Chapter 33: Raging Hormones

Eomer gladly relinquished his possession of the book to Gimli, muttering something about 'pity' and 'scarred for life'…

The Dwarf began in an overly gruff voice, obviously not pleased with the reading situations.

"Say not that he has fallen!" Denethor said.

"They were outnumbered. None survived." Said a soldier.

"Is 'said' the only verb this author knows how to use to express speech?" Elrohir pondered.

Celeste crouched by Faramir's side, and saw his chest rise and fall. She knew he was not dead, but also knew how things would turn out—she didn't like Denethor, so let him burn!

"Ah, this would be insanity. I recognize it now." Faramir said through clenched teeth.

Merry raised his eyebrows and whispered to Pippin, "If he gets angry about this, his inevitable Oh-I'm-wounded-please-care-for-me-and-then-make-sweet-love-to-me scene is going to drive him over the edge!"

"Well, don't get me started on how Eowyn will react…" Pippin gulped.

Celeste rolls her eyes as Denehtor completely cracks and starts telling the men to flee. One well-placed right hook later, and the Steward was on the ground, shocked.

Later…

"Bring wood and oil!"

Celeste peered around a wall as Deney passed. She had to save Fary—sure, he wasn't as hot as Aragorn—

"Well, he is a whole lotta man…" Faramir responded sarcastically. "How could I possible compete?"

--But he was still good-looking.

"Because that's all that matters, right?" Legolas muttered darkly.

"You must keep in mind that a Sue's brain is focused on only so many things…we wouldn't want their heads exploding, now would we?" Arwen sighed.

"Actually we would." Eowyn said, quite viciously.

"Good point. Carry on then."

Perhaps once he was recovered, they could have some fun…

"Ordinarily, I would be upset to have such an unfaithful lover. But in this case, I will make an exception. Or just auction her off to the highest bidder." Aragorn grinned.

"Or give her to the orcs…" Elladan offered. "That'd be fun…"

"I wouldn't say give her to Sauron, because they'd probably team up and take over Arda. If she didn't drive him absolutely bloody insane first." Eomer pointed out.

"I'm actually surprised she hasn't either taken the Ring herself to 'purify it' or just fought Sauron on her own and OF COURSE defeat him and save all of our lives." Glorfindel said, sarcasm practically dripping from his voice.

"Are you all finished, or should I wait another two hours?" Gimli questioned somewhat irritably. No one blamed him, though. Just having that…thing…in your hands was cause enough for crankiness.

Celeste joined Pippin as he attempted to stop Denethor the Loon. When Pip ran off to get Gandal, however, Denethor grabbed her and—

"Please no please no please no please no!" Faramir chanted, fingers crossed.

Pulled her on to the now burning wood pile. Gandalf slammed in and gasped in horror.

"I shall take beauty with me to the next world after all!" Denethor cackled. Celeste screamed as the flames licked at her feet.

By now the room was utter chaos. Someone had set fire to one of the chairs in celebration and mockery of Celeste's plight, and everyone except Gimli was dancing around it in a circle, quite resembling a…crazed bunch of lunatics.

But Gandalf did something that no one cares—all we know is that Celeste was looking beautiful during the whole thing, of course—and Dentethor ran off the cliff on fire. Faramir was saved! Now to care for him, and then…well, who knows? (giggle)

"It's like Attack of the Raging Hormones!" Legolas exclaimed. "They change partners so much my head is spinning!"

"It isn't faithful, it sure isn't," Sam replied, shaking his head. "You'd never catch Rosie doing that, and that's a fact."

Pippin smirked. "Though Sam here HAS had to get a little rough with some drunks who SUGGESTED it…" Sam scowled at him.

"Just be happy there haven't been any three-ways…yet." Elladan commented.

:POW: Pillow right in the kisser.

"And now that you've sufficiently disgusted us," Arwen replied in a huff. "Would you all be quiet and let Gimli finish?"

"So passes Denethor, son of Ecthelion." Gandalf said.

Celeste was too busy accompanying Fary to his room to pay attention to the rambling of some old crackpot.

"I'm two sentences away from snapping, I assure you…" Aragorn glared, at no one in particular.

"Well then laddie you're lucky that's the end of the chapter. I pity the one who is reading next, for I can predict what will be happening…"

Eowyn looked murderous. "That would be me. "

Gimli paled.

"Eru save us all…" Elrohir whispered.