Chapter 35: We've Come Full Circle
"Hey, well what do you know. We're back to Elladan." Eowyn smirked, instantly in a good mood.
"I thought Elrohir read first." Elladan protested, going immediately on the defensive.
"Nope, definitely you." Elrohir said quickly.
Ignoring the two twins bickering, Merry turned to Pippin. "I wonder if we can make it through a chapter without any snide comments…"
"I wouldn't hold your breath," Gimli muttered as Pippin laughed at the mere idea.
As Leggie and Gornie and…the Dwarf and the Dead dudes had fun beating the orcs, Starr sped off to find Theoden. As unattractive as her helmet was, she placed it on her head. She wasn't going to let that stupid Eowny take all the glory. Unlike her, however, Starr's helmet looked fantastic on her.
"No cutesy little nicknames for me, I see." Gimli paused. "I can't find enough words to express my happiness about that!"
Reaching the fallen king, she knocked Eowyn away in time to be cornered by the Witch King.
"Fool. No man can kill me. Die now."
"I know you did not just call me a man!" Starr said, whipping off her helmet and stabbing him full in the face.
"That must be a new record. In three sentences she completely and totally undermined mine and Merry's feats.
"In answer to your question, Merry," Sam began. "We cannot possibly make it through the story without being sarcastic because this story is so atrocious it's terribly hard to just sit by and stand for it."
Faramir couldn't contain a smile as he shook his head and mouthed what looked like 'Always the quiet ones'.
She knelt by Theodne. "I know your face." He said. "You saved me, Lady Starr. Your beauty cannot be matched, and now I am eternally in your debt."
Starr smiled sadly and moved away, letting Eoywn handle the dying guy.
"Stop, you're being too sentimental." Eomer rolled his eyes.
Starr made it back in time to see Legolas take down an elephant.
"What's an elephant?" Pippin asked, wide-eyed.
"Does she mean Oliphaunt?" Aragorn wondered.
Not to be outdone, she turned to c anuther heading for her. With a little toss of her strawberry blonde and shiny hair, she caused a series of reactions. First, the driver was blinded by the shine and fell off. The other guys were staring at her lustily and were hit by arrows because they weren't paying attention. Then the elephant stopped short from stepping on her, and with a few soft words, she had tamed it, and used it to take out a huge number of the enemy.
"She's a talented one, she is." Arwen shook her head.
"Release us." The King of the Dead said. "As much as we would stay to help the lovely Lady Starr, we got your word."
Gimli made some stupid comment about keeping them. Leave it to Dwarves to be so greedy.
"I'm a terrible person. Let me just go outside and hang myself." Gimli muttered scornfully.
Glorfindel could have added something quite mean, but wisely kept his big Elf mouth shut. To quote what Gimli was thinking as he glared challengingly at him.
She felt slightly dizzy, and looked down, to see a large gash on her stomach.
"Just a little lower, and she would never be able to procreate!" Glorfindel exclaimed.
"You've been just waiting to use that word, haven't you?" Arwen said in a pitying tone and she patted his arm.
She sat down hard, in a nice corpse-free plot of grass. This is where Legolas found her several minutes later. His whole world came crashing down on him as he thought she was dead.
"Melamin!" he cried in anguish, gathering her in his arms.
"Huh?" she whispered.
"You're alive!"
"Duh. I was just resting."
"Ur hurt! I must get u to the Halls of Healing!"
As he ran toward the city thing, she fell asleep in his arms, feeling more peaceful than even after one of their love-making sessions.
Elladan had to double-take that one, to make sure he hadn't misread it. "Nope. There it is, in all its idiocy."
Meanwhile in the city, an impatient Celeste awaited her King and her best friend.
Elladan looked gleeful. "Well, that was relatively painless!" He chucked the book into Elrohir's hands and shot out of the seat.
"Oh, bully for you." Elrohir narrowed his eyes.