The O.C

A Life Half Lived

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated very recently. I found myself the victim of being unfairly banned from the computer for a few days. I don't even know what I did. But rest assured, I'm back now. Happy reading! Genevra xxox

Summary: "I don't look sick. I am sick."

Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with The OC. Sigh. I do however own any characters or scenarios you don't recognize. Yay!

Chapter Six: A Normal Human Being

"Seth?" Ryan called tentatively. He made his way towards Seth who made a cutting figure, perched on the end of the pier. "I'm not stupid enough to think you'll jump, so don't even bother trying to make me go away."

"How do you know I wouldn't?" Seth asked, not even bothering to turn around and look at his assailant.

"Because I know you better than I know myself," Ryan answered, positioning himself next to Seth. He stood with one foot on the lowest rung, his arms slung out across the top of the fence. "What's up?"

"Nothing's up," Seth objected.

"Right," Ryan answered. He sighed and leant his head on his arm. "We'll just stand here for as long as it takes. I have all night."

Seth was silent for a minute. He opened his mouth to talk and closed it again. They stood together in silence until the sun began to set over the water. It changed the water from it's dark blue's and green's to purple, pink, orange and finally, inky black. It barely took minutes but that flash of beauty was enough to calm them both down.

"I just don't know how to deal with this," Seth said, finally. They were sitting in the Crab Shack eating dinner. Ryan nodded. "I mean, there isn't exactly a course in 'How to Deal With Life When Your Pregnant Wife Has Cancer And More Than Likely Won't Survive. 101."

"I know," Ryan replied.

"Of all my usual coping mechanisms, making stupid jokes, turning into the bad version of a broody boy, having a guy's night-in, video game marathon or running away, running away seemed to be the most plausible option," Seth said, taking a bite of his crab roll.

"Running away isn't going to change anything," Ryan said, truthfully. "I know you've heard it before but it's still the truth. It might put things into perspective and you might be able to escape it for awhile but when you come back, thing's are often worse than they were when you left."

"When did you get to be the smart, philosophical guy?" Seth intoned. "I liked you better when you fought with your fists."

"Seth, I wish I could fight this with my fists," he said. "I really do. But I can't. And you can't deal with it by running away and abandoning your wife when she needs you the most."

"I know," Seth answered. He dropped his head to the table and banged it against the lacquered wood of the table. "Is she going to hate me?"

"For being you?" Ryan asked. "Nah. She might be a little angry at first but I think if you explain it to her, she might understand."

They finished their dinners in silence.

"You good to go?" Ryan asked, signaling for the cherub.

"Yeah," Seth answered.

"Ready to go home?"

"I think so," Seth started but he was silenced by Ryan's phone.

"Hey," Ryan said, his features automatically changing as he talked to his wife. There was silence on Ryan's side and his whole body tensed. "Ok. We'll be there as soon as possible. I love you."

Ryan grabbed Seth's arm and pulled him towards the exit in a hurry.

"Ryan? Not that I don't enjoy being manhandled by you but, what's going on?" Seth asked, stopping Ryan in his tracks.

"It's Summer," Ryan said. "She's been taken to Newport General. She had a reaction to the Chemo."

"She what?" Seth spluttered, all semblance of calm gone from his face. His already pale face managed to lose all colour and his chin began to tremble. He steeled himself, he would not cry. "Is she going to be alright?"

"I guess we should go find out," Ryan said. He moved forward but noticed Seth couldn't physically make himself move. He gently grabbed Seth's arm and maneuvered him outside. "Seth, let's go."

"Oh my gosh," Summer gasped, placing a hand on her stomach.

"What?" Seth asked, immediately concerned. He walked over to his wife's side. She is five months pregnant and has not yet found out she is sick. "Is something wrong?"

Summer grabs Seth's hand and places it on her quickly expanding belly.

"Feel that?" she asks. She is smiling and Seth doesn't think he has ever seen her look so beautiful or so radiant. "The baby's kicking."

