A/N: just in case you wonder why one scene ends so abruptly (points at disclaimer and gestures at rating): this is where I heavily cut out the naughty bits. The uncensored version will be up on my website the moment I'm done posting here.
A storm had brewed over night. It had started as an autumn wind, moving the trees, bending them to its will, and while it was never really any season in Meifu, there were changes in weather. It could rain, there was sunshine, there were cold spells, and there were the occasional storms.
By the evening the winds had become this storm that was nipping at the leaves, the flowers, that was sending sprays of water out of the fountains' pools and onto the grass. It was a storm that rattled at the windows and that brought with it rain.
They lay in each other's arms, listening to the ever-growing howls, to the creaks in the palace's structure that was in no way compromised by this force of nature. It had weathered worse and come out intact.
Ryu let a hand wander over the smooth skin he met underneath Rikugo's shirt, his eyes half closed, his head resting on the firm chest. He listened to his lover's breaths, his heart beat, and he simply enjoyed the closeness. Rikugo in turn caressed his hair, his back, drew little patterns on his skin.
The shikigami had come with the storm, arriving just seconds before the first fat drops had splattered onto the ground, soon soaking the land. Ryu had just let him in, gazing at the blond, soaking up his sight like the ground outside was soaking up the water. There had been few words, just a little fluctuation in the calm, serene aura and then the touch. Ryu had closed his eyes as those soft finger tips had graced along his skin.
Things had swiftly proceeded from there, but not into a whirlpool of lust. No, it had been... gentle. Loving. Warm.
And outside the storm's intensity increased, howling furiously as the two men had curled up together, Rikugo caressing and stroking him in a soothing pattern, his aura enveloping them both.
Ryu felt safe and protected.
It had been two days now since the breakdown and he still remembered little of it. There was only the pain and the rage and the endless darkness. He had never felt like this before, so completely lost, at the brink of an insanity that would never let him go should he fall victim to it. He had stumbled, he had tethered at this edge, and he had lashed out at every helping hand.
For a brief moment he had wondered if it wasn't better to sink into the swamp of madness instead of living a life of eternal loneliness.
"Ryu?" Rikugo murmured, tugging slightly at his hair and he looked at him.
"I'm okay," he murmured.
Well, he wasn't. He had lost it. He had lost it over the prospect of never seeing this man again, of being alone, of having no one, of going back to the anonymity of the mask he was forced to wear in the presence of others.
"Ryu," the shikigami admonished softly and turned them so he was leaning over the prone man while the storm grew more intense.
Red eyes met onyx ones and Ryu swallowed hard at the intense expression there.
"I couldn't stand it," he whispered, his voice sounding as broken as it had been when Tsuzuki had held him.
Two thousand years old... and he had collapsed into the arms of the one being who had kept him alive in the last seven decades. Enma's name, he was so... pitiful.
"I couldn't stand losing you... another one... the only one who I ever let so close," he stammered.
"Ryu, it was my fault. I apologize for treating you this way," Rikugo whispered.
"No, please..."
He silenced him, putting a finger on the soft lips. "Let me, please? I was a fool to believe that I could just turn around and walk away from what this means to me. I was a fool to think you might not feel anything in return. And I was cold-hearted bastard, treating you as I did."
"W-what?"
"I was afraid, Ryu," Rikugo whispered, looking down on him with such misery. "I was afraid to face what I had started to feel for you because of my past. And I began to treat you in a way that I had sworn no one would ever be treated by me. I experienced it first hand and it broke me; and then I went and did it with you."
Ryu gazed at his lover in confusion. Rikugo had...? He knew the shikigami was no virgin, that there must have been past lovers, but they had never talked about it.
"When I talked to Tsuzuki he told me to face my feelings, then go and talk to you. I knew I wasn't better than anyone seeking the services of a whore, only I never left any money behind." He smiled darkly. "I used you, Ryu. It disgusted me, it shamed me... and it set me straight. I never saw you as my toy, Ryu. You'll never be an object to me."
"I can never be what you need, Rikugo," he murmured, reaching up to caress the soft skin.
Rikugo smiled gently. "You already are what I want and need."
"Oh really?" A derisive laugh. "I can't leave. I'm bound to this place. You can visit, but I can never see your world. Rikugo... one day you'll tire of it." Ryu felt the familiar ache, the ache that had preceded his total loss of control. He clamped down on it.
"Don't you think of ways to stay with me?" the astrologer asked quietly. "Do you only see the difficulties in our relationship? What we can't be and can't do? Is it so simple for you? Because it's not for me. I'm thinking about what we can do when we're together, how we can make this work."
"Rikugo..."
Again he was silenced, this time by a soft kiss. Ryu shivered a little.
"I want this to work, Ryu. I want you."
Oh Gods, how much he wanted this man at his side, but why should he be granted this happiness? Why should he be allowed to feel this way?
