Dang, that was some sappy…stuff. Not as long as Starr's death, of course, because STARR MUST RULE ALL OF THE SUES IN THIS STORY!

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was. Never will be.

(sigh)

Chapter 26: Always the Voice of Reason

"Meet me in Gondor, I don't like the sound of that…" Merry said suddenly.

The celebrating stopped instantly as everyone froze and a silence fell over the room. The glass of champagne that Elrohir was pouring began to spill over the brim of the cup.

"What do you mean…?" Eowyn asked slowly.

"That's what she said."

"You don't think she's coming back, do you?" Pippin asked nervously.

"You didn't think she wouldn't!"

"I can hope, can't I?"

"When it comes to this story…no."

Elladan looked crestfallen. He had guessed as much, but wasn't ready to admit it. "Ah, Merry, always the voice of reason…DARN YOU!" he clenched his fists. "Couldn't just let us have our fantasies, could you? Of course not."

Aragorn, sensing a relapse in Merry's SCHS (Scary Crazy Hobbit Syndrome), decided to step in and put an end to the tomfoolery.

Arwen, sensing that Aragorn wouldn't be able to do squat at the rate he was going, jumped in and gave the two squabblers what for.

Two minutes later, adorable little Merry was calmed, and Elladan had a new bump on his head to add to his collection. Hey, Arwen IS his big sister after all.

"If Ada weren't in the Undying Lands, I would SO be telling on you right now…" Elladan muttered.

"Well Merry, I hate to impose, but it's your turn to read…" Eowyn said delicately in a sickeningly saccharine way. She catches on fast.

Eomer glanced at her as Merry begrudgingly settled into the cursed chair. "You seriously scare me sometimes…"

"Yeah, you would think you were taking lessons from the Wenches!" Faramir began to laugh, then cut short at the murderous look on Eowyn's face.

Glorfindel rolled his eyes. "Geez, for a match made in heaven, you two sure fight a lot."

"This story brings out the worst in people," Legolas said as a means of comfort, patting Faramir's shoulder as his face fell.

"That's true," Gimli said, looking thoughtful. "We've discovered that Sam is about as naïve as they come--"

"HEY!"

"Merry is quite scary--"

"Darn straight." He said, looking as satisfied as physically possible with the pink eyesore sitting menacingly in his lap.

"So are Eowyn and Arwen, for that matter—"

The two girls high-fived.

"Thranduil is a coward—"

"(Sigh) Yes…" Legolas breathed.

"Pippin gets REALLY mad when you steal his songs…"

"Well, I worked HARD on that!" Pippin insisted.

The two women present swooned at the cuteness overdose and assured him that they LOVED his song (even though they'd never heard it from him) and that Starr wasn't clever enough to think it up (even though she didn't) and made it sound bad (even though they read it, not heard it).

Gimli continued. "Aragorn gets blamed for a lot of stuff he didn't do…"

Arwen squeezed Aragorn's hand. "Yeah! …(pause)…HEY! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!"

Aragorn whimpered slightly as her grasp on his hand turned into a death grip and threatened to cut off his circulation.

"Eowyn and Faramir have a lot of issues that need working out…"

"You really are not helping, Master Dwarf," Faramir glowered.

"Glorfindel and Eomer really should listen to us when we warn them about something—"

"To this I attest." Glorfindel said dramatically.

"Never have I regretted anything more," Eomer added.

"Elrohir gets sick easily…"

"EASILY?" the Elf roared. "YOU WEREN'T READING THAT…THAT…SMUT!"

"Legolas has the potential to be scarred for life."

Silence.

"Elladan has a really disturbing sense of humor,"

Arwen glared at said brother and mouthed the phrase, 'Light as a Feather, Stiff as a board.'

He grinned sheepishly. "What can I say? I was young. I was naïve. I had no idea what I was in for. Ah, for the old days!"

Aragorn looked amused as he rubbed his sore hand (having finally freed it from Arwen's hold). "Yes, because three days has the tendency to feel like an eternity."

"Ha ha. Have I mentioned how much I hate this room and will never return to it again?"

Gimli shook his head. "Looks like I'm the only normal one left here."

"Well, ignoring the fact that you were never 'normal' to begin with, shall we see how you react when this so-called authoress decides to write a slash piece involving you and some other male in this story?" Eowyn said sharply.

Legolas shuddered. "Ooo, I pity the poor guy. Not Gimli, but the guy who has to be with him."

Gimli sent a glare that burned with all the fires of Mordor at the Elf, who remained unfazed.

Pippin shrugged. "You got to tease all of us, now it's our turn…I'll start by recalling a certain drinking game loss to a (and I quote) 'pointy eared Elvish princeling'…"

Glorfindel laughed. "Serves him right! Why, this one time—"

Once again, Merry stepped in, to avoid someone getting hurt (from anger instead of alcohol this time). "Um, could I get this over with please? I think the book's burning a hole in my lap…"

"Very well. Go on." Eomer said, with all the cheer of someone being sentenced to be hung the next morning.

TBC…