Chapter 23: Jumpin' Off the Battlements?

Thranduil cleared his throat and began…

"Tonight we remember those who gave their blood to defend this country. Hail the victorious dead!"

"HAIL!" shouted everyone.

Starr turned to Celeste and whispered, "How can we say they're victorious, if they died? Doesn't that mean they lost?"

Gandalf looked over at her. "That is a very good point, my lady. Your wisdom surpasses all,"

Thranduil stopped and his eyes scanned the page, as if checking to make sure she actually had the gall to write that.

"They were victorious because they were selfless enough to give their lives in order to defend the land on which they lived, and you, the girl who would not sacrifice a fingernail to save even one person, (cough)Haldir(cough), would never know the meaning of such courage," Merry said hotly.

Thranduil glanced over at him in surprise.

"Now you see the true nature of these wenches," Eowyn said.

Thranduil nodded.

"Why don't you say something, Father?" Legolas asked, slightly annoyed.

Thranduil stared at him blankly.

"I believe he's been shocked into silence," Arwen said dryly.

"A rare occurrence," Legolas muttered back.

"No pauses. No spills." Eomre said, handing a mug to Legolas. Starr stood nearby with pom-poms, ready to cheer on her man.

"You can totally whip this Dwarf (ew, sick thought), Legolas! Show them how you hold your liquor!"

"Is she for real!" Thranduil asked incredulously.

"Well, not technically (thank the Valar) but the person who created her is pretty much like her," Elladan said, shaking his head.

"Pity, really." Aragorn sighed.

"And no regurgitation," Gimli said, spraying spit onto the table. Celeste, who had been leaning on it, uttered a silent scream of horror and sprinted through the crowd to go burn her sweater.

"And good riddance," Gimli said decidedly.

"What about if Gimli spits on HER. Will she lit herself on fire?" Pippin wondered, a little too eagerly…

"They're probably flame-retardant." Glorfindel sighed.

"More like brain-retardant," Eomer muttered.

Silence.

"Sorry, that was lame," he apologized.

"So it's a drinking game?" Legolas queried, looking adorable in all his Elfiness. The men shouted "ai!" and raised their mugs.

"Oh, what the heck. I'm in!" Starr said brightly.

"Are you sure, melamin?" Legolas asked worriedly.

"Don't fret, I've done this before!"

"She is about 14, is she not?" Elrohir asked, wrinkling his nose. "And she's an expert on hard drinking…"

"Seems like it's catching up to her and disintegrating her brain." Eowyn laughed.

Eowyn made her way over to Aragorn, holding her cup. Just as she was about to reach him, Celeste stepped in her path, looking murderous. "No."

"But, I—"

"No!"

"Listen, I—"

"NO!" Celeste stamped her foot. "He's MY man, why would he want a homely chick like you? Now bugger off and go find some other guy to shack up with!" And Celeste turned on her heel and stormed over to Aragorn, leaving a flustered (and ugly!) Eowyn behind (to sulk about not being as pretty and desirable as Celeste).

She grabbed Aragorn and smiled seductively at him as she led him out of the crowded hall, and back to her room…

"SKIP THIS PART." Everyone chorused together. Thranduil was bewildered. But it's just about your drinking game…"

"No questionable scene?" Faramir asked, dumbfounded.

"She's getting soft," Sam mumbled.

"Or maybe something else is…"

"ELLADAN YOU PERV!"

:SMACK:

"OW, ARWEN, THAT HURT!"

"You deserved it."

Gimli was getting drunker and drunker. "Here, here. It's the Dwarves that go swimming with little, hairy women." He belched loudly.

Starr pinched her nose shut as Legolas whispered, "Because no one else would want to…"

Legolas, of course, had a growing mound of empty mugs before him, but was showing no signs of it. Starr was slightly tipsy, and Gimli was about to drop.

And then he did. With a loud thud, Gmlii was down for the count.

Starr giggled along as she caught a bit of Merry and Pipin's song. Legolas, full of concern, decided it was time to take her back to her room, before she got too drunk and got hurt, or had one of the men take advantage of her…

"Like they would," Eomer said crossly.

"Ooo, there's an idea for you! Get her really drunk, then tell her she can fly, and bring her up to the highest battlement. To guarantee success, have Legolas stand at the bottom without a shirt." Elrohir said, an evil plot forming in his mind.

"Most females, even when NOT intoxicated, would jump off the battlements for that…" Eowyn said.

"HEY!" Faramir exclaimed. "You're supposed to be faithful!"

"I'm just pointing out the obvious, and don't act like you don't eye all the pretty girls we pass on the streets!"

"But I don't go around, announcing it!"

"Hey, love birds, get a cage," Thranduil broke in suddenly. "As much as I am regretting it now, I still have…" he flipped through the pages, counting. "…forty more pages to read…dang…"

"Very well, continue," Elladan sighed.

TBC…