.
"No, it was last summer." The bunny said.
"Er, no, that was a month ago."
"THE HELL IF IT WAS, BITCH!"
"Hey!" Bakura glared at the bunny. "No one insults her, but me!"
"(-.-) Gee, thanks, Bakura." Anzu muttered with obvious sarcasm.
"Who the hell are you, anyway?" Kaiba demanded.
"I? I...am the Easter Bunny."
Silence.
"Oh my god," Shizuka gasped in horror. "I always thought that the Easter Bunny would be more cuter and fluffier!"
"Careful, sis," Jou whispered, "he might have some disorder."
"First it's Santa Clause, now the frickin' Easter Bunny?" Yami muttered under his breath.
"WHAT WAS THAT, CRANBERRY HEAD?" Easter Bunny roared.
"(OO) HOW DARE YOU CALL ME CRANBERRY HEAD? I BET YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING BETWEEN THOSE TWO FLUFFY LEGS!"
"Oh, what? You trying to mock my legs! Women think these are sexy, muffin brains!"
(X.X)
"What's next, cake?" Ryou mumbled to Yuugi, who nodded absently.
"Pfft! What woman would think that hairy legs are sexy?" Yami snorted. The Easter Bunny clapped his...paws...and two bunny women came in short skirts and had make-up smeared on their...faces.
"What sluts," Mai muttered to Shizuka and Anzu, who nodded in agreement.
"Now, here's what we do, Pillsbury Dough Boy."
"What is it with insulting Yami by calling him food?" Malik muttered to Marik and Bakura, who shrugged.
"Maybe Bugs Bunny wants to eat him or – " Bakura was cut off by the Easter Bunny (EB)
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME BUGS BUNNY?"
"(o.o) Yeah, but I'm guessing it's not Rabbit Season and that Elmer Fudd isn't around."
"Oh, that's it!" EB attacked Anzu, which surprised Bakura.
"AWW! RAPE!" Anzu sprayed the EB with pepper spray.
"HOLY MOTHER (BLEEP) (BLEEP)!"
"Hey!" Kaiba clapped his hands over Mokuba's ears as well as Jou to Shizuka. "Watch your damn (BLEEP) language!"
"(U.U) That goes for you as well, Kaiba," Yami muttered.
"(o.o) Wow, awesome job, Anzu." Bakura congratulated.
"Yeah, I expected some rabid – EEP! He's foaming at the mouth."
"SCABIES!" Ryou suddenly shrieked.
"(-.-) You mean rabies?" Yuugi asked.
"No, I mean scabies!" Ryou responded, itching his back.
"(oO) Are you sure that isn't psoriasis?"
"SCABIES!"
"(U.U)"
(oO) (Oo)
"RABIES!" Anzu shrieked and threw herself at Bakura, knocking him into Marik.
"(BLEEP) CHICKENS!" Marik swore. "IT'S ALL YOUR (BLEEP) FAULT!"
"Uh, Anzu, your knee is in a very personal spot..." Bakura told her.
"And your ass is in a very personal spot!" Marik growled from underneath them.
(OO'')
Anzu scrambled up and Bakura did as well. Marik took his time and brushed himself off, glaring up at them. "Well, don't be inconsiderate, help me up."
"(U.U) Oh, sorry," both helped him up, nearly dropping him.
"(SNARL) PEPPER SPRAY MAKES ME HORNY – AND RABID!" EB told them.
(OO""")
"Let's get out of here!" Yami roared when the EB started to hump one girl bunny, then went to the other when the first girl bunny gave birth to babies. They went in the forest, looking around. (Remember, they're animated...Er, more animated then they already were.) The trees were glaring at them and the plants were as well.
"(oO) Is it just me or are we shrinking?" Mai asked timidly.
"No, we are..." Jou muttered miserably as they were suddenly stared down at by the plants and trees. Then they heard humming and went towards it and saw a giant spider smoking from a bong.
