Chapter 31: Royally Screwed Over

Arwen smiled sweetly as she passed the book off to Aragorn. Fearing another outburst, he took the book without a complaint.

Celeste gasped as Pippin ran over. "Denethor's lost his mind! He's burning Faramir alive!"

"Wait, what just happened here?" Eowyn blinked.

"The plot just got royally screwed over?" Glorfindel offered.

"Sues will omit parts they deem unnecessary or that they believe are adding to the time before they get married to their lovers and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after." Arwen explained.

"Well, we're closer to the end then!" Sam said, looking relieved.

"Don't be so sure…" Merry said. "I'm willing to bet all the pipeweed in the Shire that their story will continue long after the quest of the Ring. LONG after."

Sam grumbled incoherently. He was not alone.

"We must stop him!" Celeste gasped. To herself, she added: 'Because that stupid twit Eown will never, like, leave Gornie alone unless she finds herself a man!'

"Oh a twit I am? Takes one to know one!"

"Eowyn, dear, don't sink to their level. Now, I want to hear the ridiculous way in which she prevents my father from incinerating me." Faramir replied.

Denethor stood on the pyre, arms open, when Gandalf, Pippn, and Celeste ran in. Celeste floated over and stood at the bottom of the pyre. Her eyes were pleading. Taking one look at her, Denethor realized how selfish he was being, pushed Fary off, then set him self on fire and ran screaming off the cliff thingy.

"Oh, excellent! I definitely did not see that coming!" Faramir said with what could have been mistaken for genuine cheer…but on closer inspection, one could see the vein bulging in his forehead and the crazed look in his eyes.

"So passes Denethor, son of Écthelion…" Celeste whispered as she leaned over Fary, tears flowing down her cheeks.

Faramir stirred and saw a vision of loveliness leaning over him.

Murmurs of more potential love-triangles…or squares now…could be heard in the room.

"Hush, this is going to be good, I can tell!" Faramir said sarcastically.

Her hair was like that of the shining of the sun, and her eyes held the green of a deep lush forest in summer.

"If that makes any sense…" Elrohir mumbled, almost inaudibly.

"I am sureth now that I am dead, for you appeareth with the semblance of an angel sent by the Valar…"

Celeste giggled and blushed.

"Now, before you go all Arwen on me, this guy is a pansy and NOT ME." Faramir said quickly to Eowyn as Merry and Pippin laughed in the background.

"You talk funny!" Pippin chortled.

"At least I haven't done it with her." Faramir retorted.

"Yet." Elladan said smugly.

Faramir rounded on him and the Elf looked away, whistling innocently. Meanwhile, Pippin was having horrible flashbacks.

"He's going to have a phobia of lace pillows and silk bed sheets for the rest of his life." Merry breathed.

"The horses are restless and the men are quiet." Leggie said in all his gorgeousness.

"Oh, so now we're back with the others. I was beginning to wonder. I didn't think Starr could possibly stay out of the spotlight for this long." Gimli said amusedly.

Eomer and was talking with Legolas and Gimli. "Bad." He grunted.

"Ah," Eomer said somewhat dryly. "So I'm monosyllabic now."

"Ha!" Starr tossed her hair. "I could handle that road."

"Yes!" sniveled Gimli. "For you are the most powerful being ever! You could beat Sauron on your own should you wish to!"

"Why, that's very nice………whatever your name is…"

Gimli didn't appear to feel bad about being forgotten. In fact, he looked rather pleased. "At least she's not going to be shagging me any time soon."

"There. A true esquire of Rohan!" the greasy-haired chick said idiotically. Honestly. Who says 'esquire'?

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Starr bounced over. "Merry! You look adorable!"

Merry, who had prevusly been staring at Eowny in disbelief (of her stupidity) beamed happily. "I'm flattered to hear that from such a wonderful person as yourself!"

"Yes, it simply made my day!" Merry said with an air.

"You should not encourage him." Eomre said.

"You should not open your mouth!" Starr snapped. She should have expected Ewoyn's brother to be as dumb.

"Yes, Eowyn, we really should work on that."

"By all means! Oh dear, I seemed to have misplaced my dunce cap!"

Starr passed by another tent only to double take and dash inside. "Elrond!" she squealed, giving him a hug. He smiled and hugged back.

"More like he would have her shot on the spot." Elladan muttered.

"Actually, I think he'd do it himself." Corrected Elrohir.

"I just came to say that Arwen is dying, so you are free to date that more beautiful girl, Celeste. She is alive and well in Gondor."

"All the more reason to make haste to Gondor so nothing happns to my Snuggy-poo! Onto Dimhult Road!"

"It's a good thing common sense isn't a key part of this story because I have never heard, nor ever will hear, Aragorn say the word Snuggy-poo." Arwen informed them.

"But," Glorfindel chuckled. "You have to admit that that would be pretty funny!"