I received some mails in the past asking me if I had images of Rikugo and I had to say no. By now the website has been updated with them (thanks to the wonderful Skyrose and Amy Levi. You are so wonderful!). There are also three images of Ryu. The frontal one, with the black background, is what launched this whole idea of a pairing because he simply looks edible...
http/home.arcor.de/macx/ynm/shikigami.html
:wipes off drool:
Now on with the story...
Rikugo was in a good mood as he walked along the long path leading to the palace, smiling in anticipation of seeing his lover. A week without seeing Ryu had gone by and he had hoped to have a break in his work -- work that Sohryu had piled on him -- and it had finally come.
There was a familiar presence announcing its nearness and Rikugo was surprised to see his master sitting on the wide steps leading to the entrance of the Palace of Candles. Tsuzuki was dressed in his usual black outfit, including the long coat, and just as always the tie was askew. He smiled a welcome at his master.
"Tsuzuki."
"Hey, Rikugo," was the calm reply.
"What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk."
That sounded... serious. "Is something wrong?"
Violet eyes regarded him for a long time before Tsuzuki asked, "How long do you plan on going on like this?"
"W-what?"
"You've been coming and going like this for months now, Rikugo. You spend time at the palace, you go. You leave him every time and he has no idea if you ever return, or if it was the last time."
Rikugo froze, staring at the young shinigami so calmly sitting on the stairs. "Tsuzuki...?"
"Do you love him?"
"What!"
There was no humor in those violet eyes, just the question, and Rikugo knew his master was quite serious with what he wanted to know.
"You heard me. Do you love him or is this just a coping method?"
He felt like punched in the gut. "No!" He would never use anyone like this!
Tsuzuki still stared hard at him. "So... what do you feel? Is he a temporary relief? Because if he is, leave, Rikugo."
The astrologer felt defensiveness flare. "What is my private life to you?" he demanded, well aware that a master could actually demand even that from him.
"I know I never interfered with any of my shikigami's lives, but this concerns me, too, Rikugo. You're hurting someone who had enough pain in his life."
"Don't you think I know that?" he almost yelled.
Tsuzuki rose, facing him on a more equal eye level. "Then if you care... why do you leave him in the dark about your feelings? He has feelings, emotions... he loves and he hurts. I think it's time to stop the pain and give him the happiness he can't believe in."
"Tsuzuki..."
"If you can't admit to feeling something in return, leave, Rikugo. Now! Each time you come here, you give him a shard of hope, and then you push him back again."
"Tsuzuki..."
"He deserves happiness!" Tsuzuki stated, anger flaring a little. "And if you can't admit to your own feelings, if you can't tell him, then you shouldn't come back! You're using him!"
Rikugo felt his breath catch in his throat at the last words.
You're using him.
Yes... yes, he was. All he did was come here to have a good time, to have sex. He left again and Ryu had to stay behind. What would it feel like if their roles were reversed? What if he was dependent on his lover's decisions to come to him. Ryu couldn't call, couldn't visit, could only sit and wait for Rikugo's pleasure...
Oh Gods...
No...
Rikugo felt a tremor run through his body.
No!
He wasn't any better than Sohryu... The dragon had come for sex, and for sex only. There had never been any softer emotions. Just need and almost primal lust. Rikugo had taken what Sohryu had given him, and he had been left empty and yearning and strangely hurt.
Now he was doing the same to the Count.
"No..." he whispered. "I don't want this..."
"What do you want?" Tsuzuki asked softly. "What do you feel for him?"
"I... I don't know..."
Onyx eyes looked pleadingly at violet ones.
"Then maybe you should think before you hurt him again by leaving. He expects nothing but he feels a lot, Rikugo. I know you have feelings, too. Get them sorted out. You two really need to talk before it gets out of hand."
"Tsuzuki..."
Tsuzuki smiled warmly. "I know you'll make the right decision."
°
He watched them. He watched Tsuzuki, waiting for Rikugo, talking to his shikigami. And he watched Rikugo, the facial expressions, the gestures. He saw the shock, the horror, the realization. And he felt his heart freeze, his soul crack even more. Rikugo walked past his master and Tsuzuki remained on the steps, his expression hopeful, but Ryu didn't see him any more. He only saw the tall blond shikigami as he walked into the palace.
So today was the day.
His hands clenched into fists, trying to contain the emotions rising inside him.
He whirled around on his heels, shaking with what he felt.
Rikugo had finally drawn the line, had put an end to it.
No more time together, no more kisses and touches, no more quiet conversations, laughter, shared meals, or just sitting in front of the fire, snuggled together.
His dream... it had died faster than he had expected it.
Expected... expectations... he had truly had them?
Fool! he raged silently. You fool!
He raked a hand through his hair, feeling the tremors increase.
There was a reason why he wore the mask, why he was invisible. There was a reason why he hid. Enma had forced this mask on him, but he had soon found that it only helped in his daily life.
No one came close.
No one knew him.
No one... until Rikugo.
The shikigami had passed all his carefully crafted walls. Ryu had always kept his distance -- while openly pursuing Tsuzuki. He knew it was safe to do so, even though he longed for the younger man to touch him, to see those smiles, feel the gentle aura lapping against his.
He had been... safe.