Rikugo brushed away the first slivers of tears.
"Happiness is for you, too. We can make this work. I'm willing to risk it, Ryu. Are you?"
"Why me?" he demanded, voice uneven. "You could find someone so much better... someone untainted..."
Rikugo silenced him again. "I want you, Ryu. Only you."
Oh Gods...
He slung his arms around the shikigami's shoulders and pulled him close, burying himself in that reassuring warmth and weight of his lover.
"Promise me to believe," Rikugo whispered into his ear.
"I'll try."
"No, promise me. I need you to be whole, Ryu."
He laughed brokenly. "I'm not, Rikugo. I never will be again. I'm damaged beyond repair." A sob escaped him. "I'm so jaded, nothing can make me right again."
Onyx eyes gazed at him and slowly, the red dragon eyes opened and he looked into the alien gaze. He didn't fear Rikugo's true nature, he didn't think of him as different. This was what his lover truly was.
"I can See the scars and the open wounds," he said softly. "They're old. But nothing of this is irreversible."
Ryu laughed softly, shaking his head, but when he tried to speak, Rikugo stopped him the third time.
"I'm not lying. It will take time and I want that time and the time after that with you. Will you give it to me?"
His breath caught in his throat at the implications. "Rikugo..."
"Give me this time and promise me to stay with me, Ryu. It's all I ask of you."
The tears gathered again, his emotions rising to the forefront like a tidal wave. He was too open, too vulnerable, at the moment.
"Yes," the Count whispered. "Yes, I promise."
"Thank you."
And Rikugo leaned down for a new kiss. Ryu opened under the gentle assault, let him in, held him close, answering the kiss with one of his own.
Clothes went, skin met skin, and Ryu stroked and caressed and kissed his lover's body, finding known hot spots, delighting in the reaction. When Rikugo was too close he stopped, nibbling and licking at his lover's throat, then rolling them around, presenting himself to the man in a blatant hint to take this the next step.
"No," Rikugo murmured, running a caressing hand over his side, making his stomach flutter.
"W-what?"
"I want you, Ryu."
He stared at the blond man, took in the open strands falling down his slender back, the black eyes, the face without its glasses, and he felt the teasing caress of long fingers over his skin.
"Rikugo...?"
"I want you, Ryu," the shikigami repeated.
"But I never... we never..." Ryu stammered, shocked by the implications, by the blatant offer.
Rikugo smiled softly and pulled him into a kiss. "Do you want to?"
"I..."
He was broadsided by the question. He had never dreamed of this. Sure, there had been fantasies. Porn movie fantasies that usually involved a very willing bottom, mostly bondage, and him in the aggressor position, but in real life he had never seen himself as the top. He had never seen this happening with Rikugo, who had so gently and carefully brought him out of this shell of neglect, of starving himself of any contact other that of his own hand.
Rikugo had taken over the lead part in their encounters and he had always willingly submitted.
Now that...
"I want to feel you inside me, Ryu."
Oh Gods, he wanted that, too. He had dreamed, yes. He had thought...
The image of the bound, blindfolded submissive from the movie came back and Ryu winced. No, not this way. Never this way. No bondage. He would never tie this wonderful man down.
"Ryu?"
"I want you, too," he whispered hoarsely. "Show me?"
Rikugo smiled and pulled him close. "It's not like you haven't seen it done a million times, right?".
"Yes," he whispered breathily. "But... I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. Just follow my lead." He kissed him again. "You know the theory behind it. You touched me before." More kisses and caresses, relaxing his tense body. "Just do the same again."
Ryu ran trembling, nervous hands down the lithe form, not believing what was about to happen. He had really never dared to hope... he had wanted to, but had buried this dream like so many things.
Rikugo whispered softly to him, encouraged him as he experimented with something that he had truly seen way too often not to know each and every step, but he had never done it to a lover.
°
Ryu collapsed, aware of only the hot form underneath, of hands massaging his slick skin, of a gentle mouth delivering little kisses. He was rolled around, felt the separation and tried to protest it, but he had no strength left. There was the cool sensation of someone cleaning him, then he was pulled into a safe cocoon of strong arms.
"Ryu?" Rikugo questioned gently after a while.
Red eyes met onyx ones. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to feel, because so much was crashing down on him. All of what had happened up to this point... to this one moment he had never dared to hope for.
I love you, he thought, stunned by his own thoughts.
He loved. He felt. And he felt it for Rikugo. He loved Rikugo.
A gentle kiss was placed onto his lips.
"I love you," Rikugo only said as if answering his unspoken thoughts.
Tears gathered in his eyes as the blond shikigami gathered him near, and he closed them, trying to keep the liquid inside. Feeling only the strong body, the warmth, the heat... Ryu slid off into an exhausted but satisfied sleep.
tbc...