Chapter 24: Silly Wench, Elves Hate You

Starr snuggled into Legolas's tunic as he carried her, breathing in the earthy scent most Elves smelled of.

Elladan sniffed at his shirt. "Really? We do? I never knew…"

Legolas eased open the door with Elvish poise while balancing the beautiful maiden in his strong arms.

Merry rolled his eyes. "Two sentences into the chapter and it's already sounding like a corny romance novel."

"I can see it now," Pippin chimed in. "It'll be called 'The Silly Wench and The Elf That Would Have Nothing To Do With Her'."

He set her gently on the bed. He did not fear the springs creaking, for Starr was light as a feather. Her strawberry blonde hair spilled over the pillow, fanning around her face like a halo. Her cheeks were flushed prettily and her long, dark eyelashes contrasted with her light skin.

"Isn't she just the most perfect little thing you've ever seen?" Eowyn said through clenched teeth. "Couldn't you just…murder her?"

"Well, I have to admit it's tempting!" Faramir joked.

"Just a little," Aragorn muttered darkly.

Legolas felt his heart do funny little flip-flops in his chest, then beat painfully against his ribcage. She was so beautiful, and he loved her so much. Around no one else would he ever lose his composure like this. He felt a stirring in his loins—

"Wait, what?" Thranduil broke off with a double take. "Did she really write that?"

"Actually, that was one of her more tasteful descriptions…" Arwen smiled sarcastically.

"I'm not sure I like where this story is going…" Thranduil said slowly.

"It's happened many times before." Eomer pointed out. "MANY."

"But, this…?"

"Been there, done that," Legolas said glumly.

"Literally," Gimli chuckled.

:POW:

Gimli sat holding his nose angrily, while Legolas seethed in his chair, rubbing his fist.

"Gentlemen! Don't be fighting! It's what they WANT you to do! They're trying to tear this group apart!" Glorfindel said dramatically, clutching his chest. It did work, however.

Elrohir spoke up. "Well, Thranduil, we have a rule. The person reading doesn't read the…scenes like this, just skims them to find where they end. So…go on,"

Thranduil glared at him. "Very well. The Greenleaves are no cowards,"

"Speak for yourself!" Legolas whispered.

"What has happened to you?" Thranduil asked incredulously.

"I think he's just scared of the story," Aragorn suggested. Legolas nodded vigorously. Thranduil shook his head and muttered something that sounded strangely like 'eunuch'.

He turned back to the page and they could see his eyes skimming over the page. That's when the color show began. His complexion quickly changed from pink to red to green to purple to blue and back to green again.

"What an interesting shade of chartreuse…" Arwen mused.

The dignified Elf ran out of the room and straight into the bathroom.

"Well, I hope you all are happy," Legolas said, grumpily.

"Very much so, actually," Elladan grinned.

Twenty minutes later, Thranduil still wasn't out of the bathroom. Sam volunteered to make sure he was all right.

The hobbit opened the bathroom door and a breeze hit his face. He looked up to see the window open and no Elf Lord.

Uncharacteristically muttering curses under his breath, he ran back out into the room. "He escaped through the window!"

Legolas fell to his knees and shook his fists at the ceiling. "Nooooo! He was my last hope!"

"Well, who's going to read now?" Pippin asked quietly.

The room suddenly fell deafly silent as every one of the group stared at each other in silent determination NOT to read.

TBC…