And Rikugo, with his persistence and stubbornness, had destroyed it all, had made him feel again, had opened him up to these positive emotions and to the pain. And it had felt so good, so wonderful.
Ryu felt his emotions bubble more and he gave a half-sob, half-laugh.
I set myself up, knowing it all, and I let him do this to me.
Fool.
Happiness is for other people...
°
"There you are," Rikugo called, smiling.
The smile dropped when he looked at the Count, the man wearing his mask, not Ryu, the man he called his lover.
"I didn't expect you to come in," the Count said formally.
Distance.
What had happened? Rikugo frowned.
"Ryu?"
"Actually, I didn't expect you for a while, maybe at all any more."
What!
"What's going on, Ryu? What's wrong?"
A cold chuckle. "Wrong? Nothing is wrong. I finally have come to accept the truth, Rikugo. About me, about you, about everyone. I thought I had sooner, but there was still hope. Can you believe that? After two thousand years there was still hope!"
Rikugo felt his shock mount, his worry increase. "Ryu, take off the mask, please?"
Gloved hands reached for the ancient piece and more or less ripped it off. He flung it away, the half mask bouncing over the rugs and sliding into a corner.
"Better?" Ryu asked, voice like acid. "Come to take a look one last time? I'm making it easy on you, Rikugo. You don't even have to give me an explanation. Just tell me, out of a formality, then leave my palace!"
"What? Ryu, I don't understand..."
"Don't play with me, shikigami! At least give me the honor of the truth! At least treat me like a human being once!"
"Ryu!" Rikugo cried, confusion taking over. "What are you talking about?"
A slightly mad sheen touched the blood red eyes. "You, me... the games we've been playing. The games everyone plays with me! I'm a tool, I know that. For Enma-Daiou. To be used and discarded, to be brought out again when needed. I just never thought... I never thought you would take the same way!"
"I didn't use you!" Rikugo whispered, aghast.
"Then what do you call what we have? I'm stuck here, Rikugo! I'm dependent on your whims! You come here, you fuck me, you leave!"
Rikugo winced at the crude words. "No..."
"Yes! Like everyone else you just used me! I've been waiting for you to grow tired and I think the time has come. You've had all there is to be had. There is nothing left I can give you!"
"Ryu, no..."
"What am I anyway?" the Count cried. "I'm a prisoner, a criminal! Forever trapped in this forsaken place, in this private hell! I'm damaged beyond repair, my soul is already shattered into so many fragments that I can't even feel any more. My mind has run into so much madness before. I've experienced insanity and found it too sobering to be my companion!" He spread his arms wide. "I'm broken, Rikugo! A broken toy that loses its use and appeal after a few pity fucks! I was a novelty for you for sure. I was a way for you to handle your problems and now it's over!"
Rikugo shook under the words, mind blank, horror setting in. "Ryu, no. That's not true!"
"Stop lying to me! Stop lying to yourself. I cannot love because I cannot be happy! I was deceiving myself! I was deceiving you! Go away!" he yelled.
"Ryu..."
"I said leave!"
Rikugo stared at the man that had once been Ryu and now resembled a complete stranger.
"Leave..." the Count snarled, eyes flaring.
And he did. He turned and left, like in a trance, unable to comprehend.
Energy churned inside him, an energy he had only recently felt bubble to the surface when he had fought off the intruder. An energy that was usually contained by a seal. The seal was still there, but it had suffered from the last time. Now it shuddered under the energy assaulting it.
Ryu stalked into his private room, but the moment he entered, the image of him and Rikugo together entered as well.
With an enraged yell he grabbed the closest object -- a statue depicting two men doing the obvious-- and flung it at the opposite wall. It shattered into a thousand pieces -- like his soul had just now.
"Why?" he yelled at the room. "Why did I let him do this to me? I never wanted to feel like this ever again! Never!"
A large book of 1001 ways to enjoy sexual pleasures with your male lover was grabbed and then another, turning into flying objects, amidst the shards already staining the floor.
"I had to love him! I had to start feeling like a human being again!" Ryu cried and another small statue died a quick death. "I'm not human! I will never be human again!"
And then energy lanced forward, spiking, released from his hands and blasting the wall.
It was the first of many walls to start crumbling as shelves disintegrated, as toys and the likes met their maker, so to speak, and the collection of porn every porn lover would kill to get their hands on was blown to smithereens.
He didn't stop there.
It was only the beginning.
° ° °
He was watching with a half amused, half grim expression. Things had been developing in leaps and not all to his satisfaction, but he let them be -- for now.
As he noticed the spiking energy from the Palace of Candles, Enma-Daiou decided to let the scene play out. The Count normally couldn't attack anyone, let alone Enma himself, with his demonic powers because the Lord of Hades had put a seal on them that only he could break. Through the devil attack on the Palace though, the powers had become unleashes and now, under the strain of the breaking mind and shattered soul, those powers were leaking through. Still not aggressive to the outside, but very destructive against everything on the inside.
Ryu was trying to destroy himself. Enma wouldn't let him, but he was curious as to how far his prisoner would get. He knew exactly how strong the former human was, and it was a strength rivaling Tsuzuki's, but it wasn't the same as the shinigami's.
So Enma watched.
And he waited.
He knew there was something else to come; something interesting.
tbc...