Chapter 20: Starr Sings…Again.

Legolas sat sulking. "I WILL get even with you, Haldir, even if it takes me an eternity."

"And you've got a couple of those to spare, don't you?" Pippin joked.

Starr looked around her sadly at all the bodies. It seemed only fitting to sing a prayer for them. But she could think of no battle songs, so instead she chose the Star-Spangled Banner…

"Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?

And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?"

She ended in a whisper. Legolas walked softly over to her and wrapped an arm around her delicate waist, noticing her sadness. "You could use some cheering up. We could all use a laugh. Come, let's go see Gimli."

"Oh, yes, let's all go laugh at Mister Dwarf! Haha, look! He's short and hairy!" Gimli exclaimed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He turned to Glorfindel. "And you just better keep whatever nancing-Elf comment you've got in mind to yourself!"

Glorfindel laughed and held up his hands in defense. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Well, if he isn't going to crack on you, I will!" Eomer said, but Eowyn shot him a warning look and refrained.

"Final count, Forty-two." Legolas said, running a pale hand over his bow.

"Forty-two? That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling. I myself am sitting pretty on forty-three."

Starr response was a barely audible comment of "Pretty is not what I would call it," and Legolas's response was an arrow right between the legs.

Well, not quite, but we can dream, can't we?

He should not be allowed to procreate. Gimli, I mean.

"I would say the same thing about you," Elladan said wryly.

"What does she mean by procreate?" Sam asked, just rolling in innocence.

Again, Merry whispered in his ear, and his eyes went wide. "What a horrible thing to say about Mr. Gimli!"

"Forty-three," Legolas said, and Starr beamed.

"He was already dead,"

"He was twitching," Legolas argued. Starr nodded, glaring at Gimli.

"He was twitching because he's got my ax embedded in his nervous system!"

"At least she got that quote right," Gimli huffed. "I'm quite proud of that one,"

"It is a clever one, Master Dwarf," Faramir agreed.

The group rode up over a hill on their horses. Legolas and Starr shared one, and so did Celeste and Aragorn. Both of the latter group were looking flushed, thanks to the 'quickie in the battlements' they had just shared. (Giggle)…

Arwen's eyes smoldered with anger as she stared at the book in hate. Glorfindel looked ready to drop it at any second should it spontaneously combust.

Someone (Gandlaf, I think) spoke. "The battle for Helm's Deep is over. The battle for Middle-Earth is about to begin. All our hopes now lie with two little Hobbits…somewhere in the wilderness."

"Don't forget the creepy little schizo spaz with them," Celeste offered sweetly, with a toss of her long blonde hair.

"Oh no, Celeste! Your hair is caught in the saddle!" Starr shrieked.

"Ahhhh! Help me Aragorn!"

"It's stuck in there well!"

Elrohir crossed his fingers, closed his eyes, and began to chant. "Chop it off, chop it off, chop it off…"

"Don't cut it off!" Celeste said, tears streaming down her cheeks at the thought of losing her beautiful hair. Starr held her hand and tried to soothe her.

"It'll be alright…"

"I don't want to be ugly!" Celeste wailed.

"Oh, the drama," Eowyn rolled her eyes.

In the end, poor poor Celeste had to have about a foot taken off of her hair.

The twins and Aragorn jumped up and did a little dance for joy. "Ohhhh, happy daaaaay!"

And Eowyne was a crappy hair stylist. Aragorn was greatly depressed because Celeste was mentally scarred.

"Valar forbid she breaks a nail. Her whole world would come crashing down around her," Arwen murmured.

Starr, leaving the two lovers to comfort each other, leaned back against the strong chest of her Elf.

Faramir thumped Legolas on the chest lightly. "Very strong indeed," he announced with a smirk.

The journey was nearly over. Now questions were arising in her mind. Where would she go, what would she do after this?

"Hopefully die," Legolas muttered.

She knew one thing. She would forever remain at her Prince Charming's side.

"Let me find a container for my joy."

Maybe one day they would get married…

"Maybe when there's fifty feet of snow in Mordor,"

…have kids…

"Again. You are NOT allowed to procreate!"

…and live happily ever after.

"Or…I could push you off Minas Tirith and I could live happily ever after…"

Glorfindel looked up from the page. "That's the end of the chapter."

"Why don't we all go out for walk, then come back?" Pippin suggested.

"That sounds like a good idea." Aragorn assented. "But no one is to run away."

Pippin and Merry's faces fell, as if that was EXACTLY their plan.

"Drats. Foiled again." Merry grumbled.

The three hobbits headed into the kitchens to get a snack. They didn't remember if they were due for elvensies, luncheon, or dinner, so they decided on all three. The rest wandered around in the gardens, dreading their return to the horrors that is Mary Sue Legomance Girl-falls-into-Middle-Earth fanfiction.

End Part 2