Chapter 39: Convos and Plotting

All eyes shifted to the now-extremely-distraught Samwise.

"You wouldn't make a naïve, easily-corrupted, and innocent Hobbit like me read this travesty, would you?"

Glorfindel held out the book.

"Never mind, you would." Sam muttered darkly.

Teh battle commenced at once. Starr and Celeste lept into battle wit the others. Even tho they weren't in the movies, they fit in rite away. They fought smoothly and fluidly, taking out lots and lots of nasty orcs.

They were so good, they were able to keep up a convo while fighting.

"Weahter's nice, huh?"

"Sure is!"

Legolas and Aragorn exchanged grins at how funny their women were.

The room fell silent. Then…

"WHO IS WRITING THIS NONSENSE?"

The good guys were winning, and everyone was happy. But then something bad happened. The Nazguls fly down from out of nowhere and were about to attack the good guys.

Celeste let out a sweet whistle, to rival the music of any being on Middle Earth. Except Starr.

Celeste nudged Pip and pointed.

He noticed, tho a little slow on the uptake.

"Yes, I'm horribly idiotic, I have a hard time noticing giant flying birds unless someone points them out. I'd just go on and on, never seeing them. I wouldn't know they were there even if they swooped down right on top of me—"

Merry put a hand over Pippin's mouth to end his ranting.

"Eagles! The eagles are coming!"

Starr, no longer concerned about the stoopid Nazgul, decided to aid in the plight of Frodo. Due to her brilliant intelligence, she knew that he had just had his finger bitten off. She began to sing, the wind carrying her voice into Mount Doom.

"I'm sure the lighting was also perfectly illuminating her perfectly tan skin and shiny hair," Elrohir scowled.

"Forget the gory battle and death surrounding her. SHE looks good, what else matters?" Arwen muttered.

"When the visions around you,


Bring tears to your eyes


And all that surround you,


Are secrets and lies


I'll be your strength,


I'll give you hope,


Keeping your faith when it's gone


The one you should call,


Was standing here all along..


And I will take


You in my arms


And hold you right where you belong


Till the day my life is through


This I promise you


This I promise you"

"What a touching song. At least she didn't steal another one of mine." Pippin blurted out.

In Mount Doom, Frodo looked up at the sweet sound filling his ears. New strength filled him and he ran over to Golum and gave him a hard shove. The ugly creature fell into the lava and the Ring wuz destroyed.

Aragorn let out a forlorn sigh. "There go all our hopes of at least ONE of them 'accidentally' falling into Mount Doom and being incinerated in a fiery death…"

"Pity." Legolas agreed, shaking his head.

"I was so looking forward to that too…" Eowyn lamented.

"We could always push them off Minas Tirith during Aragorn's coronation…" Eomer suggested.

"Yeah!" Sam said, getting into the spirit of things. "And with all the crowds, we could make it look like an accident!"

"I like the way you think!" Gimli chuckled.

Oh no! Sauron stayed alive, even tho the ring had been destroyed!

All the good guys felt the bitter despair.

"We will not allow this!" Celeste yelled suddenly. She and Starr stepped forward and suddenly each sprouted a pair of silvery feathery angel wings. "We, teh maidens of the distant lands, will destroy you!" Starr added.

Legolas groaned at the stupidity along with the others. Yet he was secretly hoping that maybe the Sues so-called brave attempts might result in their death. He'd sooner take on Sauron on his own than spend any time with one of them. He really wasn't alone in his sentiments, so the secrecy of his thoughts wasn't entirely necessary. It probably showed a lot more than he thought, however, for there was a momentary pause in the reading as everyone stopped to stare at him twisting the pillow as if longing to do the same thing to the necks of a certain two girls.

Ordinarily, the others would have assumed that he had finally lost his mind, but now, under these circumstances, they understood perfectly.

Beams of light began to flash from the girls, and soon Sauron's tower crumbled. Starr and Celeste high-fived and then paled, before fainting.

"Frodo! Frodo! Starr!" Merry cheered.

"I would never cheer for those wenches!" he practically hissed. Then an evil grin spread over his face. "Unless they were heading towards a slow and painful death."

In a moment of scary-Hobbit-deja-vu, the sound of all the chairs scooting away filled the quiet room.

But once they saw the girls falling to the ground, the men burst out crying, thinking the girlz had sacrificed themselfs. Aragorn and Legolas ran forward and caught the girls.

"They've only fainted." Legolas said, whispering sweet Elvish nothings into Starr's delicate ears.

"Gornie-munchkin…" Celeste mumbled in her sleep. Aragorn laughed loudly and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

The real Aragorn began to rub furiously at his lips, as if the mere idea disgusted him.

Gandalf left 2 find Frodo and Samwize. Aragorn and Legolas started to head back.

Suddenly several tears fell from unda Starr's closed lids, and sparkles spread all over the battle field. The good guys who were killed came back to life, and the nasties were all destroyed.

"It's a miracle from an angel…" Legolas whispered, brushing an strawberry blonde hair off of his love's face.

Faramir laughed loudly at this, then stopped. "Oh. That wasn't a joke."

TBC…

I apologize for this bad chapter. I seem to be dead-to-the-world today. Anyway. We are approaching the end. Not quite yet, but soon. At least five more chapters, if not more. Oh, by the way, that song was 'This I Promise You' by N'SYNC, in case anyone was wondering.