(oO'''')
"Hey, dudes," the spider greeted, grinning and nodding his head. "Wassup?"
"Um...notin'(nothing)?" Jou replied stupidly. Kaiba slapped his forehead.
"Hey moron!" Kaiba called to the spider. "Wanna tell us how to get out of here?"
"Sure, man." Silence.
"Well?"
"Sorry, uh...Ya just gotta believe in yourself. Remember, Faith, Trust, and Pixidust." (3)
"(-.-) Oh Lord, I'm surrounded around idiots."
"Tell me about it, man," the spider shook his head. "There are so many stupid people around. I'm the only smart person around, ya know?"
"Don't talk to me."
"Whatever, man. It's up to you, know what I mean?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Dude...Have you seen that chick Alice around?"
"Alice?"
"She was chasing a bunny and she was all bouncin' around!"
"Bouncing around?" Kaiba repeated, disgusted. "Ugh, let's go." They followed Kaiba, Yami glancing at the spider suspiciously.
"Hey, Kaiba, watch out for dat hole," Jou told him.
"What ho – WAUGH!" Then they fell into the hole to a tea party where girls were dancing on the table.
"Now this is more like it!" Marik commented, grinning. Suddenly the girls turned into chickens. "WHAT! YOU WHORES!" He took out a gun and started to shoot at the chickens. Suddenly they joined together and formed one huge chicken. "(o.o)"
"OH RA!" Yami shrieked. "I want my mommy..." He sniffed.
"(OO) UH..." Yuugi gulped. "RUN!"
And so they ran, with the giant chicken following, until they fell up into a hole, where they were found in the sky.
"Well dis isn't so bad," Jou commented.
"YOU MORON, WE FELL UP!" Kaiba roared at him.
"Huh?"
"THE PORTAL COMES OUT OF THE SKY! MEANING WE'LL FALL DOWN."
"Huh...Dat doesn't sound too good, Kaiba." Jou remarked. Anzu clutched onto Bakura.
"We're all gonna die!" She wailed. "And I'm gonna die a virgin!"
(o.o')
"Hey, I dink we're falling!" Jou exclaimed as, indeed, they started to fall.
"JOUNOUCHI, WHEN WE'RE IN HELL, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!" Mai roared, pumping her arms and legs, trying to get over to Jou, who just blinked, sitting cross legged and scratching his head.
"Oh, bloody hell," Ryou muttered, then – "SCABIES!" He started to itch himself again.
X
Pegasus and his fellow gay followers marched in a circle when they heard it.
"AWWWWWW!"
"(oO) Huh?" Pegasus looked up and Yami and the others smashed him and his followers. "Oh...Ouch..."
"WE WERE SAVED!" Yuugi howled and he and Ryou hugged.
"SCABIES!"
"(T.T)"
"I'M ALIVE!" Anzu kissed Bakura and threw herself against him, while he smirked in triumph.
Thank you, Easter Bunny. He thought.
X
"YOU'LL ALL PAY FOR THIS! SANTA CLAUSE'S SLED WILL BE AVENGED! MWAHAHAHA! Cough, cough. Ugh, I should stop smoking..." EB muttered, rubbing his throat.
X
(1)First Lady: that's what they call the president's wife, at least I think so. (oO) That's what they said in the book I was reading. (shrug)
(2) "You know what your problem is? I'm too good looking.": from That 70's Show. Lol, I always say that to my family. At least it cracks a laugh from them.
(3) "Faith, Trust, and Pixidust!": I don't own Peter Pan, either. Though if I did, I think I'd shoot myself. (X.X) Either that or I would have altered it to make it PG13 or R rated.
DIS: (grins) Anyways - Ta-da! So, was it good? I made it longer than the prequel or whatever you call the thing before the sequel. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me how you liked it! Ones you should expect are:
Valentine's Day in September
Thanksgiving in October
Halloween in November
Independence Day in December!
See ya later, and please review! Pretty please with a kitten on top? Ciao.