The O.C
A Life Half Lived
A/N: I think I need to explain something. I agree that Seth is as said a 'beanpole,' but that was the whole point of the chapter, joking about Seth's masculinity. It was supposed to be a joke but you all seemed either confused or didn't get it, lol. Anyway, I am so sorry this took so long. I've barely been at home for a week. Here's your next chapter. Happy reading! Genevra xxox
welcometotheoc: Thank you very much for that. I just had no idea.
Summary: "I don't look sick. I am sick."
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with The OC. Sigh. I do however own any characters or scenarios you don't recognize. Yay!
Chapter Ten: The Simple Things
"Hey," Marissa said softly, as she stepped into Summer's bedroom. She walked along the cream carpet and sat on the edge of the blue satin quilted bed.
"Hey," Summer smiled weakly. She winked and waved at Alexis who had traipsed in behind her mother. "Come here."
Alexis walked over to Summer and held her arms out. Summer gratefully leaned into them and patted Lexie on the back as Marissa positioned herself comfortably next to Summer. She climbed in bed and over Summer and settled in her mother's arms.
"Kirsten told me that you had to go back in two weeks," Marissa said. "To have the baby."
"Yeah," Summer sighed. "They're inducing me."
"Juicing you?" Alexis asked, looking confused. She started playing with Summer's hair, absently and messily braiding just like her mother was teaching her to do.
"No, honey," Marissa started to correct through her laughs. "It means that they give Aunty Summer a needle so she has the baby."
"Maybe it will be an orange juice baby," Summer suggested. "Or an apple and cranberry."
"How about a lemonade baby?" Alexis asked, getting excited.
"Or Fanta?" Summer suggested, her eyes growing wide.
"Or a chocolate milkshake baby?" Alexis shrieked, her eyes lit up and wide. "Chocolate milkshake is my favorite."
"Honey, you need to calm down," Marissa said, wincing at the sound of her daughter's loud voice.
"I know it is," Summer said over the top of her. She gave Marissa a look that simply said 'I'm fine.' "A chocolate milkshake baby it is."
"Lexie, can you please go and see what Daddy and Uncle Seth are doing for dinner," Marissa asked.
"But Mum," Alexis whined. She clutched onto Summer's hands. "Aunty Summer wants me to stay here, don't you?"
"Of course I do, sweetie, but Mummy wants you to go see Daddy and Uncle Seth," Summer said, kissing her niece's cheek. "I think Grandpa's here too. Didn't he promise you he'd teach you how to play 'Kings and Scumbags?'"
"So?" Alexis pouted. "I want to stay here and talk to you. I miss you."
"I miss you too, sweetie," Summer said, trying not to roll her eyes. "But when my little baby is all grown-up, it's going to need someone to teach it to play 'Kings and Scumbags,' isn't it?"
"Yeah, I 'spose," Alexis answered, obviously torn between learning how to play a 'Grown-up's' game or staying with her beloved Aunty Summer. Eventually, the promise of being included with the grown-up's won out and after kissing both her mother and her aunt, Alexis skipped off to find her father.
"I have a sudden craving for a chocolate milkshake," Summer pouted. She looked out after Alexis and called her back. "Sweetie, can you ask Uncle Seth to come here?"
"Ok," Alexis said, running off again.
"You're really good with her," Marissa said, turning to Summer and smiling. "Remember when you didn't want to have any kids?"
"Yeah, vaguely," Summer said, a wistful look crossing her face. "I can't imagine why now. This baby is the only thing keeping me alive."
"Children? Eww," Summer says glancing at Marissa. "I never ever want to have kids."
"Why not?" Julie Cooper asks from the front seat. She turns and smiles at Marissa affectionately who smiles back. They are still friends.
"because they're sticky and they're gross and they take all of your time," Summer explains as if it's the most obvious. "They get your clothes dirty and people think they're cuter than you and take all the attention away."
"Selfish a little, Sum?" Marissa asks, rolling her eyes. She stifles a laugh.
"They aren't that bad," Julie shoots back. "Marissa wasn't that sticky. Just a little noisy and she smelt sometimes."
"Hey," Marissa shouts, throwing a piece of gum at her mother's head.
"Maybe," Summer says. "But really, I'm just not ready to make the sacrifice that involves having children. I'd rather people paid a little attention to me first."
"I don't know what I'd do without Marissa," Julie says, gaining brownie points. "And really, I'm surprised. I would have thought you would have loved to have a child, Summer. Something to dress up and spend money on?"
"Please, Mrs. Cooper," Summer sighs, holding her hands out in front of her. "Money that could be spent on me? No thank you. no children for me."
"Summer," Marissa started to say but Summer silenced her.
"Marissa, please don't make this any harder for me than it already is," Summer whispered. She reached for Marissa's hand and clutched it, bringing it up to her lips and kissing it. "I'm not going to make it."
"Cohen, please don't say that," Marissa begged. "You're going to be fine. You're my best friend. You have to be fine."
"And you're mine, Coop," Summer smiled weakly. "Nothing is going to change that."
"Good," Marissa said, as tears pricked at her eyes. She let them run in hot trails down her face, her neck and land on the blue satin quilt in mismatched blobs. "As long as you know that."