Seth runs his hand over her belly and then brings it back and places it close to Summer's. He grins in wonder and smiles up at her.

"Wow," he says. He leans down and kisses the belly where it's moving. "Hey little one. We can feel you kicking so we just wanted to say hi."

"You're suck a dork," Summer laughs.

"Yes, but I'm a dork you love," he answers, kissing her cheek. "Therefore, I'm a dork that's been rectified by your love."

She laughs again and then yawns. Seth notices she's a little pale and concerned, places a hand on her cheek.

"Your cold," he says, frowning at her.

"Just a little," she replies. She places her head on his shoulder and he strokes her hair and kisses her forehead. "I'm so tired."

"I guess being pregnant really takes everything out of you, huh?" Seth asks. He grabs the blanket they keep over the back of the couch as decoration and places it gently over Summer.

"I'll say," Summer answers. "I don't remember Marissa ever being this tired with Lexie, though."

"Marissa and Ryan were in Boston for most of her pregnancy," Seth replied. "Of course you wouldn't."

They are silent for a while. An old black and white movie flickers silently in the background. They pretend to watch it but they are both contemplating what Summer has just said.

"Are you worried something's wrong?" Seth asks, finally. He sees a little bruise on Summer's collarbone he's never noticed before. "If you are, I think you should go and see a doctor."

"Maybe I should," Summer replies. She feels Seth tense next to her. His concern is sweet and in that moment she has never loved him more. "Cohen, I'm sure everything's alright."

"I know," Seth says, kissing her lightly. She tilts her head up to him and kisses him hard on the lips.

"Everything's fine."

Seth stared out the window for most of the trip. He watched the lights of the other car's speed past. Normally, he would have spent the entire trip chattering endlessly and aimlessly but he finds his mouth cannot form words. He wants to scream but he finds no sounds come out. His thoughts are instead screaming for him.

'God, please don't let her die,' he prays. 'Don't let anything happen to her until I can see her. Until I can tell her I love her and I'm sorry.'

As if reading his thoughts, Ryan looks at him briefly before turning his attention back to navigating the Orange County streets.

"If it's serious, you know she'll hold on until you get there," he says. It's supposed to be a comfort and Seth knows that but it seems quite a morbid thing to say.

"I know," Seth replied eventually. He was angry with himself, livid. Ryan could tell. "I know. It's just that, I don't think I can handle anything happening to her. For the past two weeks, I haven't known what to do with her or how to be with her so I've spent so much time at the Bait Shop with Alex. I abandoned her, dumped my wife on your wife. I left her for other people to take care of. She needed me and I left her."

"I think she understands," Ryan said. They pulled up to a red light and Ryan studied his friend briefly. "Seth, you've been there for her when it mattered. You've been there when it mattered. That means something."

"What do you mean?" Seth asked.

"You've slept next to her every night," Ryan said. "You've run to her side every time she's called, you're there every time she's in pain. You never left her when she needed you and if you did, you came straight back. Trust me, Seth. You haven't abandoned your wife. You've been a normal human being reacting the only way you know how."

Seth looked out the window. He could feel a lump starting to form in his throat. His face felt constricted and he knew instinctively, he was going to cry. A single tear he couldn't hold back fell listlessly down his face. He didn't bother to blink the next one back.

"You're not a horrible person," Ryan said, keeping his eyes on the road. He hadn't turned to see his friend cry. "You're doing what any other person would do."

"Then why do I feel so bad?" Seth asked, letting the floodgates open. Ryan expertly pulled into a parking space. He leaned over and pulled Seth into a friendly embrace. It was surprisingly unawkward. There is no sound but Seth's cries, no feeling but Seth's tears as they drop. Onto the leather seats or onto Ryan's blue t-shirt where they leave a mark and dampen it to the point of uncomfortability.

A broken fluorescent light flashes random beams of light into the car, bringing both Seth and Ryan back to the present. Ryan pats Seth on the back and releases him. He looks at him one last time in the eyes.

"You're not a horrible person," he repeats. "You're not a horrible person."