"I need you to promise me something," Summer said, suddenly serious. "I need you to promise that no matter what happens, you will be there for this child."
"I'm not going anywhere," Marissa answered. "I promise."
"This baby is going to need a mother," Summer explained. "And if I'm not here, you're the only person I trust."
"This baby needs to know its mother," Marissa replied. "It needs you."
"I know you aren't going to try and take over this baby, that you'll make sure it knows about me and that's why I trust you," she said. "If this baby is anything like me, Seth won't be able to handle it. You need to make sure that doesn't happen and if it does, I need to know this baby is in good hands."
"You're not going to die," Marissa said, suddenly. She blinked back the tears that had appeared in her eyes and started talking boldly. "You're going to have this baby and you're going to start having Chemotherapy again and you're going to be okay."
"How do I look?" Summer asked, changing the subject.
"What?" Marissa asked, shocked by the sudden change of conversation.
"How do I look, Coop?" she asked again. "Truthfully."
"You've looked better, I guess," Marissa replied, turning away. She bit back a smile that appeared on her face and turned to Summer who was laughing. "Sick. Tired. Pregnant."
"You're right. I've never looked this bad," Summer laughed. She turned to Marissa. "Look at this. I have wrinkles. My skin is sagging and yellow. I have permanent dark circles under my eyes. My hair is thinning. Apparently my eyes are bloodshot too. I wouldn't want to live looking like this."
Marissa looked at her like she was insane before she realized Summer was joking.
"You're still beautiful to me," she answered truthfully. "And I am so proud of you."
Seth appeared in the doorway.
"I don't know why you're proud of me but thanks," he smiled. He looked over at Summer. "A certain Miss Alexis told me you required my dashing and debonair presence."
"I want a chocolate milkshake," Summer demanded.
"And I want a hot fudge sundae," Marissa piped up. "And some of those little donut holes."
"How are you so skinny?"
"I have a fast metabolism," she smiled.
"Anything else Miss Metabolism and Miss 'I-Can't-Get-Out-Of-Bed-Today?'" he asked, sarcastically.
"Umm, no," Summer said, pretending to think it over.
"As you wish," he said, imitating Wesley from the Princess Bride, which Summer had forced him to watch last night when she couldn't sleep. Seth walked over to the dresser and grabbed his wallet and keys off it. He kissed Summer on the forehead and walked to the door.
As soon as he left, Marissa turned to Summer and winked at her conspiratorially.
"Want to play a game?" she asked.
"Sure," Summer said. "What is it?"
"I ask you a question and you answer it."
"Suppose I have nothing better to do," Summer shrugged and re-arranged herself on the bed. "What's your question?"
"What is the one thing you regret about this?" Marissa asked, shocking Summer. She had been bracing herself for a 'Why are you so sure you're going to die?' or an 'If you could change anything in your life, what would it be?' type.
She was silent for a moment as she mulled over the answer but suddenly, it came to her in a flash.
"I wish that everyone would let me talk," she said, the words spewing violently out. "I try to tell everyone that I'm not going to make it. I try to tell them what I want for my funeral or for my child, for their life but no one wants to hear it. No one wants to accept what I already know. Even if no one wants to accept it or believe it, they could at least listen to me. That's all I ever wanted. That's all I regret. The fact that everyone is making me bottle up my feelings because they can't handle it."
Marissa flinched at the brutality and accusing in her friend's voice. She leant back on the headboard and leaned slightly away.
"I'm sorry," she said simply. It was the simple things that Summer liked now. The feel of silk or cotton or jersey against her skin. Hot water falling from the shower onto her tense neck. The smell of flowers, of cookies baking. The taste of orange juice or chocolate. A warm breeze blowing through the roof. Sitting in the backyard drinking tea with Kirsten and Marissa. Listening to the sea crash on the white shore. The sound of her husband's voice or the sound Alexis's laugh. The feel of moisturizer rubbed into her hands, her face. Feeling Alexis's hands running through her hair or pressed against her as she slept. Sleeping next to her husband and feeling him warm and alive, pressed against her. She didn't like wasting time, time that was, for her, limited. Marissa knew she didn't want to waste her precious minutes left with a long, winding apology or clichéd explanation.
"I know," Summer replied just as truthfully and simply. Seth returned and dished out the food, leaving quickly, as if he could sense there were important conversations in progress. Summer spilt out all her feelings over the next half an hour as Marissa listened attentively and replied only when extremely necessary.
"I just feel like there's this whole other disease that's sleeping inside of me and if I don't let all my feelings out, it's going to eat me alive and it's going to be worse than the cancer," Summer said, winding off her speech. "And I feel like every time I talk and someone actually listens to me, it goes away a little."
"Say that again," Marissa demanded, sitting up.
"what?" Summer asked, shocked. This was supposed to be her healing time.
"The cancer," Marissa said. She wiped a few tears of her face and smiled. "No-one ever calls it that. We all call it the sickness, or the disease. We never call it what it is."
"I love you," Summer said, running a hand over Marissa's face. "Thank you."
"You're my best friend," Marissa said, shaking her head as more tears ran down her face. "It's what I'm here for."